Soobin still wasn't home.

I called Yeeonjun, who was temporarily living at the Huening's. He wasn't there. I called Beomgyu, thinking maybe he went there to discuss whatever happened the day before. He wasn't there either. Now, where was I supposed to find Soobin in the big city of Busan? He could've been anywhere. He could've been at the beach, or the carnival, or maybe the park near the railway station. I wouldn't know. And worst of all, the virus was still there. Low, yes, but present. I got the alert on my phone that the cases had increased considerably because of the Christmas gatherings all around the city. I was horrified, ever passing minute feeling like an hour.

After our little conversation in the corridor upstairs, I hadn't seen dad all day. I was thankful. I seriously lacked patience to talk to him, and I doubt he would've helped. Mom, though, waited anxiously for any sign of Soobin along with me. Yeonjun was trying to calm me down through his texts but they didn't help, not when he himself was going through some shit. And just like that, four hours passed away with not a single idea of Soobin's whereabouts. I wanted to scream- At myself for not being brave enough to defend Soobin during lunch and at dad for still being so closed minded even when the world around him was changing.

I was doubting if this Christmas was the best day of my life or simply a living nightmare, because it sure felt like one. At one second, I was up high in the clouds and in the very next one, I had hit the rock bottom.

Not a single reply to my texts, not a single phone call, not a single reassurance; where was he? Then the moment came when I had given up, letting my head fall into my hands as I sobbed loudly. Mom looked pained and heartbroken as she saw my state. The silver ring glinted on my left hand in the light of dusk, reminding me of that morning. Only few hours had passed by since then, and it felt like ages. I was lost. Whenever I opened my phone, his face was the one I saw.

It was around 7:32 when I decided to act up. React to the situation and let my father know how wrong he was. He never was one of my favourite persons, but I still loved him. Whenever a relative would ask, "Who do you like more, your mother or father?" I would simply answer, "Mom." I always leaned to her whenever I felt low. She led me through and out of numerous of problems from childhood till now. She was always there when I needed her the most, and would be if god lets her to. But dad? He never cared. He was busy in his own world, chasing his reputation and a rank in this fucked up society. And right now, he acted as if Soobin was some kind of deadly virus. Why? Because that's what you do to have a place reserved amongst the noblest of people. I was disappointed in him. He was everything my mother wasn't and it is saddening that he still preferred to overlook his family for the damn society. He wasn't anything he showed, he was a nice, funny man with a big heart. But the society changed him for the worse.

At 7:33 pm, I slipped out my phone once again and with shaky hands, I typed out a message for Soobin.

Soobin-ah, I know you probably
hate me by now for being a coward.
And I deserve it.

Soobin Hyung, I love you.
And whatever happens after this, I will
always come back to you.

Forgive me for everything, Hyung.
Please come back for this once.

Please, Soobin.

With a last glance at my lockscreen, I kept my phone away, taking a long breath. That's it. That was my breaking point.

Everything was a blur until I stepped into dad's study, finding him on his computer with his glasses on. "Dad." I called out, making him look up from his workspace. "Ah, Taehyun." He acknowledged, going back to his work. With all the strength I could summon, I cleared my throat. "Dad I wanted to talk to you about something."

"Well, I am busy. You can-"

"I love Soobin." Dad stopped, his eyes settling back upon me as his mouth went slightly apart. "What?" He asked, his voice hinting the disbelief laced with anger. I closed my eyes for a second to calm my nerves. "I love Soobin and had been for the past three months."

The old man stood up from his seat in an instant. "Are you aware of what you are saying, Kang Taehyun?" His eyes were saucers. I lost all my hope of getting a normal reaction, but this time I was ready. "Yes, pretty much. Unlike you who doesn't even care if his son lives or dies."

"Taehyun!"

"Where's the lie, dad?! Did you try to talk to mom and ask about me?! Did you know that Hueningkai was near death and I was slowly landing in depression?! Did you know that I loved strawberry flavoured ice creams and mint choco ones, but still faked it because you loved them?! No you didn't. You never gave a flying fuck about my welfare."

The man was speechless. Mom had came rushing when she heard the commotion and tried to soothe me, and for the first time, it didn't help. I had tears running down along with snot, chest heaving. "Okay, you know what? Forget about me. What about mom? She loves you endlessly even when you treat her like bullshit. She still talks about you with such fondness as if it was only yesterday when she fell in love. She still has the music box you gifted her during your school days. Why, dad? She tried everything in her will to be perfect for you but I never see you sharing the same sentiments-"

"Hyunnie, no-"

"No mom! He needs to taste the bitterness of his own medicine. He needs to know how big of a jerk he is-"

"KANG TAEHYUN!"

My head was thrown to the side as I felt a sharp twinge of pain from my right cheek. Dad had slapped me.

For a split second, I thought I was gonna pass out. Everything around me seemed blurry. I couldn't process my surroundings, nor could I control my breathing. It was too difficult. The only thing I heard were the loud thumps hitting the floor like someone was running and it stopped near me with a gasp. Tears had formed into pools in my widened eyes, as my chest heaved and my heart beat wildly. "You dare disrespect your parents like that?!" He seethed as he raised an accusing finger in front of my nose. "You're a disgrace, Kang Taehyun." I wanted to throw up. I was barely concious when I felt a pair of arms around me, holding me close to another body, warm and comforting. The familiar scent of mid-March and those blooming lilies. It was the scent of my home. My Soobin.

"Why are you back here?!" Dad roared, throwing a sharp glare just above me. I let my eyelids droop and tried to forget whatever happened in the past few hours. I couldn't. I could just listen to the coversation that followed hope for no harm to anyone.

To my surprise, Soobin didn't say a word. He only held me by the shoulders and led me out of the place. Mom was still at a loss of words as she helplessly looked between him and dad. "Let's go," Was the only thing I heard before Soobin led me downstairs. I was finally back to the real world after the big shock and I could feel my stomach churn. I finally looked up at Soobin who gave me a sad smile, his eyes reflecting the grief.

It was around 7:40 PM and I finally came to a conclusion. I trusted Soobin.

"Where were you, Hyung?" I managed out in a low voice. He sighed. "I'll tell you. Not right now."

I held on his forearm, totally lost. "Not right now?" He nodded.

"When?"

"We have all the time in the world, baby. I will tell you when it's the right time."

"Is that a promise?"

He hesitated a bit then took a deep breath. "Yeah, it is." He replied, nodding his head as I smiled softly and pulled him into a hug.

A silent question hung between us. Now what?

"Want to leave for a while? We can go to Beomgyu's, if you'd like." Soobin suggested. My mind wasn't working right so I just went along. After that, everything was a blur; from leaving home to reaching Beomgyu's house and Beomgyu giving us a place to stay. Then I found myself spacing out as Soobin went to freshen up. That's when Beomgyu appeared at the door. "Hey..." He greeted, slowly making his way to my side. I responded with a weak "Hi."

We shared a silent company some time. Beomgyu was the first one to break it. "So...uncle knows?" I glanced at him and back at the space of nothingness. "Apparently. And he hates me for it." Be kept a reassuring hand upon my shoulder, shaking his head slightly. "That was kind of expected. You look like shit." I chuckled.

"Do I now?"

A momentary pause, before he continued. "Let Soobin know how you feel. Maybe he could make you feel a bit better about this entire situation?" My eyes wandered towards him, and I could feel my lips turn upward. "Thanks, Beomgyu." He shrugged lightly. "Of course." I didn't understand what he meant, nor the point of this conversation. Letting Soobin help me? Hasn't he done that already? He helped out of that house brought me here when I was barely a le to walk a few steps without buckling my knees and falling face-first on the ground. What else was left?

We both turned our heads in the direction of the entrance as Soobin walked out looking very clean and put together. He wore black pants with a aqua blue hoodie, his hair combed to the side. He looked extremely handsome. "Ah, we were talking about you only." Beomgyu remarked jokingly. Soobin let out a laugh, his short, attractive laugh. "Thanks, I guess?" A small smile was formed onto his face as Beomgyu rolled his eyes, walking off. "I have kept the dinner at the table. Make sure to not starve yourselves." With that said, he disappeared behind the wall, letting Soobin step forward into my arms.

For the first time since arriving there, my tears broke. He gently brushed my hair as he rubbed circles against my back. "Don't cry... It's okay." He cooed softly, stroking my head. My whole body began to tremble, and sobs began to rack my body again. "Shhh..." Soobin comforted, holding onto my waist tighter as I tried to compose myself. "It's all over now...for a while, at least." He muttered, planting a kiss on my temple.

"It hurts, Binnie. It hurts a lot. Help me." I sobbed, resting my forehead on his chest. His fingers still combed through my silver locks as he replied, "I am sorry, I will." I cried, my throat burning from the strain. He held me tighter and rubbed my back soothingly, whispering sweet nothings in my ear. Time flew by just like that and my sobbing reduced to light hiccups. Soobin sat in front of me, staring at my face with so much love, I felt a lot better.

Soobin kissed my forehead, the tip of my nose, and finally, my lips. It started as a chaste, sweet kiss we always shared. It soon deepened, and he moved his head to capture my lower lip within his. He tasted like strawberries and mint, and I welcomed it, returning his passion, kissing him back passionately. Our hearts were pounding fast against each other's chest, our tongues dancing around each other playfully. We parted momentarily for air, before taking our time kissing each other once more. The warmth of his soft lips made me want him.

He caressed my cheek as he rested his forehead against mine. "Can I?" He asked, reminding me of the first day he came to Busan. I smiled, nodding slightly. Soobin smiled back, leaning forward for another kiss as he trailed kisses along my jawline and neck. And everything he did, it was tender and careful as if I were made of fragile glass. I felt loved. My hands found their way to the edge of his hoodie. I was about to pull it away when he flinched and broke apart. A frown settled on my face.

"Binnie... did I do something?" He shook his head, looking away. "No." He whispered. I cupped his cheeks. "What happened?" I asked, worried. He closed his eyes. "Taehyun, please. Don't ask."

"Are you hiding something?" Soobin screwed his eyes, his expressions pained. "Please, Tae...just don't." I frowned, lowering my gaze. Soobin was obviously lying to me and even though it hurt, I needed answers. "Okay..." I exhaled, reluctantly, taking hold of his hand. "I am sorry."

Soobin bit at his bottom lip, contemplating something before letting out a dejected breath. I was still confused but felt like I should've done something so I held his arm. I was puzzled when he hissed little, eyes screwing shut as he scooted a bit away. A heavy weight dawned upon my chest when I suspected something which wasn't exactly a good thought to begin with. I slowly reached for his sleeve, sliding the fabric of his hoodie up and above his elbow, revealing his milky skin beneath. But that wasn't all.

The skin was marred with cuts all over, some deep, some old and some fresh. Some scars too. They were all healed though. All of them but the one on his wrist which was still red and angry, almost bleeding. My heart ached as I stared at it. "What-" I gulped through my constricting throat, "What is this?" He remained silent, his eyes locked to his own arm. I watched as his expression contorted in pain.

I was blank.

Are you online?

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