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"I know there's no life after you"

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I gasp, my eyes shooting open wide with fear and confusion. I look around but see nothing other than a deep blue abyss. The farther I look, the whole world around me seems to be black, but as I hold my hands up to my face, I see a shade of deep blue reflecting off my fair skin.

I must be underwater, but I can breathe perfectly fine. I open my mouth and take a breath, but I don't take in any water or oxygen.  I have no fear, nor worries, no emotion at all actually. It's like I'm just floating.

I see bubbles all around me, so I raise my hands to touch them. To my surprise, they don't pop. They don't even move. They're frozen there, and suddenly I realize so am I. It dawns on me that I have no idea where I am, and suddenly I find it hard to breathe.

Suddenly the bubbles move, and the world around me feels cold, like I'm submurged in water. As I take in a breath, my lungs fill with water causing me to choke. Suddenly I can't breathe, can't even think when suddenly a hand latches onto mine, pulling me up to the top where I can finally breathe again.

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I wake with a gasp, my hand latched onto a very firm one. My eyes stare up at the ceiling of the familiar Forbes house, fearful and wide. Suddenly a comforting shade of hazel blue eyes appear above me, a familiar man staring at me with a mixture of relief, anger, love, and disappointment.

"Hey," I groan, instinctively placing my hand on the where the wound to my heart should be. To my relief, it's gone; the plan worked. "I can explain-"

"You don't have to," James signs, still holding my hand as I lay in his lap on the floor. "Bonnie explained everything." 

"So you're not mad?" I ask, raising my brow hopefully.

"Oh no I'm still mad. Furious actually," he says before leaning down and placing his lips on mine.  As he breaks away, he stays only an inch apart, just hovering above me.

"Mad?" I tease.

"Absolutely furious." He smiles charmingly, before leaning down again to kiss me.

We're interrupted by Damon who lets out an audible growl from beside us. "Wanna explain?" he scolds. 

"Yeah! Wanna explain why I wasn't in on this genius plan?" Joel suddenly asks, appearing beside Damon.

"It wasn't dangerous okay! Bonnie and I had this whole thing planned out from this morning! You guys couldn't know otherwise your reaction wouldn't have been real," I try to explain as James helps me stand.

"You almost died Blair! We thought you were dead!" Damon argues.

"Actually, I thought this whole thing through. Bonnie had my life on a protection spell, so I couldn't have died," I explain, leaning against James. I can't tell if he's actually mad or not, but I'm sure I'll find out later.

"And how did you know this spell would work? What if you didn't come back to life?" Damon presses, his eyes wide.

"Good question brother," I say, smiling at Bonnie who smiles back. "You see, Bonnie and I had a back up plan. A while back, Klaus gave me a jar of his blood in case any of us encountered a werewolf bite, and Bonnie and I used a little bit to link my life to his. Seeing as he's immortal, I couldn't have died." I smile proudly.

Damon only stares at me, not sure what to say. The plan may have been stupid, but it wasn't dangerous. I would not go to such lengths of putting myself into a position where I could cause pain upon James and Theo, nor my brothers. I have grown to move past that.

"Why didn't you tell us?" Damon growls.

"The less who knew the better okay? It made it more real, and Caroline wasn't playing games," I explain. Honestly I just wanted me to be the one to do it, as I didn't want there to be a chance things could go wrong for anyone else.

"It's kinda smart actually," Stefan says, scratching his neck.

"Kind of? It's genius. High five detective Salvatore!" Joel cheers, holding up his hand.

With a shake of my head but a smile on my face I high five him, giving into the celebration. However, it's not a celebration until I know Caroline has officially flipped her switch. "Did Caroline..." I say, but Stefan answers before I can ask.

"She's upstairs in her mom's room. She's been in there the whole hour you were out," Stefan answers, holding out a plate full of ashes.

"What's this?" I furrow my brows together.

"The letter. I burned it," he explains dully. "She killed you Blair, and if you didn't have those spells on you, you would have died for real." .

I take the plate with a gulp, mentally preparing myself to walk up those stairs and see Caroline. I can't imagine how she's feeling, and maybe she still thinks I'm dead. All I know is this is what I was aiming for. I've gotten her this far, and now I just have to pull her through.

"I know," I whisper. "I have to go see her."

"She said she needs space," James says, gently touching my arm.

"I know Caroline, and I know she doesn't want to be alone," I say, dismissing him.

"How?" Stefan asks curiously.

"Because I didn't," I sigh, before pursing my lips and walking up the stairs.

I focus on the one door that is closed and slowly twist the door handle. Before I can even open it however, Caroline shouts, "Leave me alone!" 

"Care," I say gently, sliding myself through the slip of open doorway before closing it again. At the sound of my voice she spins around from where she stands at the window, tears running down her face.

"Y-you're alive?" she gapes, her eyes wide.

"Yes." I smile, walking over to her. I wrap her in a hug, my arms around her back while keeping the plate of ashes in my hand.

"I thought I killed you," she cries into my shoulder. "I wanted to die Blair. I couldn't live with myself after that. I saw the look on James's face." She sobs.

I rub my hand up and down her back in a soothing way before releasing her. "I wouldn't put you through that Care. I had a plan, and it worked okay? I'm alright and you are okay, and that is all that matters now." I smile, my hand on her shoulder.

"I did a lot of horrible things Blair." She whispers in shock, staring at the ground. "I killed people, drank their blood like there was no tomorrow. I almost killed Liam! God, I forced James to turn his humanity off!" She cries again. "How will I ever be able to live with myself!" She begins to break down.

Seeing her in such pain is like a knife to my heart- or stake rather seeing as that happened to me not too long ago. Let's just say it hurt like hell.

"You did do a lot of horrible things Care, and there's no hiding it so I'm not going to lie," I say. "But now you have to live with it, and in order to live with yourself you need to forgive yourself," I tell her.

She purses her lips and wipes a tear from her eye. "I don't know if I can do that just quite yet." she says quietly. "I feel like I need the forgiveness of others first."

"Well," I smile kindly, "you have mine," I say.

"Thank you Blair," she says.

"Of course." I smile.

"No really," she says seriously. "Thank you for always being there for me even when others weren't."

"Don't be ridiculous, there are others who are there for you too. Like Elena and Bonnie." I point out, but Caroline shakes her head.

"Elena, she hasn't always been there. She's been there, but not present, you know? Like she'll always be distracted with another boy, or be consumed by the swarm of problems that always seem to find her. She went through a hard time with her parents and all, and I understand that. I was a there for her, but sometimes I feel like she wasn't always there. Then one day when I woke up in that hospital, I met you, a stranger. You were the nicest stranger I have ever met, someone who showed me more compassion than even my best friend did. I connect with you in ways I don't with Bonnie and Elena, and I'm not sure why," she giggles, wiping a tear from her eye. 

"Maybe it was how confident you held your head, or the way you looked at me like I had known you forever. You understood me in times when I didn't even understand myself. I'll never fully understand why I connected with you, but I did, and I'm forever grateful for it," she says, giving me a warm, teary smile.

Her words are basically the reason I worked so hard and carefully to fight for her humanity. This is the old Caroline, my best friend who I fought to bring back. "You were one of the first decent human beings I met when coming out of the tomb. I was alone, scared and desperate. I had no idea how to adjust to this world, yet you gave me hope that I was going to be okay. You saved me just as much as I saved you Care, and I owe you the world."

She smiles along with me, but she can't keep her tears in any more. She lets out a laugh and embraces me in a tight hug, squeezing me with loving affection. What can I say? She's one of my best friends.

She suddenly gasps, and releases me, her eyes staring at the plate of ashes in my hand. "Is that..," she gasps, not able to finish her sentence.

"Your letter?" I raise a brow.

"Oh my god." She breaks down again. "Those were my mother's last words, and I just let them burn away! I killed you and let them burn away!" 

"No Care," I cut her off as I pull the real letter out from my leather jacket pocket. "This is the real letter," I say. "I kept it safe so nothing could happen to it," I explain, handing the enclosed letter over to her.

She suddenly stops crying, her eyes wide in shock as if she's just seen a ghost. "Are you... is this real? Are you serious?" she whispers, holding the letter delicately.

"Yes, that is the real deal," I laugh lightly. "Go ahead, read it." I smile while backing away.

Before she can say anything I leave her alone, letting her have this moment with her mother. At this second I feel a warm feeling in the pit of my stomach, and I know that I've done good. I'm just relieved everything worked out for once.

I walk down the stairs where everyone stands. They all freeze at my presence, but my eyes are directed on one little person in particular who has just walked in the door with Logan.

"Mommy!" Theo yells excitedly, running full speed towards me.

My eyes light up in pure joy and my stomach fills with butterflies as I fall to my knees and open my arms, allowing Theo to run right into them. He quickly crashes into me, almost sending me tumbling backwards, except James is there to steady me. "Hey Tee." I smile, breathing into his neck. "How are you? Are you okay? Have you been good?" I ask, releasing him.

"Yes mommy," he giggles. "Uncle Logan and Uncle Joel and daddy have taken care of me. I is okay." He smiles widely.

I smile back at him with a huge grin, but for a different reason. I turn my head to James, a wild look in my eyes. "Did he just-"

"Yes he did." James smiles proudly.

"You mean this isn't the first time he's called you that?" I gasp, feeling like I'm on the verge of tears. That's saying a lot too, seeing as it takes a lot to get me to be emotional.

"Why didn't you tell me!" I laugh, slapping his teasingly in the arm.

"We haven't had that much time alone together lately," he chuckles, both of us feeling the stares of my brothers upon us.

"Well then let's go then." I stand up with Theo in my arms, James holding my hand. "Stefan, you should go see Caroline," I say. "I think you being there would make her very happy." I wink at him.

He nods and smiles, watching as Theo, James and I take off towards James's truck. We leave the house quickly, and I don't dare look back. I have spent the last week trying to save Caroline, and in the mean time I've let those who I also hold dear to my heart far away from me, and now I realize I need to focus on them.

With Theo in my arms and James holding my hand, I feel like the luckiest person alive.

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[completed & edited: 10/31/2021]