Hey, bubba, I think we've been friends for quite sometime now. Seeing you around and dropping by to my profile time to time really brings on a smile. Love you <3

Also, I hope I can do your story some justice and that I hope you'll be satisfied with my review.

So, this is for you, my love ❤️

Flashes, actions, people

Images that fly in whirls,

Sorting into blacks and whites

While I'm asleep.

In each one I see her,

The one who slipped through my fingers

While I was trying to put a stone on hers.

But fate seems to be playing tricks

With the click of her heels

And the swish of her pencil skirt

She makes her way closer to me

Bringing in the conflict

Of my dual roles.

Coincidence?

I think not.

As the clock ticks

I must decide,

now who should I be?

- Mia©2020
Inspired by CEO Kim by TaejinkookG3

TITLE: 3.5/5

CEO Kim, pretty straight to the point, Kim Seokjin is a CEO. The title would be interesting enough for people who are interested in an office AU or to see Jin a powerful place. Good job.

But where is the catch you ask me? Exactly what is stated above. Throughout the story, Seokjin has a 'designation' of a CEO but I don't really see any of the work he's doing or how it is impacting him. It could even be passed off as a normal fictional AU which is not office-centric.

As I kept reading past chapters, I realized that there's a whole sub-plot that developing, which honestly is intriguing. Maybe an interesting title that could hint at a bit more would lure in the readers.

Not to worry though, I still think that the title is good enough. We all would love to imagine our men in formals and powerful positions.

BOOK COVER: 4.5/5

Your template is all that is enough for a cover and presents itself very well too. You have Jin in a semi-formal attire, face exuding the seriousness of a CEO, the dramatics of the story and also the depth of the character.

I like how the font chosen for CEO just looked very stern but the 'Kim' turns a little curvy, as if adding a personality to the word, which is a personality in the story. The colour chosen for 'Kim' also wisely chosen to match the pocket square of Jin's suit.

How could it be made better? Try adding details such as 'Author's Name', maybe a quote if you want. Maybe try seeing whether you can fit everything together with a better composition.

DESCRIPTION: 4/5

Great quotes? Check.

A one-liner description? Check.

There are just two quotes you used. Good choice, because you can't overdo your description with too many quotes. Just enough to set the mood, the stage ready and the camera to roll. I like the fact that out of the two quotes, one quote was by a writer and the other by a psychoanalyst. It's like giving two perspectives on the same.

As for the one line description, it's always best when you can convey the most with the least. It adds the element of curiosity, especially if that said sentence has presented you with something bizarre. In your case, what's nightmares got to do with a CEO? and why would it have that much of an impact on the story? what is the content of the said nightmare? Are the kinda questions that arise when I read through your description, which in the end has a greater role to play in recruiting readers.

PLOT: 7/15

Okay, let's start with your basic plot-line. What exactly was the singular plot-line that forms the basis of your work? Because I personally had a hard time understanding this. Jin and Y/N were ex-lovers/fiance. Y/N unexpectedly has to work under Soekjin as his secretary. Jin gets overwhelmed by knowing that he has to act "strict and boss-like" with the woman whom he still loves. But when the time came for Y/N to start her work under him, he kept being sweet to her, and within a short time limit are back together again. I mean with the amount of time you spent on the start insisting that Seokjin behaves rudely with her was not to be found.

Next comes your secondary plot-line. The nightmares. As from your description, one would assume that this would be your central theme to the story, which once again, was found to be lacking. Maybe you do have a whole idea of how this plays a significant role within the story, but your writing did not bring that out. How can we work on this? I'll tell you so in the 'Writing and Grammar' section.

Another thing that I came across is the fact that you mentioned something about Premonition dreams, which is a good idea, it has a lot of potential, but where did it fall through the seams? You stated that Premonition dreams is a concept you learn in Psychology and that one of the characters had wanted to pursue doing a specialization of some sorts in the same.

Confused? Let me make it clear, there is no concept called premonition dreams in psychology. There is a concept which is 'close to' premonition dreams called, Precognitive Dreams. Precognitive dreams are dreams that seem quite normal (the dreams that everyone has, nothing special) but only seem to turn special because certain themes or actions that happen in real life a few days after conceiving that dream become 'similar-like' but they are not the same. Hence, the deja vu like feeling.

Why am I being very picky about this? I wouldn't be this picky over it if perhaps this is just part of the fictional world you have created in your book. But to put it off as an actual concept in psychology is wrong. Certain fields such a health, law, and other such things, it is integral for us to do our research and not present misinformed information. At the end of the day, your book isn't just a story, but imparts something to the readers, that they will take back and keep with themselves.

Like I said much earlier in the 'Description' section, I really love how you connected something bizarre to the ordinary. Maybe develop this nightmare idea and see whether you can refine it in a such a way that it intertwines with the basic plot-line, making it into something complex and yet curious for the people to read.

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT: 7/15

Now I have a similar concern over your character development just like the plot. I love your idea, the description of the character's personality and such. But they weren't portrayed very well, once again perhaps due to the style of your writing.

The duality that Jin was supposed to have a difficult time maintaining couldn't make itself known. As I read the story, I could understand that because you kept mentioning it, but otherwise was not known through the actions or dialogues spoken.

The backgrounds to your characters and secondary characters seemed insufficient. Like for example, Y/N and Yoongi were allegedly the best of friends since college/school and that's about it. How did they meet? why did they become best friends? or how has their relationship been affected after Y/N and Jin's breakup? What I'm trying to say is that there seems to be too many gaps in the background to bring a flow to your story and make you understand the characters and where they are coming from.

One thing that I really loved about your characters was the fact that you included a lot of thought processes and depth to your character. Like, I can understand that you planned the characters, how the develop along with the plot well, but it got lost midway through your execution and presentation of the same through your writing.

Fix your writing, and I honestly think everything will get a perspective and fall into place. I'm sure you'll recognize where to pick-off from yourself.

WRITING AND GRAMMAR: 5/15

I think by now I've mentioned a lot of stuff that I liked about your story. Similarly, I've also mentioned the things that turned up short. In my opinion, all of these can be presented more well and accurately by changing your writing style.

So, how is your writing style presently and how can we improve it? I will break the whole thing into few small points, so that you can get a more detailed idea.

The foremost thing I've noticed in your story is the journalistic style of writing. A journalistic style of writing doesn't have a clear narrative but merely presents facts. You report that so-and-so took place, at so-and-so time, at so-and-so place with so-and-so people. This particular way of writing doesn't allow the readers to connect to what is happening and most importantly, doesn't allow the reader to feel what is happening. A good story always induces feelings or emotions although in varying intensities.

For example, from your first chapter, take this excerpt,

"Irene takes Y/N to introduce her to her colleagues. She was searching for them, leaving Y/N alone, on the sofa, with some strangers. The party these girls attended was not in a bar, it was in a mansion.

Occassion?

House warming ceremony of a rich guy."

In just this excerpt, there are certain things you can change to make it more involving for the reader. First, you wrote that Irene took Y/N to introduce her to her colleagues and yet in the next line you're stating that she leaves Y/N to find them. It's contradictory verb usage. Secondly, you'd rather add a detailed description of how the place looks like rather than plainly stating that the characters are in a mansion. Avoid reporting of the events or things, rather use description through the five sense organs (of smell, touch, sight, sound, and taste). These are of course, basic changes you can start making in your story.

Change in tenses and verb usage like I said earlier plays a big role in how the story has a flow. If you end up using too many different tenses in your story (unless of course, it's necessary) your sentences start becoming contradictory in nature. Which in turn, breaks the flow of your story. Also, avoid Past tense of 'was', and try using Past Continuous tense, it makes the readers feel more involved.

Usage of certain phrases or words in your story don't seem to match or sound too peculiar to use in the situation. Something simple as "she bashed into her" can be changed to a better phrase of "she crashed/collided into her". I'm not saying it's wrong, but rather that more suitable vocabulary can be used.

I'd also like to bring into focus another important point, Narratives and POVS. Throughout your story, I see too many shifts between third-person narrative and first-person. I can understand if there needs to be narrative shifts now and then, but too many shifts, especially within the same chapter and paragraph will prove to bring down the quality of the story. Try sticking to either first-person or third-person narrative and once chosen, try not to shift at all within your story. Now, when it comes to POVS (Point of View), whether you choose a third-person narrative or a first-person narrative, you can always present the story in different Povs. Once, again try avoiding shifts of POVS within the same scene. Just another fact-file, there is no POV called 'them', you are simply presenting the story from a third-person narrative, so I'd suggest that you remove the subheading of "them".

Basic grammar mistakes and punctuation errors can be seen in all works, not just yours. It is very human, so just make sure to proofread and edit your chapters before you can publish them.

ENDING: 3/10

I think this story has a lot of potential to turn into something much more complex than it seems to be. I think if you work on the writing, it would shine much more. Good Luck!

OTHER DETAILS:

I really appreciate you providing trigger warning before and after the sensitive content. Also, the small images that you chose to add in between your text seemed really apt (but rely on them to do the description for you).

TOTAL SCORE: 34/70

Good job, Gayathri!

Great work.

I hope you're satisfied with my review. Any queries or objections, you can DM me. Like I said, we can always agree to disagree as long as it's civil and constructive. :3

Also, lemme know if you guys think I missed anything out, or if I need to add anything.