trigger warnings !!

mentions of child abuse,
child parenting a parent, 
drug & alcohol abuse

white wine and cigarettes | jason todd
004 | maturity
softcore | the neighbourhood

"In our first session you mentioned that your biological father was an asshole, care to elaborate?" 

"He was abusive and used to hit me, toss me around a bit, yell at me. He was always drunk off his ass.if I did something wrong or what seemed wrong then I was in trouble" Jason started.

"What about your mother? Where was she during this?" Macy questioned.

"The woman I lived with at the time wasn't my biological mother but I wish she would have been. She was always high but when she wasn't she was the best mother, she would read to me, lay with me. But when she was high or drunk I would have to stay awake all night long to make sure she didn't drown in her own vomit. Most of the time I took care of her instead of her taking care of me." Jason explained.

"From what I gather from all this is you had to parent yourself except for the times where your mother wasn't using. Am I correct?"

"Yes."

"When a child experiences stress in their childhood it speeds up the maturing process so parts of the child's brain is matured more than other parts. It causes that child to become a mini teen or adult even to protect and help that child survive in certain environments. Does this make sense so far?"

"I think so, basically I had to parent myself because of the environment I was living in?"

"In your case it's because of two factors. One being unfair responsibility. Earlier you said that your father became violent if something was done wrong. This causes the fear of imperfection in a child, causing them to be more mature so they won't get hurt. Do you understand?"

"So because of what my father did I grew up way too fast out of fear?"

"Precisely. You feared imperfection more because you knew if you weren't perfect something bad would happen to you."

"Ohh okay, that makes more sense. What's the second factor?" Jason questioned, understanding factor one better.

"The second factor being role reversal. Where whoever the caregiver is supposed to be switches roles with the child, where the child takes care of the adult. Similar to what you were doing with your mother. How you stayed awake watching over her so she wouldn't choke. That's more of a parenting job, not a job for a child." Macy took her time explaining watching the wheels turn in Jason's head.

"It's my parents' fault that I grew up quicker?"

"Yes, It's a branch into your trauma, it's probably not the main thing but it is what affected your maturity and how you grew up. For example, when Batman lets your allies get injured, you have an outburst out of fear. That fear could be many things but it could be because of your biological father. The first session you said Batman was like a father figure to you, when your allies such as Red Robin for example, get injured you fear that Batman may do something to them because they aren't being perfect. You're projecting your trauma. Or you get worried because you're more of a caregiver. You care about what happens to them because you think nobody else does. You want to protect them and take care of them" Macy was hesitant to explain this not wanting an outburst to occur but she felt like Jason deserved to know.

Jason stood there in shock letting all this information sink in. They unpacked a lot in today's session, a lot more than Jason would have thought. He doesn't like feeling vulnerable and right now he's feeling it. It's a change for him, opening up isn't something he does, that's something Nightwing does, not him.

"How about we end today's session? Continue this next week?" Macy shuts her file on Jason before standing up to put it away. It was a decent size at this point even though this would be their third or fourth session.

"Okay, we can continue next week." Jason practically whispered, not used to having parts of his trauma exposed.

"You can call me if you need me, if not then I'll see you next Thursday." Macy smiled as Jason walked towards her window. Leaving her place by the fire escape near her window. 

author's note !!

this is currently my favourite story 
to write, I wanted to be a therapist or
psychologist at one point so I know
quite a bit on this type of stuff so 
I guess it's finally becoming useful lol