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..........M.E.R.I.D.I.A.N......L.I.G.H.T.S..........

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November 25, 2011

I held my head in my hands trying my best not to think about the conversation we had last night. My fingers ran through my hair before I covered my face in anxiety.

A knock sounded on the open door of the waiting area. Coach Nanami appeared concerned about my state. "Yuzuru, the bus is ready. We're leaving in five minutes."

I simply nodded at her. Coach Nanami wanted to say something but thought better of it. She casted me one last look before heading out. Silence reigned once again and those negative thoughts started to fill my mind. I refused to let it consume me. I slapped my knees and got up from the couch. There was no point wallowing as it wouldn't do me any good.

I have a competition to win.

Traversing towards the bus proved to be unecessarily difficult. I was used to the constant media hype when it came to competitions based on the fact that I had plenty of experience with them starting from when I was a kid. However, this time it was different.

My support team surrounded me as the journalists came down like wolves sporadically yelling out questions left and right. There were continuous flashes going around and I could see the cameras recording everything that's going on. The fans were particularly rowdy and some were even screaming at me to notice them. It was to the point that the hotel staff got involved to maintain order.

It only quieted down when I was safely inside the trasport bus going to the main venue. I dragged my luggage and placed it on the compartment above my seat securing it in place. I chose an empty two-seater with no one beside me. My mom was there right across the isle staring worriedly. "... Yuzu-kun."

I didn't attempt to start a conversation with her. I couldn't at the moment. Instead, I tried my best to quietly tell her that I was fine. A strange combination of nodding and shaking my head came out but I guess she understood what I was trying to convey as she sent me a reluctant smile.

Closing my eyes and leaning back on my seat, I wore my earphones and set the volume high. I tried to drown out those traitorous thoughts through my music. I did my best but some leaked out and was brought to the forefront of my mind.

Why her?

Do I have masochistic tendencies? To continue liking a person who rejected me again and again? What the hell is wrong with me?

It would be far easier to like someone my own age or maybe even younger. I know that it's arrogant to think this way but I would be lying if I claim I wasn't popular with the opposite sex.

Many girls confessed to me back at school. Some fans even sent me letters. Majority of it were innocent messages congratulating me or wishing me well, but a few were straight out love confessions.

If I liked anyone else, there wouldn't be so much conflict or pain. I wouldn't be left hanging in the end. I was the one who's always seeking her out. I was the one who chased her all across Nagoya with that lame excuse nobody would believe in. Nobody, except Elana.

The thought of never having met her suddenly intruded my mind. If I hadn't met her back then, I wouldn't be so invested in relationships. Actually, I wouldn't be thinking of any kind of relationship. If our paths didn't cross years ago I would definitely be focusing on my skating career like a bull with a one-way focus, external factors be damned.

Because who was I kidding?

Nobody caught my attention like Elana did.

Those depressing thoughts indirectly pushed me to confront a deeper and darker side within my psyche. A darker one that made my situation appear trivial and light. The one that I desperately tried to suppress because it almost consumed and brought me over the edge.

It had been many months since the disaster. The word alone - even when spoken within the mind - brought me indescribably fear. My trembling hands became cold and clammy, and my heart thumped erratically painful.

I clasped my shaking hands together and hid them under my jacket.

I can't.

I can't lose control.

Everyone in this bus had experienced the disaster in a varying sense of severity.  It affected all of us in different ways. I didn't want to be a cause for concern, especially to my mother. Many of them helped me along the way. However, my mother was different. I personally saw her plead to the organizers to let me partake in ice shows just so I could practice on ice.

With the sacrifices and efforts of everyone in Team Japan, Coach Nanami, and my mother, I was able to continue skating. I couldn't afford to be affected by this. I couldn't be ungrateful as to let this affect my performance in today's competition.

I tried my best to shake myself out of my gloomy mood. My ice time was used up so I did some visual training. Running around the backstage hallways of this expansive stadium served to deter any rampant distractions I may have. I long since left Coach Nanami as I jogged faster and faster with no actual destination.

Somehow, I found myself jogging along the main hall where fans were allowed to intrude. I immediately stopped when I saw a few latecomers hurrying through the wide open doors leading to the rink. The hall was relatively empty considering the ladies short program was currently underway.

My worn rubber shoes scuffed the floor for a moment before stepping towards that direction. I stayed near the entrance of the upper floors. Considering my notoriety at the moment, if some fan happened to glance backward, I would be done for. Nevertheless, I wanted to watch Elana's performance.

Despite my earlier thoughts, I couldn't help but wish that Elana would perform well. She didn't deserve the hate she's getting. When the latest scandal came out, I wanted to confront everyone to stop spouting such terribles lies. I knew more than anyone that Elana didn't feel that way for me.

I was afraid that this scandal would severe our already fragile relationship. I knew Elana only saw me as a friend, a dear friend, but still a friend. I wanted to stop those slandering Elana more than anything else. I couldn't though.

Anything I say now would somehow backlash against Elana. I know how those tabloids work and I know that some people would refuse to believe no matter what I say. I was distracted when the announcer finally called her on the ice.

I saw how she fought silently against the crowd. There was fierce determination in every move she made. She always stated that what made her soar above the rest was because of the difficulty of her jumps. I vehemently disagreed. This sensational dance proved to everyone that this woman had the makings of a great figure skater. She combined artistry with athletism.

That graceful agility interwoven in her ability to tell a story through her dance became her trademark. A gentle arc of a hand and a slight tilt of her head, she had the ability to draw in a crowd with simple movements.

The breath I held unintentionally had been released when I saw her well-deserved scores splayed out across the screen. I felt the unease within subside. It was a good thing that the judges hadn't been swayed by the malicious rumors spreading about Elana.

I took this time to slip out of the venue and went back to the training hall. I lost myself in my training, trying my hardest to keep my mind off of things.

It was an hour or so when I noticed the hall had quieted down. Moments later it felt like an immense pressure was lifted from my chest the moment I saw her smile.

I knew then that everything between us was alright.

*****

November 26, 2011

Damn!

I swiftly got up from the ice when I fell from that quad toe. Never did I lose focus as I did complex transitions around the ice, blades intensely sending flecks of ice in the air.

Triple Axel

I landed it perfectly amidst the ecstatic claps from the audience. A rush of adrenaline entered my being. My movements blended in a mix of intense and emotionally charged transitions.

Triple flip

Straight out of the jump was a powered death drop followed by a combination of spins that was ingrained in my mind and body, eventually ending it with a well-executed Beillmann.

The intense music of Romeo and Juliet gradually made way into a more delicate yet heart-wrenching tune. I internalized the program within my movements, determined to portray to everyone - to the world - the darkness of that night. The anguish I had to go through. The rumblings of the ground. The screams that followed after.

That I wasn't ok.

I didn't recover from it. I don't think I would ever recover from it.

But I was fighting. I was fighting for myself. I was fighting for my people. I was fighting for everyone who had to go through the disaster.

Because fighting against this darkness was the only thing I could do.

Those days filled with fear and screams that accompanied the aftermath. The hunger that we had to go through because of the lack of supplies. Through that dark and despairing reality, I discovered light and warmth.

The light of the galaxy of stars scattered across the night sky. The painful warmth of my family giving me the biggest portion of food when we didn't have enough to eat. The tears I quietly shed that day when they were all asleep.

I couldn't give into the darkness lest it consume me. I wouldn't be selfish to those who helped me.

That was why I fought.

My lungs burned, my muscles strained, and I felt the edges of my vision darkening. Nonetheless, I fought and held on.

I fought through those jumps, spins, sequences and transitions.

And I won. I won gold.

Because I fought.

*****

November 27, 2011

Thousands of eyes were watching us. Probably majority were simply interested, others vehemently opposed, but I couldn't bring myself to care.

There was a space between us. An invisible space that I wanted to cross.

If there's anything I learned the past year, it was to grasp the things you cherished with no room for hesitation. That's why I held out my hand.

I sent her an understanding yet uncertain smile. She watched me with those expressive eyes of hers. There, I saw no rejection whatsover. Warmth filled my chest.

She grasped my hand and we stood there in a moment of realization. I knew something changed.

I broke the silence and tilted my head towards the beckoning skaters. "They're waiting for us."

Elana looked past my shoulder before amusedly gazing up at me again. "That wouldn't do, huh? Meryl's extra excited for some weird reason."

"Pretty much." I grinned and led her towards the waiting 2011 COR champions. We were about to take the traditional winners picture.

"I want to bribe those cameramen."

"Why on earth would you do that?"

"Why not? It's our first picture together!"

"First? I remember our first time was you glowing like Rudolph."

"Shut it, Chipmunk. This is our first picture together where we both won gold! Duh."

"Chipmunk...? That's a first."

"Why not? You have such cute buckteeth and chubby cheeks," Elana teased, lightly squeezing my cheeks.

"I do not have a buckteeth," I protested mildly but inwardly a wave of happy nervousness erupted in my stomach.

We were surprised when a wave of excited yells erupted from the crowd.

"Ok, lovebirds," Meryl called over, laughing with the other champions, "that's enough for now, the night's still long. We've got people waiting here."

Elana flushed a deep red and started bumbling around. "Lo-lovebir- What do you mean by that, Davis! You dare!"

I exhaled a breath of laughter and exasparatedly shook my head and pulled her towards the small group of champions where Meryl excitedly hugged the cutely scowling Elana.

The cameramen were at the ready and numerous flashes rang out. Thankfully, Elana snapped out of it and smiled at the camera. I wrapped my arm around Elana's waist and stayed close to her. I felt her stiffen at first but she soon relaxed and also wrapped an arm around me.

This close proximity with Elana was enough for now.

"Next december." I smiled at the cameras. Flashes continuously enveloped us.

"What?" Elana distractedly glanced at me, causing a couple photographers to call her attention again.

I smirked and whispered near her ear, "Be ready."

A shiver ran down her body which caused my instincts to hold her possessively closer to my side.

A dusting of pink scattered across her cheeks. "Fo-for what?"

I playfully winked down at her.

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..........M.E.R.I.D.I.A.N......L.I.G.H.T.S..........

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(When I was writing this chapter... I was afraid I'm portraying Yuzuru older than his actual age. At this point in the story, he's only sixteen going seventeen. I tried to make him a little childish and playful but I just can't see him - and write him - as an ordinary teenager.)

(To get a feel of his personality, I binge-watched Yuzuru videos again. The videos that I watched cemented the fact that Yuzuru is wise beyond his years. His thinking is just so mature and - damn - he's so eloquent. I guess this is why my Yuzuru - aka Meridian Light's Yuzuru - is portrayed as a middle-aged teenager, lmao!~)

(If you like this chapter, please don't forget to vote and/or comment, thank you!~)