"Have you seen him who takes his own lust (vain desires) as his ilah (god), and Allah knowing (him as such), left him astray, and sealed his hearing and his heart, and put a cover on his sight. Who then will guide him after Allah? Will you not then remember?"
[Al Quran 45:23]

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She kept gawking at him unblinking even after seeing signs of recognition on his face. He blinked and averted his gaze but just before he could turn away, she called out to him.

"Assalamualaikum." Her greeting resonated in the store and when he turned his gaze back to her she was watching him expectantly; a somewhat awkward smile etched on her face.

Eesa kept watching her momentarily at this unexpected action. He was unsure of how to respond but ended up returning it reflexively.

"Walaikumusalam." He muttered lazily and found her smile relaxing a bit.

Her smile was angelic. Just the type that radiated innocence, making people feel calm just by watching it and driving people into starting wars just to protect that innocent smile.

The thought was conceived without his realisiation and just as he realised, Eesa felt a sense of rage directed at himself for having such absurd thoughts about this dumb woman.

'More like obnoxious and meddlesome! That is the accurate way to describe her!' He schooled himself somewhat angrily and quickly turned away from her, walking ahead towards the aisle and putting stuff in his cart.

Yet, even as he did that his mind and gaze kept going back to her, who stood behind the counter, with her signature airhead and distracted, yet peaceful look plastered on face.

'The white hijab seems to brings out her innocence more.' Before he could catch himself, the thought flashed in his head out of nowhere, leaving him stunned at his own self.

He didn't know if he ought to feel sorry for himself for these abnormal thoughts, or punch himself in the face to hopefully knock some sense back into his head.

'I think that junkie had hit my head a bit too hard, it's not working right anymore. I better go back and get it checked again.'

Eesa ended the discussion decidedly. He didn't appreciate the way he was comparing her looks. Let alone the fact he remembered her in black hijab from last time—Or, most importantly that he had even bothered to give a second thought to this woman.

He was growing more irritated by the second and almost gave up on getting his groceries but decided against it in the end.

"I am glad you are doing okay." Laila continued with a small remannet of smile when he reached up to the counter; her gaze and attention focussed on checking out his grocery.

Eesa's gaze remained vacant and harsh, lacking any signs of warmth. Yet, he had felt his heart skip a beat when she suddenly looked up and they had a direct eye contact. And even despite the alarm bells ringing in his head telling him to look away, he was rendered incapable to do so.

That was until he felt her gaze trailing down to his hands holding the cigarette pack in his hand. A glimmer of surprise flickered in her orbs and her lips parted involuntarily, but she managed to quickly avert her gaze, returning her focus back to the monitor.

Eesa on the other hand kept his gaze fixated on her face. More like he had forgotten to look away.

She might've felt him staring because her gaze fluttered back to him. Her eyes traced the place on his forehead where he was wearing a bandage, even though it was well hidden under a black beanie.

Her lips parted the slightest bit and Eesa was able to catch a glimpse of her pearly white teeth. He let his gaze trail back to her wide, almond-y, hazel coloured eyes, which pulled him in every time he locked his gaze on her.

And that's when it hit him. "The lady who brought you in—"

His breath hitched in his throat and he unconsciously let out a small gasp as he realised.

"It was you—" A whisper escaped his lips before he could catch himself, causing Laila's gaze to snap back to meet his. A terrified look on her face, in contrast to the dazed look on his.

"You took me ỉn yesterday, didn't you..?" He continued slowly but the fear on her face deepened.

"I—I was just—" She opened her mouth to explain but words failed her and she was unable to say anymore.

Eesa continued to watch her blankly for a moment longer, and then without saying another word he grabbed his groceries and walked out. Leaving Laila to watch him leave with a growing sense of doom.

*******************

The houses and street kept passing him by, but his vacant gaze wasn't taking anything in. He continued to sit in his place on the metro with a growing sense of emptiness.

With every passing day, the desire to get up in the morning and go about his day was getting smaller. He was finding himself losing interest in anything and everything. Even more so since he lost the one last reason to continue this war he was raging every day with himself and the world. He felt so alone—as if he was the only person left in this mad world.

'Maybe...maybe, if she hadn't come on the bridge that day, I could've been free from all this...'

The thought crossed his mind but was immediately taken over by another.

"And even if you have lost everything and everyone—You should still find a reason to go on—But if you can still find nothing else—even if there is no one else for you—you have Allah. Allah cares—In Him alone, you can find every reason to go on—"

As her voice rang in the corners of his mind, a frown deepened between his eyebrows and he felt his teeth clench in restraint. It had been a few days since he last saw her at her workplace. Yet, her thoughts had been constantly haunting her without fail.

With an exaggerated sigh, Eesa closed his eyes and let his head drop back against the headrest.

'I don't want to think anymore—I am getting tired of this.' He tried to stop himself from thinking any further but remembering her words had seemed to open a dam.

"I WILL SHOW YOU! I WILLSHOWYOUALL—!!"

His eyes opened in a snap. The realisation dawning upon him that the day he made this challenge was the same day he had found her on the bridge.

"What if the answer you have been searching for your whole life has been here all this time. Right here—inside your own self—"

Eesa forgot to breathe. He was feeling tremors running through his whole body. He tried to shake away his thoughts and focus on something else but her voice wouldn't stop chasing him.

"You don't want to regret not trying one last time before meeting your end, do you?"

A cold shiver ran down his spine and he felt his throat clogging up.

He made an attempt to lean forward and even his breathing, but he could do nothing to ease it or the loud thumping of his heart within his ribcage.

"I will get everything I want. I WILL SHOW YOU! I WILL SHOW EVERYONE!!"

He felt dizzy. His head was spinning and he felt ready to throw up. Just then he heard the announcement of the train coming to its stop.

Staggering on his feet, Eesa stood up and managed to get off. Yet, his thoughts were muddled. He felt like he had made a mistake. He didn't know clearly what—but he felt terrified and the terror was gripping him with a killing restraint.

He took one step and another, until his feet were quickly coming into a run on the snowy path. He ran and ran until he couldn't get any air in; yet, he didn't dare to
stop.

He came along the familiar streets of his workplace and made a turn towards her store. He threw the door open and stepped in, but his gaze landed on an unfamiliar face behind the counter.

His feet buckled under him and he bent over himself gasping for breath.

"Sir? Are you okay?" He heard a woman's voice above his head but didn't look up.

Still trying to even his breath, he straightened up and managed to nod at her. He opened his mouth to ask about Laila—but halted midway.

"I am fine—" He managed to blurt out and walked out.

Outside, the snow was falling and he craned up his neck to look upwards at the night sky. There was no moon in sight; yet, it was bright.

"Why...why is this happening to me? Why me..always..?" He whispered to the sky while his voice clogged up in his throat, making him realise that it was a knot of tears blocking his windpipe.

"I never stood a chance—did I?" A lone teardrop dripped down the side of his face as he gasped for breath.

"I tried—everything—" He chocked on a sob, but his tears wouldn't stop streaming down his face.

"Yet—I am here—all alone—" He gasped out, sniffing through his cries.

"Where—do I go now—-?huh? What am I supposed to do now—" With a whimper he turned his head down, letting his angry tears drip into the heaped snow.

"Why—why do You keep doing this to me—?why?" With a choked sob, he dropped to his knees in the snow.

'please—-please—-just—-please—I can't do this—anymore— please—' He let his head drop in his hands and sobbed as the snow continued to blanket him in white.

He didn't know anymore. What he should be doing instead of breaking down like this in public—He just knew that he had had enough. He was exhausted beyond his limit.

He had lost again, just as he had lost his faith in Allah and His help long time ago. Even then he had felt abandoned and lost—just as he was feeling now; without anywhere left to go. But this time, he seemed to have reached a dead end, without any hope of return.

Suddenly, he heard the sound of snow crunching behind him. He looked up to find a familiar figure standing over him. Her face was scrunched up in worry, as she looked down at him with her warm hazel gaze.

In an instant, he felt a wave of warmth washing over his defeated existence; like a ray of sunshine in this dark and endless winter.

Staggering to his feet, he turned to face her with salty tears frozen on his cheeks. He watched her gaping at him in worry and shock, yet unable to get a word out.

Eesa looked away momentarily to wipe away his tears. When he looked back at her, his gaze was resolute but vulnerable.

"Will you help me...? please..? His voice was a whisper, yet enough to shake her to the core.

Assalamualaikum! Hope you all are doing well🥰JazakAllah khairun for reading❤️Hope you guys liked it inshaAllah🙈❤️