➸ 𝓦𝓸𝓻𝓭 𝓬𝓸𝓾𝓷𝓽:   １８６０ 

➸ 𝓢𝓾𝓶𝓶𝓪𝓻𝔂:  𝒱𝒶𝓇𝒾𝑜𝓊𝓈 𝒾𝓃𝒸𝑜𝓇𝓇𝑒𝒸𝓉 𝓆𝓊𝑜𝓉𝑒𝓈?  

➸ 𝓑𝓪𝓬𝓴 𝓢𝓽𝓸𝓻𝔂: 𝒩𝑜𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒾𝓂𝓅𝑜𝓇𝓉𝒶𝓃𝓉.  

➸ 𝓡𝓮𝓵𝓪𝓽𝓲𝓸𝓷𝓼𝓱𝓲𝓹𝓼: 𝒯𝑜𝑜 𝓂𝒶𝓃𝓎 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝓉𝑜 𝓋𝒶𝓇𝒾𝒶𝒷𝓁𝑒 𝓉𝑜 𝓁𝒾𝓈𝓉. 

➸ 𝓦𝓪𝓻𝓷𝓲𝓷𝓰: 𝒲𝑒𝒾𝓇𝒹 𝒮𝒽𝒾𝓉!
𝑀𝒶𝓉𝓊𝓇𝑒 𝐿𝒶𝓃𝑔𝓊𝒶𝑔𝑒!
𝐸𝓋𝑒𝓃 𝒮𝓉𝓇𝒶𝓃𝑔𝑒𝓇 𝓈𝒽𝒾𝓅𝓈!

⋆ ——————————✧◦♚◦✧——————————⋆ 

Kunti: I just want to hear those three little words. 

Pandu: I love you. 

Kunti: No, that's not it. 

Pandu: *grumbling* I will behave.  

─── ⋆ ⋅ ☆ ⋅ ⋆ ──  

Gandhari: Every time you yell at your kids,   

Gandhari: put a quarter in the 'no yelling' sock.  

Gandhari: Then pretty soon you'll have a weapon to beat -  

─── ⋆ ⋅ ☆ ⋅ ⋆ ── 

Krishna showing up at the Hastinapur Palace with a peace proposal from the Pandeva's: 

Bishma: There's no point, the war is inevitable, we all will have to participate against our will and we are all doomed. 

Vidur: Speak for yourself bro. I'm out. Take care, bye bye.   

─── ⋆ ⋅ ☆ ⋅ ⋆ ──  

Duryodhana: Ma, listen to me. I've been thinking and I want to join politics and change the way Indraprastha functions because — 

Gandhari *checking his forehead and flagging down the nearest physician*: Swami ji? I think the crown prince has a fever again. He's talking full of nonsense. He can't change underwear properly, and he wants to change Indraprastha. 

Duryodhana: Ma!!!! 

[Dhritarashtra snickering at the end of the hall way.] 

─── ⋆ ⋅ ☆ ⋅ ⋆ ── 

Balram: You know those moments when I tell you something isn't a good idea -  

Krishna: And then I ignore you? Yeah.  

─── ⋆ ⋅ ☆ ⋅ ⋆ ── 

Krishna: A little voice inside of me is saying, "this is a bad idea" but I can barely hear that little voice because a much bigger voice is screaming, "let's steal stuff!"  

Balram: *sighing* Get out of the well, Krishna.  

─── ⋆ ⋅ ☆ ⋅ ⋆ ──

Subhadra: What's wrong?  

Balarama: I have this headache that comes and goes.  

Krishna: [enters] Dau!  

Balarama: There it is again. 

─── ⋆ ⋅ ☆ ⋅ ⋆ ──

Balarama: Subha, please keep an eye on Krishna today. He's gonna say something to the wrong person and get himself punched.  

Subhadra: Sure, I'd love to see him get punched. 

Balarama: Try again. 

Subhadra: I will...stop him from getting punched? 

Balarama: Correct.  

─── ⋆ ⋅ ☆ ⋅ ⋆ ──

Krishna: Why do you think I should let you walk out of here alive? 

Shakuni: Because...I couldn't walk out of here if I'm not alive 

Krishna: [Trying to remain all serious] 

Also Krishna: [failing miserably]  

─── ⋆ ⋅ ☆ ⋅ ⋆ ──

Krishna : Bhrata Duryodhana! 

Duryodhana: Hey Vasudev!  

Krishna : I need you to do me a favor 

Duryodhana: Me? O...kay?   

Krishna : Could you say out loud "I'm gonna"? 

Duryodhan: uh.. Alright. I'M GONNA 

Krishna, Arjun, Nakul, Bheema: TAKE MY HORSE TO THE OLD TOWN ROAD!! 

Duryodhana: ..... 

Shakuni : Tch, when will you learn kid?  

─── ⋆ ⋅ ☆ ⋅ ⋆ ── 

Duryodhana: A woman who lives with more than one man deserves no respect, so Draupadi should not be honored at all! 

Bheema, holding out two papers: Don't worry, she has the permits. 

Duryodhana: [takes the papers] 

Duryodhana: This just says "Our mother's word can never be disobeyed", and *this* one says "Draupadi is fire born and no ordinary woman, so she can do whatever the fuck she wants."  

─── ⋆ ⋅ ☆ ⋅ ⋆ ──

Draupadi: If I was doing something stupid, you definitely would be involved.   

Subhadra: Yes, you are so damn right! I would probably be there to make it even stupider.  

─── ⋆ ⋅ ☆ ⋅ ⋆ ──

Nakul: I dare you to kiss the most handsome person in this room. 

Arjun: Ugh fine! *turns to Draupadi* 

Draupadi: *blushes* M-me..? 

Arjun: Yeah you! Move! I need to get to the mirror. 

Draupadi: ........  

─── ⋆ ⋅ ☆ ⋅ ⋆ ──

Yudhishthira: Hey, is anyone else d- 

Draupadi: Dead inside? 

Nakul: Drained? 

Arjun: Depressed? 

Sehdev: Deprived of sleep? 

Yudhishthira: -done with work. What is wrong with you people? 

Bheema: You're the wrong with us people. 

─── ⋆ ⋅ ☆ ⋅ ⋆ ──

Abhimanyu: You know, mum, Laxman Kumar is not at all like tat shree 😁 ..And he's my friend.  

Draupadi: .... 

Draupadi: So? 

Abhimanyu: Can I hang around with him a lil more, he says he knows a place..? 

Draupadi: What did Subhadra say? 

Abhimanyu: She said no. 

Draupadi: And Arya? 

Abhimanyu: Pita shree refused too. 

Draupadi: .... 

Draupadi: Then why are you asking me? 

Abhimanyu: They are not the boss of you. 

Draupadi: THIS IS A TRAP!!  

─── ⋆ ⋅ ☆ ⋅ ⋆ ──

Karn: 
Rise and hate life 

Duryodhana: 
Rise and 'try to eliminate the bloody Pandeva's' 

Yudhishthira: 
Rise and pray 

Bheema: 
Rise and eat 

Arjun:
Rise and shine & hate on Karn sometimes (maybe)

Dushassan: 
Rise and obey Bhrata Duryodhana cause I have like 0 brain cells (if you didn't know that already) 

Krishna: 
Rise and ensure Dharma's victory after I have had enough makhan for the day 

Nakul: 
Rise and shine 

Sehdev: 
Rise and study  

Draupadi:
Rise and question my existence like wtf did I do to deserve any of this?!? 

Vikarna:
Rise and regret being born as a Kaurava it's so embarrassing and we have like 100 brain cells in total; 99 of them are mine, Duryodhana's got half of it and the other half is divided equally among the rest 

Subhadra:
Rise and play around cause am so smol 

Kunti:
Rise and holy shit everything's a mess 

Shakuni:
Rise and help me put my plan 9472962672 to action Mere bache  

Gandhari: 
Rise and.. oh it does not matter it's dark all around 

Dushala: 
Rise and wait for rakhi; Am the only sister to 100 Kauravas and 5 Pandeva's!!! 

─── ⋆ ⋅ ☆ ⋅ ⋆ ──

Arjuna: Is there any good word between sad and angry? 

Sehdev: Malcontented, disgruntled, miserable, desolate 

Nakul: Smad  

─── ⋆ ⋅ ☆ ⋅ ⋆ ──

Bheema: Hey guys, what's up? 

Nakul: The sky. 

Sehdev: A preposition. 

Karn: My blood pressure cuz of you. 

Yudhishthira: Gas price. 

Arjun: My ego.  

Duryodhana: Gold Rate 

Bheema: ..... 

─── ⋆ ⋅ ☆ ⋅ ⋆ ──

Krishna: [goes to the room where the Upa- Pandeva's were discussing about the war. Says to himself "how mature of them to be planning warfare at this age ..."]  

In the meeting: 

Prativindhya: So what will we do if any of us die during the war. 

Abhimanyu : We place the corpse in such a way that it looks like its dabbing. 

Sutasoma : Wow that makes sense. 

Aravan : Agreed. 

Krishna : YOU BITCHES ARE NOT COMING WITH US!  

─── ⋆ ⋅ ☆ ⋅ ⋆ ──

Yudhishthira: Nothing is free. 

Bheema: Sleep is. 

Arjun: So is love. 

Krishna: Not to mention friendship, Parth. 

Sehdev: Oh, and knowledge. 

Nakul: Self-love ;) 

Karn: Everything is free if you take it without asking!  

─── ⋆ ⋅ ☆ ⋅ ⋆ ──

Krishna: what do you call the paanch Pandeva's stoned? 

Karn: High five. 

Pandeva's: [Insane bird screeching] Aaaaaaaa ........ 

Duryodhana: [Has not stopped laughing since.] 

─── ⋆ ⋅ ☆ ⋅ ⋆ ──

Duryodhana: Does anyone have any questions? 

Vikarna: Is this legal?

Duryodhana: ..... 

Duryodhana: Does anyone have any relevant questions? 

─── ⋆ ⋅ ☆ ⋅ ⋆ ──

Arjun: What if I press the brake and gas at the same time? 

Nakul: The car takes a screenshot! 

Sehdev: For the last time, get the fuck out of the car! 

─── ⋆ ⋅ ☆ ⋅ ⋆ ──

Karna: I'm a wanted man! 

Arjun: That's impossible! You weren't even a wanted child. 

─── ⋆ ⋅ ☆ ⋅ ⋆ ──

Arjun: Were you dropped on you head as a child? 

Karn: Bold of you to assume I was even held! 

Krishna: [Simply sighs.] 

─── ⋆ ⋅ ☆ ⋅ ⋆ ──

Krishna: Arjun, I need to talk to you about the C-R-A-Z... - Why is the crazy guy at our party? 

Karna: I know I didn't get an invite, but I'm here whether you like it or not.  

─── ⋆ ⋅ ☆ ⋅ ⋆ ──

Arjun : Am I in trouble, Keshav?  

Krishna: Have a guess, Parth 

Arjun : maybe... No? 

Krishna: Have another guess  

─── ⋆ ⋅ ☆ ⋅ ⋆ ──

Dushassan: Bhrata Shri, could you please pass the salt? 

Duryodhana: [Throws Karna across the table]  

─── ⋆ ⋅ ☆ ⋅ ⋆ ── 

Krishna : [sits on his knees]

Arjun : omg its finally happening!!

Panchali: awww...

Karna : (¬_¬)

Krishna : will you be my...

Arjun : omg yes!!!!

Krishna : ...squad member. Cause I need someone to play with.

Karna : *chokes on water laughing

Panchali: ha ha ha! 🤣 

Arjuna : ...... 

Subhadra: lol I will play with you. He is not in a state I guess. 

Panchali: Count me in too. I am a pro. Lmao.  

  (ι ∂σ ησт нανє αηу ι∂єα ωну ιт ιѕ нєяє :| ) 

─── ⋆ ⋅ ☆ ⋅ ⋆ ── 

Karn : [gets a tiny cut from one of the arrows]  

Duryodhana: You are so gonna pay for this, bitch ...  

Duryodhana: [breaks the arrow and almost pulverizes it.]  

Duryodhana : Hope you learned your lesson  

Karn : Suyo, seriously?  

─── ⋆ ⋅ ☆ ⋅ ⋆ ── 

Duryodhana: Bro, do you lift? 

Karn: Yeah dude, how did you know? 

Duryodhana: Because you lift my heart whenever you're around. 

Karn: Bro.  

─── ⋆ ⋅ ☆ ⋅ ⋆ ── 

Karna: Bro , you so hot bro 

Duryudhana: you too bro 

Karna : bro  

Duryodhana: bro 

Karna: bro  

Duryodhana: bro 

Karna: bro 

Duryudhana: bro  

Karna [internally] : bro I am so hot.  

─── ⋆ ⋅ ☆ ⋅ ⋆ ── 

Karn: [exists] 

Duryodhana: You're so amazing! And beautiful and intelligent and adorable! The light of my life! My sunshine! My soul mate! I love you so much! 

Ashwatthama: IT'S 3 AM FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE! 

─── ⋆ ⋅ ☆ ⋅ ⋆ ── 

Duryodhana to Karn: How does this shirt look on me? 

Karn: That's gay. 

Duryodhana: ..... 

Karn: ..... 

Duryodhana: ...... 

Karn: ....... 

Duryodhana: Karn, we have been married for 5 years and how da- 

[Bhanumati, Vrushali and the rest of the Kuru family screeching in the background.] 

─── ⋆ ⋅ ☆ ⋅ ⋆ ── 

Question: Are you a top or bottom? 

Karna: A threat 

Duryodhana, with a mouth full of laddu: He is a top. Tch. This was a stupid question.  

─── ⋆ ⋅ ☆ ⋅ ⋆ ── 

Ashwatthama: You guys have nicknames for each other? 

Duryodhana: Nope! 

Ashwatthama: Ok. What's the other word for dad? 

Duryodhana: Um ..... Daddy? ...? 

Karn: *from the other room* Yes princess? 

Duryodhana: ...... 

Ashwatthama: Do not lie on my face next time, bitch!!!  

(ιѕ ιт ωєιя∂ тнαт ι нανє ѕтαятє∂ тσ ѕнιρ кαяη αη∂ ∂υяуσ∂нαηα ησω?)

─── ⋆ ⋅ ☆ ⋅ ⋆ ── 

Karn: [Kisses Duryodhana on cheek]

Duryodhana: What was that, Ang- Raj? 

Karn: Affection. 

Duryodhana: .....  

Karn: ......

Duryodhana: ..... Disgusting .... 

Karn: ...... 

Duryodhana: .... Do it again ..... 

Karn: ..... ??? .... 

Duryodhana: [Brings his cheek closer to Karn's lips]

ᴄᴏᴍᴘʟᴇᴛᴇ! 

ρℓєαѕє тєℓℓ мє, ωнαт уσυ тнιηк.
ι αм єαgєяℓу ωαιтιηg ƒσя уσυя тнσυgнтѕ.