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•hoseok •

I've been working so hard.

I've spend months on writing the lyrics,

Weeks to film the MV.

Sometimes I had to start again.

Again and again,

Till it was perfectly perfect.

Because ARMY's deserve the best of me.

And now I've finally done it.

It'll soon be released, I'm so proud of myself.

It's time to get some rest,

Finally.

I sit on a chair, next to Sejin hyung, our manager, Bang PD-nim and the rest of Bangtans in one of Bighit's building meeting rooms.

I'll release my song in a few,

I'm sure ARMY are waiting for it impatiently!

There were so many nice comments on Shadow, they totally liked Yoongi hyung's interlude!

I hope it will be the same for me.

- How are you feeling hyung? Jungkook asked.

- I don't know, probably excited, I know ARMY's have been waiting for a long time!

- Not too stressed? Sejin hyung asked.

He and PD-nim laughed a bit when I made a face.

- No, not really. I said casually.

- Well, let's release it then! PD-nim said with a cheerful tone.

We all watched the screen as the number of views kept getting higher and higher.

Just like the flow of comment, there were so many people commenting at the same time that we didn't even have the time to read.

I was kinda happy, I'll check on the comments later in the day, when less comments will be flowing.

- Wow, hyung, I'm so proud of you! You made it all by yourself, congratulations! Namjoon said.

- Yeah, you worked so hard to make it just as perfect as you wanted it to be. Jimin added.

- Now you should finally get some rest, shouldn't you? Jin said with a smile on his face.

- Yeah, let's head back to the dorm. Yoongi hyung said.

- But first, lamb skewers! The maknae cheered.

As soon as they headed back home, after going to the restaurant to celebrate the release of Ego, Hoseok ran into his room, opening the YouTube app on his phone.

It was 9:41pm

He was more than excited,

But his smile quickly faded away when he saw the first comment.

"Too much autotune, can't he just rap correctly, without needing assistance?!"

- Well, not everyone has to like the song, let's read the next ones. I whispered to myself with half of a fake smile.

"If the other songs of the album are like this one, there's no point in wasting my time listening to them. Stop streaming ARMY!"

"How could this lazy fat ass dare, seriously, the lyrics are repetitive and not even that deep, I'm clearly disappointed in BTS."

"Shitty song, shitty rapper, shitty visuals."

"Ewww not him again, he's been dragging BTS down for 7 years NOW. How is he still there? QUIT BTS JUNG HOSEOK!"

- No... This can't be true... I did my best! I worked so hard!

I continued scrolling down the page, reading the awful comments about how useless I am and how horrible my song was.

I'm lost.

I thought I did this the right way, I spend months working on the lyrics...

I'm..

I'm so disappointed in myself...

But it's okay

[it's not]

I'll do better next time

[or never]

I'll work hard and prove them wrong!

[it'll never be enough]

I'll trust myself

[they see my flaws, I better trust them.]

•omniscient•

The next days, Hoseok seemed less and less cheerful.

His bright and joyful self was fading away.

He was working harder than he ever did.

Black swan's dance practice will be filmed and released soon.

He has FOUR days.

FOUR days to look his best, to show ARMY his high dancing skills.

FOUR days to prove them that's he plays a specific role in BTS.

He is a main dancer for God's sake!

So he has to show the example to the others.

He has to work harder.

But it was too much for his mind.

He kept practicing, again and again

From early in the morning, way earlier than the time the sun rises.

Till late at night, hours after the moon showed up, lighting the dark night's sky.

-Bighit building, dance hall n°3-

Black swan was blasting through the dance hall.

It was 20 past midnight.

There wasn't a single soul in the Bighit building

Exept Hoseok.

He was practicing Black swan.

Again.

For the nth time today, he started again.

He kept 'missing' too much moves.

'Messing' all the choreography.

His legs were trembling from working on the same steps all day long with only two 10 minutes breaks.

His breathing doesn't seem to come back to normal and his heart kept beating at a rapid and irregular pace.

He closes his eyes for awhile, allowing himself to get a drink.

He feels hot,

Too hot.

So hot he nearly felt dizzy and nauseous.

But he got no time for sickness.

He has to be perfect,

For his band mates,

For ARMY.

But little did he know he was way too hard on himself and his body was exhausted.

He had barely eaten anything since yesterday, but there was no time to eat.

He has to practice more.

More.

And MORE!

Till his body falls limp on the cold hard floor.

- Let's go back to wo-

- You ain't doing anything more hyung, you're going to pass out if you keep practicing this way, you were here from 4am till now! Let's head back to the dorm. Taehyung said.

The fact is his breathing was so heavy and his heart beating so loud in his ears he didn't even heard his dongsaeng coming in.

He was still sitting on the floor, his body too numb, his muscles too tensed for him to move.

- Here , let me help you. The younger one whispered, giving him his hand to help the rapper on his foot.

- Hoseok hyung! You're trembling! Have you had something to eat today? He asked worriedly.

- I bought cup noodles at noon.

This was the truth, he did buy cup noodles at the supermarket during one of his breaks.

Key word: buy.

Buying something to eat doesn't mean eating it.

In fact, the noodles were still standing next to his sports bag, still in the plastic bag from the supermarket.

- You shouldn't overwork yourself like this. Once we get back home, you'll eat something then go to sleep. I'll call Sejin hyung to ask if you can skip tomorrow's dance pract-

- NO! I-I'll be fine Taetae, I'll just rest a bit and it'll be okay, there's no need to worry! J-Hope said hurriedly.

-Umh ok I suppose. But I'll make sure you get enough sleep, you could just come a little bit later.

-O-okay... He sighed.

/t i m e s k i p/

His body was so exhausted because of extreme practice that he didn't woke up on time that day. Taehyung told the rest what actually happened and asked Sejin if Hoseok could skip today's practice but he refused. At least, he was ok with the fact that Hoseok comes later as he practiced till late yesterday.

•hoseok•

I woke up at 10 am.

10 am..

10 am!

I'm late for practice!

I hurried in the bathroom, getting quickly ready and I ran to the Bighit building.

- I'm sorry for late! I shouted as I blurted into the dance hall.

Everyone's eyes were on me.

I felt embarrassed so I just walked fast to my position and we started to dance.

Why were they looking at me that way?

What have I done again?

I couldn't concentrate as my mind was busy trying to figure out why my bandmates were looking at me just like...

Just like they were talking about me?..

No.

This couldn't be that.

-.. seok! Please focus! The choreographer shouted, playing the music again.

I did my best, dancing with all the energy my body had, sweating like crazy untill we finally were able to pause for 10.

I looked at myself in the mirror.

I look so pale.

And my breathing won't come back.

But it's nothing I can't deal with.

- Here Hoseok, drink this. You did very well, as usual. Yoongi hyung said.

Was he being sarcastic?

His smile wiped off that thought of my head, no, he's just telling the truth.

I smiled back at him and thanked him, telling him he did great too.

- Yeah haha, but next time Hoseok, just stay focused okay? The choreographer said with a smile.

•omniscient•

Actually these words weren't meant to hurt the rapper.

But he had been trough so much these days.

He was emotionally worn out.

He couldn't take it anymore.

He lets out a sob.

Everyone's face turned his way, nobody thought he'd cry.

His body was trembling from the previous efforts and his breathing, that he managed to get back, just sped up again as he cried as loud as he could.

- I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry!

That's all he could say.

The others didn't know how to react, their cheerful sunshine had never cried in front of them.

He usually was the one who comforts, not the crying or sad one.

Taehyung was the first one to move, getting closer to Hoseok, till he drops on his knees, just next to him

He pulled the other in a tight embrace, whispering sweet nothings into his ears with that deep, calm voice of his.

He stroked the rapper's hair with one hand and rubbed circles on his back with the other one.

- It's okay, you're okay now Hobi hyung, I'll be there for you, please don't cry. Taehyung whispered.

- I'm so sorry, I messed the album with my song, I'm not talented enough to be in this band.

- Don't tell such silly things like that. Jin hyung said with a comforting voice.

- Yeah, you know your talented, you're our hope! Jimin added.

- Hyung, how many times should I remind you that you're my inspiration! How many? Tell me so I can start off right now. BTS is not BTS when a member missing. You're important to us, you're important to ARMY. Jungkook said with tears in his eyes.

- But ARMY said-

- These aren't true ARMY's, they're just spilling their hate because they're jealous of how perfect and handsome you are. Taehyung said, hugging Hoseok tighter.

- B-but..

- No buts Hoseok hyung, I can't prevent you from getting hate comments but you can't let them change you! Don't let them win, show them who you are! Namjoon cut short.

- Trust yourself hyung. Taehyung murmured.

- T-trust myself..

Hoseok face lit up and a big smile erased all the tears.

He knows who he is, he trusts himself.

- Thank you all very much, thank you Taetae! He said smooching a big kiss on the younger's cheek.

Taehyung quickly went red and the dance hall got filled with laughter.

______________________________

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