tw-sh

"oh, i'll tremble for my love always, it's a world where madness craves" - collective soul

the sun fades and the dark sky rolls in, casting a moonlit glow on the streets of alexandria. siddiq spoke to the people today--spoke about our friend's last moments and how they fought hard. i couldn't listen after he mentioned enid.  a knock bangs against the bedroom door. i know have moved from the middle of the floor to the floor beside the bed. "isa. come on. get up. you need to eat, i'm not playing." rosita says, walking over and grabbing me. she grunts a bit as her strength hasn't fully come back after having her daughter, coco, a few months ago. 

without any words, rosita helps me down the stairs, my legs weak from the lack of movement the last twenty-four hours. i walked downstairs trying to stare at the floor. everywhere i'd turn there was a piece of her, her drawings hung on the wall, her toys lying where she left them. "you want a sandwich?" rosita asks, setting me down at the barstools. she gives me a moment to answer but i don't. "okay, a sandwich, good." she replies, opening the cabinets and pulling out a loaf of bread, some meat, tomatoes and lettuce. 

she grabs a knife from the block and opens up the bag of bread. "shit." she says dropping it on the counter. i try not to make it obvious but i look over, noticing the mould on the pieces. "i'll be right back, i'll grab some from my house." she says walking out the front door. i sit there on the barstool, staring at the bread. my eyes wander over the the knife sitting next to the tomato. i stumble up from the chair and pick it up. the handle is cold in my hand as i lift it to my wrist. i stare momentarily, thinking of how to do this quickly and easily.

i drag the knife along my skin, watching as the blood starts to drip onto the hardwood tile. my vision starts to blur as i watch more and more come out of me. suddenly, the front door swings open and rosita comes running over, dropping the fresh bread on the floor. she screams at me and i can't really hear her. she grabs towels and holds them tight to my arm as she holds me in the kitchen. my body and face stay frozen as michonne and daryl rush in because of rosita's cries. daryl says something before picking me up and running me to the infirmary. 

heads turn once he walks in with me in his arms. siddiq runs over and says something to daryl before they lay me down on a nearby bed. my vision and hearing still shot i watch siddiq as he struggles to open up a suture kit, a bandage still wrapped around his head from his injury at the hands of the whisperers. i sit there, still and silent. hours pass and people try to talk to me but i don't pay any attention. all i can think about is how i screwed it all up, i'm one of the community's doctors you'd think i'd know how to kill myself. 

"she needs to be watched, i think you should leave her here with me i can send people out for some medication. she needs help." siddiq argues with daryl. "i can take care of her. she doesn't need a fucking shrink, she's not crazy." he argues back. siddiq scoffs and walks off, rosita follows him. "she would be better off over here where she can be monitored. she isn't okay, daryl." michonne explains and his face grows angrier. "this isn't new for me, michonne. i took care of my 'ma when i was a kid i can do it again now." daryl says, walking over and taking the iv fluids out of my arm. "come on, kid. get up." he says grabbing onto me to help me stand. 

my wobbly knees feel like jello under my weight. my arm burning from the cotton wrap rubbing against it. daryl keeps a firm grip on my arm, guiding me out of the small infirmary. the walls seem to close in on us as michonne's voice trails behind, full of concern. "daryl, you have to think about what's best for her."

he doesn't reply, just keeps walking, his jaw set in determination. i can feel the tension radiating off him. every step we take seems heavier, and my legs are barely able to support me. i lean on him as we make our way through the streets. people glance our way, their expressions a mix of pity and curiosity. i try to ignore them, focusing instead on putting one foot in front of the other. the grimes' house comes into view, its familiar shape a small comfort amidst the chaos.

once inside, daryl helps me onto the bed. he kneels down, looking me in the eyes. "you gotta promise me something, alright? don't do that shit again." i nod, too exhausted to argue. as he steps out, closing the door behind him, i let out a shaky breath. the room feels too quiet, the silence pressing in on me. i lie back, staring at the ceiling, trying to push away the image of charlie's head growling up at me in my hands. 

time passes in a blur, and i must have dozed off because the next thing i know, there's a soft knock on the door. it opens slightly, and judith peaks in carrying a tray with a bowl of soup and some bread. "thought you might be hungry," she says with a smile. i realize then how empty my stomach feels. "thank you," i say, grateful for the small act of kindness. she climbs up next to me and covers herself with the comforter. as i start eating, daryl comes back in, standing in the doorway, watching over us.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.