（Ｏｓｗａｌｄ ＰＯＶ）

      Parenting was hard. Oswald Cobblepot had no idea how his mother did it all by herself. She was a strong and brave woman. Maybe it was easier raising a boy like Oswald, but it was much harder raising a wild and untamable teenage feline like Selina.

      Holy crap, the girl was wild and didn't follow any rules. They hardly had rules at all for the young thief but Oswald suspected they may have to start making more rules since Selina Kyle had a habit of sneaking out of the manor no matter what time it was.

      His husband, Edward Nygma, trusted her enough to know she wouldn't get into TOO much trouble. Oswald tried trusting her...until he heard Selina talking on the phone with a boy. And not just any boy. Bruce fucking Wayne.

      He didn't trust that boy, oh hell no. He knew they were close but they seemed to be getting even closer. Selina has said up and down that they weren't dating, but she had this little look in her eyes she managed to cover up pretty well. The same look he had when he had a crush on Edward. She was far too young for a relationship, she had such big plans ahead of her and Selina had mentioned this before. She was more focused on her criminal career instead of a "stupid boy."

      This seemed to soothe him somewhat. If only the damn Cat would stop sneaking out. Just earlier today he went into her room to ask what she wanted for lunch and found her gone. Poof. Just like that. Her window was open, signaling that she had once again snuck out of the manor. Selina was going to be the death of him.

      "Ed, our little kitten ran away again." Oswald told Ed, who was helping him get ready. "She needs some rules."

      "Where did she go?" Ed asked, but it was nearly certain to the both of them where she might have gone.

     "I wish I knew! Probably she went out to meet that guy, Bruce Wayne." Oswald said, scowling now as his voice soured at the thought of the Wayne Brat. "I've never liked him."

      "Oswald, relax. They're teenagers, it's normal." Ed said as he folded one of the shirts. "Also, do you remember our first date? We sneaked out of that conference meeting to stay together."

      The memory brought a smile to Oswald's face before remembering the situation they were currently in and shook off the feeling. "But we're both adults, Edward! She's still a kid and it's our duty to protect her. Especially from that guy."

      Oswald had been getting close with Selina since they adopted her. Sure, she was a handful, but the girl had a history and layers. Somehow, Oswald was able to peel down all those layers to see the real her. He would do anything to keep her safe. Well, as safe for a thief like her.

      "Stop worrying. She can take care of herself." Ed replied, both of them knowing that this was true. She took care of herself for over a decade, it amazed and horrified Oswald hearing this. "But...there's something we need to do. It's time, Oswald."

      Oswald looked confused, staring at his taller husband as he tried to figure out for a moment what he was talking about before finally asking. "Time for what?"

      He could tell Ed was trying to suppress a smirk. "The 'Talk,' Oswald." Oh...OH! Oh god, oh god, oh hell no, ohhhhh good lord no.

      Oswald looked at Ed with the most horrified and bewildered expression. Selina was sixteen for crying out loud, surely she didn't need The Talk! "Are you kidding me?"

      Ed's smirk was spreading, giving Oswald a very uncomfortable feeling. "Oh and...it's all up to you! Let me know how it goes!" And with that, Edward left the room far too quickly for Oswald to follow.

      He stood there for a moment, letting the awkward and terrible situation settle in. He was going to give Selina The Talk...oh god, give him the strength to not murder his husband. If everything turned out the way he was predicting, Oswald could see himself being a widow.