I scribbled on my pad, somewhat unfocussed, but couldn't manage to focus my thoughts on the drawing in front of me. Instead, I kept looking at the clock. As the hand slowly approached six, I became increasingly impatient and started chewing nervously on my pencil.

I still couldn't understand why Chishiya had asked me to go to lunch with him to spend his break with him. Although, to be honest, he hadn't asked me either, but had merely remarked that my presence wouldn't bother him. But in the end, it all came down to the same thing. It was Chishiya's special way of expressing such things and that was probably what I liked about him. His colleague Nakamura would certainly be shaking his head at me now. I wondered, not for the first time, whether the two of them were just colleagues or even friends. Did Chishiya even have anything like friends? I was realizing more and more every day that I hardly knew anything about him. I should really start to change that.

When it was almost 6.30 p.m., I was a little crushed, but I tried not to take it personally. He probably just had a lot to do. Then, after a few more minutes of struggling, I suddenly saw him appear at the end of the corridor. Euphoric, I packed up my things and waited patiently until he was with me.

"Are you OK?" I asked irritably when Chishiya stopped in front of me but didn't say anything, instead looking into space with an absent expression.

He nodded curtly. But I wasn't really happy with that.

"I didn't make it any sooner. I'm sorry," he said impassively.

I unceremoniously pulled myself up to stand.

"That's not too bad. I'm happy to wait," I said gently, but quickly realised that Chishiya's thoughts were obviously far away.

"What's wrong, hm?" I asked with increasing concern, scrutinising him closely.

"I've just come from the infant ward. One of the newborns had a serious heart defect. The head doctor didn't even want to operate on the baby because the chance of survival was zero. The parents, however, insisted...."

"So?"

I asked urgently, although I already suspected the answer.

"Well, it was doomed to fail from the start. Normally, congenital heart defects can be treated well these days, but hers was rare and the anomalies were too complex. It was a miracle that the baby survived the delivery. The parents still want to blame the clinic."

I was at a loss for words for a moment. Chishiya had just seen a newborn baby die in front of his eyes and I couldn't begin to imagine how he must be feeling right now.

"That... is terrible," was all I could manage and I realised how my eyes filled with tears at the thought that the parents had just lost their child.

Somehow I could understand their anger, but on the other hand it was definitely not the fault of the clinic or the doctors.

"It's not the first time I've seen a child die, but it doesn't happen too often."

I bit my lip hard.

"I'm sure you tried your best," I said, hoping that would help somehow.

Hesitantly, I lifted my hand and touched his arm comfortingly. I stroked it somewhat indecisively and looked up at him sympathetically. Chishiya's dark eyes scrutinised me attentively and I immediately felt my heart flutter wildly. Embarrassed, I lowered my eyes and hardly dared to move.

"I'm fine, Tsuki. Let's go downstairs," he said soberly and turned away from me abruptly to make his way to the canteen.

Puzzled, I looked after him.

Did he just say Tsuki?

Obviously, signs and wonders still happen. But given the tragic circumstances, I could hardly manage to be genuinely happy about it. After all, Chishiya was waiting for me at the lift, as I was still quite lame on my feet with my leg in plaster.

An awkward silence had spread between us as we travelled down to the ground floor. We weren't alone in the lift, but I couldn't help but think of our moments together in Borderland, when we had also travelled in the lift. I wished it could be like that again. I looked over at him and imagined how he would suddenly come to me, wrap his arms around me and pull me close to him. A pleasant goose bump immediately spread across my arms at the thought. At the same time, however, I felt guilty. He had just experienced terrible things and I was only thinking about myself and my stupid infatuation. Chishiya just had this special effect on me, so I could hardly think about anything else when he was around.

When we got to the ground floor, we made our way to the canteen. It was surprisingly full for being so late. We lined up at the counter while I studied the menu board.

"Choose what you want. I'll put it on my Mensa card," Chishiya said casually.

I looked at him in amazement.

"You really don't have to do that."

"I just want to return the favour for the coffee and the food. Like I said before, I don't like being in anyone's debt."

I grinned slyly.

"And I thought you were inviting me round because you like me."

"One doesn't exclude the other."

"I see. Good to know," I purred and gave him an exaggeratedly charming smile.

Chishiya didn't reply and seemed to deliberately avoid my gaze.

I took a tray and ordered the tonkatsu while Chishiya opted for yakisoba. As we looked for a seat, I had the feeling that everyone around us was whispering quietly and staring at us curiously. A few women in nurses' robes didn't even bother to hide their hostile looks. I actually felt a bit uncomfortable being stared at so intrusively.

Chishiya, however, skilfully ignored all this and sat down with me at a more secluded table, where we weren't completely defenceless against the stares. But even there I could almost physically feel her subtlety.

"Just don't pay any attention to them," Chishiya said lightly after we had taken our seats opposite each other and turned to our food.

"Is this your fan club or something?" I asked, scowling.

Chishiya smiled amusedly.

"What can I say? I'm an eligible bachelor."

"You don't say," I replied tonelessly.

"The moment we came here together, you went from crazy stalker to serious contender for them."

He looked over to the table with the gossiping nurses again and I followed his gaze sceptically.

"Wow, a promotion then. I'm flattered. Is this the first time you've come here with a woman?"

His expression suddenly became more serious again.

"What do you think?"

"I think you're usually sitting in some secluded corner, engrossed in a book." Instead of answering, he just smiled mysteriously and scrutinised me almost curiously for a moment. "Apparently I'm right," I said triumphantly when he didn't reply.

"I'm still wondering how it's possible that you know so much about me when I, in turn, know nothing about you."

"Does that make me mysterious?" I asked in a flirtatious voice.

"At least it makes me want to know more about you."

I chuckled softly.

"Okay, but where's the suspense in that? After all, I have to remain interesting to you."

Chishiya frowned a little.

"Do I understand correctly that you won't be answering any questions about yourself?"

I grinned.

"You can give it a try," I replied with a challenging expression.

He looked at me thoughtfully as he silently shoved some ramen into his mouth.

"What do you do when you're not stalking medical students?" he asked at one point.

I resolutely placed my chopsticks on the edge of my plate.

"First of all, I'm not stalking anyone. I'm just spending my time here and secondly, you're the only medical student I'm interested in."

"But you're not spending your time here because you like the sterile environment so much, I assume."

I grinned.

"Maybe I have a hospital fetish."

"Probably more of a doctor fetish," he replied mockingly.

I sighed a little and then poked around in the rice with my chopsticks.

"I just want things to go back to the way they were between us. I would do anything to get your lost memories back. If you were in my shoes, you would definitely do the same."

"And what is your plan? To haunt me until I suddenly and miraculously remember?"

I shook my head with a smile.

"No. I'm only doing it because I want to be with you. You'll find out everything else when the time comes."

"Why do I feel like I know even less about you now than I did before?" he asked, looking almost bitter.

I didn't answer but went back to my food, smiling contentedly to myself. Apparently, I had actually managed to arouse his interest. I couldn't help but notice how he kept studying me in detail while I ate, almost as if I was a complicated maths problem that was causing him headaches.

When I had emptied my plate, I propped my head on my hands thoughtfully to look at him.

"There's also something I've always wanted to ask you."

"So? I thought you already know everything about me."

"Unfortunately, no."

He raised his eyebrows expectantly.

"What do you want to know?"

"So...do you happen to be...allergic to cats?" I asked slowly, looking at him penetratingly.

Chishiya frowned.

"You always wanted to know that about me?"

"No, actually only since today."

He cocked his head to one side questioningly.

"I haven't, but do I need to know why it's relevant?"

I breathed a sigh of relief.

"Because I have a cat, of course."

Chishiya shook his head in disbelief and then crossed his arms in front of her chest to lean slightly across the table in my direction.

"I think you're thinking a few steps too far. Could that be?" he asked, lowering his voice and twisting the corner of his mouth in amusement.

A sheepish smile came to my lips and my cheeks warmed a little because he was suddenly so much closer than before.

"I just wanted to be prepared for anything that might prove problematic later."

"You're obviously already assuming that we'll be together in the future."

"I'm just trying to think optimistically."

"I've never really met anyone like you before," he revealed to me, his gaze focussed on me again.

"Is that a good thing or a bad thing?"

"I'm still trying to figure that out."

"I have one more question: what university are you studying at exactly?"

Chishiya looked a little surprised.

"I didn't tell you anything that important. It's strange that we were supposedly so familiar with each other, don't you think?"

I pushed my lower lip forward a little in offence.

"We had other problems there than talking about something like that. Apart from that, you didn't really like sharing private things about yourself."

"And you think that would be different now?"

"You're not going to tell me either?"

"Depends. Do you just want to know so you can keep stalking me?"

"Maybe."

Chishiya chuckled softly.

"At least you're honest," he said. "I'm a student at the NMU."

"Okay, don't they have their own university hospital?" I asked curiously.

"They do, but in order to gain as much different experience as possible, there's a practical year at the end of the degree programme where you're forced to work in another medical facility."

"And paediatric surgery was your first choice, of course."

"Not quite, but the journey to work is relatively short."

I grinned slyly.

"I see."

"What do you do for a living, Tsuki?"

Chishiya sounded genuinely interested again, which still amazed me. And the fact that he called me by my first name again set my heart aflutter.

"I'm... studying to be a teacher. At a primary school."

For some reason, Chishiya seemed visibly amused again.

"That suits you."

"You think so?"

Suddenly I flinched, a little startled, as a loud monotone beep sounded.

"Damn!" said Chishiya, pulling a small round device out of his pocket. "I have to go."

He put it down and stood up. Then he looked hesitantly at me.

"I'll put it away for you," I said sympathetically.

Chishiya nodded gratefully and then hurried to the exit. He disappeared shortly afterwards. I sighed softly. Some of the nurses had also jumped up quickly and followed him. Obviously it was also an urgent emergency. At least Chishiya had managed to eat something. That was worth a lot.

I got up and then put our trays in the return trolley. Then I made my way back upstairs to my usual place, which was not far from Chishiya's office. I actually had to go home soon to continue working on the webtoon, but I wanted to stay here for a while longer. It had been nice to be able to talk to him again like when we had shared a flat...and not to forget the bed. I often thought back to our intimate moments and it almost tore my heart apart every time to have lost it all. Even if I managed to get back together with him, it might be impossible to bring back his memories. But I couldn't give up yet. The webtoon was still my best hope.

I painstakingly tried to sketch a few more pages, but I realised that my concentration was slowly and rapidly waning and my eyelids were getting heavier and heavier. The drawing disappeared before my eyes, while my head sank more and more to the side.

"Tsuki," said a soft, whispering voice.

Something tentatively touched my shoulder and my eyelids fluttered open in confusion. Chishiya's face was right in front of me when I looked up. He had crouched down in front of the bench and was looking at me with some amusement. I suddenly jumped up and looked at the clock in horror. It was almost 10 o'clock in the evening.

"Crap. I missed my train," I groaned and then dug my mobile phone out of my pocket to check the timetable.

Chishiya stood up again.

"I can give you a lift if you want. I'm going to call it a day," he replied calmly.

I stared at him open-mouthed.

"R-really?"

"At least if you don't live several hours away from here."

I shook my head.

"I'll be back in five minutes. Wait here!"

I looked after him, speechless.

Did that really just happen?

Chishiya wanted to drive me home?

Just like that. That was more than I ever expected.

I hurriedly put my drawing pad back in my bag. Only then did I realise that it had been lying open the whole time while I had been sleeping peacefully. Had Chishiya possibly seen what I had been working on? My cheeks began to glow with excitement, because the scene I was working on was the one where he had kissed me in the lift. What would he think of me if he saw something like that?

When Chishiya came back, he had let his hair down again and had swapped his doctor's coat for normal everyday clothes. Nevertheless, he looked as good as ever. I stood up a little hesitantly and waited for him to say something, while I was still plagued by the thought that he might have seen something that had upset him.

"Are you ready?" he asked curtly.

I nodded, almost shyly. It was a strange situation, but for a moment it actually felt like he was my boyfriend who cared that I got home safely.

"You know you don't have to go to all this trouble because of me. I could have just taken the next train," I said quietly on the way to the car park. Chishiya pressed the button to get the lift.

"I wouldn't have offered it if it bothered me," he replied as we waited.

I nodded.

"And how was the rest of your shift? Any incidents?" I asked hesitantly.

The lift doors slid open and we stepped inside. This time we were completely alone.

"It was relatively quiet towards the end, which is rare."

He pressed the button with the appropriate floor and leant back against the wall while I stood on the opposite side. This time it couldn't possibly have been my imagination. The situation was exactly the same. The tension between us was almost palpable and if this were a movie, Chishiya would have pressed me against the wall with a passionate kiss long ago.

But since this wasn't a movie, we just kept silent during the ride up. However, Chishiya was looking in my direction and watching me again with that penetrating gaze. It reminded me of how he had quietly watched the other players in the Jack of Hearts game to read their emotions. But what exactly was he trying to find out about me?

When the lift doors opened again, he didn't move, which admittedly irritated me. His eyes were still fixed on me as I scrutinised him questioningly. I could feel my heart racing uncontrollably in my chest.

"We've been through this before, haven't we?" he asked tonelessly, still silent.

I stared at him impassively and nodded silently.

Did he remember it or was he asking because he had actually seen my drawing?

"That's what I thought. I had a feeling."

"Chishiya," I breathed and couldn't stop my eyes from getting moist. I was so upset by his words that I suddenly started shaking all over. "So do you remember anything?"

"I wouldn't say that. It's more like the situation feels familiar. Just like you. But maybe it's all just my imagination."

I shook my head vigorously.

"It's not your imagination. I know exactly how it feels. I felt the same way for the first few days. I saw objects or people and knew immediately that they looked familiar. However, I couldn't remember it straight away. This took a while again."

He laughed bitterly.

"I feel like I'm slowly losing my mind."

I took a few hesitant steps towards him.

"You're no more crazy than I am. Our reality is just different from that of the others," I said, smiling gently at him.

Chishiya didn't say anything but continued to stare at me, his eyes fixed on my lips for a moment. The very thought of him kissing me made my knees go weak as custard. But instead, he tore his gaze away from me and turned away to leave the lift.

A little disappointed, I followed him into the deserted car park. Chishiya dug out his car key and pressed the remote control to open the car. The car that lit up was a small dark grey Hyundai. It was a rather inconspicuous car, which somehow suited him. He threw his things in the back seat and then opened the passenger door for me, as I was still standing there a little undecided. I looked at him briefly and then sat down in the car. Just seconds later, he took a seat next to me and pulled out his mobile phone.

"What's your address?" he asked, looking at me intently.

I gave it to him and he typed it into his smartphone on the side. Meanwhile, I looked around the car in search of a few personal items. But apart from some parking tickets and a pack of disinfectant wipes, I didn't discover anything exciting.

Chishiya stuck his mobile phone in a holder provided for it and then started the engine. Music immediately started blaring from the speakers, but he quickly pressed a button to switch to the radio. It was only then that I noticed the USB stick he had plugged in.

"You don't have to switch on the radio because of me," I said.

"I'm only doing it because I doubt you'll like my music," he replied and reversed out of the parking space.

"I want to know everything about you and that includes what music you listen to."

Chishiya tilted his head to one side a little thoughtfully, while the corners of his mouth twitched imperceptibly.
He held out his hand and switched back to USB.

I just smiled in amusement as electronic dance sounds echoed from the system, at least some of which were accompanied by English vocals. Some of the songs on the playlist sounded a little calmer, while others had a more powerful, fast beat and I also heard the odd rock song from time to time.

"So, are you disappointed now?" he asked as we stood at a red light.

"Not at all," I said sincerely. "The music suits you."

"Let me guess. You probably like upbeat pop music."

"True, but not only. I generally like music that's good to dance to and makes me happy. On the other hand, I find melancholy ballads rather exhausting. But apart from that, I'm not that picky."

Chishiya nodded understandingly, but didn't say anything more for a while, seeming absorbed in his own thoughts.

"How exactly did we get to know each other?"

I raised my eyebrows in surprise and looked at him from the side. This was the question I had least expected.

"The first time I saw you was in Shibuya just before... this thing happened. And then we met again in Borderland."

"You mean that in-between world you were talking about?"

"Yes, exactly that. We didn't actually have much to do with each other at first. But I still admired you in a strange way. You always thought you were better than the others, though."

"Is that so?" he asked with a smug grin.

"Yes, but over time you became more tolerable."

"In what way?"

"Well, how can I put it? You've become more sensible and less arrogant. Just like you are now."

"To be honest, I've never been a particularly nice person, I've often made selfish decisions. Maybe I first had to face death to realise that I was wasting my life pointlessly."

"It's never too late to make something of your life, Chishiya. And I know you well enough by now to know that you can also be selfless and considerate."

He looked over at me meaningfully for a moment, while I smiled at him sardonically.

"When you said that someone you cared about admired you for your fighting spirit. Did you mean me?" he now wanted to know.

"Yes," I mumbled and lowered my gaze, which involuntarily latched onto his hand, which was resting on the gear lever.

I wanted to touch it too much, but I wasn't sure if I could go that far, because I was also afraid of doing something wrong. I didn't want to lose him a second time.

As we turned into my street, I was still a little sad that my time with him was over so quickly again. Chishiya stopped right in front of the big block of flats.

"Is it here?"

"Yes, thank you," I said and then undid my seatbelt, but remained seated for the time being. "Without you, I would definitely have been travelling forever."

"That's all right," he said lightly.

"So ... See you tomorrow?" I asked slowly. There was a brief silence between us before he answered.

"To be honest, it's better if you don't show up at my work again," he replied mechanically without looking at me.

I gave him an uncomprehending look.

"Erm... what? Why would you say that?"

"Firstly, because there are already unpleasant rumours about you and secondly, because my supervisor has a problem with you being around so often. And I don't want them to officially ban you from the premises."

I was stunned for a moment.

"But I ... haven't done anything to anyone."

"I know that. But that's not the point here, Tsuki. Just do what I tell you. I'll only be there for another two weeks anyway."

"And then?" I asked.

"Then I'll write my final exams."

"Ah, I see," I said, but I couldn't hide my disappointment. "Will we even see each other again then?"

"I guess you'll find a way to see me again," he said with an amused undertone.

"Well, there's something I really need to give you. But it's not ready yet. I hope I can do it soon, though."

"You mean the thing that's got you overtired all the time?"

I nodded shyly.

"Yes."

"Give me your mobile phone," he asked me, finally looking at me again after a long time. A little surprised, I pulled it out of my bag and held it out to him.

"You should unlock it first."

A little embarrassed, I placed my thumbs on the touchscreen and unlocked the display. I hesitantly held it out to him a second time. Chishiya took it from my hand, but not without touching my fingers. I was pretty sure he had done it on purpose, but I was still surprised by his approach. He first looked closely at my wallpaper, which made my cheeks noticeably warmer. It was the first drawing I had made of him back in the hospital.

"You're really obsessed with me," he said, fascinated, while I tried to cover my flushed face with my hair. Then I watched out of the corner of my eye as he opened my contact list and added his phone number.

When he tried to hand it back to me, I just looked at him, speechless.

"Just promise me you won't get on my nerves too much," he said with a cocky smile. Even though the fact that I could no longer come to him at work was quite a setback, at least I now had his number to contact him at any time. As I reached for the mobile phone, I did it in slow motion, deliberately brushing his fingers as he had done to me.

"Thank you, Chishiya," I whispered afterwards, looking up at him dreamily.

"If you want, I can also send you a photo of me that you can secretly ogle in my absence and use as wallpaper."

He looked at me triumphantly.

I brushed a strand of hair behind my ear a little embarrassed and curled my lips into a pout, which Chishiya obviously found amusing.

"Really?"

"If you ask me politely."

"Fine. I'd like one...or more."

"Now you're getting greedy."

I chuckled softly.

"Sorry," I mumbled. "I should really go now."

He nodded as I opened the door.

"Do you need any help?"

"No, I'm fine," I said, pulling myself up from the seat.

"Good night and see you soon, I hope."

Chishiya raised his hand in farewell and just winked before I let the car door close. As he drove away, I looked after him for quite a while. Only when he had disappeared round the corner did I make my way upstairs.

This time I left my laptop and graphics tablet out. I just put something for Nanya to eat and then got changed. As soon as I was in bed, I reached for my mobile phone and opened his contact with a pounding heart. I had to giggle when I read the name under which he had saved himself.

I grinned a little at the last words and then sent the message. I waited anxiously to see if he would reply. But maybe he had gone to sleep straight away. When there was still no reply after twenty minutes, I plugged my mobile phone into the charging cable, put it back on the bedside table and switched off the light, a little frustrated.

Just as I closed my eyes, it vibrated. I hastily reached for it and squeaked loudly when I saw Chishiya's name on the display.

I chuckled, clutched the smartphone tightly to my chest and smiled blissfully. I would have loved to send him a heart back, but I knew that was far too soon. I really had to be patient. But the fact that Chishiya seemed to like me made me a nervous wreck and meant that I could barely get the sleep I needed.

I'm sorry I didn't upload yesterday. I was a little demotivated honestly 🫣
Also because I added a few new things to that chapter that aren't in the original german version like the messenger pics. Now I have to adjust the german one again so it'll be the same. The fanfiction is a few years old by now so there are many things I just would do differently now. I can't change everything of course. That would be too much work but at least I can try to do some little edits.