Jungkook couldn't sleep. His mind kept him awake, and he felt guilt swim in the pit of his stomach. His eyes stick to the ceiling above him as he drawls out a long tired sigh.

You'd be a selfish bastard to approach him.

The male swallowed hard, he was tempted to maybe even just see if the other was okay.

The sound of Taehyung's faltered breaths and body wracking sobs replayed in his mind, taunted him, telling him he wasn't competent, that those noises was the last he will ever hear from the boy, that was what he caused.

Giving up on sleeping, Jungkook slides out of his covers, he winces as he catches a glimpse of himself in the mirror. His eyes were bloodshot and his face looked sullen.

Shrugging he picked up the box of cigarettes off of his table, he gritted his teeth.

"These don't do the trick anymore." He mumbled setting it back down on the table.

It really didn't do it for him, the taste he chased after these days was something sweet.

A little less harmful.

Jungkook suddenly felt his eyes sting sharply, he tried to blink them away tilting his head backwards, shaking his head.

When was the last time someone looked at him with such soft eyes?

Ah that's right, there was never such time, his life was an ever growing pile of bullshit and he was only ever taught by his family on the maintenance of status and class.

Never were there times of bedtime stories, acceptance of childish mistakes, he was always forced to be the best and only have a motive towards being the best.

There wasn't any space for mistakes. So he never learned from them. He never had the time to grow as a person.

That was what was expected from a heirs son.

So he kept up this facade, he pretended to be the clean cut non troublesome son for a while.

He pretended to be interested in his status as a heir.

He thought maybe that's what it would take for all the arguments to stop, for all the fights to stop, but his father still looked at him through eyes of disappointment.

It wasn't enough, and it wouldn't ever be enough.

When Taehyung looked at him with those bright sparkling eyes, when he developed an interest in him, he felt needed, he felt like he was doing something right for once, he was making someone happy.

But of course happiness is always short lived, Jungkook didn't know if he could give enough to Taehyung. He was so stupidly insecure.

He couldn't make anyone happy.

Jungkook jolted as he felt something soft brush against his leg, he looked down his eyes softening at the puppy wagging his tail looking up at him with warm eyes.

He was reminded of Taehyung, that day they were so hazed with lust and longing, the day were Jungkook had the first glimpse of his exposed skin, more than he had seen before. His soft moans of delight, urging Jungkook to go on, to go lower, his long fingers tightening around his back, eyes rolled back as another moan slipped out of his sinfully pink lips.

The puppy barked, snapping Jungkook out of his daze, he chuckled softly at the pup and squatted down to pet its white fur.

Right. No more of that.