https://youtu.be/OlStmta0Vh4

I Was Never There - The Weeknd feat. Gesaffelstein

Jimin

"Rose!" I ran after her, wanting to talk. Out of all the things that were going wrong between us, I didn't want to add another reason to the list.

She didn't slow down so I sped up until I gripped her wrist. "Hey... Listen to me, Rose. You can't walk away like this."

"What is going on between you and him?!" She yanked her arm and looked at me with an accusatory gaze, and it must have been hurt in my eyes or something else that she flinched, almost as if she didn't intend to say those words.

"What do you mean?" I asked, confused.

"What do you think I mean, Jimin?" She asked sadly. "Why are you running like a crazy person behind me? You were trying to establish something right now. So, I'll ask again, what do you think I mean?"

Touche.

"Jungkook and I... It's nothing."

"So you do know what is my problem."

"Look... I wasn't sure, but I still wanted to clear the air. There is nothing between us."

"It didn't look like it's nothing," it was now she pointed back towards the auditorium and her nose scrunched as she sobbed. Fuck. I wanted to hug her, but I knew she wouldn't let me touch her. "You looked like...like you were guilty."

"Because I am," I looked down, unable to hide anymore. My answer cornered her into concentrating and she wiped her tears. "But it's not what you think." I had to talk to someone. Enough was enough.

"Tell me," she took one step closer.

"Jungkook finds me attractive," I looked into her eyes. "And he hasn't been shy in expressing it. But before you blame him. He didn't know better when he told me that. It was only our first day. And then I started avoiding him. Days later, he found me in the gym one time. He asked me why was I giving him special treatment by avoiding him if what he felt for me didn't matter to me. And honestly, Jungkook didn't say anything or do anything after that. We all knew about Taehyung's crush, so I was treading the matter sensitively. I didn't want to do anything that would have resulted against Tae. I never told Tae about Jungkook's fixation with me. That was what I felt guilty about. So I just knew that I had to push Jungkook towards Tae to make things right."

Rose blinked, understanding coming over her face. "Taehyung still doesn't know?"

"Not that I've told him. I wanted Jungkook to be the one to sort it out with Tae. And I even prompted Jungkook a few weeks ago to go out with Tae for dinner. I am yet to hear about it because neither Tae nor Jungkook told me anything about it."

"Oh," Rose looked remorseful, her face flushing with what I knew for sure was embarrassment.

"I only allowed Jungkook in our group because of Ulrich. You know that. And then Taehyung took a liking to him. In all this, Jungkook is just a kid. Even if he isn't the most mature, he is sharp and I am sure he would have understood by now that he is barking up a wrong tree."

"You are right," Rose shook her head, her palm covering her face to breathe in it. "I am sorry I even considered the idea. We have been drifting apart lately and I didn't know how to reach you. I don't like this habit of yours."

"Which habit?" I smiled now, knowing she was coming back to me. All I wanted was to whisk her away to my room and make love.

"You don't share your problems. You go on silent mode. No matter how long I have been with you, I find myself looking at you like an outsider. You have to let people in, Jimin. You worry about all of us a bunch. You gotta let us in, too."

She was right. Ever since my mother's accident, I have been lonely and I have dealt with my problems on my own. It didn't come naturally to me to speak up or seek help anymore. I had trained myself to solve anything on my own. I was close to Taehyung, but he also knew about my internal battles to a limit. "I'll try to change."

"Okay," she stepped closer to me before becoming conscious of her surroundings. "Do you want to come over tonight? I can ask the girls to go out for dinner."

"That would be preferred. My treat for them ladies."

**

I later went to her dorm after winding up the dance. We made love. I didn't think of anything but her while in the act, but after I came and as I was cleaning myself in the bathroom, Jungkook's thought came to my mind. The look in his eyes was haunting me. If he and Tae were a thing, why was he still looking at me like that? But were they a thing? Tae didn't tell me about it. If Jungkook had said yes to dating him, he wouldn't have been so elusive. He would've been celebrating to the moon and back.

I shook my head. No. I wasn't putting myself in Jungkook's universe again. I needed to take a break. "Hey, Rose!" I called from the bathroom.

"Yes," she walked in, completely naked, her bare breasts perfect in the reflection of the mirror.

"Do you want to go on a short trip?"

"When?"

"Now."

"What?" She laughed. "We still have classes tomorrow and Friday."

"Let's flunk. I am tired and I can use a break."

"What about your dance rehearsals?"

"They can practice without me once. I only have the rehearsals on Friday."

She put her arms around my neck and tip-toed to kiss my lips. I kissed her back, the sensation nice and warm. When she pulled back, there was a smile on her lips. She nodded.

"Okay," I smiled, relieved more than excited. "I'll meet you here in two hours. Pack up."

Jungkook

I lay awake in my bed. I got to know from Hoseok Hyung that Jimin was gone on a trip. I guessed that Rose was with him. But I couldn't ask Hyung directly.

I tossed and turned and the invisible noose around my neck tightened. Not seeing him for three days was absolute torture. There were countless nights like this when I couldn't stop thinking about what Jimin and Rose must be doing. I knew I was putting myself on the way to self-deterioration, but with God and the heavens as my witness, I couldn't stop it for the life of me.

When the chain reaction caused me so much pain that it became difficult to even breathe, I sometimes took an icy cold shower or opened a book to distract myself.

Ulrich was long asleep. He had told me after seeing Rose in our room the other day that something was going to happen. Something would change for good. He could feel it in his gut.

I was wondering now if that something would be my death.

The shower didn't help tonight, nor did the reading. I even masturbated in the bathroom, which was something I reserved for the nights like these, but still not a trace of sleep.

I unlocked my phone, wanting to talk to Eomma, but I knew it must be early morning back at home. I didn't want to wake her up and worry her. The moment I locked my phone it buzzed with a notification.

I quickly unlocked it to see Taehyung Hyung's message.

Not able to sleep?

No. You too?

Yeah. Thinking about what would I wear tomorrow for strawberry picking.

I smiled.

Nothing white if you don't want to splatter red on it.

He sent a laughing emoji and then another text rolled.

Why don't we both wear pink?

No.

But it would be funnn. Plus... pink is strawberries' kryptonite.

I'll think about it.

Can I ask you something?

Please.

Is it a date?

We should talk about logistics and technicalities tomorrow.

What are you doing?

Trying but failing to sleep.

I can help.

How?

I can come over and sing to you.

Hyung... Haha. That was a good one.

You think I am kidding?

You are not?

I am serious. Come over. I am all tucked in. I can leave my warm bed for you and sleep on the floor mattress.

Okay. I am coming.

Don't fuck with me, Jungkook.

I am serious.

I needed the distraction so badly that I didn't think. If I started second-guessing or looking too deeply into Taehyung Hyung's suggestion, I would stay back and then torture myself some more.

Grabbing my jacket, I got out of the room and locked it gingerly behind me. At that time of the night, no one was outside and most of the lights were off. I trodded across the field easily to find myself at the seniors' dormitory.

On my first knock, Hyung opened the door, his hair messy and his breath quick. "Hi," I said slowly. He smiled and opened the door wide open.

"Hyung," I said, looking at the bed. It looked slept in. "Please help me find sleep. I feel like I'll go crazy if I don't sleep tonight."

Taehyung Hyung came in front of me from behind and looked at me. I didn't want him to ask me anything, and he didn't.

He sat on the edge of the bed when I got under the warm covers that smelled like him, and I hugged myself as he patted my head a few times.

A few minutes later, I was deep under.

When I woke up, it was nine in the morning. "Rise and shine, Sunshine." Hyung sang in a ridiculous voice.

I sat up awkwardly, sure that my hair was sticking out in every direction. "I really slept here?" I asked, still groggy from how deep my sleep was.

"Mmhm," he sipped his coffee, leaning back on his chair, looking fresh in a pink polo shirt.

"I am sorry. I kicked you out of your bed."

"Don't worry about that. Now... Do you want me to ask Ulrich to bring your clothes here? We are getting late." He pointed at his wristwatch.

"I'll go," I dipped my foot down. "I'll be back in an hour, Hyung. Give me an hour."

I didn't wait for him to even escort me out or respond as I ran from his room.

**

"What the hell?" Ulrich held his chest. "You could've opened the door like a human."

I didn't say a word and rushed towards my wardrobe. Throwing out a bunch of t-shirts and shirts, I found my striped pink shirt. Should I wear this?

"What's going on?" Ulrich's voice came from behind me.

"I have to go strawberry picking," I answered, turning and putting the shirt in front of my upper body. "Does this look good?"

"It's nice."

"I forgot. Everything looks nice to you." I turned, trying to dig something else. "And why are there so many clothes?" I yelled in frustration.

Ulrich picked the pink shirt back. "Wear this. It will look good on you. It's totally a summer color."

"Taehyung Hyung is also wearing pink. Won't it be awkward?"

"What? You are bringing Taehyung sir?" Ulrich made a disgusted face. "I thought I was going with you as Jimin sir is out of the picture."

"It was supposed to be you," I told him while snatching the shirt and rushing towards the bathroom. "But I panicked and I asked Taehyung Hyung. I can't back out now. But I'll make it up to you."

"Fine," Ulrich sat back on his bed and I stopped to look at him. "Bring me apple pie and some good chocolates."

"You really didn't care about going, did you?"

"Naah," he smiled mischievously. "But you two should have fun."

I chucked my shirt on the bed. "I will."

After a quick shower of twenty minutes, I came out and saw Ulrich cleaning the room, including my side where I had clothes pouring down the wardrobe. "Thanks, Ulrich. I will clean next weekend. I promise." I told him while shrugging into the shirt.

"Don't worry," he didn't look back. "As long as you are sharing strawberries with me."

I was so fucking thankful for him.

I walked closer to the armoire to get my shorts. I wanted to look casual. Finding the knee-length loose pants with many pockets, I wore them.

"Can you take bottles to recycle?"

"What?" I asked. "We recycle bottles?"

"Yeah."

"Since when?"

"Since always," Ulrich picked a belt from the floor and looked up at me with narrowed eyes. "Don't tell me I have been the only one doing it and you were throwing them away for almost the whole year."

I smiled nervously, stepping away from him. "Don't be stupid. Of course, I know how recycling works. I'll take the bottles."

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4 Jan, 2025