✓ : 11/7/20
✎ : 925
✿ : fluff, humor
ϟ : language

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"Oi, Caesar. Wanna watch some football tonight? Drinks on me."

"Sure."

Caesar stares dumbfounded at the soccer match on the screen.

"JoJo, what the fuck is this?"

"Football." Joseph replies like it's the most obvious thing in the world, but all Caesar hears coming out his mouth is fwootbol.

"This is soccer. The one where people bulldoze into each other and carry that oval-shaped ball, that's football."

"What?" Wot. "Shush, I can't hear the commentary."

Caesar sighs exasperatedly at his partner. New York his ass.

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"Where the fuck is my jumper?!"

"Your what?"

"My jumper!"

"What? Jump— what the hell's a jumper, for starters?"

"Those long-sleeved woolen shirt things you wear to keep warm? How do you not know what a jumper is?!"

"You mean a sweater?"

"It's a jumper!" Joseph snaps, before storming off to the next room yelling for Suzie Q. Now that he understands what Joseph is referring to, Caesar realizes he just saw a sweater in the bathroom; but judging from how much arguing ensued the last time he tried to help? Caesar thinks he'll keep his mouth shut this time.

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"Caesar... there are so many spelling mistakes in this, I can hardly read it." Joseph hands his English assignment back to him. "Read over it once more, won't you?"

Caesar does, but as far as his English skills go (far enough to converse with the accent disaster that is Joseph), he can't spot any. "What do you mean, "so many"?"

"Like, here." Joseph sighs like a fed-up teacher, picking up his red pen and beginning to underline various words. ""Embarrassing" has two r's. "Sizable" is spelt s-i-z-e-a-b-l-e. "Labor," l-a-b-o-u-r. "Fueled" has two l's. And then, just a bunch of z's that should be s's? All of that is wrong."

"It's not wrong." Is Joseph teaching him English or the other way around? "The "embarrassing" is my bad, but everything else is just spelled the American way. Shouldn't you know this?"

"I don't know? It all sounds the same, why does there have to be two different spellings?" Joseph grumbles. "And anyhow, British English came first. You should do it the British way."

Caesar clicks his tongue. "JoJo, writing long passages like these are hard enough. I can't suddenly change the way I spell everything just because you prefer one over the other."

"Why can't you? Seems easy enough to me."

Well, when you have to learn something from Lisa Lisa, and then reinforce it with Joseph's help, it can't possibly be easy. "English is my second language, alright? Sorry if I'm a bit slow on the uptake."

He pushes the papers and pens away. Enough studying. He just wants to go read Italian signs and order from Italian baristas and vibe to Italian music and be in an Italian-only environment, in general.

"Wait, Caesar! I didn't mean it that way. I'm sorry."

He only knows "don't worry about it" and some variants of "it's fine," but obviously he's not fine.

"Caesar! Caesar, wait!" Joseph jumps in front of him, blocking his path. Caesar tries his best to avoid his puppy-dog eyes as Joseph clings onto him, hands squeezing Caesar's limp ones. "I'm sorry. I was being an idiot. As I usually am, you know, like you keep telling me. Hey, Caesar? Look at me, babe. Please? I said I'm sorry, didn't I? Caesar?"

It is admittedly getting increasingly hard for him to keep a straight face, but Caesar does it. He breaks, however, when Joseph's incessant pleading is suddenly replaced by a shy murmur:

"Well, uh... er... how do you fucking say it... ti amo?"

"Cosa?!" That's it. That's all he can take. Caesar bursts out laughing, not just at Joseph's blushy face and childish pout, but also at the way he completely butchered it, tee ammo. Fucking "ammunition." He passingly congratulates himself for knowing such a complicated word, but his attention is yanked right back when Joseph starts yelling:

"What?! Shut up! Caesar— Caesar, shut the fuck up! Or I'll never say it again!"

With difficulty, Caesar gasps out in between stifled laughs:

"That's— haha... that's fine with me. You're better off just sticking to English, tesoro."

"What? Wait, what did you just say?"

"Too bad you're not bilingual, hmm?"

"Shut up! I said I'm sorry!" Joseph swipes at him, Caesar dodging the hit easily. "Caesar, you arsehole! My Italian isn't that bad! I mean, you could still understand it, couldn't you? How should I have said it then?"

"Ti amo, Joseph." Caesar says, with a fond smile. The full name apparently takes Joseph aback — a new blush blooms on his face as his mouth hang slightly open, hands going slack inside Caesar's. Then he asks, not entirely cheekily:

"Wait. Say it again?"

"Ti amo." Caesar does, raising an eyebrow as Joseph grows quiet. "Aren't you going to repeat after me?"

"So you can just laugh at me again? I'd rather not, thank you very much." Joseph huffs, turning away and crossing his arms like a bratty child. Caesar knows they're both forgiven, though, when he catches sea-green eyes glancing back and forth at him:

"Well... maybe if I hear it a lot of times, I'll catch on. So just keep saying it, alright?"

"Alright, amore." Caesar smirks, and the rest of their afternoon is spent out on the streets of Venice, Caesar flexing his Italian while Joseph complains about not being able to understand a thing the whole time.

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jk no sexe here ya n🅰️sties only wholesomeness

bilingual caesar, where lisa lisa gave him one of her terrible, stress-inducing crash courses in english & stubborn joseph comes and ruins it all smh

there has to be fics abt joseph's panties-dropping english accent & how it gives caesar heart palpitations tho...... WHERE ARE THEY this is british accent craze erasure smFh

anyhow tho.... all languages & accents r beautiful and valid hfjsjfgnshsm