It lasts, fluctuating from worse to minor relief, then back again, then minor relief again. Taehyung elects to stay with his friend - basically demands to, as he insists leaving Jeongguk in his current state would earn himself the world's worst friend award. The guilt poisons the suffering boy's heart but down to his very core he's beyond relieved at Taehyung's decision.

He doesn't want to be alone right now. Maybe later, when he can be even the slightest bit assured the pain won't peak again, but not right now. So he takes advantage of Taehyung's presence and takes all the hugs he can get. Lets out all the tears he can cry.

Jeongguk knows it hurts Taehyung. To see him like this. In such a pitiful state, the most pitiful state he's ever been in, hopeless and confused on top of it all. And afraid. So very, very afraid.

He had a peaceful childhood. No trauma, physical or emotional, not that he can remember. And for the most part, Jeongguk enjoyed good health, with the worst ailment endured being a fever or cold, which all kids and adults experience throughout their lives. Normal, common, but this, whatever this is, is far from it. Knowing his own words are lies, that it's not just a headache, is probably the worst part.

He told Taehyung a label didn't matter. But a part of him still wants to know.

In the chance it's news he'll have to brace himself for.

It's impossible to wrap his head around how much time is passing now. At some point during the day, whether afternoon or evening, Taehyung comes into his room with a mug of hot tea and some fruit in a bowl. He sets the mug carefully on the dresser, then sits down on the bed beside Jeongguk.

"Fruit's easy to stomach, right?"

Delayed, but Jeongguk nods.

"You stopped crying. Is the headache dying down?"

"It's bearable," the boy says with apparent hesitance, "right now. It could pick up again."

"Let's not think about that." Taehyung holds out the bowl to his friend. "Here, your mom cut up some apples and strawberries. Eat."

"I'll try."

"That's all I'm asking for."

From there, it grows quiet for a while, as Jeongguk attempts to pick at and digest the cold fruit, and Taehyung simply sits still, not doing or saying much at all. Not once in the entirety of the time he's spent with Jeongguk has he even picked up his phone to look at the time. His friend has had his full and utter attention.

It's touching, but saddening all the same.

"...Tae."

"What is it? Need something?"

Jeongguk pauses as his aching mind cracks open the shell of his thoughts and drops it into his mouth. "...do you think something's wrong with me?"

"No, you're fine." A terse response with strained eye contact.

"...if that's the case, then why do you keep telling me I should see a doctor?"

"Because I need you to feel better, Guk, it doesn't matter what I want."

Taehyung exhales deeply out of exasperation, once again struggling to look the other boy in the eyes. Jeongguk spots the faintest trace of water glinting from them.

"I kinda put it out of mind for a while, but it's been bothering me off and on ever since that day you said you saw writing and it just...disappeared, or whatever." He shakes his head as if to dismiss a thought. "You've never acted like that before. Like, legitimately paranoid, and then you acted the same way when we went to Everland, and...and then when you freaked out and ran out of class that one day?? And...three or four days ago or whatever when..."

He becomes visibly frustrated with himself, clenching his fists and hitting his legs with them before lifting one hand to massage his temples. Just for a moment. Then he drops his hand to his side again to face Jeongguk again, watery eyes not bothering to blink away the approaching tears.

"You know I love you, Guk, right?" He squints and a forced smile quickly betrays him, turning crooked. "Like a brother I never had, and I know I don't tell you that ever and I hate myself for it. Not even jokingly, like a 'haha, love you, too' or something stupid like that. 'Cus that's my trash personality, man, I wouldn't be surprised if my own sister doesn't know for sure if I love her-"

"Tae, stop..." Jeongguk takes hold of Taehyung's wrist and grips it tightly. But he shakes. "Don't be ridiculous, Youjin and I both know you love us..."

"Do you feel it, though? Do I show it?"

"Tae, please, of course you do-"

"But it's important to say it, I need to say it more." He shakes his head again, this time, seeming hopeful it would dry his eyes in some way. "I need to say it, Guk, I'm no good at speaking my mind because I'm trying not to focus on feelings for whatever reason, I don't know, but I'm not happy about it, either. I hate it, I hate it so much, but I swear, Guk, just gimme a chance, I'll get better at it, gimme another chance..."

It tears at Jeongguk's heart so brutally, without mercy, and he's helpless to his own tears wanting to embrace the air. Sniffling, he examines his friend's expression even though it's a trial of its own to do so. Taking notice of each crease in the boy's skin made from unpleasant emotions. It's like adding fuel to the fire.

Jeongguk touches Taehyung's shoulder. Trembling. Taehyung is trembling.

"...I just...wish I would've told you more. How much you mean to me when I had the chance."

"Tae...Tae, stop talking to me like I'm gonna die-"

"No, you won't." He turns abruptly towards Jeongguk with some strange sort of determination in his eyes. "You won't, you can't. It doesn't matter what it is, I'm not going anywhere, okay? Even if I can't stay right here 24/7, I'm not going anywhere. What's that stupid song called, one phone call away or something? I won't be any further. I promise, I swear, Guk, I'll never be further away than that."

Whatever polluted, conflicting mindset Taehyung managed to get himself exposed to, it seems he's stuck there now. Pouring out his feelings like this, as though the boy is terrified he wouldn't see his friend again after he leaves. It's alarming to Jeongguk. He wants to cry even more, but he's tired, he's so tired.

"Tae, have you eaten at all today?"

"Don't know," the boy replies monotonously. "Don't care. Doesn't matter."

"It does matter. Go downstairs and get something to eat from our kitchen. Please?"

"I just said I'm not gonna leave you-"

"No, you just told me you'd be a phone call away. So go downstairs now and eat something."

"But your headache-"

Jeongguk cuts him off. "It's died down. Please, Tae...for me?"

Those last two words flip a switch in the boy's head, a memory from their childhood Jeongguk knew they would spark.

"For you? The half of my kingdom, good sir."

" 'Tis much appreciated, sire."

Mood now partially lifted, Taehyung propels himself forward to stand up, then dramatically makes his exit out of the bedroom.

And Jeongguk finds it in himself to smile. Just softly, and it's accompanied by a tear, but it's genuine nonetheless.

He leans back against his pillows. Though he didn't lying to Taehyung about his headache lessening, it's still very much present. Although it feels more like mental suffering than physical at this point.

Jeongguk glances at his dresser beside the bed. He reaches for his phone, nearly causing it to slip from his hands, but he catches it along with the bowl of fruits which almost falls from his lap.

Missed messages. Several from Yoongi, from his father, and about a dozen from Jimin.

To brace himself, he opens all the messages but Jimin's first.

-

Yoongi
jimin said u were in pain but that's all he said, he didn't say what the pain was from but it looked really bad jeongguk i didnt know what to say to u

Yoongi
i just drove u back to your house cus that's what he asked me to do, i assumed u have medication there or something

Yoongi
also sorry but i told tae what happened so he'll probably show up soon

-

Dad
Are you doing okay sport?

Dad
Your mother said your head was in a lot of pain.

Dad
Drink water, stay off your feet, okay?

Dad
Let me know if there's anything you want, I can pick up something on the way home from work.

-

Jimin
jeongguk

Jimin
pls answer

Jimin
unless you're resting then it's okay...

Jimin
i'm really worried

Jimin
really really worried

Jimin
i know i asked yoongi to drop you off at your house but i hope if you're not feeling better yet that you went to a hospital

Jimin
you really scared me jeongguk

Jimin
if you're having frequent headaches this bad u should get it checked out, pls don't neglect yourself

Jimin
i don't know if it's something i did that makes u reject my help but pls don't do that to everyone

Jimin
i'm worried, i don't want anything to happen to u

Jimin
i promise i'm learning to accept your help so you need to do the same, ok?

-

That very last message hits him the hardest. In the heart, where it hurts the most. Holding the phone unsteadily in one hand, Jeongguk hastily wipes his eyes dry.

-

me
what do i mean to you?

Jimin
someone i need to be ok

me
you need for me to be ok? or you need me in order to be ok?

me
have i made any difference? am i doing anything?

Jimin
do i still seem the same to you?

Jimin
how i was before we started talking regularly?

me
jimin i don't know i'm second guessing everything, i don't know anything

Jimin
you have made a difference jeongguk i promise...

Jimin
i thought you knew, i'm sorry if i haven't thanked you enough for being so kind and patient with me...even tho i never did anything for you you were still gentle and thoughtful and considerate to me more than i've noticed you are with anybody else

Jimin
it just never made sense to me, why you did those things, why you acted that way

Jimin
you were the handsome, talented, funny, super friendly guy that everyone enjoyed talking to

Jimin
i felt out of place even being near you, i avoided you even before you first came up to me...

me
but why

me
i'm a human being aren't i?

Jimin
you don't understand, you're what i wanted to be

Jimin
you are exactly the image of what i've been trying to be but could never be

Jimin
and so it never felt right, even when you said you wanted to be friends, it just didn't feel right

Jimin
i felt undeserving. a failure next to you.

Jimin
and yet you called me beautiful

me
i did

me
and you know what

me
i'd give my looks, my talents, my popularity, everything I have, jimin, just to show you those aren't what i'm looking for from you

me
they've never been

me
right now, the only thing i'm looking for from you is to know im not just a name to you

-

It's right after he sends this message that the door opens, and Taehyung enters the room carrying a small plate of stir-fried chicken and rice. He silently takes a seat on the floor.

"Your mom's an angel," the boy says, lifting the plate for his friend to see. "I told her you wanted me to eat something and so she cooked this up real quick for me. She's so sweet."

"I'm glad."

"I'll be careful not to get it on your floor. Promise."

"It's fine, Tae."

Jeongguk puts on a reassuring smile to match Taehyung's gaze before dropping his own gaze to his phone.

He discovers that in that short window of time having just passed, Jimin replied to his text message.

-

Jimin
it was supposed to just stay as a crush

Jimin
but now when i hear your name the first thing i think of is how much i want to be with you

Jimin
and it doesn't matter if that happens or not

Jimin
i just need you to be okay

Jimin
be okay for me

Jimin
till i can reach you

-

Jeongguk's head resumes pounding the moment he brings his thumbs to the screen to reply. Without having thought of one yet. He just wants to say something.

Seconds pass and his phone dies, and a wave of pain and fatigue take over him at once.

He plugs his phone into its charger but falls asleep waiting for it to turn on again.

—