“Dear Diary, 

This is my eighth diary. I can’t believe that I’ve gotten this far in describing my everyday life. I’ve noticed the more I age, the longer the writing. That’s a sign of maturing right? Yesterday was just another page in diary number seven, but now I’m using a fresh new diary! It’s really exciting, and I already feel great about this diary. 

I like to look back at my other diaries, and read through them for hours to remember what happened. Nostalgia hits hard especially when I go back to the first one. I wrote so horribly in my first one! Like, I didn’t even know how to use proper grammar! My eyes burned from that, but the memories are funny. 

Especially the memories with Sho. 

Yeah, yeah, I know, I know! We should do something more than just act like friends. I mean, we both know we liked each other since twelve! What are we waiting for! I mean… I guess I just really want to… step up things more. Me and Shota both agreed to have stayed friends until we felt like doing more with a relationship. We act like really close friends, but… I just want to step it up. Everyone thinks that we should be together, Oboro, Nem, Zashi… I don’t know what to do! We haven’t kissed yet, but… I really want to tell him I love him. I’m fifteen now, and now, he’s sixteen. I want to do more, because all these feelings are just stacking up on each other!

Shota is the most important person in my life, I’ll admit. I’m so obsessed with him, it’s embarrassing.  But… he’s just so tempting! He’s so overprotective and he acts all tough and uncaring, but seeing him act different… seeing him act different for me, it makes me feel special. He makes me feel that I’m wanted and that anything is possible. He’s so cute when he’s flustered and teased, but he can be really affectionate. He protects me from everything and he hugs me when I feel scared. He’s so strong he could handle my dad! Daddy was mad at me and Shota..  Well, my step one anyways, he handled. I can't imagine him handling my real dad, mostly because I can't remember him... I can’t believe he’s in a hero course! Before, he was really insecure about his quirk, and he thought that he couldn’t get anywhere! Now, he’s going to hero work studies! He’s gonna be a hero! He’s going to be… my hero. 

God, I’m so in love with him. He makes my heart beat so crazy and he makes me so vulnerable. Everytime he stares at me I could feel my hair pricking up and my heart jumping out of my chest. Why does he do this to me?! 

I want him, I really do. I want him more than anything. But relationships and love come with lots of trust and other issues I’m not sure I can handle. Especially since I haven’t told him what happened to my mother. What REALLY happened. I know he’ll understand me but… I can’t help but feel anxious and think he’ll leave me. No, he wouldn’t do that! Shota is better than that!

But damn that body, it’s like he could crush me with those arms- I mean, what the fuck am I writing now! Now I’m having a nose bleed just thinking about him… damn you dirty thoughts. 

Well, nothing exciting really happened today. We and the gang went to the park, walking around and talking about school and such. Of course, when it’s between me and Shota, that’s always a subject brought between us, and honestly, Nem is being extra dirty today, thinking that I would… err… well… it’s Nem, what do you think she’ll think. She even had the audacity to buy a condom for him! Like, what the hell! Sometimes I want to melt into a gupe of slime and leave this world, but I still have my precious hinedere baby! Haha, Shota hates being called a hinedere, but he doesn’t deny it’s true. My boyfriend is so tough so I don’t blame him. 

I wonder if he’ll ever admit he loves me. 

Dad probably hates him. After what he did for me anyways... but I  don't care! He won't get in the way for my... feelings...

For...

Shota...

Anyways, I have homework to do, so I’m gonna stop writing. 

Sept. 8, 20XX”

After reading the first entry, he couldn’t help but feel a sick feeling in his stomach as a heavy burden on his shoulders grew bigger. 

He never got the chance to tell how he felt. 

He wished he told her, he wished he told her how much she meant to him, how much he would lay his life for her before, maybe that would have stopped her. He wished he could have said how much he loved her and he wished he said that he would give anything to protect her from everything and anything. He wished for them to have a fairytale ending, two pro heroes fighting villains together as a happy old couple. To have been able to take care of Coffee when he was still a kitten together and see him grow up in the years. No, Coffee was an old cat, about fifteen years.

He should have taken the chance to make that dream possible. A dream where they were married, had Coffee, and maybe have a few children. To have a big household and to just live happily together without so much herowork between them. He wanted her to be the one he would wake up to every morning and the one he would come home to every night. The one that would always love him no matter how much of an asshole he acted and the one who would tend to him when he felt weak and vulnerable. He wanted her to be able to be there for him when he felt alone and scared. 

He was only as human as anyone else despite how he acts, and no one knew that more than Y/N. 

He imagined how he would confess his love to her. That year, before she was gone, he imagined his confession. He would ask her to meet at the ‘special place’ that only they shared after school, and while she waited for him, he would pick out a batch of her favorite flowers. When she arrived, as cliche as it was, he would give her the batch of flowers, and bluntly say something along the line “I love you.” He knew he wasn’t one to drag something on or give out a speech, he was straightforward and he really didn’t need anything else. 

He was hoping she would say yes. He was hoping that he could take her on a few dates, and then make their relationship official. Later, they’ll graduate UA, start their own agency, and probably take their relationship a step up. After a few years, maybe he’ll finally get down on his knees and put a ring on her finger. Then after that, they’ll walk the aisle, then have a child or two. 

That was the future he imagined. That was the dream he would always sleep to. 

He had his own harsh reality though, and that dream- that future- was crushed. 

“There’s nothing crueler than letting a dream end midway.” 

And now, this gaping hole in his heart reminded him how much he wished he didn’t love her. Because maybe then, he could have been able to prevent the guilt and hurt he feels now. 

A/N: Feels are not spared.