! BAD GIRLS ! BAD GIRLS !

( a sex and the city fic )

JAMIE AND DUNCAN'S SHARED BROWNSTONE
new york, new york
6am

the alarm blared before i even had the chance to open my eyes. i groaned as i slapped the alarm clock to shut it off but before i could sink back into the comfort of the blankets, i felt duncan shift beside me. "up and at 'em." he murmured.

i let out a long sigh as i stretched before dragging myself out of bed. the two kiddos were fast asleep, and things were peaceful until the day actually started.

jude's cries echoed from the bassinet just as mia came toddling down the hall in search of breakfast. duncan rubbed his eyes before he scooped mia up, kissing the top of her head as she yawned against his shoulder.

i shook my head as i helped get the kids dressed, fed, and ready to meet with their babysitter for the first day.

after duncan and i got ourselves ready, there was a knock on the door and i opened it to a woman.

she was stunning. tall, slender, and effortlessly put together in a way that made me feel like i was still half asleep in my old college hoodie. her blonde hair was sleek, her makeup was perfect, and she looked like she had just stepped off the cover of a magazine.

"hey, i'm ivy," she said with a bright, polite smile, adjusting the strap of her bag over her shoulder. "you must be jamie."

i blinked, my brain still catching up. "yeah, come in." i greeted the new babysitter.

she glanced around, nodding in approval, as if she were inspecting a luxury hotel suite instead of a house covered in toys, burp cloths, and a faint smell of baby formula.

"i saw your ad on the bulletin board," i continued, leading her into the living room where duncan was bouncing jude. "thanks for coming on such short notice."

"oh, of course," ivy said, her tone smooth and breezy. "i have a pretty flexible schedule."

that caught my attention. "are you in school?"

she smiled, but it didn't quite reach her eyes. "nope. taking some time to figure things out."

i nodded slowly, she looked like she should be in school, she looked like she should be walking a runway in paris not babysitting for a couple of exhausted parents.

mia peeked out from behind duncan's legs, and eyed ivy suspiciously. ivy crouched down, offering mia a small wave. "hey, kiddo. you must be mia."

mia didn't respond, just ran to rufus and hugged the dog.

"she's a little shy at first." duncan said referring to mia's behavior.

"so," ivy said as she stood up. "you two are both back at work now?"

"yeah," i said. "duncan's a pediatrician and i'm a teacher."

her eyebrows lifted, and i couldn't help but notice the flicker of judgment in her eyes once i mentioned my job title.

i cleared my throat. "the kids' schedules are pretty straightforward. mia likes snacks, naps, and television on all of the time. jude just eats and cries. any questions?"

she shook her head, still smiling that unreadable smile. "nope. i've got it covered."

i gave the two kids soft kisses on their cheeks before i nodded in understanding. "if you need anything there's a list of emergency numbers on the fridge and our numbers." duncan told her as he grabbed his bag.

"trust me, they're in good hands." ivy swore.

i nodded but i wasn't sure why, but something about her unsettled me. she was nice, sure, but there was something else.

JAMIE'S CLASSROOM
8:30am

as i stepped back into my old classroom i felt like slipping into an old, familiar rhythm. my students greeted me with wide smiles and enthusiastic chatter, excited to have me back.

"miss. boyd, did you have your baby?" one of my students asked.

i laughed. "i did! his name is jude."

a chorus of "aww"s filled the room, and for a while, i was reminded of why i loved this job. teaching had always been my thing, the one constant, the one passion that never wavered.

but as the day went on, the weight of it all settled in.

the exhaustion. the emails. the grading. the never ending questions and lesson plans. the nagging feeling that i was somehow falling behind, not just as a teacher, but as a mother.

by lunchtime, i was counting down the hours until i could go home.

CAFE CAFE
new york, new york
12:30pm

as i sat across from the girls at our usual café, i finally allowed myself to exhale.

"you look like hell," miranda observed, sipping her coffee.

"why thank you," i deadpanned.

charlotte smiled sympathetically. "first day back was rough?"

"i forgot how much teaching is," i admitted. "and coming home to a newborn and a toddler? i don't even know how i'm still upright."

carrie stirred her tea. "and duncan?"

"he's adjusting," i said. "i mean, he's great with the kids, but work is work. we're both trying to figure out how to balance everything."

samantha leaned back, smirking. "sounds like you need a vacation."

"or a really strong drink," miranda added.

i sighed. "or a nap."

charlotte beamed. "well, while you're drowning in exhaustion, elizabeth taylor is officially a mother of three. lily is so overjoyed, jemma's been helping take care of them, and even dakota's smitten."

"congrats, grandma," carrie teased.

charlotte rolled her eyes but smiled, clearly too happy to be annoyed. "i just love how full our home feels. it's... settled."

miranda scoffed. "must be nice." we all turned to her. she hesitated for a second before sighing. "steve tried to kiss me."

"what?" i nearly choked on my drink.

samantha set down her fork. "excuse me?"

"i know you said you thought he liked you again but jesus..." carrie said as she shook her head.

miranda nodded, rubbing her temples. "robert was out of town, and when steve came to pick up brady, he lingered. i was grabbing something from the laundry room, and the next thing j knew, he was there. too close. and he just..." she exhaled sharply. "tried to kiss me."

charlotte gasped. "what did you do?"

"i slapped him," miranda said matter of factly. "then i told him to get the hell out."

carrie leaned in. "then i guess he does still have feelings for you."

"i know he does," miranda said bitterly. "but it doesn't matter. i love Robert. i love my life. steve and i... we're in the past."

"clearly, he doesn't think so," samantha muttered.

carrie spoke up, "well, at least you have some kind of romantic turmoil. i feel like i just cut off a limb."

"you mean big?" charlotte asked cautiously.

carrie nodded, staring at her tea. "it's been a week. i should feel free, right? lighter? but instead, i keep reaching for my phone like some lovesick idiot. i called his voicemail last night just to hear his voice."

samantha arched a brow. "and?"

"i hung up before it went to voicemail. but the fact that i almost did it makes me wonder... did i make a mistake?"

miranda didn't hesitate. "no. you made the right call. you two were never on the same page."

"but what if i was just expecting him to be someone he's not?" carrie countered. "what if i was the problem?"

"carrie," i said gently. "you were with him for years, and you never felt like he got you. that's not a you problem. that's a him problem."

samantha cut in, "listen, honey. we all know how much you love your melodrama, but if it's over, let it be over. no more late night voicemails."

carrie groaned. "easier said than done."

charlotte reached across the table, squeezing her hand. "you'll get through this. we always do."

carrie gave her a small smile before turning to samantha. "enough about me. how are you?"

samantha hesitated, just long enough for me to notice. she shrugged. "oh, you know. cancer. hot boyfriend. business as usual."

miranda narrowed her eyes. "how's treatment going?"

"it's going," samantha said breezily. "i actually skipped my last one. i was feeling fine, so i figured, why waste a day hooked up to—"

"you skipped a treatment?" i cut in.

samantha waved a hand. "i felt fine."

"samantha," charlotte said, horrified. "you can't just skip chemo!"

"i can do whatever i want," samantha shot back.

miranda's voice was firm. "no, you can't."

samantha pursed her lips, clearly irritated. "i just... i hate feeling weak, i hate needing someone. and smith is amazing...he's too amazing. he treats me like i'm fragile, and it makes me want to scream."

carrie smiled softly, "sam, you are strong. but that doesn't mean you have to do this alone."

samantha sighed, mixing her salad with more force than necessary. "i know. i just... don't want to lose myself in this."

"you won't," i said. "letting someone be there for you doesn't make you any less you."

she didn't respond right away, but i saw the smallest flicker of emotion cross her face before she covered it up with a smirk. "ugh, this conversation is ruining my appetite. someone change the subject before i start crying in public."

miranda rolled her eyes. "fine. let's talk about jamie's hot pediatrician boyfriend."

i groaned as they all turned to me expectantly. "he's not my pediatrician boyfriend."

carrie grinned. "so what is he?"

i exhaled. "honestly? i think he's it."

they all smiled.

"oh, samantha! on the bright side, jamie, the girl who was once afraid of marriage thinks she found the one." carrie said to samantha with a wink. "there's hope for you."

samantha lifted her glass. "to finally getting our shit together."

"mostly," miranda added.

carrie clinked her glass with ours. "mostly."

JAMIE AND DUNCAN'S SHARED BROWNSTONE
new york, new york
7pm

dinner was quiet, too quiet for my liking.

mia played with her food, i focused on feeding jude, and duncan ate while scolding mia from time to time. the exhaustion of the day had settled into my bones, making even the simplest of conversations feel like a chore.

duncan and i barely spoke. that wasn't out of anger or because anything was wrong, but because we were both just tired.

after dinner, he took mia to get ready for bed while I nursed jude, and for a moment, the silence was comfortable.

10:45pm

i was curled up with a book, barely processing the words, while duncan beside me, flipping through his own book about being a father.

it had been like this all night. going through the motions. existing side by side.

i shut my book and shifted to face him. "we didn't really talk today."

duncan glanced up and followed suit, shutting his book. "no, we didn't. i think we underestimated how hard this would be."

i nodded in agreement. "yeah."

there was a pause before he reached for my hand, threading his fingers through mine.

"i still want this," he murmured. "all of it. you, the kids, our messy, exhausting, beautiful life."

i squeezed his hand. "me too."

silence filled the room but this time, it wasn't the tired, empty kind. it was the kind that meant something.