Author : blooddess_

Reviewer : Sam_Frazier

Caution: What you're about to read is written from the perspective of an evil miser who can be an awesome idiot sometimes. Please don't take her words to heart.

• COVER : 7/10

Okay, honestly it's great, but a few aspects of the cover are not clear. For e.g, that little hook that has been added is not clear, I suggest enlargening the font because I had to zoom 2x the size to check what was written on there. (I still haven't read the whole thing lol, I need to run an eye checkup, I might be in need of glasses😥) You can also increase the contrast levels to make it stand out.

Oh, second thing, the background color can also be improved. That is, it's a little blurrish, I suggest you increase the brightness, contrast and the hue of it.

The picture used looks perfect, just needs a little edits:)

Last thing, place your name on the very top or very bottom of the cover, it looks sorta out of place in the middle of nowhere.

• TITLE : 6/10

I have actually seen gazillion books with the same sort of title in fantasy books, so I won't say it's a unique or creative title. However, it still somewhat fits the theme so you don't need to change it (you can but make sure it stands out and fits your theme more perfectly.)

• BLURB : 5/10

Oh dear lady friend, the inner critic which prevents me from being the Awesomest version of me is now gonna take over my senses. Buckle up, you may not like it 🙈
Firstly, the opening para,
(I'm just typing out the edits and suggestions, so I won't type out the original version)

First para, type it out like this,

There's a danger, there's gonna be a war.
There are secrets, and we don't know if they're gonna be at par.

Second para, instead of telling us about who and what she lives with, tell us about her personality(I've no idea what her personality is like even after reading five chapters 😭)

We don't need to know about her family members, just the necessary details like what she's like and what is going to happen that will change her life forever.

Third para,

The Fallen Queen is Etis's most cherished and mysterious history, after which are equally prominent figures from the past.

This sentence hasn't been phrased properly, it sounds... Wrong. I'm not sure how to explain but the grammar is sorta wrong in here. You know the words used after the comma, that is, "after which are equally..." My brain is slow and there are gazillion dumbeggs Iike me out there and they might not understand what you've actually written... So go sit in an isolated corner to calm your mind down and write something which makes a little more sense.

Last line that you ended with,

"She's back this fall, can you withstand her aura?"

Firstly, which tense are you using in here? I have no idea about the timeline of when stuff takes place in the book so... Try to stick with a tense throughout the whole story.

Secondly, it kind of sounds like too separate sentences. There's no reference as to what her aura's like so it won't make the readers curious as to what will happen and can work as a downside for you.

• CREATIVITY : 4/10

Let's start with the opening itself,
Instead of,

"Blue, Green, Yellow, red and Black rays were hitting me. It was creating a beautiful mosaic, but only I knew how painful it was. I felt like my brain was about to explode. I felt my pupils enlarge like never before. I gasped for air, but there was none. Smoke curled up from my mouth; I wasn't dying, so what was happening to me? A glistening tear fell beneath me."

Open the para like,

"I felt like my brain was about to explode."

Or maybe like, "There can't be a more painful way to die than this."
However you write, make sure your opening line makes your reader say, "Wtaf is happening?!"

Also, try breaking the paragraph, because at the start of the book a longish para can make your readers to stop reading.

The reason I've given you less marks in this criterion is because, you barely followed the 'show not tell' rule.

There was barely anything interesting happening as the blurb promised and it was almost like a teen fic.

One more thing I noticed, is that you give too much backstory. Trust me, no one is interested in that sort of a narration and again this bores readers. If the back story is relevant or important to the plot, then make sure you write it in a flashback or dream or something like that. It is much more interesting to read if it's an actual 5senses described scene instead of a character talking to themselves in their mind.

Lastly, pacing. It's going awfully slow and I'm not sure as to why a birthday party which will only take a chapter to finish, is instead written using 6 long ass chapters. I'm not sure when the main plot begins but if this kind of pacing drags on until the 10 chapter, nobody will want to read the story. So pls speed up the pace by cutting off unnecessary information and backstory.

As for the positives, I love your idea! It's totally unique and keep up the creativity!

• PLOT : 10/15

Speed up the pacing, I beg you! The blurb does give me an idea of something interesting, so pls make sure that the interesting stuff happens in the first chapter itself.
I am not at all patient when it comes to reading, just like many other readers out there, so that's why give me some action lol.

• CHARACTERS : 5/10

Holy guacamole, I'm such a khadoos 😥.

Firstly, even if the scenes given are relatable ones, make sure that you give enough description to make it come to life. Often there were instances which could've been described better, for e.g, the part where karishma interacts with her grandma. The setting, emotions, expressions and body language if properly described will make it even more interesting.

Oh, and a little tip, make a disclaimer chapter which states that opinions and beliefs are entirely fictional and the author doesn't promote or support such things. I'm saying this because I noticed the character doesn't like India and this can anger some heartfelt patriots out there who decide to read this.

As for the other characters, I'd again suggest the same, describe more vividly, make them do kind acts, let them make hard decisions, because that's what defines a good 3 dimensional character.

• GRAMMAR : 8/15

Now, instead of saying the same thing to writers over and over again in the reviews, I recommend downloading Grammarly to improve your grammar.
It'll do an auto-correct for you and will also suggest synonyms to solve your problem of word repetition.

• COMMUNICATION : 4/5
(With readers)

• OVERALL IMPRESSION : 10/15

Just needs work on a few things but other than that it was lovely.

• TOTAL : 59/100

P.S pls ask me if you have any queries, I'll be more than happy to help. Oh, and I hope I didn't discourage you from writing:(