September 7th, 2018

Had my first day of school today. It was ok. I have a pretty chill Engineering teacher. I felt down at some point bc I saw my ex best friend there....and I saw one of my friends too...and I told her I didn't like being around my ex best friend...she asked me why...I told her that we weren't friends anymore...and I told her that I feel like if I tell her how I felt, nothing would change...then she said she would tell her...I told her no...I can't have her find out...even though I really, really wanna tell her...I mean...I found her number (at least I think it's her number...she could've changed it...I'm not sure)....I could easily text her...but...I can't.. I can't bring myself to tell her how I fucking feel...and it hurts...I feel like she needs to know how much she broke my fucking heart...but...I can't...I can't tell her...that would be me risking getting hurt again....and I don't wanna get hurt again...sighh.....I hate my emotions...why are they so confusing....why can't I just let her go...I need to forget about her, but I can't...I just can't....ughhh I just....I hate this so much...why me...why did any of this have to happen to me...it's not fair...I kinda wanna scream....idk why...I just...I need to let out my emotions somehow...sighh...