Based on vibes alone, Percy and Nico have decided that the best place to look for Pothos is the catacombs beneath the Vatican. That sounds like a place where someone would carry out an evil plan. It's got a nice eerie aesthetic to sacrifice demigods for unknown reasons, and it's relatively secluded.

They dropped Mrs. O'Leary and her puppy Raphael off at the entrance to the city. They're supposed to be the getaway drivers, but Percy doesn't trust that both of them are going to stay as Nico ordered them to in Italian.

Since the Mist won't be pulling any favors in the Catholic domain, Percy and Nico need to make their own efforts to go unnoticed.

That's why they're signed up for a tour of the catacombs.

"We are literally the worst-dressed people on this tour," Nico whispers to Percy while the tour guide says something in Italian.

"What's wrong with my outfit?" Percy asks, spreading his arms for show.

"That is a Hawaiian shirt."

"It's my formal Hawaiian shirt," he says.

"Oh really?" Nico raises an eyebrow.

Percy drops his shoulders. "No. I got this yesterday when Will brought us fresh clothes. I'm pretty sure there was a different one he meant for stuff like this, but it was just so..." He pauses to search for the right word. "Flamboyant?"

Nico rolls his eyes. "Sure, sure. That's what we were all thinking when we saw that atrocious shirt Will packed for you."

"Well, what did you want me to do?" Percy asks. "Wear that shirt?"

"No, definitely not," Nico says. He's not dressed much better than Percy; he's wearing a black polo shirt with tiny white skulls on it, unbuttoned over a wife-beater tank top. He's also wearing black jeans since knees are not allowed at the Vatican.

At least Percy buttoned his Hawaiian shirt. Then again, he doesn't have an undershirt. It's kind of itchy without one.

The tour guide continues speaking about something that Nico suddenly finds incredibly interesting.

"What's he saying?" Percy asks.

"Shut up."

"Yeah, but-"

"Shh!" Nico hisses.

Listening to the tour guide's information was not part of the plan. The plan was to get in, rescue Will, and then get out. The whole Pothos thing can be a quest for some kids at Camp Half-Blood or Camp Jupiter. They'll love it. They're not burnt out like Percy and the others are. They're young and eager and don't have to turn the TV up to volume level thirty instead of twenty-five and they don't have hair growing in-

Thump!

"Nico, did you hear-"

"For the last time, please shut up," Nico groans. He goes back to listening to the tour guide. "Interessante."

"No, not interessante," Percy says.

Thump!

"Listen, if you want to go check it out, take Annabeth's cap and check it out," Nico says.

"Maybe I will."

"Fine."

"Fine."

Nico focuses back on the lecture, looking around at the paintings on the walls. "Percy?"

"Yeah?"

"Be careful; don't do anything stupid," he says. "You know what to do if you need me."

Percy smirks. "I won't do anything you wouldn't do." And with that, he slips down a cavern, and steps over what he assumes to be a DO NOT CROSS line to get to the source of the sound.

He shouldn't be laughing in the middle of a life-or-death quest, but the sight of Annabeth defacing a portrait of Jesus is kind of hysterical. It almost distracts him from the fact that Annabeth is here. Alive. In the flesh.

"Now what did He ever do to you?" Percy asks, hoping he sounds nonchalant.

Annabeth jumps and looks at him with wide eyes. "Holy shit."

"Surprised to see me?"

"In that outfit, yeah."

Percy looks down at his red Hawaiian shirt. It's got parrots on it, and some mangoes, and... and the Margaritaville logo.

Will bought Percy a Jimmy Buffett Margaritaville Hawaiian shirt.

This might be the single greatest thing anyone's ever given him. He loves Jimmy Buffett.

"Remind me to thank Will when we rescue him."

"You're welcome!" Jesus Christ says.

Percy looks at Annabeth's sharp chopsticks against the probably ancient portrait of the Christian figure. "So... Greek gods, Roman gods, Egyptians, Norse, and now..."

"It's Will," she deadpans. "Got anything better than this?" she asks, holding up a chopstick.

He shuffles around his pocket. "I mean, I have Riptide."

"You are not taking that bigass sword to this precious piece of art!" Will screeches.

"Will, shut up," Annabeth says. "At this point, it might be our only shot at getting you out of here."

"Is Nico up there? I can't hear his voice."

Annabeth looks at Percy expectantly.

Percy shrugs. "Nico got a little too into the tour, but I could hear you, and I had the cap, so I went and-"

"You brought that cap?" Annabeth asks.

"Nico did. We forgot it." He tosses the cap to Annabeth.

"On purpose."

Will clears his throat from down in the prison. "Can you two quit bickering like an old married couple and get me out of here?"

"We are not!" Annabeth says although some color does rise to her face. Percy notices that.

"Tell Percy what I said!" Will says. "About Eros and stuff."

Percy cocks an eyebrow. He's not exactly sure he wants to hear about Eros and stuff.

"I'll give you the short version," Annabeth says. "Marty McFly is actually Eros cursed in a mortal form—kind of like Apollo was—and he plans on using Will-slash-me as a human sacrifice to regain his godly form."

I've been trying to tell her this the whole time, but she won't listen! a muffled voice in Annabeth's bag interjects.

There are a lot of things to unpack here.

"Zebediah," Percy snaps. "Annabeth doesn't speak fish." He reaches into the net on Annabeth's backpack and retrieves his Yeti water bottle. He unscrews the lid.

Sure enough, Zebediah is clinging to the side of the metal water bottle.

"Do you want to tell me how you knew about this?" Percy asks.

Not particularly.

"Alright, guess I'll just have to give you back to Annabeth."

No! No! That bitch threatened to rip my limbs off!

Percy is going to have to have a chat with Annabeth about threatening sea life, but now is not the time for that chat.

Thump! Thump!

Annabeth goes back to her attempt to pry the portrait off the wall.

Okay, okay, I'll talk, Zebediah says. It's not like you guys are going to win anyway. My brothers already know you're here!

"Shit," Percy swears.

"Ooh, pottymouth," Will comments.

"Annabeth, step back. I'm just going to go in with Riptide," Percy says.

Footsteps echo down the hall.

Percy turns around, ready to respond to them with a sword to the neck.

"Scusi!" Nico says. "I know you're not about to take that sword to that precious artifact."

"What are you doing back here already?" Percy hisses. "I thought you were distracting the tour guide!"

This next sequence is a motherfucking trainwreck, but Percy supposes that's what happens when you put four ADHD kids in a tight space and ask them to accomplish a task that involves at least one of their special interests.

"The tour guide asked us to start praying," Nico explains. "I'm an ex-Catholic."

"Not that any of that matters!" Percy tries to interject.

Thump! Thump! Annabeth continues to hack away at the painting.

"Is that Nico?" Will gasps. "Babe!"

"L'amore della mia vita!"

Percy has no idea what's happening right now. "Step back," he says to Annabeth.

She scrambles backward on her butt, letting Percy get through to the painting. He raises Riptide.

"Help!" Will calls. "Annabeth!"

"Will!" she cries back.

"Ssss-silence, ssss-sacrifice!" an amphisbaena hisses.

Percy isn't entirely sure what it is Zebediah did to betray him and the others, but he is so going to cheer Annabeth on while she rips the limbs off that stupid starfish.

"Percy, do something!" Annabeth shrieks. If Pothos's minions haven't figured it out by now, Annabeth's hysterics have certainly given away their plan.

"Ragazzi," Nico says, "something's coming."

"Please tell me it's a tour group," Percy says.

Nico raises his pitch-black sword. He wouldn't be doing that to a group of Catholic tourists, so Percy helps Annabeth to her feet and prepares to strike whatever's coming this way.

"Annabeth?" Percy asks.

"Nico, go find Will," she says. "Percy and I can handle the baddies."

Nico offers a false salute. "Ciao."

And with that, he fades into the shadows.

"I hope you have more of a plan than that," Percy says. He's not worried. He just doesn't know how many monsters there are going to be, and if he's even in good enough shape to take on this many. The last time he fought an army, he was a teenager and-

Okay, yeah, he's worried.

"I gotta admit, Seaweed Brain, I'm kind of making this up as we go." Annabeth puts the Yankees cap on her head. "How do I look?"

Stunning, beautiful, gorgeous.

"Alright," he says. "A little pale, if I'm being completely honest."

"Well, I did pass out a bit ago."

"What?"

"Duck!" she shouts, reaching over Percy to stab at a harpy with one of her chopsticks. As they've come to expect, black gunk spurts from the puncture, getting on Percy's brand-new Margaritaville Hawaiian shirt.

Monsters of every shape and size close in on Percy, and then he realizes that he's the only one who can see Annabeth. That would have been a nice thing to have all those years ago when he just had to simply trust that she would do her part of the plan without getting herself killed.

Then again, he completely trusts her now, so getting to watch her snap an Amphisbaena's neck is just a bonus. Gods, she is so hot doing that.

It's sort of like they used to be. The clumsiness of getting used to each other again wore off. Heads are rolling. Monster ooze is coating that poor portrait of Jesus in the corner. Annabeth kills the Cyclops so Percy doesn't have to. Percy impales a gorgon when it gets close to discovering Annabeth. It's messy. It's awesome. It's them.

"Fuck!" Annabeth shouts.

"Annabeth!"

"Fuck! Percy, you weren't supposed to do that!" she says from the ground. She's gripping her ankle—the one that's been giving her trouble this whole trip.

But she's right. Percy should not have rushed to her aid. Now it's clear to the monsters that there's another person here.

"Do you have something to splint it with?" he asks.

"I think it's just dislocated..." She uses Percy's shoulder for support and then collapses on the ground. "Shit. Nope. Broken."

"Stay here," Percy says.

"What are you doing?"

"Finishing this fight."

That sounded a lot cooler in Percy's head. Even Annabeth sees how stupid it is.

She snorts. "You're not a video game character."

"Shut up." He raises Riptide and stabs one, two, or three more monsters. He can't even identify them at this point.

"Port," she says.

He lunges to the left and dodges a club to the head.

Of course, Annabeth would use nautical directions because she knows Percy responds to those faster. How'd she remember? There's no way she doesn't care about him at least a little bit if she remembered that.

"Starboard!"

He swings Riptide to the right, decapitating something that used to have wings—and a head—and further ruining his favorite Margaritaville Hawaiian shirt he's only had for a couple of hours.

They go on like that, Annabeth barking orders and Percy obeying. They're kicking ass. The neverending sea of monsters doesn't even know what's hitting them. It's like that Wii Sports swordplay game where you're on the bridge and you have to fight all the non-playable Miis. Those were the good old days.

"Percy, we have to get out of here!" Annabeth shouts from below. 

"What? We're doing awesome!"

"I mean, you're doing awesome, but they just keep coming," she objects.

Percy slashes at another not-so-nice hellhound. "Yeah, and I'm taking them all out without breaking a sweat."

He isn't looking at her, but he's pretty sure he hears her facepalm.

"You seaweed brain! That's the plan! They'll keep coming at you until you're too fatigued to fight, and then we'll both be down."

"Uh..."

"Does demigod sacrifice ring a bell?" she asks. "At this point, Pothos and Eros know we're here. What if they're just using Will as bait to get to us?"

They do know you're here, Zebediah says. I made sure of that.

"I don't know what your deal is, Zebediah, so either explain yourself or shut the fuck up," Percy snaps. "Get on my back, Annabeth."

"What?"

"We'll both be able to kind of fight that way," he explains. "Unless you have a better idea."

Annabeth shuts her mouth and shakes her head. "Nope. No better ideas." She wraps her arms around Percy's neck from behind and he picks her up, trying not to put too much pressure on her bad ankle.

The monsters kind of just stand still, like they're waiting for Percy to strike.

"That's weird," he notes.

"I want to be surprised, but we got betrayed by a talking starfish a couple of minutes ago, and before that, my best friend was Jesus."

"Good point."

The monsters part, leaving a pathway for two figures to make their way to the front of the mob.

"Ah, fuck me in the ass," Annabeth mutters.

Percy's gotta know. "Is this..."

"Yep." She says it in such a way that says, Yes, I slept with a god. No, I don't want to talk about it.

Percy suddenly feels confident in his sexual abilities. This guy looks like he played lacrosse in high school and then majored in business. What the hell do you do with a degree in business anyway?

"Well, well, well," Marty McFly—Eros—says. "Look who finally decided to join the party."

"Some party you've got," Annabeth spats. "There isn't even any food."

The man next to him—the guy with pinkish hair and Y2K sunglasses—raises his hand. The mumbling amongst the army comes to a stop, and Eros backs up.

"Let's see," he says. "Have you two been properly filled in on the plan to put my brother back in his godly form? The Erotes must be united. We have schemes to scheme, couples to... influence."

Percy doesn't like the way he looks at him and Annabeth during that last part. She's starting to get kind of heavy on his back, and the water bottle holding Zebediah is digging into his kidney somehow.

"Please don't hurt Will," Annabeth says, defeated. "You can take me instead. Just please don't hurt him."

Pothos grins. "Oh, how sweet, but none of us deal with platonic love. Sorry, baby girl!"

Annabeth scowls while Percy cringes. These guys are more weirdos than evil masterminds. If he could go back to that night in Munich, he probably would have given up on this quest and gotten some kids from Camp Half-Blood to take over instead, except now, Will is in danger. He can't exactly leave without saving the guy. Besides, he slept with Annabeth, and that wouldn't have happened if they had gone home after Munich.

Eros claps his hands impatiently. "This has been a lovely reunion and all, but we should be preparing for the ceremony. After all, having four demigods is way better than one."

"What the hell do you even need four of us for anyway?" Annabeth asks.

For the record, I had no idea about this part, Zebediah says, the confidence in his voice gone for once.

"Oh, hello, brother!" Pothos says through a laugh. "Almost didn't see you back there! We picked such an excellent disguise for you, don't you think?"

Yes, yes, hilarious, Zebediah says. Now turn me back.

"No can do," says Eros. "You're not exactly... Pothos, how do I put this?"

"We're taking the Erotes in a new direction, and well..." Pothos cackles. "You're not exactly part of it. Sorry, it's just... unrequited love? That is so lame."

Please, Zebediah begs. I did this all for you guys, so Eros can be whole again.

"Yeah, well, you should know better than to leave the room when decisions are being made," Eros says with a sneer.

Percy kind of feels bad for Zebediah, whoever he actually is.

"Hey!" Pothos calls out to the monster army. "Can I get some harpies to take our friends to the dungeons? I don't think the girl can walk."

What about me? Zebediah asks. Don't you care about me?

"That's the thing about unrequited love," Pothos says. "Your love isn't returned. You should know that better than anyone, Himeros."