'every part of me says 'go ahead' but i got my hopes up again, oh, no, not again.' - tame impala

the bike's engine is so loud we almost miss the car that is driving in front of us. "savior?" i shout loud enough for daryl to hear me. he signals to rick and rick speeds up driving beside us. "savior!" daryl shouts pointing up ahead. daryl speeds up the bike and my hair blows all over my face. i hold on tight to daryl as we fly through the wind, chasing after the car. the closer we get to the car the more the savior tries to speed up. i can see the crates of guns sitting in the back of his car. daryl hands me a gun from the front of his bike and i stand up more to shoot at the driver. i watch as a man pops up from the back with a machine gun and daryl swerves off the road.

i feel the asphalt cut up my back and arms as daryl and i slide across the road. i roll into a ditch and feel some blood run down my forehead. daryl grunts and steadies himself before stumbling over to me. "what the fuck?" i say looking at my bloody hand. "come on." he says helping me up and ripping some of his shirt to hold to my head. he walks over to his bike as i inspect my injuries and he manages to get it up again. "shit's all scraped up." he says looking at his bike as i look at his arm. "look at your arm." i say wobbling over. he grumbles something and sits on the bike starting it up again. 

i get back on behind him, holding on extra tight as we speed off down the road. i see rick's car on the side of the road and the savior's car smoking down in the ditch. daryl and i jump off the bike hoping rick isn't down there. leaves rustle and rick climbs up the side of the ditch with nothing more than a scrape. daryl grabs him and helps him up. "we got the guns." rick says panting as we all look down at the turned-over car. "you look like shit." daryl replies. "let's go see if this asshole's alive." rick says. 

the three of us walk back to the man. he lays there on the side of the road rolling around. "your people back at the chemical plant..did you win?" rick says the man. he groans as he rolls over to face us. "no one did." he answers as blood trickles out of his mouth. "the hell's that supposed to mean?" daryl asks. the man coughs and looks up at us. daryl points his gun down into the man's face, repeating what he had said. "everyone's dead." the man responds weakly. "bullshit." daryl answers. "there's no one else? you're the only one?" rick asks confused. "me. the king. the axe man. and a short-haired psycho lady." the man replies. ezekiel, jerry, and carol. "you did this." the man adds with ragged breathing.

"my people..your people..they're all gone." the man says as he struggles to breathe. i sigh and hope he isn't telling the truth, if he is that means we lost all of the kingdom's best fighters. after another look at the guy daryl walks off leaving rick and i at his side. "and now, me too." the man says as he slowly stops breathing. rick crouches down and sticks his knife through the guy's head before standing up and following daryl down the hill toward the car. carefully, i walk down the hill as weeds tickle my ankles. a sudden feeling of dizziness washes over me and i steady myself. "i'm gonna wait here, i don't feel too good." i shout down to daryl and rick. "sit down before you fall down!" daryl shouts back up to me and i scoff as i sit down in the grass. 

my head pounds as i hold it in my hands and minutes pass by like seconds. it only takes a couple of minutes till i hear grunting and lots of movement coming from behind the car. i get up, thinking it's a walker, and walk down to see daryl holding rick in a chokehold. "what the fuck?!" i exclaim and the car beside me blows up knocking me to the ground as i cover my head. a wave of heat passes by me and i get up fast and rush over to the two. i pant and look at the burning car. "fuck." i mumble noticing the guns are burning up in the trunk of the car. rick and daryl sit at my feet as we all watch the car get eaten by flames. 

"get up." i say as i start to walk toward the hill. they follow behind me in silence like children. i turn and start walking down the road to the car rick left on the side of the road. rick climbs up in it and tries the engine and it doesn't budge. i climb on the back of daryl's bike and rub my head to check if it's still bleeding. "there's a plan. i'm sticking to it." rick says as he starts to walk down the road. "your walkin'?" daryl asks. "yep." rick replies and daryl scoffs as he starts up the bike. the ride back to alexandria was short. my head spins as daryl helps me off the bike. "you should go-" daryl says before i cut him off. "home. yeah." i answer grabbing my bag and walking toward carl's house.

 i open the door and see carl feeding judith. "hey, you just get back?" he asks me. "yeah." i answer. "what happened?" he asks noticing my head and standing up. "motorcycle accident. i'm okay." i answer. "i'm pretty tired. i think i'm gonna hit the sack." i say grabbing a water bottle from the fridge. "let me know if you feel any worse, okay?" carl says sitting back down with judith. "can't slide anything past you, huh?" i ask jokingly and he chuckles a little. the stairs seem like so much work as my feet drag up them. i walk the long hallway till carl's bed comes into view. i rip off my sweaty shirt and pants and toss on a shirt before jumping into bed. it feels good to know i won't fall over now and my head can spin as much as it wants. i forcefully shut my eyes and sleep comes faster than i expected. 

i wake up and the room is dark. carl lies beside me asleep. i groan as my head still aches. i drag myself to the bathroom and take some advil from the cabinet. i turn on the faucet and see blood run down the drain. i look up at myself expecting to see my head bleeding but i see nothing. without really thinking i turn off the light and walk back to carl's room. i must've gotten up too loudly cause i walk in to see carl tossing on a shirt. i notice a bandage on his ribs and i walk over. "what happened?" i ask reaching for the tape. he pulls away quickly. "nothing, just a cut." he answers sitting down on the bed. "i can look at it for you." i say recalling i didn't even get a chance to look at it in the infirmary. "no, just leave it." he answers sternly. 

i quietly scoff and sit down next to him. he sets his hand on mine and looks over at me. the room is dark but i can barely make out his face. "sorry." he says. "it's fine, i snap at you all the time." i reply. "did i wake you up?" i ask him. "no, i can't sleep." he says to me. his hand has travelled from mine to my thigh. before i could get a word out carl leaned in and crushed his lips to mine. this kiss felt different, like something was holding him back. i felt a weird tension i never felt with carl before. for a small eternity, nothing mattered outside of this very kiss, as if it were our last one. i feel his finger trace up my back, causing me to shiver. he tugs the shirt off my torso, then my shorts. i take a breather as he fumbles with his own.

i run my hands up his back as he kisses my neck. i grab at the bottom of his shirt but he pulls away slightly from my neck. "just leave it." he whispers into my ear. his cold hands run all over my bare back as he kisses me but the thought of his injury won't leave my head. 

⋇⋆✦⋆⋇

"i'll be back soon." i say bouncing judith on my hip as we stand next to the pond. "can you say bye-bye?" i ask her and she looks down at her toy. "bye." she whispers then looks back down at her toy. i hand her off to barbra who takes her back inside. i walk up the small hill and meet daryl on the street. "hey." i say and he turns to look at me. "hi." he answers. "i'm glad you came back." i say recalling his mission to the sanctuary as i slept. him and a few others had taken it into their own hands to keep the saviors in but it ended up just one big mess trapping the saviors in more. "they're gonna give up." he says. "i hope." i answer. "here." daryl says pulling a white ribbon from his pocket. he motions for me to lift my arm and he ties is around my bicep. 

"just in case." he says and i look at the tie around his arm. michonne had the idea we needed to label our people to be safer if a fight ever springs out of nowhere, so we are prepared and know who is who. "thanks." i reply and he nods before walking back down the street. i find myself with nothing to kill time till our trip tonight so i stroll over to the infirmary. i rearranged a few shelves, remade a few beds, and put some things away before finding an old ultrasound machine in the closet. i take a moment to inspect it before i plug it in. i take the wand in my hand and stick it over my leg. a fuzzy grey screen pops up. i move the wand around and see the inside of my leg. 

slowly i set it on my abdomen and watch my stomach pop up. a small sac sits in the middle of a dark void. i watch as it floats around in there and i quickly turn it off as my head starts to feel dizzy again. i take a seat on the bed and my ears start to ring. after a second or two, the feeling passes and i stand up, turn the machine off, and stuff it back into the closet. i look out the window and notice the black sky outside. i walk out and the streets seem calm, not loads of people out. i check the clock on the outside of the infirmary and it reads 7:26. 

crickets chirp as i walk down the streets and notice carl over by the gate to the sewers. "what are you doing?" i ask and he jumps a bit. "i'm helping someone. a traveller." he answers. "in the sewer?" i ask confused. before he can answer metal clanging catches both of our attention. "you may be wondering why the hell your lookout didn't sound alarms. see, we are polite. i mean, i don't know when they are gonna wake up from that kind of shot, but they should wake up. so let's just cut the cow shit- you lose. it's over. so you're gonna line up in front of your little houses, and work up some apology, and then the person with the lamest one is gonna get killed. then i kill rick in front of everybody, and we move on." negan announces over a megaphone. 

a group of alexandrians walk down the street looking at carl and i as we look at each other. "you have three- count 'em, three minutes to open this gate, or we start bombing the shit out of you." negan adds. "they got out." i whisper. whistling rings through the community. "come on." carl says closing the lid to the sewer. i stand there frozen. "isa. come on." carl repeats grabbing my hand. we run toward the trucks and more people come out. "we need to make it look like we are leaving through the back. get to the woods, halfway to the quarry, and cut the lights. get enough of a lead on them, hit them, and get away on foot. you know where we'll be. just have to get the guns, get everyone out of here." carl explains to the group of us.

"i'm not leaving you here." i say as negan's voice speaks over us. "two minutes people." he taunts. "you have to, i'll meet you there." carl says handing me a backpack full of food. "no." i answer giving the bag to rosita. "get going. there's going to be people in the infirmary. they're gonna need your help." he repeats. "i'm not leaving." i answer sternly. "go." i say to tobin and a few others as they run down the street. "look, we got guns. we can fight them." tara says. "we will, but not now. carl's right." rosita replies. "carl, we can't just let them have this place." michonne says worriedly. "we can. all you need to do is just survive tonight. this is my show, you said it. this is my plan and you're gonna do it. you're all gonna do it." he answers. tara and rosita take off to the arsenal as michonne tags along behind them. 

"one minute!" negan exclaims. "okeydokey. brought this on yourself, rick." negan says as carl and i run towards the wall. "what are you doing?" i ask as he starts to climb the ladder. "trust me." he says as he stands on the platform. "he's not home." carl shouts down to negan. "holy shit! everybody hold your fire. it's carl." negan chuckles. "look at you. answering the door like a big boy. i am so proud. daddy's not home, huh? well, i guess he's gonna get back to a big ol' smokey surprise!" negan adds. "there are families in here. kids. my little sister." carl says. "well, that shit just breaks my heart. there are kids at the sanctuary. you must've seen 'em. even had a little baby at one of the outposts. wonder what happened to her." negan answers coldly.

"none of this shit's fair, kid. hell, you know that. ergo, we need someone in charge who's willing to do whatever it takes to make sure all the screwed-up shit doesn't happen. oh, wait. that's me." negan adds. "bad stuff does happen, but we can figure this out. we can stop this." carl replies. "oh, now you wanna talk? see, your girlfriend had it that i died, no matter what. you gave my people a choice. not me. now we're gonna need a new understanding. apologies punishment-" negan says and carl cuts him off. "kill me." carl says. "carl!" i shout. i climb up the ladder and look down at negan and his people. "what the fuck are you doing?" i ask him quietly but he doesn't answer. 

"what did you say?" negan asks. "if you have to kill someone, kill me." carl repeats. "shut up." i say to him and he ignores me. "you wanna die?" negan asks with his crooked smile. "no, i don't. but i will. it's gonna happen. and if me dying could stop this, if it can make things different for us, for you, for all those other kids- it'd be worth it." carl explains and negan stares up at us. "i mean, was this the plan? was it supposed to be this way? is this who you wanted to be?" carl asks as tires skirt down the road. i grab carl and we both jump off the wall. "son of a bitch, carl! was that just a play? i thought we were having a little moment, you little asshole! bombs away!" negan shouts and explosions block our path on the road. 

i grab carl's hand as we run the opposite way. the air is slowly replacing itself with smoke and fire casts an orange light on alexandria. carl grabs a smoke bomb out of his bag and tosses it behind us as we run. the church explodes in the distance and i put my arms up in defense. the heat melts me. carl grabs another smoke bomb and throws it behind us. i hold onto his hand as tight as i can and i'm afraid to let go. carl and i pant as we stand in the middle of the town watching people run in all directions. "you okay?" i ask him noticing his weakened posture. he nods and i grab ahold of him, lifting his arm over my shoulders. afraid he was hurt by the bombs i watch carefully where we step.

we both limp and waddle our way over to a house and he leans up against the door panting. "carl." i say holding him upright. "i'm okay." he answers quietly. glass shatters from inside the house and i grab his hand as we both sprint away from the house as it blows up in flames. the weight of carl's body up against mine is too much to hold as we stand in the grass looking at the burning building around us. "where do we go, carl?" i ask him and he takes a deep breath. "tell me what to do, i don't know what to do." i say panicking. he grunts in pain and clutches at his ribs. 

tears fill my eyes and my chest starts to burn with fear, anger, and everything all at once. "come on." i say wrapping my arm around him and i drag us both to the sewer. i push the gate off the top with all my strength and i help him down into the sewer. a man sits on a cot at the end and he gets up as i bring carl down. "what happened?" the man asks and i ignore him. my mind races and i already know what i'm facing. "let me see it." i say through my teeth, holding in my tears. carl takes his hat off and his completion is as white as a ghost. sweat stains his shirt. he lifts it and i peel off the bandage revealing a bite mark. "i got bit." he says defeatedly. my breath hitches and i fall beside him. tears mix with the sweat caked on his face as i look into his eyes. the sewer gates slide open and i jump up holding my gun. 

i see daryl and the rest of our group climb down. "you two make it down okay?" daryl asks as he holds judith in his arms. at the sound of his voice i just sob. he hands judith to tara then walks over and takes my gun. with saddened eyes, he turns the corner and sees carl sitting there on the cot. without any words, he walks back over and grabs judith again. they all sit down against the sides of the sewer in silence. i turn and go back to carl. "why didn't you tell me?" i ask. "i wanted to spend my last day with you without you knowing. it would've messed it up." he says. i hear the sewer gate move again but this time i don't move. rick and michonne come in and michonne starts sobbing as soon as she sits down beside us. 

rick and michonne sit on either side of me as we all just stare at him. explosions continue in the distance and rocks clatter around us. "i don't.." rick mutters. "dad." carl says. "how.." rick mumbles again. "dad.. it's alright. it's gotta be." carl repeats. i shake my head and michonne sets her hand on mine. "i wasn't sure if you'd make it back before..but just in case, you know." carl says taking a stack of letters from his pocket and handing them to rick. "i wanted to make sure i was able to say goodbye. "no. it's them. it's them. they don't- it wasn't." rick mumbles. "carl." i cry. "i got bit, dad. i was bringing someone back. his name's siddiq. we saw him at that gas station, before..it wasn't the saviors. it just happened. i got bit." carl explains. 

"i should've been there. i could've helped you." i say. "there was nothing you could've done." carl says as he coughs. i grab ahold of him and help him lay down on the cot. "better?" i ask and he nods. i sit beside him gently moving the hair out of his face. "yeah.. thanks." he answers. "i, um, i got these." siddiq says and i turn my head full of rage. he is the reason carl got bit. if it weren't for him he would be fine. "they're over-the-counter, non-steroidal, anti-inflammatories. they'll help a little with the fever. they did for my mom and dad. please take them." he says as his voice breaks. 

i can't even look at him as he speaks i focus on carl. i wipe the sweat from his head with my sleeve and he coughs. "you're a doctor?" rick asks. "i was a resident..before. yeah." siddiq answers. "your name's siddiq?" rick adds. "yes." siddiq answers quietly. "did you know he was a doctor?" rick asks. "he wasn't gonna make it alone. he needed us. that's why." carl answers and rick nods. "he was the one at the gas station." rick says choking up. a huge explosion blasts from over the top of us. dust and rocks crumble and rick covers carl to protect him from any falling rocks. 

he starts to cough and i reach for my water bottle. "here. easy." i say holding the bottle for him to drink out of. he takes a sip and lays back down. explosions blast in the distance and i stand up full of anger. "make it stop!" i shout as i walk up to dwight. i push him against the wall as i cry. "make them stop." i say again. dwight looks at me as more explosions boom. "i can't." he says. "you can. you're one of them. they'll listen to you." i reply sternly. he shakes his head. "please." i beg as tears drip off my cheeks. 

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

sorry guys. on another note i am in my hunger games eraaaa..omg you don't get it finnick is the love of my life.