Your Heart Is Very, Very Stupid

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"So how did it go?" Feenyx asks, swirling her glass of rosé as she observes me playing video games. 

We were supposed to meet up with Sid and Vinny at Whitestone, but after a long and tedious week with the students and grading assignments, being squashed in a room full of people and loud music is the last place either of us want to be. Not to forget it's been raining cats and dogs all week. So, we both agreed to chillax at home and play a couple of videos with some snacks and two six-packs of beer.

"How did what go?" I ask back nonchalantly, focused on the game.

"Your date with Jessica. It's been a week and you didn't even bother giving me the details my dude."

I furrow my eyebrows as I'm unable to recall until I 'ah' when it finally dawns on me then cringe soon after.

"Well, she was great, but I don't think I'll be seeing her after that - GADAMNIT!" I exclaim frustrated at my loss.

"What? But why though? Y'all seemed to have chemistry over the phone." Feenyx replies confused.

"Well, whatever chemistry we had over the phone was non-existent during the date." I shrug. "Not to forget she kinda pissed off the waiter for making his job difficult."

"Okay....but aside from that, what caused the chemistry to fade away? That's what I wanna know."

"She got turned off when I told her that I'm a high school teacher whole likes watching anime and cartoons and enjoys reading manga and comics. Then proceed to indirectly call me bland and boring because of that."

She winces and sucks her teeth. "Oh..."

"Yeah, I'd rather not force a relationship with her if that's the case."

"Well," she sighs. "you must trust your heart because your heart is never wrong."

"Yeah, not forget she got way too physical way too fast," I add.

Feenyx stares at me in disbelief. "I stand corrected; your heart is very, very stupid."

"Hey!" I retort.

"You're telling me that you had the opportunity to get laid AND YOU JUST THREW IT ALL AWAY?!" She explodes.

"I don't do one nightstands and hookups," I tell her.

"I thought all men enjoy one nightstands and hookups." She raises an eyebrow.

"I'm not all men," I reply, my deadpan expression matching with my tone.

"Fuck off! You've hooked up with Tishley before." She retorts.

"At least I know her!" I retort back.

"A hook-up is a hook-up no matter who it is. Only difference is Bartender girl ain't engaged nor does she have a boyfriend."

"Well, Toni and Stefan broke up." I blurt out.

Her eyebrows quirk up at the news. "Already? What happened?"

"She didn't say much, but from the looks of it, it seemed pretty messy," I tell her.

"Well, that's unfortunate - wait. Hol' up. How do you even know about this?" Feenyx asks, furrowing her eyebrows together. "She didn't say anything about it to her little minions."

I suddenly feel a wave of embarrassment mixed with shame when images of my intimacy with her resurface. I slowly lower the gaming controller and press my lips into a thin line. "She called me over to her place sometime after my date with Jessica and told me."

Feenyx's face falls into a deadpan expression before inhaling a sharp breath and pinching the bridge of her nose. I know what she's going to ask. I know that she already knows my answer, but she's going to ask anyway, hoping that she's wrong. But either way, she's not going to be surprised, but she is going to be disappointed, nonetheless.

"You two just talked, right?" she asks.

There is a pregnant silence.

"Right?" she asks again, tightening her stern gaze on me, making me feel like a kid being interrogated by his parents.

"It may or may have not gone where think it went," I answer sheepishly.

"Hades, Poseidon and Zeus." She groans exasperated.

"I know, I know. It kinda just happened."

"'Kinda just happened?!' Mother fucker, nothing 'kinda just happens' without cause. You let it happen." Her response slaps me in the face, causing the lump in my throat to tighten.

Her reaction is understandable to some degree, but her words still stung. "I fucked up, okay? No need to make me feel more guilty than I already am."

"Right. You definitely feel guilty blowing her back out." She replies sarcastically.

I clench my jaw as I set down my controller and meet her bitter gaze. "Look, I get that you're beyond disappointed that I took advantage of her while she was vulnerable -"

"No, no, no, no, no. That's not even the issue here. You should never have gone to her period!"

"She needed me." I reason.

"For what? Therapy sex? Pity fucking?" she asks defiantly. "You want to move on, yet here you are sleeping with the very woman you want to move on from. Do you not see how inconsistent that is?"

I press my lips together, staring down at my interlaced fingers with no response.

"So what now? Are y'all dating?" She asks.

"I honestly have no idea where we stand after that but it seems like she wants to give me a chance."

"You're not serious."

"I mean, why would she call me? She wouldn't have slept with me if she didn't feel that way about me."

Feenyx grabs the bottle of rosé and takes a long swig.

"Okay, maybe it was a spur of the moment. And it was stupid."

"Stupid? Stupid is when Zeus turned one of his mistresses into a cow, thinking Hera is dumb enough not to catch him slipping."

"Who are you to judge? You slept with that one guy you met at Whitestone since you got here." I retort.

"Yes, but I'm the one busting a nut inside another man's woman thinking that she'll magically look my way and pick me like it's some forbidden romance novella on Wattpad."

"He left her."

"Did he call off the wedding?"

I clench my jaw and say nothing.

"That's what the hell I thought." She sneers.

"How would you know? You don't even know what happened that caused them the split up in the first place!"

"Neither do you, dumbass! That hussy didn't even give you that much context other than saying that her man left her."

"But that's enough to suggest that they're no longer together."

"Zeus walked out on Hera on multiple occasions and he still labels himself a married man. For all, we know those two fuckers are taking yet another hiatus from their relationship." She says. "And while we're on the subject, let me ask you this: what makes you think for one second that she won't run back and welcome that fiancé of hers with open arms when he decides to come back and 'work things out?' This has happened more than once, no?"

"You don't know that," I say.

"And you do?" she says back.

"Maybe things will be different this time." I throw my hands up.

Feenyx lets out a dry laugh. "Wow! Never in my life have I ever met anyone so unbearably hopeless and naïve."

My blood starts boiling with anger. "You know what, Feenyx? Fuck you!" I snap with an accent of infuriation. "I've been patient with your bitchery long enough. You don't know a damn thing about me and you sure as well don't know a damn thing about Toni."

"Yes, I don't know Teresa but I know bullshit when I see it, Urie." She replies. "And I saw a lot of it when I did my research on her."

I knit my eyebrows together. "Research?"

She leaves the living room and returns shortly after, tossing a file on the table. My body shakes with anger the moment I see Toni's name printed in bold on the front cover. "Where did you get this?" I ask as calmly as possible, taking the file from the table.

"I asked Hermes to get it for me from Gaia's archives and I must say I found out quite a lot about Tabitha." She says. "I learned that the reason why she's such a co-dependency issues and cares so much about people's opinions about her is simply because she wants to fill in the void of lack of attention from her parents."

I turn to her with a look of indignation. "Why would you do this?"

"Because it's my job. I should be looking into the people involved in my client's life and quite frankly, I'm actually doing you a favour."

"A favour?" I crow with disbelief, standing up and shaking the file at her. "You call stalking for information 'doing me a favour?' Don't flatter yourself, you pretentious bitch."

"Whoa! Who are you calling a pretentious bitch?" she retaliates furiously. "Aren't you a tad bit curious about why this bitch has been treating you like a science experiment for the past two years?"

"Not at the expense of snooping around in places I shouldn't be. If there's something I want to know about her, I would have asked her directly or waited for her to tell me at her own time." I argue. "So, yeah. You are being a pretentious bitch if you think you're being a fucking saint doing a background check on her."

"And you think you're any different playing therapist and Fixit Felix with this heifer?" she argues back. "Well, guess what? You can go out your way doing all this simpentry bullshit, making her feel like she's special and treating her better than her fiancé ever did and she still ain't gonna pick you and you will never replace him. I honestly wouldn't be surprised if she pictured her fiancé while you two were fucking.

"And you wanna know what's really funny about this situation?" she continues. "You're just as co-dependent as she is. Think about it. You're being treated like an alternative option for her. You're over here having this hero and knight in shining armour complex going on where you want to save her and come to her rescue.

"And you're just so invested in playing this role that you're going to give Heracles a run for his money and make him look inferior."

A dramatic pause follows soon after as she shakes her head. "But you'd rather let her walk over you like a Victoria Secret model on a runway and continue believing that she needs you and needs saving even though she's beyond saving than accept that she's never going to love you and you're just her disposable dildo. Just as long as you get your dick wet." She says. "Maybe you'd sleep better at night if you got that through your head and admitted it to yourself."

The room goes still. The silence is loud enough for the entire complex to hear as Feenyx and I are glaring daggers at each other.

There's so much I want to say to her. I want to tell you that she's being an insensitive and bitter bitch. I want to tell her that she has no right to dictate my feelings and act like she's all-knowing about love and relationships when she herself has admitted that she's no expert in that area.

But I'm unable to. The lump in my throat isn't allowing me to say anything against what she said.

I don't know if it's because I'm at a loss for words or if it's because deep down there is some truth to her words.

But there's no denying that her words plunged through my chest like a knife and shattered my will to stand up for myself along with my self-esteem.

So I shove the file into her chest and swerve past her. No words are said. No glances are exchanged. I grab my keys and my jacket before exiting my apartment and slam the door on my way out and head to my car.

I drive away to the place I know I'll be away from Feenyx. Somewhere I know I will find solace and comfort.

I ring the doorbell upon my arrival, placing my hands on the door frame and hunch forward as I wait. The door opens revealing Toni dressed in her oversized t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants, her ombre blonde locks tied into a messy bun just above her head.

"Urie!" she exclaims upon seeing my drenched form.

My languid eyes stare into her confused but concerned cocoa eyes, too drained to utter a word. I know she wants to ask me what's wrong - ask me why I'm standing at her doorstep like a wet dog waiting for its owner to invite it inside, but she doesn't. She knows that I'm not going to say anything let alone talk about it no matter how many times she'll insist.

Instead, she opens the door wide and moves to the side, giving me access to the shelter of her home.

By the time she closes the door, I wrap my arms around her and pull her body towards mine, not caring that I'm drenched. I bury my face in her neck, taking in her lavender scent and close my eyes.

"Urie...are you okay?" She asks.

I tighten my grip around her.

"Urie?" she says feeling more confused than she is concerned.

In a trembling and vulnerable voice, I say, "I need you."

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