This chapter is dedicated to -enchantings for their immense support of this book and my account! I couldn't ask for more!
Love you ♥️♥️♥️

(25th January 1978)

Lily had never intended on keeping track. Really she hadn't. But it had been seventeen days since she had said goodbye to her friends at the station, and in those seventeen days, it took until the sixteenth for James to write her a letter. She hadn't seen him yet.

The letter was sitting comfortably in her school satchel, the one she was carrying from class to class while it sat here innocuously, burning a hole through her head.

Despite being upset by the tardiness in which James wrote to her, she had yet to open the bloody thing. In sincerity, Lily hadn't much luck with letters. The last one that had her in a state like this she'd burnt (after keeping for the better part of seven years).

Remus had written to her, so had Marlene, and both had only mentioned James in passing. Lily was beginning to assume he'd broken both his arms and been deemed unable to write before the letter arrived through the post yesterday morning.
She had recognised the writing immediately, inky and cursive, like he was writing with great dexterity but also very little effort. It was a natural hand. Everything about him seemed to be natural. Why?

"OI!"
Lily's head shot up to see Dorcas standing in front of her, wearing a bemused expression, but a curious one also.
"I'm going to PE, I'll see you two at lunch alright?"

Only then did Lily realise Alice was on her other side. She'd been walking down the second floor corridor with them on each side the entire time, apparently. Lily didn't buy it...

"Try not to kill anyone, Cas."

Dorcas rolled her eyes, "I'll be an angel," and she was gone down the stairs, leaving Lily and Alice to find their German classroom together...

"It's unwise, you know?"

"What is?"

Alice and Lily were whispering from the back of the German classroom. This was the only class in Lily's timetable in which she sat at the back and she was going to make good use of it.

"To dwell on a letter for so long."

"I'm not dwelling."

Alice scoffed (she hardly ever scoffed).
"Yes, pet, you are."

Lily snorted (she did that all the time).
"Well then I'll stop bloody dwelling! I'll open it when I get home!"

Alice grinned, leaning over Lily's desk to steal her ruler.
"Do you want me there?"

"I'll be okay."

Alice smiled, her face the sort of angel that would be used as a weapon.
"I'll be by my phone."

Lily stilled Alice's writing hand, forcing her to look up from the work.
"Thank you."

"Don't mention it."
Alice was like that. Everything she did was usually with someone else in mind, and she never asked for anything back. That was just her way.

The classroom was warm, seemingly wishing to beguile its inhabitants to sleep. Everyone around her was in some stage of drowsiness, eyes rolling, heads lolling. It might have been funny if she weren't exhausted herself. Every night that Lucifer was gone she'd spend trying to find her little blue protector, the doe. She hadn't been able to bring it back since it had happened by accident, but this was one thing she was determined to control. Maybe her magic was whimsical and dangerous, but this one thing –this one lousy thing– she would master if it ruined her.

♥ ♥ ♥

(25th January 1978 continued)

Shortcake,

How is life treating you? I apologise for the late letter, I could never seem to find the right words. Life here is the same as always, me and Marlene are worked to the bone (we caught a pair of fourth years snogging in a store closet! And it was proper snogging too- the youth of today are something else, Lily, I tell you!)

How's the workload treating you? I'm sure you're revelling in it, knowing you. But just in case you aren't- I'd recommend spending twenty seconds talking to Sirius about Remus, itll make you want to run so fast and revise just to get away from the swooning. Moony is a fine looking lad, don't get me wrong, but I don't need such attractiveness broken down feature to feature! I'm sure asking Frank about Alice would have the same affect?

I'm trying to find a window of which to escape (I'm speaking metaphorically, of course I'll leave via the door) but I'm struggling. Although you can't keep me away too easily, I'll be sneaking down to see you at the first second, don't you worry, as I'm sure you were!

Now, I'm regretfully going to complete an essay I was supposed to finish yesterday. Call me an academic but eduction takes premise.

Yours,
James

There was something written near the bottom that had been scratched out, the ink bleeding around the scrawls. It looked an awful lot like I miss you, but Lily was never sure when it came to James. Either way, he was going to be there soon. That was enough.

(29th January 1978)

The fatal flaw of Marlene McKinnon was that she didn't really know when to stop. She had an almost godlike superiority complex that tended to intimidate those around her that couldn't match that energy. Her belief that she was indestructible usually convinced everyone else, but every now and again Marlene would be reminded that she was, in fact, human.

This particular reminder came to her in the middle of Potions. She was peering over a cauldron with her partner, Aliona. Behind them was a group of three Slytherins, Marlene didn't need to see them to sense their presence (and her reflexes as a seeker didn't need to see them to smell their intent).

The first one to make the move was Mulciber. He'd reached his hand out to try and push Aliona's head into the cauldron, the other two Avery and Snape knew this and were already leering at the victory, faces distorted with glib satisfaction.

Marlene caught his wrist before it went anywhere near the back of Aliona's head, bending it awkwardly so his hand was hanging over the potion.

"This is highly acidic, Kieron. Wouldn't want me to dunk you." Her voice was iron clad, terrifying. In moments like these she became her reputation.

"You're insane."

"You could have killed her." Tone dangerously low, eyes hard, formidable.

The class was watching in fear; some reverent, others proud, perhaps disgusted. No body stopped her. Slughorn was in the store cupboard. No one dared call him.

Mulciber grinned something feral, white teeth flashing like a storybook wolf.
"Wouldn't be the first time I've tried to kill that mudblood."

Marlene didn't miss a beat before plunging his arm into her cauldron. This time Mulciber's screams must have alerted the potions professor.

"You don't touch her again or it'll be your face I drown in this shit." She spat, voice like poison, tasting sour to the ear. "Trudy didn't kill you the night she went after you. I will."

"Miss McKinnon!" Slughorn came racing in too late. Kieron was groaning in pain, holding his scorched arm in front of him like he was expecting it to disappear before his eyes. The rest of the class were watching in a compound of horror and delight. In some cases both.

"Mr Snape, escort Mr Mulciber to the hospital wing! Immediately! Miss McKinnon, you will lose fifty points and earn yourself a month's detention, is that clear?"

"Crystal professor. However I would like to file a complaint to the Head Student's office that Kieron Mulciber tried to kill a muggleborn student in the middle of a classroom and should therefore be adequately punished."

"Miss McKinnon, you are Head Girl."

Marlene ran a cocksure hand through her hair, turning to flash Aliona a reassuring grin.
"Splendid. That saves me filling out a form, and I can issue the detention myself."

Slughorn frowned, "Marlene, dear, I believe you need a witness to make such a statement."

James stepped forward, throwing an arm around her and a charming smile at Slughorn.
"I saw the whole thing, sir. Mulciber tried to drunk Connolly's head into her own cauldron, missed and threw his own hand in instead."

Remus nodded, leaning against his and James' desk, diagonal from Marlene and Aliona's.
"Exactly what I saw. And I am also a serving prefect."

Slughorn nodded slowly, "very well." He waved his wand once and the small splashes of potion that had littered the floor –eating through it simultaneously– disappeared, and Slughorn went with them, back into the supply room.

"Thank you, Marlene you saved my life." Aliona grinned pulling her away from James and into a hug.

"Yeah well, that's the sort of shit I do. I'm a nice gal."

The truth was that Marlene would pay a price for her vigilantism every now and again. Sometimes it was worth it...

♣ ♣ ♣

(2nd February 1978)

It was a peculiar feeling to be in detention, when she should be in the air, Marlene realised. Quidditch practise was going on outside and she could see it from the window of McGonogall's office where she was currently marking first years essays for her. The essays weren't half bad but the feeling like there were steel weights on each limb was the worst part. Playing quidditch made Marlene weightless, limitless. And so being locked in a classroom that's far too hot while she missed the it all did not help.

James was practicing with his substitute seeker Clement Casey, Marlene could make him out by the platinum blonde hair of the dot zipping about the pitch. The fourth year was good, Marlene could admit but he didn't have the same reverence for the game as Marlene.

"Miss McKinnon, your team are fine. You may continue serving your detention."

Marlene looked up to see Professor McGonogall fixing her with a stern eye beyond those glasses she was never without. Reluctantly, Marlene dragged her eyes back down to the second year's essays on Vera Verto.

'...the spell is cast by sharply tapping the desired animal three times before clearly saying the incantation. Animals like rats and other pest species tend to be more susceptible to the spell.'

No matter how hard she tried to concentrate on the illegible written words of poor Emmet Proudfoot, her mind kept asking the same question.
If she misses all this in quidditch, what else is there to be locked away from?

♣ ♣ ♣

(6th February 1978)

The snow had officially cleared, Marlene had watched from several of her detention's windows; James and his team had watched from the skies and Esme-Leigh had watched from behind the glass she had put herself behind.

But now the empty cold had no place in the boys Gryffindor dorms, which was largely vacated besides two of its residents...
Sirius and Remus were alone in the dorm, Peter and James were playing their third game of chess in the common room and Marlene was in detention. Again.

"I'm bored," Sirius declared dramatically, the same way in which he declared almost everything else.

"Good for you." Remus replied, not breaking eye contact with a particularly interesting part of the novel open in front of him. His ears tracked Sirius' movements as he traipsed from his bed to Remus', settling as close as possible and resting his cheek on Remus' shoulder. They both lay side by side on their stomachs, Sirius seeming to find any means possible to distract his boyfriend.

"Padfoot, love, I'm reading."

Sirius looked away, attempting to hide the blush that crept along his high cheekbones, he adored Remus' names for him. The things he would only say to Sirius, like it were some kind of secret they should both keep.

"Yes, but..." he leant closer to Remus, kissing his temple, the skin there tasted sweet and warm against his lips, "you could stop."

As soon as the words left Sirius' mouth, Remus snapped his head round to look at him head on, expression scandalised and similar to the look one would expect to receive after having just admitted to a heinous crime.

"I will leave you so fucking fast if you suggest I stop reading again."

Sirius gasped, "Moony! Don't you love me?"

"Of course! But I can love more than one thing."

"Not when one of them is me. It's one of my policies."

Remus laughed, the noise sparking something inside Sirius that would only come to life when Remus was near him.
"I wasn't aware there were polices to being the boyfriend of Sirius Black."

He grinned, almost villainously in his sarcasm,
"Oh yes, several. Including multiple bylaws."

"State them."

"That would be telling. But one of them is to pay me attention more than a clump of words."

This amused Remus greatly and his saintly smile returned. "Come on then," he turned over onto his back and pulled Sirius with him to lie on his chest, "I'll read it to you, that way we both win."

Sirius hummed, tucking his head into the crook of Remus' neck, "what you reading?" His voice was muffled by his boyfriends wool cardigan, catching the pacific tone like it were a net.

"The Catcher In The Rye."

"What's it about?"

"Abstractly?" Remus said, "it's about you."

"Is that why you love it?"

"Shut up and listen, darling: 'That's the whole trouble. You can't ever find a place that's nice and peaceful, because there isn't any. You may think there is, but once you get there, when you're not looking, somebody'll sneak up and write "Fuck you" right under your nose. Try it sometime.'"

"How is this about me?"

"It just is. In a way, it's sort of about everyone at one point in their lives. But you? You have this unique trait where you hate everything for the sake of hating everything, but then you'll come out with something so beautiful and kind that it makes you forget you ever knew what the word 'hate' meant. And that's what Holden's like. He's angry at the world but it's not because he's a terrible person; it's because he knows how doomed it is to fix. He's a teenager, it's not his job, but he wants it to be. Just like you."

Sirius didn't say anything but shifted impossibly closer to Remus, like he needed to melt into him, into someone that understood better than anyone in the world sometimes.
"Keep reading please."

"Alright. 'I think, even, if I ever die, and they stick me in a cemetery, and I have a tombstone and all, it'll say 'Holden Caulfield' on it, and then what year I was born and what year I died, and then right under that it'll say 'Fuck you.' I'm positive, in fact.'"

So Remus read until the very last page, and Sirius absorbed every word like it were gospel because it came from Remus' lips.

(8th February 1978)

Indulge cafe had a much amiable ambiance to Lily when she wasn't on shift. Sitting with her were Alice and Dorcas, with sheets of homework they hadn't looked at in nearly two hours. Caroline, one of the managers, had given them a plate of muffins for free, insisting they were doing her a favour by taking them and one of the other baristas that Lily didn't know too well had made them at least two hot chocolates each the past three and a half hours they'd been occupying the table.

"Did I tell you what happened to Marlene?"

Alice shook her head, "no?"

Dorcas seemed to be in her element talking about her girlfriend. It was a general rule. In the first days without Marlene, Dorcas would refuse to talk about her to anyone, but once the initial gloom passed on, she couldn't seem to stop talking about her. It was like she'd been making up for lost time.

"Apparently she scared of some guy trying to hurt her mate, ended up breaking his arm or something, or dipping it in acid. She's serving a month's detention."

Lily's eyes widened, "that's mental?!" But then again, it wasn't as if such behaviour came as a surprise. Marlene was the type of girl to break an arm if the situation arose, Lily just hadn't anticipated she'd be the type to do so in a classroom.

"Yeah, the guy must have done something terrible, then?"

"I think Mar is more annoyed about the time she's been missing to do these detentions."

"Really? What's she missed?"

"Who knows?" Dorcas replied, propping her elbows up on the table and lifting her hot chocolate mug to her lips, "but nothing gets past my girl. Whatever it is, she'll find out."

(9th February 1978)

Esme-Leigh threw her quill down in anguish, arching her back over the library chair and sighing as comically loud as possible. She'd been studying for a grand total of fifteen minutes, hating every millisecond.

Mary, Trudy and Aliona occupy the other three seats around her, each feeling rather the same way. However Trudy in particular looked miffed about something that Esme guessed might not be her Herbology essay.

"Is Marlene not coming?" Mary asked innocently, her golden chestnut hair had fallen over her eyes, obscuring most of her freckled cheeks.

"She's still serving detention."

"That's bullshit," Trudy said, "all she did was protect Aliona! Who cares if she nearly took of Mulciber's hand?! It would be for the greater good!"

Esme chuckled and agreed. Trudy had away of making a person chuckle even if she didn't mean it. She was sunbeams and storm clouds all at once. She might have nearly killed a student last year, but she was five feet tall and had a giggle that would probably promote world peace. It was confusing.

"I won't disagree, I just wonder if it might have been better handled if she'd actually gone ahead and taken his arm off, instead of sticking it in an acidic potion and smelting the motherfucker," Esme-Leigh laughed with the rest of the group. It wasn't a reason but it was nice. She liked these people– loved them even.

"Brought you some biscuits," Ozma Periwinkle seemed to appear out of nowhere, standing behind Trudy once she placed the biscuits on the table.

It wasn't a reach to see that Ozma was offering these as an apology, the dejected look on Trudy's face earlier suddenly became clearer. They'd been fighting, again.

Esme pretended she wasn't listening when the rest of the group got back to work, having thanked the younger Gryffindor for the biscuits.

"Hey, listen Trudy—"

"—I'm sorry."

Ozma hummed, "but I didn't even get to say it!"

"I know. So kiss me so we can forget about this and I can finish this essay."

"You sure?"
Esme glanced up to see Ozma leaning over Trudy's chair, the aforementioned tilting her head back in order to study her girlfriend.

"Positive."

"Alright," Ozma gently placed a kiss on Trudy's lips before sliding into the empty seat that had been left for Marlene.

"Who was meant to sit here?"

Aliona glanced up, seemingly she'd tried a lot harder than Esme-Leigh had not to listen to the conversation between the girlfriends. It was curious.
"Just Marlene but the poor sod is in detention for protecting my honour."

"I heard about that, wish I'd seen it. It's a shame Marlene isn't here, I'd want to tell her myself."

"I'll send on the regards."

Ozma grinned, "yeah? I wonder what else she's been missing out on, I feel right bad for her."

"Aye well, I'm sure she'll copy this essay at about midnight tomorrow anyways." Trudy answered, a smirk on her lips as she wrote.

But the question had Esme thinking. What can one miss? What really is a life here?

♣ ♣ ♣

(9th February 1978 continued)

James found himself braving his prefect round alone that night. Marlene hadn't gotten out of detention yet, and handily she was supposed to be the designated MPP member on patrol as well. Remus was off prank planning with Peter and Sirius saw any prefect duties as an act of treason. So that left him alone– a dangerous thing.

Moonlight swam around the walls. It tried to hide from him in some angles, in others it seemed desperate to play, beguiling him, teasing...
Hogwarts looked completely different in the dark than it did during the day. That was often the case with most things, they weren't the same when life was flooding through its veins. Hogwarts worked like that too, like it's own magic came alive when it wasn't feeding off the witches and wizards that filtered in and out all day. James came to the conclusion that Hogwarts seemed to be recharging at night, it's own magic waltzing the corridors. Exhausting itself before it went to sleep and allowed the students to take over.

Underneath the moonlight was a place and a time. The witching hour wasn't quite upon them yet, but there was something in the air; not quite ominous, maybe curious? It lurked round corners, and winked as beams of light slipped back out the windows, toying with James and leaving him in darkness.

He needed company, the beauty was not one to be experienced alone. On James' robes was his Magical Prejudice Protection badge, the one he hoped she'd be wearing when he sent her a message...

The ambiance in the corridor seemed to shift when he felt her enter it, even before her shadow splashed across the walls, James could tell she was near. Her presence consumed places, like it were hungry.

"Hogwarts is beautiful at night. I should have been a prefect."

James chuckled, "Ez, if you were a prefect you'd never show up to rounds because it didn't fit with your sleep schedule."

Esme-Leigh gasped, stalking closer to him with glee, "I don't have a sleep schedule?"

"Exactly."

She'd caught up with him by then, and laughed, "fine. Just tell me where we're going next."

"Seventh floor."

"No-one's ever on the seventh floor."

James chuckled, setting off down the corridor and leaving Esme to chase after him.
"Well then today might be the lucky day."

They walked in relative silence together all through the seventh floor patrol. James' shoulder brushing Esme's every so often. The moonlight skimmed around the corridors; now and again it would capture Esme in its rays and James would have to resist the urge to gasp. Whenever there was a night like this, Esme-Leigh seemed to embody the moonlight, becoming it, instead of letting it consume her.
Her blue hair wept tears that became purple where the moon kissed them and her eyes sparked a silvery blue, something arcane and intriguing.

He didn't notice she'd taken his hand until he looked down, she must have been holding it a while. When he noticed, she caught his eye and smiled ruefully. It was nice. Of course it was nice. He'd held her hand a million times. Esme-Leigh was the sort of girl anyone could hold hands with, like the girl Holden Caulfield talks about in that book Remus likes to read. 'She was terrific to hold hands with... you never even worried, with Jane, whether your hand was sweaty or not. All you knew was you were happy. You really were."

One found it rather easy to forget the rest of the world when holding hands with Esme. James supposed that might be what a distraction looked like, but he didn't want to think about it much more...

"James?"

They'd stopped walking, and she'd dropped his hand. The corridor seemed more empty when they weren't connected; almost immediately James wished to reach out and take her hand again.

"Ez."

"Can I ask you something?" Her eyes were shining something mournful and desperate. James worried she might cry.

"Of course you can," still he longed to reach for her hand, but kept them rooted as far into his pockets as he could.

Esme-Leigh cause his gaze and he could tell there was something whirring in the back of her head, much faster and more urgent than the words fell out of her mouth.
"Will you... I mean— can you?... no, will you go out with me? Please? Just to Hogsmede at the weekend, or sometime, I just... I'd really like that."

James managed to hold in the sharp intake of breath that wished to escape him. He didn't break her gaze, which was doleful and such a deep, beautiful, moonlit blue. If moonlight was a person, perhaps it might look like her?
a distraction,
a distraction,
a distraction.
(a chance?)
a distraction...

The only thing he could say was yes.

And when she smiled it was still sad, but something twinkled, like a fallen star...

Esme-Leigh took his hand again as they continued on their way in the castle. It wasn't not the same. Something had shifted and it lurked in the moonlight now, James watched it dance and wondered if it were chasing them?...

(10th February 1978)

Dorcas grins into her girl's hair, it smells like cherries and fireplaces, her leather jacket smells of cigarettes and something like home.

"Hey, Cas," the low tone of her beautiful voice travels through Dorcas' entire body.

"Hi," she breaths in reply, pulling back just enough to place a kiss on Marlene's lips. She kissed her once, twice, three times, wishing she never had to stop. Marlene tasted like her lipgloss and sugar lollipops.

"Come on, then. I didn't come over here to kiss you in the middle of a street. Let's go and do something fun... and then we can kiss somewhere else."

Dorcas giggled –something she very rarely did– and took Marlene's hand, leading her on something of an adventure...

"So are you going to get into trouble for being here?"

Hours later they were sitting together on Dorcas' bed, whispering into the night, before Marlene had to leave once again. They'd spent the evening doing whatever their heart desired, but all it seemed to desire was a little world of their own, found in Dorcas' bedroom, speaking in whispers and trading lingering kisses.

"Not if I don't get caught."

"You were just out of detention!"

Marlene laughed lowly, leaning over and kissing Dorcas with a gentle compassion, "I know but some things are worth it."

"James hasn't been down in a while, to see Lily."

Dorcas wasn't expecting to see Marlene confused, "really?"

"You didn't know? Lily's been writing and he's replying but he's not been down."

"Huh, well I'll give him a kick up the arse to come see her, alright?"

Dorcas grinned, "amazing," it appeared as though they were about to fall into a comfortable silence until she seemed to remember something, dark bronze eyes widening and sparkling with glee.
"Oh! I just remembered, I'm trying to get Lily to go out with one of the brothers of Georgia, that nice girl in my track team! She's reluctant but Scott is really nice and I think they'll get on."

Marlene chuckled, "you've never mentioned Georgia ever. It's always 'fucking Donna' this, and 'that annoying bitch' that..."

"Bullshit! No it's not!"

"Yes it is, Cas," Marlene flicked her hand to the side as if she were physically laying the matter to rest.
"Anyway," she sighed, a little spark in her eye that made Dorcas twitch. It might not have been disagreement, but it was something. "Let Lily decide."

"Of course I will."

Seemingly not in the mood to argue, Marlene smiled, "well, seen as you haven't told me all your new stories about 'fucking Donna' why don't you tell me them now before I have to go?"

Dorcas grinned, shuffling around her bed to lay her head in Marlene's lap, allowing her to stroke her hair as she spoke.
"Well there's this one thing that started two weeks ago..."

(11th February 1978)

Marlene McKinnon was by no means stupid. She may have been in detention for the better part of a month, but that did not mean she was able to miss the nervous glances and the secret, lingering smiles. In fact, she seemed to be the only one that noticed them; which, much to her chagrin, meant that it would have to be her that addressed it.

The Heads Common room was warm when James got in from the library where he'd been with Peter. Marlene perched on the armchair that nearly sunk into the floor, regarding him.

"Alright?" James asked as he saw her stand up to greet him. Without much thought he wrapped one arm around her and kissed her forehead in the way he'd done for years. When she stood there rigidly he pulled away with much more urgency than he had previously.
"What's going on? What have I done?"

There was no other way to say it. It had to come out her mouth now or she'd scream at him.
"I know about you and Esme."

James took an entire step back from her then; almost a stumble in shock. His face quickly turning pale.
"We're not... it's..."

"It's bloody stupid. That's what."

James' raised his eyebrows, a crease appearing in his forehead, depicting his worry.
"Marls, I don't understand?"

"Why do you seem to he unable to admit you're in love with Lily?"

"Lily?!"

"Don't lie to me James Potter! You are in love with her. Plain and simple. Esme-Leigh is just another girl that isn't her."

"Wait a second, Marls, she asked me?"

Suddenly something snapped loose and she shouted, "what difference does that make?! You said yes!"

"Marls—"

"—Do not call me that!"

"Marlene! I don't know what you want me to do? I can't be with Lily, okay? I just can't."

Anger scorned to room like a blanket of red mist, there was emotion everywhere, making it hard to see.

"That's not the fucking point!"

"Then what is?!"

"YOU NEVER CARE, JAMES! You never care to stick with someone long enough, even if they're the one! You never fucking care!"

There was something in her words that snapped James clean in two. Memories of Lily burned the backs of his eyes. Her accidental magic, her gentle kisses, her head on his shoulder, quiet comfort, unspoken love.

"You never care! You've made your bloody bed so go and lie in it!" There was desperation in her tone now, the anger had morphed into exhaustion, cracking her voice into something somber and blue.
"Just don't come crying to me when the wrong girl is lying in it with you."

James opened his mouth to speak but Marlene wordlessly performed a silencing charm on him before storming out the portrait hole, leaving him gaping at the empty space she left behind, a cloud of red mist swirling around him.

The worst of it was that she was right. Of course she was. James knew this was all doomed to fail, and Esme-Leigh probably knew that too, but it felt like something he needed to do, before he could let go of the idea he'd grown up with; that one day he'd end up with Esme, just like everybody said they would. If he hadn't said yes there would be a tick in the back of his mind, telling him of the roads left abandoned, not walked.

But explaining this to Marlene did not seem like something he could do. It wasn't something she could understand either. James' relationship with Esme was a language only the two of them could speak, it was difficult to convey using the language he was bound to.

So James let her storm away, knowing she was right because that's what she always was. The Heads common room felt empty in the blaring silence, the only backdrop to the ringing in his ears was the crackling fire as it began to burn down to cinders.

James left the common room and retreated to his dorm, lying on his bed, mapping out the cracks in the ceiling. He wondered how far away is cigarettes were? Could he reach them from here? Was it worth it?
In the end he decided it wasn't and went to sleep instead.

♣ ♣ ♣

(12th February 1978)

Esme-Leigh was positive she'd not told anyone, and yet the rumours about her and James were circling the school much louder than usual, leading her to believe there must be a first year sent to spy on them.

All day she traipsed around with either Remus or Peter, whom she shared most her classes with, and attempted to shield them from the gossip. It was obvious they'd heard it, however, it was usually common knowledge among the marauders to ignore this particular sort of gossip.

She partnered with Peter in Herbology, somehow unable to make eye contact with Mary when Professor Kettleburn announced they should find partners. There had been a gaze burning into the back of her head but Esme daren't have looked.

She'd stuck to Peter like a magnet throughout the day, only swapping him out for Remus in charms whom she also kept close. She held only his arm like he might blow away since lunch.

"Why have you become an extension to me, Esme? As charming as I find you, my darling, people might get the wrong idea."

Esme snarled, taking a second out of paying attention to their Professor Flitwick to glare at him, all but showing teeth.
"I'm cold. You're not. Match made in heaven."

Esme-Leigh could tell he hadn't bought her story. It was fairly obvious she was a liar, but he chose not to address it. Instead Remus offered her the mercy of a subdued smile and a kind eye.
"Fine, you can clutch onto my arm like I might escape. Though I can assure you I won't. Just don't bother my right hand, I need that one."

"Not a problem, I'll hog the left."

"Splendid."

She was about to ask if Remus had heard the rumours, but Flitwick caught them and threatened them with a silencing charm. The truth was that Esme-Leigh didn't really mind if Remus had heard, as long as he didn't disprove. She could almost picture the look he might give her, the things he might say. But ultimately he would be unhelpfully supportive of making mistakes.

However Remus might question why Esme had asked, but that was perhaps the only simple thing about any of this.

A reason.

James would be her reason. The boy she'd been tethered to for years, bonded by something unspoken and secret. Perhaps if she spoke the unspoken, told the secrets, then he would give her a reason to stay. That was how it worked? Didn't it? Wasn't it?

♣ ♣ ♣

(12th February 1978 continued)

Mary had her eyes trained on the telescope, peering into it as the stars twinkled through the lens.
Esme-Leigh sat beside her, watching the way she sketched with one hand while turning dials with the other. Mary had a talent for doing things imperfectly, Esme noticed. Her drawings weren't perfect, they had odd lines coming out at all angles, and some of the stars didn't link up properly, but she did it while she wasn't looking and it was still beautiful anyway.

There were very few imperfect things that were comfortable around Esme, usually they were intimidated by the fine edges, like she was impressionist strokes of an oil paining. When imperfect was comfortable around her, it made everything much better.

"See?" Mary said, drawing Esme out of her thoughts with a start, "these stars are here on this chart, there on the other. This is because of where the authors were when originally drawing these charts. You can place them in the world by looking at our own relation to the charts. Like this." She proceeded to match her sketches with the charts sitting around them. Her freckled nose was scrunched in concentration, mesmerising Esme-Leigh with its own night sky.

They talked about the star charts for a while, Mary making sure that she knew everything she possibly could before changing the subject to the question burning between them.

The night had become black when Mary turned away from the telescope finally, her eyes hadn't fully adjusted to the change of brightness and it had made her lightheaded.

"So, I heard about you and James."

Esme-Leigh resisted the urge to react, averting her gaze from Mary's face, unsure why it mattered so much.

"Yeah?"

"Uh huh, word travels at Hogwarts. So... why James? Why now?"

A reason.
Any reason.
Something else.
Loyalty.
Something else.
Obligation.
Something else?

"James doesn't look."

She hadn't really meant to say it but somehow she knew it was the truth. There were other factors that Esme-Leigh would rather avoid. But this one was true, and lying to Mary seemed criminal.

"What do you mean?"

"It's half the reason I need help with astronomy."

Mary was frowning, a small crease splitting her freckles and her green eyes were slits against angled eyebrows.
"You don't make sense."

"I need help with astronomy because it's the only time where nobody is looking. Everyone is too focused at looking through telescopes, in their own world, that nobody really sees me. Usually in classes there's eyes at the back of my head, burning holes. But in astronomy the rules don't apply. It's nice."

Mary's head was pulsing so painfully she was sure it must have been visible.
"What does this have to do with James?"

"He doesn't watch. In classes, or when we're together. He doesn't watch me like they do, like I'm an Angel, or something that should be worshiped on a pedestal. I'm not perfect, and I wish more people knew, but he does. So that's why, because he doesn't look."

Esme searched Mary's face for something, but nothing was there, only her freckles and creased eyebrow. She refused to meet her eyes, packing up the charts she'd sketches like they were made of hot coals.

"Mary?"

"Yes?" She was almost at the astronomy tower door when she turned, golden brown hair shone under the first beginnings of a dawn.

"Are you alright?"

That was when the look finally crossed her eyes. Before they had been emotionless, a blockade. But for a split second, there was something there that looked like pain, or something worse if there was such a possibility.

Mary looked like she was about to say something then, but decided against it, shaking her head to herself. Esme-Leigh didn't miss the way her eyes glanced down at the ring James had gotten for her. It was pulsing a deeper blue then Esme had ever seen.

"Goodnight Esme. Get some sleep."

And she was gone, leaving an ambiance behind her that Esme-Leigh couldn't quite name.

♣ ♣ ♣

(13th February 1978)

James let the Quaffle slip through his fingers, his leather gloves doing nothing to help him hold on as the ball tumbled closer to the ground. If Zoë Richardson hadn't caught it then James guessed they would have faced a penalty if it were a match.

"What's with you today, Potter?" She called, her tone piqued, one that that she wouldn't have dreamed of using on her captain had he not been playing like a green first year.

"You try captaining, being Head Boy and chairing the MPP, Richardson, and see how you do!"

Zoë laughed, tossing the Quaffle to McAuley who took it to the other end of the pitch to run the play again.
"From the top?"

"You stole my line."

They carried on training in the cold, but James could only think about Marlene. He would glance at her every now and again, watching her practice with the snitch or with a muggle golf ball. Normally he would spend half an hour with her to train, or he would run speed trails with her, but he hadn't spoken to her during the entire practice.

It was likely she knew that James was watching her. They hadn't spoken since they'd argued, and James had made a point of sleeping over with the other marauders and avoiding Esme-Leigh's company whenever she was with Marlene in the common room.

Of course James still couldn't shake the feeling she was right.

♣ ♣ ♣

(13th February 1978 continued)

Rage was bound to take over at some point. Marlene had been doing her upmost best to find an outlet for her anger under the guise of quidditch but it only made things worse. As did doing nothing, as did avoiding James.

The wind cut through her hair like a thousand knives as she zipped through the sky, whistling taking over the screams in her head.
Perhaps she didn't have much of a right to be so angry, it was her own two best friend's lives to fuck up. They could do so at their leisure, but part of Marlene did wish that they might have listened to her.

Esme-Leigh had been avoiding talking about Mary in front of her for months, falling silent and putting distance between them whenever Marlene brought it up. When Esme put distance between herself and a person it became clear very quickly that she didn't want to talk about something, or she was keeping it closer to her chest than a secret.

But another trait of both James and Esme-Leigh was an inability to let anything go unfinished. Both insisted to see things all through way to the end.

Marlene couldn't stop them, but she could make it clear what they both stood to lose.

(12th February 1978)

Lily had been rejecting the idea of Dorcas' date since the idea was proposed. Of course that wasn't the end of it, however. Dorcas was ever persistent in her excitable endeavours to make Lily happy. It was something she had done since they were children, it was something Severus had done before he left for Hogwarts.

Severus. Lily hadn't thought of him in so long, she supposed that was a good thing, but it would always be a wound that never heals. Severus was the one that made her realise that she could do the astounding things she could, that she wasn't a freak, or losing her head. Severus taught her she had something special.

Lily knew she was magical, she was special, she had a letter to prove it until very recently. But still she lived in fear of the world finding out. She'd changed her name from Evans, just to reinvent how the world saw her. Not as the freak, not as the person she'd spent so long building only to realise she didn't like. When Lily Evans introduced herself as Lily Simpson she thought it would be a new start, to be something aside from her magic, and her secrets.

How wrong she could possibly be? Lily Simpson wasn't real. It wasn't who she was, it was a lie. She felt like a lie.
How could she even dream of being with James when he didn't know who she was? How could she allow him to love her like she loved him when it was built on half truths?

She wasn't Lily Simpson. She was a fraud.

♥ ♥ ♥

(13th February 1978)

Of course that wasn't the last Lily heard of Dorcas' proposal of setting her up on a date. Somehow the run up to Valentine's Day had only make her more ardently jump around like a Labrador, promising she would have a perfect time.

"He's so nice, Lil, and he's super cute so I'm told!"

"I'll take your word for it."

It looked as if Dorcas might argue. Her lips were open and there was a set look in her jaw. Lily had braved herself for a lecture but then Dorcas looked at her in a way she hardly ever does. This way that said she knew something Lily didn't, and she wasn't going to tell her.

"I got a letter from Marlene today."

Somehow Lily knew she wasn't going to elaborate.
"Oh yeah?"

There was silence for a minute. Silence hurt. It rung in Lily's ears like a siren, the days she's spend consumed by it would rush into her ears like water.
Was it normal to drown in silence? Lily wasn't normal. Normal was shit. But there was still silence in her lungs.

"Go on the date, Lily."

"Okay."

(13th February 1978)

Marlene and Esme-Leigh's presence should have filled the room of requirement but somehow it barely stretched as far as the walls.
The rest of the Magical Prejudice Protection had already left after the meeting, including James.

On a typical day, Marlene and Esme would be left alone to sort out a rota, or two finish the notes from the meeting. But today they said nothing. Uncomfortable in the unspoken.

Eventually one of them had to crack.
"He sneaks out to see Lily nearly every week, you know?" It was bitter. It was unfair. Marlene didn't regret it.

She was met with silence. Esme-Leigh locked onto her eyes. They might have been hurt but it was hard to tell when she masked them with brilliant technicolour.

Marlene was on her feet, pacing as she packed away various bits of chalk by the blackboard. She heard Esme stand too but she daren't turn and face her.
"Forgot to tell you that, did he? Typical."

"I'm sorry Marlene," was the reply, but it wasn't whole.
"I'm sorry but just because James is like your brother does not mean you have control over him."

"This has nothing to do with control!" And it didn't, but the way Esme said it made her feel like it might have been.
"This has nothing to do with control!" She turned to face Esme-Leigh now; the friend she loved so much, tearing her other one apart with her. "I don't control James. I just don't want to be the one with the two of you on my shoulders when this doesn't help either of you! Because James is in love with Lily and it's shocking you don't see that! And if you do see that then I never thought you'd be selfish enough to do this anyway. James is beyond the point of return, Esme, and so are you."

Something about Esme-Leigh's face indicated that she could tell what Marlene was going to say. Her eyes went a dark coffee brown, they didn't sparkle like they did when they were blue, or purple, or grey. They were beautiful, but they were windows. Everything was in her eyes, she held worlds there that came leaking out in tears. They must have been her real eyes, the ones she was born with.

"I know you're in love with Mary. I know you don't want to be. But nothing will change it. Especially not James."

Then her eyes were deadly. Her expression was poison.
"Take it back," she whispered. Perilously quiet, desperate.

"Take it back."

"Take it back."

Marlene said nothing as Esme-Leigh's voice began to rise, gathering fire and becoming more and more fraught.

"Take it back, take it back, TAKE IT BACK!"

"I won't. Because, unlike you, I'm not a liar."

Tears cracked her glowing cheeks. She looked as close to a veela as Marlene had ever seen her. Angry and beautiful like an angel from hell. And hurt. So hurt.

She wouldn't take it back. She was hurt too.
Turning on her heel, Marlene left, hearing Esme's tears finally break into a sob behind her back.

Okay please don't kill me! It's a mistake that needs to be made. That's all I'm going to say, so please don't raise hell yet. (However this is only the beginning of the drama...)

I finished my mid-term exams on Thursday so I have a little more time to write, this comes hand in hand with my apology that this came so late! It's nearly been a month?!

Anyway, thank you all for reading and I'll see you in the next one (hopefully not so long away!)

Love forever,

Abbi♥️