[mystery gang]

Taetae:
u know how there r like a bunch of different things ppl say when someone walks into a room
like there's "well, well, well, if it isn't ---"
and "fancy meeting you here"
and "look what the cat dragged in"
and "look who finally decided to show up"
well if u mash them all together u get
"well, well, well, if it isn't fancy meeting what the cat finally decided to show up"
and that's how i'm going to greet ppl from now on

Chocochip_kookie:
tae i love u
but it's 3 am
go tf to bed

Taetae:
comedy never sleeps

YourHobi:
petition to make a separate group chat called "Tae's 3 am texts"

Chocochip_kookie:
no the child needs to sleep

*

*

Taetae has created a group chat

Taetae has added Chocochip_kookie, Blue_ribbon_mochi, YourHobi, and 4 others to the chat

Taetae has renamed the chat 3 am texts with yo host dj gucci

Taetae:
cars are giant Lego sets change my mind

Chocochip_kookie:
Tae stop making me laugh and go to bed pls

Taetae:
the government?
lizards

Chocochip_kookie:
Tae pls
what can I do to get u to sleep

Taetae:
get me NyQuil

Chocochip_kookie:
I'm not getting u NyQuil
smth else
wait
r u sick Tae??

Taetae:
hm
mayyybeee

Chocochip_kookie:
Tae why tf wouldn't u say smth sooner

Taetae:
psshshtttt it's fine kookie
nth serious
anyway about that thing I said

YourHobi:
which one the government being lizards or cars being giant Lego sets

Chocochip_kookie:
Tae r u having trouble sleeping?

Taetae:
yes
yes to both

Chocochip_kookie:
ffs just come out and say these things directly then
would u like me to come over?
I can bring extra blankets and those powder packets u add milk to and heat in the microwave to make hot chocolate
if u still can't sleep I don't mind staying up with u, I don't have to get up early in the morning

Taetae:
hm
lemme think about it

YourHobi:
lmfao rly Tae

Blue_ribbon_mochi:
what's going on w/ this new gc lmao

Chocochip_kookie:
Tae's sick

Taetae:
am not

Chocochip_kookie:
Tae u literally admitted it

Taetae:
lies I merely suggested the thought

Blue_ribbon_mochi:
Tae r u alright??
do u need blankets and hot chocolate??

YourHobi:
dang y don't I just bring blankets and hot chocolate 2

Chocochip_kookie:
no I want 2
leave it to me
Tae I'll be over soon ok
unlock the door

Taetae:
but the door's too far away
just lock pick it

Chocochip_kookie:
I'm not picking the lock

Taetae:
boring

Chocochip_kookie:
just unlock it ok
then u can crawl right back into bed and I'll meet u there

YourHobi:
(･ω<)☆

Chocochip_kookie:
Tae

Taetae has removed YourHobi from 3 am texts with yo host dj gucci

*

*

[mystery gang]

YourHobi:
wTf man,,,

Taetae:
sry I just got the feeling it's what kookie wanted

YourHobi:
mean...
u better add me back later I don't wanna miss out on ur 3 am texts

Taetae:
yeet

YourHobi:
also feel better soon Tae

Taetae:
yeet
I mean what I'm not sick

Handsome_face:
y is it that whenever I wake up in the middle of the night and look at my phone it's always Tae

Taetae:
sry not sry

Handsome_face:
wait why'd hobi say feel better soon r u sick Tae, ?

Taetae:
no

Chocochip_kookie:
Tae I'm on my way to ur dorm now

Taetae:
no don't come near me I'm sick you'll die

Chocochip_kookie:
oh I'm sorry I didn't know u had Ebola

Taetae:
what's Ebola
.
.
.
ok I just looked up Ebola
first symptoms apparently include muscle pain, headache and sore throat
oh no
I think I have Ebola
kOOkiE dONt cOMe nEaR mE
itS RLY ConTAGIous YOUll CAtcH iT tOo

Chocochip_kookie:
ur ridiculous

Taetae:
NO
NO NOT ONE STEP FURTHER
ILL BARRICADE THE DOOR I SWEAR I WILL

Chocochip_kookie:
what happened to the door being too far away for u to unlock it

Taetae:
THAT WAS B4 iFOUND OUT I HAD EVOLADB

Blue_ribbon_mochi:
OMF TAE U HAVE EBOLA???,

Chocochip_kookie:
ffs Jimin could u shut up for five seconds pLs

Blue_ribbon_mochi:
...I said one thing

Chocochip_kookie:
too many things
Tae u don't have Ebola relax and open the door for me

Taetae:
I'm sorry kookie I think this is it for me

Chocochip_kookie:
if this is it for u open the door and let me catch Ebola 2 and we can die together

YourHobi:
aw this is sweet u guys

Yoongi:
no it's fvkn stupid

Blue_ribbon_mochi:
oh hi Yoongi :))
u
got woken up didn't u

Yoongi:
I'm going back to sleep
let me know in the morning if they both died of the virus

Blue_ribbon_mochi:
will do
night night

Taetae:
ILL NEVER OPEN THE DOOR KOOKIE

Chocochip_kookie:
Kim Taehyung I swear I'll learn to lock pick just for this

Taetae:
nO DONT

Chocochip_kookie:
Tae
I'm not kidding if u don't open this door right tf now I'm breaking up with u

Taetae:
TF NO
OK IM GETTING OUT OF BED JEEZ

Chocochip_kookie:
thank u

*

*

[3 am texts with yo host dj gucci]

Yugibear:
I knew it
I knew the government was lizards
they thought they were fooling me
nice try government
Kim Yugyeom's as sharp as a tack