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Perhaps it was the indifferent look of Seokjin that made Jungkook, who wanted to apologize to him and turn over a new leaf, depressed. He remembered that it was easy to coax Seokjin who had a peaceful character. Therefore, as long as Jungkook could make an apology, everything would be easy to be dealt with.

But this time, he was unusual.

It didn’t mean that Seokjin was too hysterical or fierce to be persuaded. He even didn’t complain or get angry although he suffered so much. But what had changed? Seokjin had no habitual smile at the sight of him. His cheeks were so thin that dimples could not be seen completely, and even his eyes were dark and sad.

“I have some matters outside to take care of. It's been really hectic these past two years, and I definitely neglected you, but what should I do? The reason I worked so hard, isn't it all just for you. You know that I don’t want you to feel wronged...” Jungkook held Seokjin shoulder, and said, mixing the truth with falsehoods,
and then even felt a surge of love and desire for him. At last he could not help thinking that these were indeed the thoughts in his youth, when he tried to make every effort to give Seokjin a bright future.

At this point, Seokjin felt upset unprecedentedly. When he went to the hospital to accept physical examination and get the medical certificate, or he was too painful to stand up after the chemotherapy, or he was alone at home and had a fever for a whole day, which degree had his pain reached? He didn’t not know how to describe it, but he knew clearly that it couldn’t be summarized by the word “grievance”. The “grievance” was only for one who was deeply loved and could act as a spoiled child and complain to the person who cared for him/her. And it was a blame full of affectionateness, self-will and self-confidence. It was not for a pathetic guy like him, who just had to get used to consoling himself.

There was no one caring for you, so did you have any qualifications to feel wronged?

He didn't want to listen to Jungkook's sweet words full of lies. Jungkook just wanted to get a peace of mind after he hurt others through begging for forgiveness, hoping then the latter would be as gentle and affectionate as before, while he would still be the man who couldn’t refuse the “invitations” from other bosses.

It was disgusting!

He tore himself from Jungkook's arms, and then stood up, enduring the pain.

“Seokjin, cut it out!” Jungkook held his wrist.

Suddenly looking back, Seokjin stared into Jungkook’s eyes, as his mouth was too painful to say anything. Cut it out? What did he do to make this man fail to stand it anymore?

Jungkook was stung hard by the cold and sharp eyes of his spouse, but he still did not let go of Seokjin and held his wrist, “Seokjin, I know I went too far yesterday night. Hit me, scold me all you want. I am willing to give you any explanation you want. So please stop making me worried.”

“With my body struggling to even stand up, hit you?” Seokjin’s voice was hoarse, hard enough to make his words clear. “With the condition that my tongue is in, here I can barely speak a sentence, scold you? Plead for you to give me an explanation?”

Seokjin could not help coughing again, looking paler. It didn’t take too much time before Jungkook let go of Seokjin, who then struggled to enter the bathroom.

Jungkook rubbed the temples and said nothing. He didn't know what he should do. Seokjin was so angry for the first time. Maybe... he had stored the grief for quite a long time.

People were always like this. Once things that he thought no one would know were exposed, the indifference
before would disappear. He would feel worried and try to make it up, being angry with what he had done in the past and feeling remorseful.

Seokjin bowed his head and wanted to cry. So he told himself over and over again that all of Jungkook’s sadness and regret were fake, so there was
nothing worth loving here anymore.
When he left, another person would
live here. But he still hated Jungkook. All things had been changed beyond recognition, but Jungkook still
tried to give him a ray of hope with the face of the young man Seokjin had loved since more than a decade ago, which hurt Seokjin so much especially when he thought of departure.

After that day, the lifestyle of Seokjin and Jungkook changed a lot. The elder knew well he had gone too far and felt guilty, so he was attentive to Seokjin as compensations. Seokjin, however, showed an indifference which had never existed before. He was even more reluctant to speak after his tongue was hurt, or to be embraced or kissed by Jungkook. Finally, he even moved to the guest room.

“What are you doing?!” Seeing that Seokjin was packing up as if he planned to settle in the guest room from now on, the elder could not help getting angry.

Seokjin still remained silence and kept on packing.

“You haven't been speaking to me for the past few days! Yoongi hyung said it shouldn't be an issue anymore! Tell me what you've been moping around about everyday, stop trying to torture me nonstop with this nonsense okay!” The more Jungkook said, the more he felt wronged. “How much troubles can there be between two grown men? You keep being overly-melodramatic with this endless cold war, how are you becoming more and more like a woman the older you get?!”

Seokjin stood there stunned for a moment. It took him a long while to recover from the shock and sadness. He did not quite believe what he had just heard.

It was not just women that were in the weak position, became more and more forbearing and silent, and got more and more vulnerable.

“Jungkook-ah, do you really think I won't be able to survive once I leave you?” Seokjin had not spoken for a long time, so his voice was hoarse, unexpectedly, as if every word choked with blood.

Jungkook stopped accusing. His tone, accordingly, turned into a gentle ingratiation, “No way, no way. My Jinnie will be able to live a good life for a hundred years no matter what.” He just intended to force Seokjin to say a few words to him. Anything was ok, even name-calling would make him feel safe as if it could prove that he still owned the love of this person.

But Seokjin’s eyes turned red in anger. For the first time in his life, he became violent and out of control. “Fuck you, Jeon Jungkook! Do you think I'm flirting with you? Do you think I am earning your attention for suffering from neglect and injustice? You really think I am unable to leave you?! It’s just fourteen years, isn’t it?! Just fourteen years…”

Jungkook was shocked by the sudden explosion of Seokjin’s rage. He had not had time to think more, but instinctively felt that what happened now was rare and inexplicable.

Seokjin had been depressed for too long, and once his emotion was released, he could not control himself. He smashed two vases with dry branches of plum blossom in the living room. The ground was strewn with the broken porcelain mixed with remains of flowers. Nothing in hand, Seokjin rushed into the kitchen. Jungkook did not have any reaction until Seokjin smashed all food that Jungkook made for dinner.

“Seokjin! That's enough, stop this. Stop being like this, alright?” Jungkook quick held Seokjin firmly in his arms, and at that moment he was really afraid that Seokjin would rushed back into the kitchen counter to fetch a kitchen knife.

Seokjin could not manage to free himself from Jungkook by violent struggles, so he angrily bit the older’s arm. Jungkook felt so painful that he let Seokjin go on conditioned reflex.

Seokjin turned around, gave him a loud slap on the cheek and cried, “Get out! Get lost this instant!”

Jungkook subconsciously wanted to slap and kick back, but immediately, he realized that he should not do that. He dared not and was unwilling to hit him again.

This tall man lowered his head with pressed lips, went into the bedroom like a stray dog with its tail between legs, to find a nook to avoid the fight.

However, Seokjin did not want to endure anything anymore. He smashed another bowl as if being afraid of losing momentum, pointed to the door, and said, “Get out of here!”

Then Jungkook was driven away.

Seokjin sat down prostrate on the ground, where inadvertently, several bloody gashes were made in his hand by broken pieces of porcelain.

He was in a trance. Was it a success? It became true that the thing he once imagined countless times as a joke-- he threw dishes at the man and drove him out of the house ferociously.

Seokjin chuckled, stood up, and had to clean up the mess by himself.

In fact, the debris in the room was almost like himself. The bluff was only the crisp sound when the porcelain fell on the ground. Then it did not make any sense. Clean it up and there would be a new vase in the same place on the table tomorrow.

He picked up the pieces with his hands, careless of the gashes. In fact, when people were numb, nothing could hurt him. He fell into a trance again and wondered, depending on Jungkook’s temperament, how long he would stay away from home this time. It was possible for the older to leave Seokjin alone and let him run his own course.

Jungkook was so aggressive that if one of his lovers dared do what Seokjin did to him, he would think of some nasty ways to punish that one. But it was Seokjin, he really had to think over it. In fact, in earlier time, it was easy to deal with-- just cajoled him onto the bed to have a punitive sex, and then coaxed that he just had to join in the fun on occasion with people outside, and he would spend more time with Seokjin, the most lovely one in his own heart. But this time he was really ashamed to do that.

Or maybe these days Jungkook was really scared by Seokjin.

Seokjin was at home alone tonight. He found that it was actually better and more convenient to stay alone.

Jungkook, however, was not so comfortable as Jin. He got himself drunk in the bar. The barman had known him for long, so as expected, he called Park Jimin. "...Hello, Mr. Jeon is here and he's drunk, please come over and bring him back..."

So early in the morning, when Jungkook woke up from the headache and dizziness for being drunk, he found Jimin lying prone naked in his arms.

Jungkook pushed away the one in his arms in boredom. He had never slept with anyone else for a whole night except Seokjin. Almost instantly, Jimin woke up. "Jungkookie, you're awake..."

Jungkook was efficiency-oriented, so he broke up with Jimin by the way.

“Jimin, go to the branch office and be a manager, quit staying around me. You can keep the house and car. When you're free, go to Hoseok to write you a cheque, he knows how much to give you and won't give you short.” The tone was so calm as if nothing important had happened, without any needless emotion.

Jimin raised himself up on one elbow, the red marks on his body after one night’s passion seemed to be the proof of last night’s tenderness and love. He was almost on the verge of tears, “Why? What's wrong with me? Tell me where I'm lacking, I'll change immediately!”

Jungkook got dressed with a cold face. He slept with his lover just after he got kicked out of his house, so he was agitated, even with a subtle self-loathing sense.

“Say something! Which part of me is not enough! Aren't I obedient enough? When I wasn't able to see you for almost half a month, I never once complained. You dislike small animals so I got rid of the dog I had for ten years. I didn't stay by your side for the money, I....”

“Enough,” Jungkook frowned, and he had no patience with his lover, “I will leave if there’s nothing else.”

“There should be a reason that you don’t want me anymore, right?” Jimin gritted his teeth, with his face pale.

Jungkook buckled his watch, ready to go, and stopped when he heard Jimin’s words, sneering, “Do I really need a reason to end a fling? Do you really think we were dating?”

The pretty boy in the bed suddenly burst into tears, and shouted in a choked voice, “You're lying! There must be a reason! Yesterday night you kept calling out Seokjin's name the entire night while having sex with me!”

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