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『ʏᴇʟʟᴏᴡ ʙᴜᴛᴛᴇʀ ᴄᴀᴋᴇ』

Hey, bubb, aka my fellow tea-sharing friend. I still hope to one day do exactly that with you. I really think we need to have more conversations too. I wish the best for you and stay healthy.

Also, I hope I can do your story some justice and that I hope you'll be satisfied with my review.

So, this is for you, my love ❤️

"Soft yet spicy lips glimmering with a wet sheen

A pink muscle playing peek-a-boo,

Like a toy to a child

Taunting me.

Need to stay away.

Far away.

A weapon to defile.

A bulletproof vest

Becomes my friend,

Yet it wasn't enough.

Couldn't ever fathom,

That despite all

In the end

I became

His Virgin "

- Mia©2020,

inspired by His Virgin by Xerophthalmia

TITLE: 5/5

Your title is direct, short and simple. It's exactly what the story is about. No throw offs. 'His Virgin' could probably sound like every other high school story at the start. Which honestly what was in my mind when I initially started reading the story. But little did I know what I was in for. It completely pulled me by my legs. With the mention of their tradition throughout their story, I can't help but keep wondering what that tradition is and why is it connected with virginity. So the title is highly relevant because that becomes an underlying theme that runs through every chapter in the story.


BOOK COVER: 5/5

Your cover is so goood; I love the filter that you used. I love how the filter changed the complete vibe and theme of the original picture, and this vibe completely vibed with the story's plot and theme. XD The potrait of Taehyung used in the cover, comes so close to actual description of Tae in the story. Now, that's something to be noticed and appreciated. The font used for the word 'Virgin' strikes so well. It gets to me first. It has an appeal to it. Well done!

There's also a subtitle that you use that says "You make hell feel like home", I think that's one of the best lines you could have chosen. This appeals to my emotions. We know how hell is like (it's the ultimate pain and not so fun place) and calling that home? Wow, I now know some major stuff is going down in this story. I'm definitely gonna read, and I click.


DESCRIPTION: 4.5/5

Now there are a lot of stories that are set in a school/college AU. Like seriously, A LOT. Now, in an AU which is used quite frequently, writing something like "a/n meets so and so boys. Becomes part of their gang and realizes that she's in deep shiz", becomes what I would say, too dry and not interesting. You're providing me a detail, but you're not making it curious for me to read it.

But with the description you have given in the book, you (I don't know whether it was intentional or not) struck the emotional curiosity of a reader. When I read your description, I'm like "damnnn, I'm in for an emotional roller-coaster, because I know that a/n got hurt somehow" and I brace myself, BUT I also get curious and I start thinking "how is she gonna get hurt? What is the background to this? What happens after that?"


PLOT: 10/15

I don't have any complaints regarding the plot as such. It's good. Your story was written so well that it gripped me, I'm reading and I want more.

I love the whole slow burn to reveal the background of the Kim characters (especially one particular Kim) and also the tradition. I wanna see the whole growth that happens in Tae.

Somehow though, I feel like the story is different, unique but also has hints of familiarity, by that, I don't indicate you have plagiarized, OF COURSE NOT. but it's just a very common story style, especially in this particular AU.

Nevertheless, you and your writing have convinced me that I don't have to worry too much into it, and just enjoy the story.

My curiosity right now overtakes everything else. That's a really really good thing.

One suggestion would be to see more of the side ships in the story! Like I want to know the whole deal with Jungkook, Jimin and Jennie. I also want to know what's happened and is happening with Hoseok and Yoongi. They're such amazing characters! I wanna know their backgrounds too.


CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT: 12/15

I love your characters. It gets seriously interesting once the story starts to unravel and you realize more about your characters. About their different aspects and dimensions to their personality. All of their dynamics are so different. As a group they're cray and as subsets they're cray-er xD

But one thing I did feel though was for Eun I felt like there was no development as such or it wasn't portrayed more well. At the start of the story, you mentioned Eun to be friendless, a nerd and sort of a i-don't-put-myself-in-risk sort of girl. But the moment she meets the first character - she's sassy, not so quiet, at any given point of time doesn't prove her nerdiness, so outgoing, etc. I'm not saying she isn't supposed to be like this. But I just don't see her evolving as much (again, keeping in mind that the book is ongoing, maybe she evolves later on?). So just probably look into that. Your other characters including Tae are well spun.


WRITING AND GRAMMAR: 13/15

I'll start with pace, you're pace is great! It's neither too slow nor too fast. Just have to wait for updates though ;-; The story unravels pretty steadily.

Second of all, you know how to build up emotions in the reader. That's a skill. Each time when I think Eun is gonna be told Luna's story, someone interrupts. OH MY GOSH, ITS EATING ME ALIVE!

You have a few grammatical errors in the form of punctuation and misspellings. But not to worry, it doesn't break the flow.

I love how you have also incorporated humor into the story. Humor is one of the best elements to incorporate into your writing, it's boosts the whole story.

I also personally think in certain places, descriptions would've helped in connecting with the place some more, which helps me experience the scene in its fullest. For example, when you're mentioning the cemetery scene, I really wish you went into more detailed descriptions, where I also end up feeling spooked out, walking with the characters or entering the cemetery through the hidden back-gate that leads to a forest land.

Your language is also simple and comprehensive. That's one of the most important aspects of writing, and you got that down well. Good job.


ENDING: 9/10

Oh my gosh! I seriously like the way you end your chapters. It makes me wanna break into your house and make you tell me what happens next (not creepy at all, guys xD) So yes! I look forward to future updates.

Would I recommend your book to others? I totally think they should. So far it's going great, I hope it manages to keep the same pace if not better.


OTHER DETAILS

Okay first off, I'm highly HIGHLY impressed with your graphics you've used. Every time you changed the POV you had a gif. Every chapter has a banner gif that makes it so so appealing. Like perhaps, I would just go through your book again, just to appreciate the efforts, organization and aesthetics of your work.

Secondly, I don't know why, but I really find it interesting when people write word count of their chapters, how long it approximately took them to write it, the day they published it. It's all extra stats regarding your work, but it makes it seem so very human and something the author should feel proud of as they resemble milestones or accomplishments.


TOTAL: 58.5 /70


Well done, Xero!

Outstanding

I hope you're satisfied with my review. Any queries or objections, you can DM me.
Like I said, we can always agree to disagree as long as it's civil and constructive :3

Also, lemme guys know if you think I missed anything out, or if I need to add anything.


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