Wishing For Someone Who Loves All The Way Through

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"Miss Lewis is now engaged," I recall Simmons' announcement during our staff meeting earlier that day very vividly. 

I remember Vinny and Sid's concerned looks when the news was announced.

I remember leaving the staffroom abruptly to collect and gather myself the moment I felt the monsoon that were my emotions hit me.

I was shocked at the news.

I was angry.

I was confused.

I felt stupid.

I can't decide which emotion I felt the most in that situation.

"Urie."

I turned around only to find her approaching me with a concerned expression on her face. "Are you alright?" She asked.

"Yeah, Toni. I'm totally fine finding out that you're now engaged to the man you were 'finally leaving for good."

She let out a ragged sigh through her lips. "Urie, Stefan and I were on a break. We never really broke up. You know this."

"Sleeping with me and going out on dates for the past three months says otherwise," I said, spewing more venom than I intended.

She pursed her lips, not saying a word.

I sighed, allowing my anger to dissipate slowly as I placed my hands on my hips. "Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why throw away our relationship - everything we had - for him? Why?"

"Urie, it wasn't like that -"

"Answer the question, Toni." I cut her off.

She paused briefly. "I love him. I always have. He loves me and I want to give him a chance."

"Bullshit!" I retorted defiantly. "You two can't even keep a stable relationship with each other for longer than six months and you call that love?"

"Our relationship is not perfect. Every relationship is not perfect nor is it easy. It will always have its up and downs." She reasoned.

"He barely pays attention to you. He's never around nor does he ever make time for you." I pointed out. "I've always been there for you when he wasn't. I've cared about you more than he ever did. What does he have that I don't?"

"You wouldn't understand."

"OF COURSE, I DON'T UNDERSTAND!" My voice echoed in the empty hallway. I pushed my hair back, my head already aching from frustration brewing inside it. "I just don't understand why you have to choose him."

"Because I love him, Urie."

The silence was so thick following her answer. I clenched my jaw, trying to contain my indignation that was mixed with hurt.

"I'm sorry for leading you on all this time, Urie - I really am. I care about you, and I appreciate the time we had, but you're my friend. I don't see our relationship as anything beyond that."

Just a friend, huh?

She reached out of her pocket and handed me the wedding invitation. "You don't have to come if you don't want to, but I'd really appreciate it if you did."

♡

"Watch where you're going, asshole." A random stranger I accidentally bump into snarls, flipping the bird at me.

"Sorry," I answer in a slurred speech and continue walking down the brightly lit streets of Hellenic City. My face is flushed, my head is feeling a little light and dizzy and I can't seem to walk steadily without stumbling and keeping myself on my feet.

It's probably because of the six shots and whiskey and the vodka. Or was it seven? I can't remember.

I need to find better ways of coping with my problems that do not involve alcohol. It's a bad habit I try but fail to get out of.

If I feel depressed and stressed out about something; go to the bar and have a couple of shots.

If I'm feeling angry and frustrated; go to the bar and have a couple of shots.

If I'm hurt that the only woman I ever loved broke her promise and tossed me aside for her on-and-off boyfriend yet again; go to the and have a couple of shots.

I always wake up feeling like I just got ganged up in a two-on-one wrestling match by Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson and Jackie Legs from that movie Kangaroo Jack with Jerry O'Connell and Anthony Anderson and have Jackie Legs piss in my mouth while I'm unconscious - that's how bad my hangovers are.

I find myself at a fountain located at the heart of the park. I have no idea how and why I ended up here instead of just going straight home but I don't think I really care. So, I decided to sit down on the rim of the fountain's basin and lean forward with my arms resting on my thighs, exhaling a long-ragged sigh as I close my eyes for a brief moment the sound of giggles reaches my ears and catches my attention. I spot a couple not too far from where I am, holding hands as they are strolling down the pack.

I feel a pang of envy in my chest as I continue to watch them until they are out of sight.

I wish that were me, I think, looking down at the ground.

My dating life hasn't always been fruitful from my high school years all the way to my adult years. Not many people really wanted to associate with me let alone consider dating me.

I don't really consider myself attractive since I don't really have that model body women fawn over, I'm not one to have an expensive and flashy lifestyle since my job as a high school teacher and sports director doesn't pay me enough to afford such. But I'm not bad looking either even for a man who's just entered his thirties (which surprises a lot of people because I look fairly younger than my age.)

If you ask anyone who knows me what they think of me, their response would be:

'Urie is pretty much a bland person. All he ever does is work or read if he's not grading assignments or anything work-related. I doubt if he even has a sex life.'

'He kinda has an intimidating aura that kinda makes it hard for a lot of people to approach him or even ask for something as simple as borrowing a pencil from him.'

I'm not as outgoing even though I do interact and get on well with people outside of my circle, especially at work. I often struggle to keep up with conversations in large groups either because no one really pays attention to me or because I detach myself from conversations that don't interest me. The only people I ever talk to at work are Vinny, my sports assistant Sid and Toni.

I'm surprised that you're surprised that you didn't see this coming.

I sigh, slumping my shoulders feeling defeated and dejected. I turn around at the fountain and see a white marble statue of the Greek God of Love, Eros right at the centre.

He has a cloth covering his groin, a crown of feathers nested on his head, a quiver of arrows worn across his shoulder while he's holding his bow and arrow and his wings folded behind his back, ready to shoot his target and put them under his spell.

I let out a sardonic laugh. It's pretty ironic finding myself at a fountain with a statue of the Greek God of Love late at night, drunk and heartbroken.

"It would be nice having someone who actually loves me all the way through and doesn't stop halfway," I say.

Don't forget to vote and comment. And thanks for blowing up this book. I appreciate it.  ♡