'harness your hopes on just one person because you know a harness was only made for one.' - pavement

people from all the communities join around as we all prepare for the war we are about to face. i stand in the field we stood in this morning watching people of different places scatter among each other like ants. i hear footsteps and look up to see jerry. "here." he says holding out some armor. "over your sternum." he adds. "no, i'm going back with rick and michonne after." i say refusing it. "dude. sternum." he repeats and i smile a bit taking it from his hands. he smiles cheerfully after i take it. "thanks." i say almost in a whisper and he joyfully walks away. i step out of the car and notice rick is converting with the rest of the leaders. i get up and go stand between maggie and rick's side like an awkward child at a family gathering, clinging to their parent.

"i got hilltop to stand against the saviors. i need to be there. at least for the first part." she says referring to negan being slaughtered. "they say you can wage war through the second trimester." maggie jokes and i chuckle lightly. she is about a month or two ahead of me but she's hardly feeling it. "i've been fighting since the farm, can't stop now." she adds. "how about tomorrow?" rick asks. "you been thinking about what that looks like?" she answers. "yes, i have. i don't know if i can wait for it." rick replies. "just one more fight. and i'm gonna be there. at least for the first part." she smiles. "i was told the hilltop lost their doctor. an obstetrician, no less. we have a doctor in the kingdom. a woman of talent, join us." king ezekiel offers.

"we'll get ours back." jesus says reassuring not only ezekiel. "yes, jesus. yes, you will. as sure as the day defeats the night. and on this day we reshape the world, for your two children and the children to come. so let's get started." ezekiel answers looking at maggie and i. jesus, ezekiel, and maggie walk off to start up a few cars but rick hangs back with me, smiling. "what?" i ask him. "we are lucky to have you." he says. "why?" i ask. "one day you'll be a strong leader- i can see it." he explains. "i don't know." i chuckle a bit. "just wait. one day i'll be following you." he says before walking off to join the rest of the people. 

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the car jerks as rick slams on the brakes once we get inside the sanctuary. our metal plates create 8ft walls protecting us from their bullets. walkers line the fence i had once stormed through before. the smell of sweat and dust still remains, burning my nose. the old sign creeks in the wind and i see the door joel had led me out of when i killed eric. this place, the people inside, it haunts me. i am itching to watch negan fall to his knees as he struggles to breathe like how joel felt that night. i'm ecstatic to see his people cry out for him like i did for joel. i climb out of the car making sure to watch my blind spots. once we all get in position maggie signals the gunfire. 

bullets ring through the air in a pattern of three. we all wait for the doors to open. we wait for the right moment to speak or shoot. i wait to see his face, his grin, his stupid bat. a few seconds pass and my eyes are glued to the door. it creaks open and my whole body shivers with excitement as negan walks out with his henchmen. "well, shit. i'm sorry. i was in a meeting." he says with a grin. the walkers below are going crazy at the sight of all these people. "i see you've got your little mudflaps with you. so i'm not exactly feelin' a reason for us to try throwin' shit at each other. i care about my people. i don't want to just march them into the line of fire because i wanna play 'my dick is bigger than yours'. it is. we both know it." he adds as his posse stands around him.

"but i'm also comfortable to accept the fact if it wasn't. i'm certainly not going to let my people die over that shit..like you're about to." negan says pointing at rick with his bat. "so, rick, what the hell can i do for you?" negan asks. "dwight. your name's simon. you're gavin. and you.." rick says naming the saviors off. "regina." regina says before rick can finish. "i'd feel remiss if-" eugene starts to say before rick cuts him off. "no. i know who you are. listen, you five. the saviors inside. all of you have a chance of surviving here. to survive this. y'all can live if you surrender. can't guarantee it any time but now. right now." rick offers. 

the savior just stand there smirking. eugene rests a hand on his forehead. "so they surrender.. and you and your little piss patrol don't kill them. that sounds like a good deal! what about me, rick?" negan asks and rick looks over at me as i look at him. "we told you. twice. you know what's going to happen." rick replies. "i do. i do know what's going to happen. you don't. you have no idea about the shit that's about to go down. let me ask you something, rick- do you think you have the numbers for this fight?" negan asks all full of himself. 

"you don't. simon?" negan answers. simon walks inside and drags out gregory. i almost start laughing. do they really think gregory has any say over hilltop anymore? gregory is lucky he is still breathing and maggie hasn't sent him out on his way. "of course that's where he went." jesus says to maggie. "what do you have to say to rick and the piss patrol, gregory?" negan asks with a giant grin. gregory stands there under negan's grip with his hands uncomfortably rested on his hips. "the hilltop stands with the saviors. any resident of the hilltop who takes up arms or who supports the ultimatum against the sanctuary, they will no longer be welcomed in the colony." gregory announces. 

"and?" negan adds. "their families will be thrown out and will be left to fend for themselves." gregory adds and negan pats him on the back. "and?" negan adds once again. "go home now. or you won't have a home to go back to." gregory finishes. he looks at negan as if he is asking if he did good or not. "you do what you need to do." maggie says to jesus. no one from hilltop moves an inch. "you heard the man. go back to separating wheat and shit." negan laughs. "doesn't look like anyone's going, does it?" maggie calls out. "hilltop stands with-" gregory says before jesus cuts him off. "hilltop stands with maggie!" he shouts. gregory scoffs and jumps as simon walks up to him. 

"i feel..like i invested a lot in you, and i am very disappointed." simon says walking gregory to the stairs. after he finishes talking he pushes gregory down and he rolls down the few steps, acting like he just fell from a building. an explosion catches all of our attention and i remember morgan, tara, and daryl are over there trying to lead the horde towards us with bombs. "sounds like shit's going down, rick." negan says. the growls of the herd can be heard in the wind as it blows. "you 'lieutenants' you're gonna have to make up your minds." rick taunts. "maybe we can take a time-out here." gavin suggests. "no. this has to happen now. this is the only way. you're gonna make me count?" rick asks and i recall negan saying that to rick that night. 

"okay. i'm counting. ten! nine! eight! seven!" rick shouts as he cocks his gun and starts firing at negan and his people. as soon as his first bullet shoots the rest of us fall into line. gunshots make the walkers go stir-crazy as they cling to the fence. bullets fly through the air and into the metal door negan and his people had run into. glass shatters at the top of the building as we look for saviors. we all scatter shooting in different directions and movement catches my eye. i see negan rolling around on the concrete and i run over shooting at him. 

he crawls behind some blocks and i curse as all my bullets miss him by inches. rick whistles out and i duck as i watch the RV blow up making a hole for the horde. smoke and debris crowd the area and as i look around for any people still left. i see negan out of the corner of my eye running behind a metal sheet. i start firing at him and i zone out only focused on my bullets hitting the metal. i hear rick calling out for me as more things start to catch on fire. "he's not going anywhere!" he shouts. "isa!" he says again rushing over to me. "we have to go!" he adds grabbing my arm. i push him off and set my finger back on the trigger. 

"not now. he isn't going anywhere." he says grabbing my arm again. i look over at him and my senses come back to me. i nod and follow him as we run to a car. i grab the camera i had taken from the outpost a while back and snap a picture of negan lying behind the metal surrounded by fire. rick starts up the engine and we drive off leaving the fire behind us. i quietly catch my breath as i watch out the window of the passenger's seat. "we got them now, they're trapped." rick says reassuring us both. "he isn't dead." i say. the car ride is quiet till we reach the meeting spot. our people stand around waiting for us as we count heads. "gabirel's missing." maggie says walking up to rick and i with daryl by her side. 

daryl looks at me and i look at him giving a weak smile. "we can wait a bit more." maggie says checking her watch. "we can't. i saw him he stopped to get gregory." rick says. "gregory?" daryl asks. i shrug and rick sighs. "we gotta start out." rick says walking off with maggie to talk with more people. "you alright?" daryl asks me. "i will be." i answer. "you need anything don't be quiet." he says and i nod. "thanks." i reply and he gives a small smile before walking off towards rick and a small group he's talking to. after a bit of chatter rick whistles and rounds everyone back up into the cars to set off back home.

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music plays as i wake up to flowers on an unfamiliar nightstand. i sit up and wrap the fuzzy robe around me more as i look around the room that must be mine. my feet drag me to the staircase and i follow the smell of bacon and eggs down to the kitchen. carl stands there, apron tied around his waist with a bowl in one arm and a pencil in the other as he colors with a small girl sitting at the counter. "you turned off the alarm." i say walking over and kissing carl. "they can manage without you for one morning." he replies setting the bowl and pencil down. "we're all playing hooky." i say referring to the girl sitting with us. "mommy!" the girl exclaims jumping off the barstool and hugging me. "hey!" i exclaim hugging her back. 

"they made a big owl for the party." she says holding a stuffed bear tight in her hands. "what?" i exclaim and she smiles. "people are taking this festival very seriously." carl says stirring whatever he has in the bowl. "a big owl?" i ask turning back to the girl. "it's outside." she says pointing to the front door. "should we go see?" i ask and the girl grabs my hand pulling me outside. people i recognize from all the communities walk around alexandria. it looks like it but with new buildings and crops. a big owl statue sits in the town square. the girl pulls me through the streets as i see people i know. the girl stops as jerry hands her an apple. "thanks." she giggles and runs up the path a bit. i watch her crouch down next to a man i can't see very well

i walk up closer and see her crouched down next to negan as they play in the crops. he looks up and me and grins and i feel myself being shaken awake. my eyes shoot open and i'm back in carl's room. it's dark so i can hardly make out carl's face. "another nightmare?" he asks. "no." i answer as i feel a tear trickle down my cheek. "then why are you crying?" he asks wiping my hair from my face. "because it was a really good dream." i answer. "you were asleep before i got home. how did today go?" he asks. "he's still alive." i answer. "my dad said that it worked out nicely for now. they are stuck there. at least we know he cant get out." he replies. "i guess." i say. a moment of quiet passes by and i can't shake the face of the girl from my dream. 

"i saw her." i say turning to face carl. "who?" he asks confused. "the kid." i whisper. i can't say it out loud. "you were cooking breakfast and she was coloring. she showed me alexandria and it looked so full of life. i saw negan. he was out, roaming amongst our people. he was playing with her in the gardens." i say spitefully. he doesn't say anything but kisses my forehead. "go to sleep." he says. i watch as he shuts his eyes and i can't drift off. after i know he's asleep i get up and walk to the bathroom. i switch on the light and squint as it blinds me.

i blink a bit as i walk up to the mirror. i pull my shirt up the slightest and see the smallest little bump. if you were to look at me you wouldn't even notice. i turn to the side and in my eyes i look huge. a new feeling rushes over me as i stare at my small stomach. whenever i saw myself i was filled with hatred and disgust but now i almost feel content. i set my hand on my stomach feeling around and i feel myself grinning a bit. i hope it's a girl. i had never given it much thought till recently but if i had to choose i'd pick a daughter. i want her to grow up to be strong and able to take care of herself and our communities. i want her to be a leader, someone people look up to. i want her to be kind and compassionate but also seek justice and fairness. i want her to be like me.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

ha..