"No," Nico says for the third time. "I am not making you guys do this. We can rescue Will, and then he and I can do it."

While Percy appreciates Nico's selflessness, this is the most feasible option, but there's no arguing with him when he's got his mind made up.

He contemplates ways he might tie Nico down so he and Annabeth can get this done without having to fight him, but fortunately, Annabeth has common sense.

"Nico, it has to be us," she says. "Will is literally strapped to an altar. He has no idea what's going on. Besides, Percy is the only one who can understand Himeros."

"Hopefully not for long," Percy says, trying to reassure his poor god-turned-starfish friend. "Maybe we can get your mom to turn you back."

Assuming she even shows up, says Himeros. She wasn't too happy the last time I talked to her.

"And that was when?" Percy asks.

He swears he can hear the starfish sigh inside the water bottle. Starfish can't sigh. They don't have lungs. About ten years ago after I ruined your love life.

Percy wants to say something to make him feel better, but the truth really is that Himeros ruined his love life. Yes, space was probably good for him and Annabeth, but he hasn't felt anything for anybody else since. That might not entirely be Himeros's fault though!

Blaming that on Himeros sure makes Percy feel better about himself though, and he could use some confidence right now.

"You're about to fix everything though," Percy says to him. "When she comes and sees what you've done, she'll pretty much have no choice but to turn you back."

I don't know about that. Aphrodite can be pretty... You know.

As if she heard what Himeros just said, Annabeth says, "Percy's pretty good at negotiating with gods. You're in good hands."

"Guys, you do not have to do this," Nico says.

At this point, Percy and Annabeth absolutely have to do this. Pothos's incantation is working. It's windy in the catacombs; Percy has to cover his eyes to protect himself from the dust and Himeros is practically shouting to be heard in Percy's mind.

"Seriously," Nico says. "Last call. I can call Raphael." He holds up a dog whistle.

That could work. It's not as likely to work as their plan to invoke Aphrodite. The hellhound isn't trained all that well, and there's no guarantee he'd be able to hear the whistle from all the way on the surface. The sound could get lost in the wind.

Calling the hellhounds certainly isn't as weird as what Annabeth and Percy have to do to invoke Aphrodite, anyway.

"You ready for this?" Percy asks.

Annabeth responds with a nervous joke. "I really didn't think it would be possible for me to disappoint my mother more than I already have in my lifetime, but here we are."

Percy decides not to mention that he's probably the one Athena will incinerate over this.

Nobody's paying attention to them; all of the guards are writing their names on raffle tickets in hopes of winning Keurig machines or something of the like, so Percy puts the plan into motion. He uncaps Riptide and puts the cap on the other end of the sword so he can use it to write. Does this pen ever run out of ink? He guesses if it hasn't dried up yet, it's probably magic.

I assume you guys didn't write your own vows?

"Very funny," says Percy. "Just like, do something generic."

Repeat after me, Himeros says. I, state your legal name.

"I, Percy Jackson-"

Your legal name!

Time is of the essence, and Himeros is not understanding that. "I, Perseus Jackson..."

Take you, her legal name.

"Take you, Annabeth Chase."

To be my wife.

Percy is struck with the sudden urge to laugh right now. He is marrying Annabeth in a life-or-death situation.

He wouldn't have it any other way.

"To be my wife," he repeats.

To have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health.

Percy repeats the line.

Annabeth bites her lip, probably to keep from laughing. In fairness, the situation is hilarious. Her hair is totally messed up from the dusty catacombs, and she's covered in dirt and grime. Percy was right when he guessed the cut on her cheek would get worse before it got better; it's a deep red, almost maroon.

She's not exactly the bride of anyone's dreams, but she still looks so beautiful to him. She's the bride of his dreams, at least.

Himeros continues as if reading from a script. I promise to love and cherish you.

These are just legal vows. Most people nowadays write their own, and plenty of people say this with no truth behind it, but Percy means it when he says, "I promise to love and cherish you."

Annabeth Chase deserves to be loved and cherished.

Since Annabeth can't understand Himeros, she just says, "Ditto."

It's okay if she can't remember, says Himeros. Just get the pen out.

Percy holds the tip of the pen against her ring finger.

Other hand, Himeros scolds.

Percy reaches for Annabeth's other hand.

Just draw the rings on each other and bullshit some promise to love each other.

Percy never thought the officiant of his wedding would cuss him out in the middle of the ceremony, but then again, he always thought he'd make Grover get his license online and do the officiating. That's a sure way to get the rings eaten though. He really should have thought that through.

He presses the tip of the pen against Annabeth's ring finger and says, "So uh, I know this isn't really the future we've imagined for ourselves, but I just want you to know that I'm all in. Whatever you want after this. I want you to be happy, and I would be honored if I could be the one to do that for you."

The line of ink he draws around her finger is shaky from his nervousness, but otherwise acceptable. Presentable, even. It gets the job done.

He passes the pen to Annabeth.

She gulps and takes Percy's hand in hers.

"This is going to sound so tacky," Annabeth says, "but a week ago—hell, a couple of days ago, even—I would have been totally turned off to something like this, and I get that this is more or less to save Will, but I think this is a trade-off I can make now. I've actually had a decent time with you. I don't know what's going to happen after this, but I'm down to spend the rest of my life with you."

It's not a conventional exchange of vows, but Percy will certainly take it.

Zebediah speaks up, Alright, well, we did it. You guys are married.

"Zebediah says we're married now," Percy says. He doesn't feel like a guy who just got married, probably because of the impending doom factor. If Aphrodite was going to show up, she would have done so by now, right?

At least he'll die someone's husband.

And that's assuming Aphrodite won't show up! There's still time, right?

Pothos speaks to the crowd again. "The incantation is complete! Now, for the sacrifice!"

There is not still time.

Annabeth's eyes widen; Percy can all but see the lightbulb above her head. This is it. She's got a big Plan B that'll save them all! It's going to be brilliant! It might be a little complex, sure, but that's okay. There isn't any length Percy wouldn't go to save Will and get out of here.

"We should kiss," she says.

You mean you didn't do that? Himeros asks. It shouldn't take a daughter of Athena to figure that out!

"Only if you're okay with it," Annabeth adds, "and I mean, I really hope you're okay with it because my best friend is about to get gutted like a fish."

Percy peers outside the cell he and his friends are stuck in, and sure enough, Eros is holding a knife over Will's shaking body.

"I didn't ask for a free ride," Will sings, opting for Lady Gaga instead of Taylor Swift.

"Yeah, let's... Let's kiss," he says to Annabeth.

Suddenly, all the abilities he rekindled the other night leave him. Where does he put his hands? Is he supposed to close his eyes now? Is he supposed to close them at all? How does a man kiss a woman?

Nico clears his throat. "My boyfriend is pissing himself, so if you two could hurry this up, that would be nice. No pressure though!" His speech is laced with sarcasm.

Annabeth cups Percy's jaw in her hand and takes the lead, thank the gods.

When her lips press against him, Percy's reflexes kick in. He closes his eyes, he holds her waist in his hands. Do people kiss with tongues at their weddings? Percy uses a little bit of tongue, but not so much that he would be embarrassed if like, his mother saw or something.

Annabeth's lips are chapped. Is she thirsty still? Percy wouldn't want to kiss her to the point where she passes out on him again, but kissing her just feels so good. It feels right. He's so lost in her touch that he almost forgets about Nico sitting there watching them with the judgment of a gay man who watches aggressively straight reality dating shows in his free time.

So because of that habit of Nico's, Percy isn't so surprised when he hears the squeals that can only belong to someone fangirling. He's not sure why this is something Nico's fangirling over though. He and Annabeth are hardly worth getting invested in. Besides, Nico is a better person than that. He'll get excited about people in Too Hot to Handle finally hooking up, but not over Annabeth and Percy kissing because they are real people.

When Annabeth pulls away, Percy opens his eyes, ready to get lost in hers. At first, he wonders if he did something wrong to see that she seems completely disinterested in him, but then he sees the woman in the corner.