My fingers drummed nervously on the tabletop as I tried to keep calm, at least internally. According to my sense of time, several hours must have passed, but in reality it was only one. Chishiya was still lying unconscious on the floor, just as I had left him, and my thoughts had been going round in circles ever since. What if he didn't make it? What if I had killed him with my amateurish rescue attempts? Then I would be to blame for his death... and I would be a murderer. I would have him on my conscience.

I sank my head onto the tabletop in despair and buried my face in my arms. Then I sobbed quietly and immediately felt even more miserable than I already did. I put my head to one side and saw the bottle of vodka still sitting there. Maybe I should just get drunk on this disgusting swill until the pain was forgotten. Disinfection from the inside, so to speak. I sighed heavily and then decided not to do it. Alcohol might ease the pain for a while, but it didn't change the situation I was in at all. I couldn't just let myself down now and besides, I had done my best. After all, that was all I could do, wasn't it?

I lifted my head a little more confidently and then stood up, only to pace nervously up and down the room, biting my fingernails. After a while, I went back to Chishiya to see if there was any change in his condition. But everything was the same as before. And at least he still seemed to be breathing.

I knelt down next to his motionless body and then leaned over him a little.

"I'm sorry, Chishiya!" I whimpered softly. "Please don't die! I'm begging you!" When he didn't respond, I suddenly became more indignant: "Damn it, just wake up, you idiot! I'm serious."

I realized that I was actually only angry at myself and not at Chishiya, but it felt good to let the frustration out. Bitterly, I stood up again and turned away from him, tearing my hair.

"I liked the first part better..." a faint murmur rang through the room.

I wheeled around frantically. Then, relieved, I dropped to my knees in front of him again. Tears immediately welled up in my eyes.

"You're alive," I breathed, stunned.

"Believe me, you're not the only one surprised." With difficulty, he turned onto his back and looked down at his damaged arm. He looked suspiciously at the bandage I had applied. "What have you done?"

His voice sounded almost reproachful, almost as if I had done something indescribably stupid.

"Um... just what you said," I mumbled meekly.

Chishiya looked unusually disturbed and he tried to lift his arm slightly to take another look. Then he sighed heavily and lowered it again, exhausted.

"Why?"

"Pardon?" I asked, irritated.

He took a deep breath.

"You shouldn't do anything you don't know anything about."

His voice didn't sound angry, but rather resigned.

"Like what? Should I have let you die instead?" I asked, completely flabbergasted.

"That would probably have been best for all of us."

I was so perplexed by his words that I didn't even know what to say. At the same time, I also felt anger flaring up inside me.

"I did everything - really everything - to help you. Everything that was possible for me. And now you're saying I should have just let you die? Why would you say that?"

I was shaking all over and the tears of relief turned into tears of anger.

"You really should calm down," he said, completely unaffected by my emotional breakdown.

"I'm not going to calm down," I replied stubbornly. "Not until you explain to me why I should have done it?"

"Because it was probably pointless. That's why," he explained calmly, looking up at the ceiling. "You may have tried your best, but the chances of the wound becoming infected are very high. And if that happens, my death will be more agonizing than if you had just left me lying there."

His explanation made sense to me, but still: how could he expect me to just let him bleed to death on the floor?

"I couldn't just do nothing and I'm not going to apologize for it. I know that my attempts to save you may not have done much good, but if I hadn't at least tried, I would have spent my whole life reproaching myself for it. Isn't it better to actively do something than to just accept everything and surrender to fate without a fight?"

When I had finished speaking, Chishiya turned his head weakly in my direction. A tiny smile appeared on his lips.

"Your fighting spirit is amazing, but it also shows how naive you are."

I didn't quite know whether to feel insulted or honored. I bowed my head a little ashamed and wiped the last tears from the corner of my eye. Then I looked up again with determination.

"How do you feel now?" I asked, ignoring his last comment.

"Like someone had pierced my arm with a bullet."

I put on a cynical smile and crossed my arms in front of my chest.

"You don't say. Could you be more specific?"

He rolled his eyes.

"Well... it hurts like shit. Is that what you want me to say? Or would you prefer me to say that it's only half as bad? Which answer would satisfy you?"

Chishiya managed to make me feel more and more uncomfortable in my skin with every passing second, as if I had done something reprehensible for which I should now justify myself. My breathing became increasingly heavy again. Annoyed, I got up from the floor.

"You know what," I suddenly hissed indignantly. "You were right. I should have just let you die, you pedantic, smart-aleck, narcissistic moron."

My hoarse voice just started to shake uncontrollably towards the end and when I turned away from him, it felt like there was a ton of weight on my chest. I dragged myself to the bathroom with physical effort, but didn't get that far and collapsed on the floor, panting. I gasped desperately for air and tried to control my panic by consciously breathing in and out slowly. My heart was pounding loudly against my chest and for a brief moment I felt like I was suffocating. I coughed desperately and started to choke, but realized that I barely had any strength left. Then my eyes suddenly went black...

Just seconds later, I felt light as a feather and safe. As if shielded in a bubble, I drifted gently free of pain and despair. If this was what death felt like, then it could stay for me.

"Breathe in," said a distant voice. But why should I breathe if I was dead? "Breathe in, Tsuki."

That voice and my name didn't go together. For some reason, though, I did as she said and took a deep breath. A strange bitter taste spread across my tongue and irritated my throat, causing me to cough agonizingly. I felt my bronchial tubes relax again and air was pumped into my lungs.

"I must say, you really know how to put on a dramatic performance."

When I opened my eyes, Chishiya was lying barely half a meter away from me, his left arm lying powerlessly on the floor and holding a small blue inhaler in his right hand. It took me a short time to regain a clear view of my surroundings and I was able to sit up again. Had Chishiya seriously dragged himself across the room with his freshly stitched wound just to help me? When I looked at him, his eyelids were closed again. He must still be very weak on his feet after the whole procedure, which was hardly surprising. I immediately felt guilty about my behavior and what I had said to him in my anger. Guiltily, I looked down at his motionless form.

"Forgive me," I whispered softly.

"It's okay," he replied surprisingly. "At least we're even now."

"Really? Even though my help was so pointless?" I returned somewhat defiantly.

He opened his eyes and looked at me.

"I said probably pointless."

"Well, that makes me feel a lot better now."

This time, however, I grinned despite my sarcastic undertone. Then I slowly picked myself up from the floor and walked over to him.

"Do you need help or do you want to stay here now?" I asked with a frown and leaned down towards him.

Chishiya's head slowly turned towards me. Instead of answering, he lifted his healthy arm and pressed the inhaler into my hand.

"I'll be fine. You'd better take the antibiotic. It's in the left side pocket of my backpack and a few other things I managed to find are in there too."

I nodded. I had almost forgotten about the antibiotic, given the events of the last few hours.

"Okay, but wouldn't it be better if you rested in bed?" I asked, feeling guilty about leaving him on the floor.

"I told you... I'll be fine. Just give me a some time."

I sighed and rolled my eyes a little. Who knew he could be so stubborn?

"Fine, have it your way. Just lie there then."

I left him behind and then picked up the surprisingly heavy backpack from the floor, which was still lying in the same place where Chishiya had dropped it earlier. I sat down at the table with it and opened the side pocket to take out the antibiotic. It was a pack of 10 penecillin tablets. There were also painkillers, cough syrup, sweets with eucalyptus and menthol and cold balm. I put everything on the table and then searched through the other compartments. A plastic bag filled with various herbs fell into my hands.

"What's that? Thyme?" I asked Chishiya, taking a quick sniff.

"Thyme, chamomile flowers and some mint. You can brew it as tea if you like," his faint voice replied. I had to smile to myself as I took another sniff. Chishiya had actually got all this just for me and even risked his own life in the process.

"Oh yes, how did that actually happen? Who shot you? The king of spades?"

Chishiya chuckled softly.

"Do you really think he would have let me get away alive? He shoots with a completely different caliber so I would probably have lost my whole arm."

I looked up and frowned thoughtfully.

"Okay, but if it wasn't him, who was it?"

"Some idiot who was obviously also keen on the Penecillin and can't handle a gun properly," he replied snidely. "When he realized what he'd done, he ran away like a scaredy-cat instead of at least taking the medicine from me."

"I see," I mumbled in a sad voice and then looked at the packet of Penecillin again. "Maybe he wanted to help someone, too."

Chishiya snorted snidely.

"He could have at least aimed for the heart or the head. Then it would have been over quickly, but he prefers to make his victims suffer. What a sick sadist..."

His bitter words made me smile reluctantly. But at the same time it sounded as if he almost longed for his death. Shouldn't he be glad to be alive? It reminded me of when he said to me in prison that he didn't know why he was hanging on to his life at all. That made me sad, because if you had no reason to live, what was life worth anyway?

However, I tried to push these thoughts aside for the time being and cleared the rest of the things out of my rucksack. Chishiya had also bought a lot of provisions, including rice cakes, crackers, various tins of canned food, kimchi in a jar, ramen, muesli bars and even the one type of cookie he always had with him in prison. All things that lasted a long time. At least that would get us through the next few days without starving. Hopefully we would both get fit again quickly, otherwise we would soon have a problem when it came to surviving the next games. And then there was another thing that was bothering me:

"The penecillin... you should take it. I think you need it more than I do."

The words hung uncommented in the room for a while and I almost thought Chishiya might have fallen asleep again.

"They were meant for you, so just take them. I'll just take some of the painkillers."

I hesitated a little.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. Apart from that, this antibiotic wouldn't be the right choice for this kind of injury anyway."

"I thought penecillin helped with almost everything," I said, slightly puzzled. But in reality, of course, I had no much clue about such things.

"Just trust me, okay? I should know," he said in a brisk undertone.
I sighed.

Well... I guess with that the matter was probably decided.