"your lips, my lips. apocalypse." - cigarettes after sex

the gates of hilltop slowly open, greeting rick, michonne, and myself. my face is warm and my puffy eyes droop. the colony walks around as if nothing happened. their lives weren't shifted and flipped upside down. maggie and a few others stand there watching me with sorry eyes. rick and michonne greet her as i stand there staring blankly. she walks up to me and hugs me tight. my arms don't move, i do nothing but stand there. barbra walks up to rick and hands judith over. she smiles as he holds her. my sore eyes look at each person as maggie stands holding my hand as if i will float away if she doesn't keep me to the ground. daryl looks at me and nods as maggie leads me up to the house. 

i follow her to her room and she sits me down on her bed. without any words she grabs me a change of clothes and sets it in my lap. "i'll be outside the door." she says walking outside and shutting the door behind her. i sigh and peel my sweaty, bloody clothes off of me. after i change i pick up carl's hat and set it on maggie's dresser, giving it a safe place to stay. i open the door and she turns and looks at me. "whatever you need just tell me. don't be shy." she says holding a pillow in her hands. she walks past me and switches her pillow out for the new one. she turns and tosses her pillow on the couch sitting against the wall in her room. "you'll stay here till alexandria is cleaned up." she says not giving me a choice. 

"i'm not taking your bed, maggie." i reply dryly. "no point in arguing about it. it's set and done." she replies making up a small bed for her on the couch. "i'll take the couch." i say. i won't have her give up her room for me, she's pregnant she needs rest. "if you get uncomfortable i don't mind switchin'." she sighs giving in to my stubbornness. "okay." i say switching out the pillows once more. i climb onto the couch and lay down facing the back of it. "shout if you need me." maggie says sadly as she closes the door of the room behind her. i sit up and grab the two letters from my backpack. i take them and sit down on the couch. 

i flip them around in my hands before unfolding the one addressed to baby. 

i remember my eighth birthday at the KCC, with a giant cake and my aunt evie showing up on leave, surprising all of us. i remember my mom. i remember my dog codger. i remember school and going to the movies and friday night pizza and cartoons and my grandma and grandpa and church, the summer barbecues and the kiddie pool grandpa rick got me. 

i thought growing up was about getting a job and maybe a family- being an adult. but growing up is about making yourself and the people you love safe. as safe as you can because things happen. they happened before.

i want you to know that your mom and i were so excited to meet you. even in all this chaos with the saviors, you were our reason to keep going. your mom is incredibly strong, and she's been through so much to bring you into this world, you need to listen to her, honour her. but sometimes kids need to show their parents the way too. 

i wish i could be there with you, to hold you in my arms and protect you. but the world is a very different place now. it's a place where we have to fight for what we believe in and fight for a future we can thrive in. i promise you though, that you'll be alright. you have a whole community of family who would do to the ends of the earth for you.

you are going to grow up in a world that's tough and unforgiving, but i have faith in you. you come from a line of strong and resilient people, and you'll carry that strength in your heart. your grandpa, uncles, aunts, and all the people who love you will make sure you never forget where you come from.

i hope you get to hear stories about the world before all of this, about how things used to be when people didn't have to worry about walkers. but I also hope you learn from those stories, so you can make this world a better place when you grow up. make it civilized and safe for your family.

i wish i could be there to see you take your first steps, say your first words, and grow into the amazing person i know you'll become. for now, just know that your mom and i love you more than words can express. she's doing everything she can to make this world safer for you.

stay strong, kid. your journey is just beginning, and i have no doubt you'll do great things. i'll be watching over you, protecting you. and show everyone they can be safe again without killing, that it can feel safe again, that it can go back to being birthdays, schools, jobs and even friday night pizza somehow.

with all my love,

dad.

my hands tremble as my teary eyes scan word to word. i fold up the letter and set it with carl's hat on the dresser. my letter hangs loose in my hands and i shove it back into my bag as i wipe my tears away. a knock rumbles the door and i reach out and open the door. daryl stands there in the doorway with a jar of pickles. i weakly smile and sit back down. he sets the jar on the dresser and sits down next to me rubbing his hands together. i rest my head in my hands, elbows denting into my knees. "you know, i look around and..i think about the people that are gone..and the people that are still here. it ain't right. and it ain't fair." daryl says.

"damn straight." i reply. "we'll keep fighting- until your ready." he says meaning the saviors. "i'm ready. maggie's got lookouts out there." i say confidently and he nods. "every half-mile, waiting to signal each other, i know." he answers. "i'm going, too. we gotta make sure we're all ready." i say. "i'll go with you." he says quickly. "we should split up. cover as much ground as we can." i say with a plan brewing in the back of my mind. "all right. i'll let rick know." he says. "no, leave him be. he needs a day or two. just us." i say making sure my plan goes accordingly. he nods and watches me from the seat next to me. 

"i'm okay." i say through my teeth. "yeah?" he asks quietly and tears start to gather in my eyes. "i'm gonna be okay." i correct myself. a breeze of silence passes over us and i turn to look at him. "thank you- for getting them here." i say referring to the small group that had joined us in the tunnels. 

⋇⋆✦⋆⋇

i sit on top of my car, overlooking the woods, walkie buzzing in my hand. saviors voices speak over the channels, engaging plans to each other. i hear tires rumbling in the distance and i turn to see trucks heading down the road. i look at each car individually and notice negan driving a small black sedan in the middle of the line of cars. i jump off the roof and swing into the driver's seat, hitting the gas. from a distance, i follow the line of saviors into a small town. i drive a street over and as soon as i see negan's car pass by i speed down the alley, t boning him as the rest of his people drive off ahead of him. 

he manages to get away but i screech my tires as i follow behind him. i pick up good speed and hit him once more causing his car to flip and land upside down. the front of my car smokes and i climb out of the passenger's seat, my body too stiff to stand. i tumble out onto the floor and cock my gun as i get up on my feet. i shoot all over the car, breaking glass and denting the metal. i see negan's head pop up and then back down. walkers stumble out into the parking lot we are in and watch as i toss my empty magazine clip to the side before shoving in a new one. 

i watch negan run into the closest building, slamming the door shut behind him just in time as my bullets pelt the door. i run in and trip just as negan swings his bat above my head, missing me completely. i pull out my smaller gun as he runs down the hall. i chase after him, shooting my way down the dark hallway. i watch him run up a staircase and i shoot blanks at him, cursing at myself thinking i should've brought more bullets. he stands at the top and laughs down at me. "hey, kid. you are out of bullets." he says chuckling and i pull out the two combat knives i had scavenged. 

"come on up." negan taunts swinging his bat back and forth. i throw one of my knives and he ducks, letting it hit the wall right behind his head. he stumbles and falls through the railway, holding onto the top floor as he dangles above an opening in the floor to the basement down below. i walk up the stairs and pull my knife from the wall, holding on in each hand. i chuckle lightly as i walk over to him. "oh, you asshole." he grunts and i study his face. his beard is grown to stubble, the scar i had given him is a light pink color across his cheek, and his brown eyes look up at me as i scowl down at him. 

i go to stab his right hand but he pulls away, falling through the open floor into the dusty basement. dust rises and fogs my vision for a second as i cough it away. i run down the stairs and lower myself down into the hole. i flick my lighter open and watch the darkness. "you still alive?" i call out. "i'm a goddamn cat." he replies and i can hear his voice close by. growls of walkers throw me off and i quietly step through broken wood pieces lining the hallways. "so, where's you people?" i ask him, noticing no one has come for him. "they should be here by now. we didn't get that far." i add. "oh, they're coming." he says preoccupied with something. "this is where you die.. in the dark, alone." i taunt as i hear walker bodies fall from the hole in the floor. 

"what the hell is your problem, isa? i mean, i know you're working through some shit- the worst kind of shit, i know- but if you aren't the most stubborn know-it-all bitch i've ever crossed dicks with..why didn't you just let me save you, isa? i'm good at it." he asks and his voice becomes more clear the further i walk down this hallway. "i saved everybody at the sanctuary, the outpost, the kingdom, hilltop- i saved them all. their kids..can grow up safe. they didn't lose one after we took over." he adds and the sound of thumping leads me further down the darkness. "all those people were just doing fine before rick grimes!" negan shouts. i click my lighter back on and see the word 'eaters' spray painted on a door. 

my heart flutters at the sound of metal dropping to my right. "you've not only failed your boyfriend, you failed your people, isa. kind of makes me sick thinking about it. all that wasted potential. but, see, there's hope for you. a one-time deal that i will make in memory of your bad-ass boyfriend, someone that i actually respected. you get rick to get hilltop, alexandria, and kingdom to fall in line, and our arrangement is back in place, and you are forgiven, isa. i will lower my take from 50% to 25%- a lousy 25%. but you, you gotta come work for me. janitorial to start- not too bad. your people, they get to live like 75% kings! now, that is an epic fuckin' christmas-hanuka-kwanzaa gift all rolled together in one, considering what a pain in my ass you've been." negan explains and i can hear him even more clearly now.

"now, why would i trust any deal offered to me after what you did to jadis' people?" i ask remembering how he left her for dead after slaughtering her whole community. "what the hell are you talking about?" he asks and i scoff. "the scavengers. you killed them- all of them. a whole community just wiped out." i say and he stays quiet. "is that how you 'save' people?" i ask him. "still just me and you..even though plenty of your people must've seen you go. see, in times like this, you realize who your true friends are. no one's coming for you." i say seeing his shadow shining up against the concrete wall. a smirk grows on my face as i hold up my knives. 

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

i like this chapter idk why.