CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR

˚ I'M NOT ALICE ˚

"You can't wake up, this is not a dream."

THEY WERE all welcomed with open arms, not any hesitation hanging in the air. Sure nobody really talked to them, but that was understandable. Their group was still untrusted, and frankly so were they. There wasn't any trust yet, and Reign knew it was going to be a while until that formed.

She knew she shouldn't have said those things to Deanna, but in reality it wouldn't have been Reign if she didn't say anything at all. It was just who she was. She couldn't help but call people out on their bullshit, even if it meant they didn't like her. She fed off their glares, off their judgement. It was just something she had learned to do over the years.

It was nearing the late evening, the sun turning a vibrant orange in the sky. Everyone had had their interviews, spoken to Deanna and now they were getting settled in their new houses the community had given to them. Despite the two houses spaced side by side, Rick insisted that everyone stay in the same one tonight, just for precaution.

"Rey, go shower. You smell," Dylan teased, pulling a shirt over his head. His hair was dripping wet, but his skin appeared to be ten shades lighter. That only proved how long they were out there, as all the dirt, sweat and blood had soaked into their skin.

"I'm okay," Reign refused, sitting all curled up on the living room sofa. Everyone else was getting mattresses set up in the living room, determined to all sleep on the same level. Others were still exploring the community, and some were already asleep, like Eugene.

"Seriously, go wash up," Dylan said in a more serious tone.

"I don't want to," Reign argued, biting her lip.

Dylan chuckled lightly, standing in front of his sister. "Why? Don't you want to feel clean?"

"I don't want to settle in Dill, not until we know for sure we're staying," she explained. Dylan only nodded, understanding where she was coming from. Neither of them wanted to become attached again.

"Having a shower doesn't mean you're settling in, Rey," he said softly, sending her a small smile.

She sighed, realizing her brother was right. "Okay. I'll be down in a few minutes," she said, getting up.

"Take your time," Dylan said, kissing her on the cheek as she passed him.

She used the wall to guide her through the dark hallway, totally forgetting about the benefit of electricity until Carl flipped on the light from the top of the stairs. "Jesus," Reign gasped, leaning against the wall in fright. "You scared me."

"I scared Reign Dixon?" Carl gaped sarcastically, laughing. Reign was surprised he called her Dixon, as that wasn't a suffix she was use to. She didn't bother correcting him however.

"Shut up," she laughed, walking up the stairs.

"I call that room," Carl blurted out quickly, pointing to a fairly decent sized room beside them with giant open windows.

"Um, excuse me but whoever said I was living in the same house as you?" Reign snickered playfully, nudging Carl in the arm.

"Oh true. I don't really want to get infected with toe fungus," Carl remarked.

"Bug off," Reign laughed, flicking the teen's sheriff hat.

The two of them laughed at one another before going their separate ways- Carl going downstairs while Reign walked up. She found the bathroom easily, flipping on the light before closing the door.

She couldn't remember the last time she had actually seen a working toilet and shower, let alone use it. It was so simple yet so foreign, as if she had mentally destroyed the possibility in her mind of ever using such normality ever again.

Taking in a deep breath, she slipped off her black jeans and leather jacket, leaving her in just a navy t-shirt and black underwear. She then proceeded to remove her tank top before turning to look in the mirror. She winced at the sight, running her fingers along the bumpy texture of her ribcage poking through her skin. Her gaze was then directed to her shoulder, where a scar of her bullet wound should be, but instead it was smooth, thanks to Damon's vampire blood.

She gulped, before stripping naked and hopping into the shower. She felt so exposed, so vulnerable. She had to practically force herself to turn on the tap, snap herself out of her frozen trance.

She jumped at the cold water, frantically trying to turn it warm. After a few seconds the water warmed, polishing her skin with a pleasing and comforting warmth. She watched with wide eyes as the water beneath her turned an opaque black, as if her body was leaking the liquid. Only then did she realize it was all the dirt lifting from her skin.

She used the soap provided for her to clean her long, raven black hair along with the rest of her body. After she had successfully cleaned herself of dirt, sweat and blood, she just stood there. She stood underneath the shower head where the water flowed freely, frozen in place. She kept her eyes closed, just standing there peacefully.

In that moment, time didn't seem to exist. Her mind was without a thought, just blank, offering true tranquility. She forgot about the ones she had lost, about the dark world they now lived in. For now she let herself believe she was somewhere else, that she was someone else. She allowed herself to believe she was finally safe, that she had entered some sort of mystical safe haven; some perfect wonderland. 

At that sudden thought that pounced into her head, Reign's eyes shot open, reality slapping her in the face.

She was not Alice. This was not wonderland.

She was not some loner that had stumbled down the wrong path, down some rabbit hole. She was not lost, not distracted or consumed by the fake world around her. She knew better than to think this place offered them protection from reality. It only had walls that hid the visibility of the nasty world. It didn't erase the reality.

Just like that, her shower had come to an end. She forced herself to get out despite her body that craved more. She turned it off and wrapped a towel around her small and now clean body. She didn't put on her old clothes, but rather travelled to one of the rooms next door that had drawers of old clothes.

She explored her options, deciding on black leggings and a maroon coloured long sleeve henley.  She decided to bring her old clothes downstairs to wash sometime later, but for now she was desperately craving sleep.

She joined everyone downstairs as they were already set up and laying in their beds, talking away. She went to her bed that she had made for herself earlier, only to realize it was occupied by none other than Rosita.

"You're in my spot," Reign growled, standing above Rosita who sat happily on the single mattress. Reign had it perfectly positioned beside the wall just under the window as that was the spot that felt most familiar to her. She always slept underneath windows- not any further as that offered a greater chance that someone could shoot you from outside. She liked to sleep directly underneath them against the wall so she remained practically hidden. Plus, she had positioned her bed away from everyone else, as the mattress was near the kitchen while everyone else slept in the living room.

The only people that were close to her were Michonne, Bonnie and Dylan, but they were people she actually liked. Rosita, not so much.

"Didn't know it was taken," Rosita shrugged casually, not moving an inch.

"Well you know now, so move please." Reign waved her hands as if to shoo her away.

"No," Rosita laughed lightly, careful not to cause attention. "I was here first."

Before Reign could say something back, there was a knock on the door. Rick answered it, revealing Deanna who made her way in. "Oh my," Deanna gaped with a smile, staring at Rick's clearly shaven face. He did look different, that was for sure. "

"I didn't know what was under there," she smiled, causing Rick to look uncomfortable. It was quite funny, and if Reign wasn't so annoyed with Rosita she would have laughed.

"I don't mean to interrupt, but I just wanted to see how you're all settling..." she paused, glancing around the room at their set up. "Wow." She smiled in awe. "You're staying together. Smart."

"No one said we couldn't," Rick said, holding the door open for the leader.

"You said you're all a family- that's what you said," Deanna beamed proudly, amazed at them all. "It's amazing that people with completely different backgrounds can become that."

"Everyone said you gave them jobs," Rick said, narrowing his eyes. "I didn't get one."

"What? Me neither," Reign intervened.

"Well, you're all part of this place which means everyone has to contribute," Deanna explained. "The only people I haven't given jobs to is you, Michonne, Daryl and Reign. I just can't seem to figure the Dixons out." She laughed lightly. "But don't worry, I will."

Deanna just stood there smiling for a few seconds before giving a quick nod. "Goodnight everyone." She smiled kindly.

"Goodnight," Rick said, closing the door after as she left.

After that everyone seemed to take that as a sign to get to bed, the chatter dying down. However, Reign was far from getting settled down, as she was still determined to get her bed back.

"Rosita, stop being such a bitch and give me my goddamn bed back," Reign said tiredly. She honestly wasn't in the mood.

"You think I'm giving up this spot?" Rosita chuckled, amused by Reign's anger.

"Give it back!" Reign said louder, trying hard not to cause a scene. Rosita was making it increasingly difficult, but stubborn Reign wasn't just going to let this go. There was always that one person that nobody could just ignore, and let them get away with shit- and Rosita was that person. She annoyed the living daylights out of Reign.

"No!" Rosita said with a disgusted look, waving Reign off.

Reign bent down to Rosita's level, getting right in her face so they didn't draw the group's attention. "What the fuck did I ever do to you, huh?" Reign snarled viciously, in a hushed whisper.

"It's not what you did do Reign. It's what you didn't do," Rosita said, nearly spitting in Reign's face.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Reign snapped, fighting back the urge to grip the girl by the collar of her shirt.

"Oh I think you know what it means. All of us work together to survive, looking out for one another. You? You only do what's best for yourself. Dragging us into this shit hole of a town. For all we know it's another trap. The people we lost? Bob, and Beth, their deaths are on you. I mean, who knows, maybe you traded Bob to the Termites and got him killed. Hell, if you didn't have to be such a bitch and do whatever you want and didn't go after that damn officer, Beth would still be here right now!" Rosita accused with a deathly tone, the kind that sent a physical pain radiating throughout Reign.

Her words felt as if a knife had pierced her heart, her whole body going weak. Reign wasn't the kind to take shit from people, but this time she actually believed the words Rosita was saying. If she had been more attentive, maybe she would've noticed Bob gone sooner. If she hadn't been caught up in her rage, she wouldn't have gone after Dawn, and Beth wouldn't have had to take a bullet. Hell, maybe her need to satisfy herself had lead them to another crazy town that was a ticking time bomb, just waiting to explode.

"No," Reign whispered, standing up. She was in shock, too overwhelmed to be thinking straight. She was messed up, silently crying out for help but her emotionless wired brain didn't know how to react. She didn't know how to express herself properly, how to talk to people.

"Believe it," Rosita muttered, rolling her eyes.

"Fuck you," Reign screamed, finally breaking.

Only then did everyone have their eyes on her, the room silent as everyone sat up. "Rey, wha-" Dylan tried to say, but she cut him off.

"Fuck all of you," she cried, before storming out of the house, and running down the street in the middle of the dark night.

________________________

Please vote, share and comment!

Thank you my readers! :)

-tay

xoxoxox

[EDITED: 07/30/18]