Ten years ago, I was looking for jobs when I graduated from college, Jeon Jungkook's company was the first company I worked in. Back then, the company was much smaller than now and Jungkook was not the man like this day.

I saw Seokjin quite often at the time. He was a careful, gentle person who never got angry, he handled things thoroughly and perfectly. He was proficient at everything, and even often needed to wipe Jungkook's ass after dealing with his own problems.

One time, I caught them kissing in the tea room with the door half-opened. I then knew they were a couple. Fine by me though, they were both great. They made a perfect match, and didn't give a strange feeling at all. They were really nice to each other, even I envied them sometimes. Homosexual or heterosexual, being so in love with each other was really admirable.

Jungkook loved Seokjin very much. I could tell by his eyes. He never attempted to conceal his feelings, he always looked at Seokjin passionately. Jungkook had a bad temper. Every time he got mad, I would always hide in Seokjin's office. Gradually, he became nicer and nicer to me. I even pulled his leg, "Boss, why are you getting nice?" I asked.

"I don't want you to have thoughts on Seokjin after you two spend so much time together." He replied.

I thought Jungkook was super cute, even when he was jealous. He was so possessive like a dog to its bone. To be honest, I thought even everyone else in the world changed, Jungkook wouldn't change his heart. Never in a million years did I believe Jungkook would become the man he was afterwards.

The company kept growing. Thanks to preferential policies made by the government, we got a lot of contracts. We later bought a whole new office building downtown and hired many new faces. But I suddenly realized that Seokjin hadn't shown up for a long time.

I really didn't know what happened. I figured it out after asking President Jeon quite a few circuitous questions. Seokjin was kept at home. Jungkook probably just didn't want him tired or something. I was just astounded. A man had to wait for another man to come home? What was this? A man wasn't supposed to be wasted like this! How could Seokjin be happy anyway? He was so confident when he killed in those bidding speeches, when he talked businesses in a suit. Keeping him at home would only rot this man!

Jeon Jungkook became more and more stubborn. When Seokjin was around, he could at least pretend to be nice and democratic, while now he couldn't wait to show his iron tyranny and supreme authority. But it was fine. As long as the company was making money, it didn't matter how he ran it. But we estranged from each other. We used to joke around and were sorta friends. Now he was the boss, while I was the assistant simple as that.

It was about three or four years ago when I first saw President Jeon take a boy out for dinner. That boy couldn't be his first. It was kinda funny that I didn't know why he kept his boyfriends away from me at first? And then he was all straightforward with me when he found that I didn't intend to tell Seokjin anything.

I kinda felt Jungkook had changed by then. I thought to myself, "Why is he doing shit like this in their tenth year while nothing happened during their seven-year itch?"

During that time, Jungkook went really far. Men or women, he was all fine. In that one craziest week, he had three different partners. He had this wild life for several months until one time, a young girl came to the company to find Jungkook. He got a phone call from Seokjin when he was about to leave.

Seokjin barely called him, and there he called coincidentally. I observed Jungkook in secret. That man was unexpectedly shocked. He then quickly walked away from that girl. When he picked up the call, he got into such a weirdly gentle state and said, "Jinnie, what's the matter? I've been busy lately. ... Are you alright? ... I will be home tonight, anything you want? ... Sure, love you."

Jungkook sat still for a while after hanging up the phone. That girl waved at him questioningly. Jungkook shook his hand and said, "Go, don't come to find me anymore."

After that, he didn't have affairs for quite long.

Sometimes, I couldn't figure him out. He was true to Seokjin but it shouldn't be the justification for the wrong things he had done. Bottom line was, in a relationship, body and heart should both stay faithful.

And then Jungkook had Park Jimin. Apparently, Jungkook knew this art major student in junior year at a college colloquium. His favorite lovers were simple and pretty students that were still in the ivory tower. He didn't find another person after being with the younger.

I knew Seokjin was aware of many things. He must know about the slightest change on the man who lived with him better than I did but he didn't make a scene for once. He just tolerated. I didn't say a word and Jungkook thought he really didn't know. He called Seokjin saying he was busy while he was out with Jimin.

I felt bad for Seokjin as Jungkook's feeling of guilt at the beginning of his affair turned into numb.

So I was actually relieved when I first heard that Seokjin left Jungkook. That was why no matter how he suffered in the end, I only felt sorry for him but I never actually sympathized with him.

By the time he lost something, he understood the saying "you reap what you sow", but it was too late.

The last time I saw Seokjin was when I delivered dumplings to him. It was a snow day and very very cold. But when I saw that pale emaciated man as the door opened, I felt this room was even colder than the frozen world outside. Jungkook was out there somewhere, all I sent home for him was a box of dumplings that were losing temperature.

Not until Jungkook went to Busan for him like a mad man after Seokjin was gone, did I know that he had had leukemia very long ago. The moment I learned the news, I just stood there for a while, all I thought was how come God liked to joke so much?

And my heart ached for Seokjin every time I remembered him ever since. I saw the best of him, gentle, kind and confident; I also saw the saddest of him when he stood alone in the empty room taking over the food box.

While Jungkook, starting from his deep love as in he gave all his heart to one person, he was possessive, jealous and romantic, to his unfaithfulness as in his affairs, the lies on the phone and the fact he failed this pure love.

But Seokjin was gone for good. I saw Jungkook being swallowed by darkness bit by bit, I saw him in pain, in despair. I heard him scream, I heard him call "Seokjin..." in a trance after drinking himself to gastrorrhagia. The pain, the remorse he had was genuine, but it couldn't offset the mistakes he had made.

I ordered an Akita from the doghouse for Jungkook on Seokjin's birthday. This puppy had helped him through the toughest days. He hated animals less. One day, I went to Jungkook's house to deliver the files for next day's negotiation, he asked me to open up and get in by myself. When I walked in, I saw Jungkook watching Hachi: A Dog's Tale with that puppy that had grown a head taller in his arms. There was no light in the room. Dim cinema light beamed on his face. There I saw that man crying.

At the end of the movie where the hotdog man said to Hachi, "Don't wait, he won't be back..." It was at that moment, Jungkook was as heartbroken as that Akita.

His tears were gone when the light was on, only the numbness from great fatigue left on his face. He stood up, and that puppy ran over to snuggle up to me.

He went to grab a can of beer and asked me if I wanted one. I had to drive home so I said no. He then started drinking on his own.

He seemed to have something to say to me.

"I keep thinking about the past lately, not really school time, but the first couple of years when we just came to Seoul," Jungkook leaned against the french window, concealing his emotions perfectly, "Wouldn't it be nice if you rebuked me in the very beginning... But you didn't, neither did Yoongi hyung..."

I only put on a smile. "It was not my place to step into the boss's personal stuff. Plus, Mr. Kim was not in the company at that time. No one protected me when you were mad at me." I said it easily but in fact, I was with a heavy heart. I was regretful, too.

Jungkook hummed like he was mocking himself, "Right... It was my own fault. How can I ask someone else to share the guilt? ... Just leave the files on the table and go home."

I seemed to have misread Jungkook tonight that he had a weak side when I saw him watching the movie together with the puppy. But he did become quieter and quieter. The invisible burden had weighed him down.

Finally, one day, Jungkook just disappeared altogether and Yoongi took over his job for the time being. I wasn't sure if he would come back but somehow, my heart knew that he wouldn't kill himself just to be with Seokjin, at least not for now.

Because he had to make amends, to compensate, to force himself to taste the indefinite waiting.

Maybe Seokjin was the blend boiled water to Jungkook. At first, he drank it because he was thirsty and then he was into all kinds of favored drinks but not until he ran out of water, did he realize it was vital in life.

You cannot go back in time. Be nice to people around you. Don't regret until you lose them. This is what I've learned from this story, this is what I'd like to share.

~fιи~