You can probably tell based on one of my more recent announcements and based on the fact that I've been all but radio silent lately, but I am, as the kids say, currently going through it. That isn't to say this is sympathy bait or whatever. I'm just here to explain myself (okay, more like vent) and whether you want to read through or not is entirely up to you.

But the truth is I really just have... absolutely zero energy. I'm not motivated to do anything. That is, assuming you don't count building Pokémon teams, which I wouldn't blame you for. This sunk in around the beginning of the year and hasn't let up since. I am unquestionably just... tired and depressed and honestly I don't know how to fix it.

Even the thought of something as simple as having a conversation just drains me. You might have noticed that I've been MIA on Discord and well, there's why. I don't have the energy. I've been gone for so long it would feel awkward. And I feel like all I've been doing lately is apologising for this exact thing and disappointing everyone. (...If any of my Discord friends are reading this, it's not exactly the best way to say it, but I'm really sorry I'm like this.)

I used to be so cheerful. Not putting up a persona to seem that way but actually just genuinely happy. I miss that version of me. I don't know where she went. And the most frustrating part of it all is only seeing all the things I can't seem to do anymore. Can't go on Discord without getting anxious. Can't stand getting a text or a phone call from someone who isn't in my immediate family, like that I live with. Can't shake this super annoying funk because honestly, I don't think I can even care. I'm just so detached and numb to everything.

My mom is probably expecting me to get a job this summer, but what job? I'm not even good at anything. (I know this is awful of me and that Wattpad is kind of dead, but there was really next to zero engagement on my latest chapter of Marrow Rotting. I guess I don't have to feel awkward about people reading this in that case though.) Tangent aside, I just don't know what I'd want or even be capable of doing. It feels like I could wake up tomorrow and the whole economy could have collapsed. Would you be surprised? I wouldn't. So what's the point? How am I supposed to plan for a future that very well might not exist?

I don't know. That's just the rut I've been in for the past few months. OhhMyKawaii posted a Tomodachi Life video yesterday and I felt completely seen by the song she had her Miis sing. But I guess I'll stop talking your ear off now. I don't know what else to say anyway. I'm just sad and thinking about cutting my hair (except that requires leaving the house so we'll see).

...But anyway. Thanks for listening to me. Sorry for wasting your time.