I read through my text one last time after revising it several times and was still wondering whether I should send it at all. Thanks to Nakamura, I knew that his first exam would take place tomorrow. Normally, I would have tried to find out exactly where and at what time it was taking place so that I could visit Chishiya there and tell him these words in person. But this time I knew that it would be a wasted effort to keep following him. He had made it clear that I should leave him alone. 

This was precisely why I hesitated for an unusually long time this time before pressing send. I wasn't expecting a reply anyway and I hoped it wouldn't complicate things any further between us. After all, it was perfectly harmless to wish him good luck for his exams. And even though I was still angry and disappointed, I couldn't resist letting him know that I was still thinking about him. What I preferred not to mention, however, was my last voice message to him. Not only because I'd rather forget about it, but also because I was still clinging to the tiny hope that he hadn't listened to it after all.

Shortly after I had sent the text to Chishiya, a message came in from Usagi. Since our meeting at Maruka the other day, she had been contacting me almost every day to check on my well-being. Obviously, I had made such a shattered impression on her that she was now overly concerned about me.

I sighed a little. She was actually quite persistent. If I was honest, I rather felt like barricading myself at home for good at the moment. My former joy for life had disappeared along with Chishiya and I had no idea how I was ever going to find it again. I wrote back a few half-hearted lines and made up a flimsy excuse as to why a meeting was impossible for me at the moment. She probably saw through the whole thing anyway, but even that didn't really matter to me at the moment.

The next day, I waited hopefully for Nakamura to contact me. I needed to know at least whether he had delivered my parcel. I spent the whole day thinking about Chishiya, who was taking his final exams. I didn't doubt for a second that he would make it. He was by far the most intelligent person I had ever met and if anyone could pass these exams perfectly, it was him.

Despite everything, I was tense and nervous all day long because I was afraid that Nakamura might forget to write to me, or even worse: that he would forget to hand over the parcel to Chishiya. Nakamura certainly had other things to worry about on his exam day than playing love ambassador for me.

It wasn't until late in the evening that I received a message from an unknown mobile phone number.

I exhaled with relief as I quickly typed a reply.

The answer wasn't exactly what I had hoped for. But I tried to make do with it.

I grinned a little at his last message. I wondered if it had been as bad for Chishiya. Probably not. I would still have liked to know whether he had survived it well, but as I had expected, there was no response to my last message.

A few days later, I had an appointment at Tokyo University Hospital's surgery department to finally have my plaster cast removed. I could hardly wait to finally get rid of the annoying clunky cast, though I was a bit worried whether I’d be able to regain the original strength in my leg muscles that quickly. To ensure this, I was prescribed rehabilitation treatment by the doctor in charge, which I had to attend three times a week at the beginning. 

He also recommended light exercise and sufficient movement in everyday life: something I wasn't normally keen on, but at the moment I was ready to do anything to take my mind off Chishiya. The hospital alone reminded me of him. There was hardly anything around me that didn't remind me of him in some way. I missed him every damn moment and would have given anything to see him again or at least talk to him.

*     *     *

Three weeks later:

"Happy birthday, Tsuki," Hayato said with a friendly smile as I went to my desk in the staff room early. I indicated a small bow.

"Thank you," I said and returned the smile as sincerely as I could. A little touched, I looked at the beautiful, colourful bouquet of flowers on my desk.

My colleagues also gave me a voucher for a comic book shop nearby. Obviously Hayato had told them that I liked reading manga and drawing comics myself, because there was hardly anyone at work who knew about my passion. I thanked my colleagues and decided to at least bake a cake for them after work as a thank you. At least that gave me something to do. The more tasks, the sooner my head was at least occupied with other things. 

At the weekend, I invited my family over for dinner to celebrate my birthday in a small gathering. When I was in company, the pain was sometimes a little more bearable, but probably also because at some point I started to pretend to be happy for everyone. I usually did this until I had almost convinced myself that everything was fine. But no matter how hard I tried, even my perfectly rehearsed smile couldn't dispel the agonising twinge in my heart. Everyone around me seemed to think I was fine. The only ones who knew the truth were Usagi and Nakamura. After all, the latter had sent me a short message about a week ago:

I had to admit that his words had at least elicited a small giggle from me. In fact, I wasn't even sure if the message was meant for me at all. Nevertheless, I replied, but apparently Nakamura was no longer sane at that point, because his subsequent answers were rather cryptic. I wondered if Chishiya had also been at the medical students' drinking binge. I certainly couldn't imagine it.

When I entered the classroom of my first class for the first time in almost 8 weeks, I felt completely alien at first. The children were all sitting upright and silent on their benches when I stepped in front of the class. Not a sound could be heard from them. Although only two months had passed, I had noticed that some of them had already grown a few centimetres. Others had only got more gaps between their teeth.

When I had done my usual greeting with them and asked them about their experiences over the last few weeks, they all suddenly started talking at once. It felt like a hundred curious children were asking me questions about what had happened to me in Shibuya. At some point, a girl called Kichi stood up and came towards me to put her arms around me.

"We missed you, Sensei. Mrs Matsui was really strict with us. She also said that the cat in my drawing looks like a pig."

Shortly afterwards, some of the other children had also joined her and completely absorbed me, while they affirmed how happy they were that I was finally back. At that moment, I was actually so moved that I had tears in my eyes. I hadn't even been in the class for very long. Well, at least they seemed to have missed me.

Although it was my birthday today, it felt like any other day for me. When the feigned cheerfulness became too much for me, I switched off my mobile phone for the time being, so the annoying callers could stay away from me for the time being. Normally, I used to spend the evening of my birthday with a few old friends from high school. Today, however, I told them that I wasn't feeling well and would rather  postpone the whole thing to another time. For some reason, I was fed up with humanity today and wanted to bake my cake at home in peace and quiet. So I quickly packed up my stuff and left the school building.

"Izumi-sensei."

I turned to the voice, a little surprised.

"Ah, Kota-chan. What are you still doing here at this hour? Shouldn't you be home by now?"

I bit my tongue hard after saying the words. I had almost forgotten that Kota no longer had a real home. As far as I knew, he had been placed in an orphanage.

"Oh, that's all right. Besides, I wanted to show you something."

"You mean now?" I asked, frowning.

He nodded.

"Yes, it won't take long either."

"Well, actually... I already have plans for today, Kota. Maybe another time," I said, putting on an apologetic smile.

"Oh please, sensei," he urged, pouting his lips a little.

I sighed a little.

"What do you want to show me so badly?"

"You'll see. Just follow me, okay?"

Kota nimbly crossed the grounds to get to the school gate and I had to scramble to keep up with him. I no longer needed crutches, but my leg was still not as strong as it used to be.

"Hey, wait a minute. I'm not 17 anymore," I complained when I caught up with him.

"One of the teachers said it's your birthday today. Happy birthday," Kota said casually, now walking ahead at a normal pace so that I could at least follow him without any problems.

"Thank you," I murmured quietly. "Is there actually a foster family who would take you in yet?" I changed the subject.

"A woman took me in a week ago. Her name is Suzuki Mei. I think you know her," he said with a mischievous smile.

"Is she suddenly remembering the things that happened?" I asked, puzzled.

He nodded.

"Yes, but it took a really long time. She had a date yesterday with this one guy from the support group. The one with the scars."

"Sorry, what?" I asked, looking at him perplexed. "You mean with... Niragi?"

Kota nodded and shrugged his shoulders.

"She said she quite likes him."

This news actually left me speechless for a moment. Mei and Niragi could hardly have been more different. What did she see in him? It could barely be his looks after he had lost that in the flames. And his character wasn't exactly the lovable kind either. But I still remembered how she had laughed at his jokes several times in the group meeting. However, I would never have thought that Niragi would be interested in a rather shy woman like Mei, and certainly not in a romantic relationship with her. Could he really have changed for the better? Would he perhaps become Kota's new adoptive father in the near future? 

The mere thought made me gasp in disbelief. It was more than absurd after everything I knew about Niragi. I could only fervently hope that he would treat Mei and Kota well.

"Didn't you say it wouldn't take long?" I asked when we had been walking for a while.

"We'll be there soon," he said carelessly. 

I took a closer look around the neighbourhood and thoughtfully observed the houses around us. Strangely enough, it seemed oddly familiar to me, even though I didn't usually go out in this neighbourhood. I stopped in front of the steps of a grey, bulky building and looked up in silence. It was a courthouse. Not just any courthouse, but the one where Chishiya had competed against the King of Diamonds. Had it really been so long since I had sat on these steps and feared for his life? It almost felt as if it had been in a previous life.

"Sensei?"

Kota's voice brought me back to reality.

"I'm sorry. I'm coming," I said quickly and tried to pick up speed to catch up with him. 

However, my gaze lingered on the neighbouring park that Kota was now heading towards and I suddenly felt a little queasy, without being able to explain why. Maybe it was the memory of what had happened here. Back then, I had thought that we wouldn't make it out of this park alive. Now, however, everything seemed completely idyllic, as if it had never been the scene of deadly games. Looking back, sometimes I could hardly believe that we had really experienced all this. 

On our way, we came across families with children frolicking carefree, dogs fetching sticks and lovers strolling along the shore of the small lake holding hands. I sighed a little when my gaze briefly lingered on one of them. I quickly turned away again and tried hard to suppress the sadness that arose.

When I looked up again, we were standing in front of a playground. Something in my chest tightened painfully at the sight. Why did it have to be this place of all places?

"We're here," shouted Kota and ran ahead to shimmy up the large-meshed net that led to one of the towers of the climbing frame. I just looked after him, stunned.

"And what are we doing here?" I asked, irritated. "You didn't just want to show me this playground, did you?"

Kota was already at the top of one of the towers and was climbing over a wobbly suspension bridge to the neighbouring tower.

"What I want to show you is up here," he said and then looked down at me from there.

I laughed a little bitterly.

"I think I'm really a bit too old for that," I said with a sceptical expression.

"Come on! I've discovered something really interesting that I want to show you," he urged, looking visibly excited.

I groaned in resignation.

"All right," I gave in, especially as I didn't want to disappoint Kota after coming here with him.

However, so as not to strain my muscles straight away, I decided to climb up the rope like last time. I took a running start and jumped up the rope a little. I had actually been quite good at rope climbing as a child, but I realised that I no longer had as much strength in my arms as I used to and this time I didn't have to save my life, so I didn't have the incentive to get to the top. Nevertheless, after a few attempts I managed to get up to the little wooden house. I arrived there completely out of breath.

"I hope the effort is worth it for what you want to show me," I gasped and crawled over to him on all fours. He pointed his finger at the wooden wall. I followed his gaze in disbelief. An ordinary playing card was pinned to it.

It was the queen of hearts.