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"When we're touching those sweet little words feel too easy to say"

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THAT NIGHT  was perhaps one of the worst nights for Caroline. She didn't speak much the entire night, as she was still overwhelmed with the whole thing. We all agreed to stay at the Salvatore Boarding house, determined that we all be there for Caroline even if she insisted she was fine; I know for one thing that she is very far from fine.

James brought over a few suitcases full of our clothes and Theo's toys, as we had agreed to move back into the Boarding house for the time being. It's just easier, more convenient and that suburban house Matt found for us just isn't cutting it.

With the help of everybody, we are able to set up a funeral for the next day. It's Stefan and Elena's doing really, as they are the most focused and determined to make sure Sheriff Forbes gets the funeral she deserves. I on the other hand am more concerned about Caroline, so I spend the night with her, curled up by the head of the couch with her head on my lap.

We all wake the second the sun rises, as we know we have a big day to plan. Damon is the first one up, as he apparently was given the honours of writing Sheriff Forbe's eulogy. As Caroline writes down a list of things that need to get done, I make my way into the kitchen where Damon sits, several scrunched up balls of paper surrounding him.

"You're wasting paper," I remark, walking over to the fridge.

"Go away," he groans, dragging his hands down his face.

I ignore his protests as I sit down across from him, pouring myself a mug of blood. "So a eulogy, huh?" I say warily, tapping my finger against the glass mug.

"Don't start, Blair," he mutters without looking up from his blank paper.

"Huh?" I scrunch my brows up in confusion.

"I don't need to be reminded of how I failed dramatically to write mom's eulogy," he states sternly, looking up at me. "I am going to write it this time," he says, gripping the pen in his hand so tightly, I fear it's going to snap in half.

I place my hand on his, easing his tension a little bit. "I wasn't even thinking about mom's eulogy," I say quietly, biting my lip as I let my mind wander back to that horrible day.

"Oh," Damon whispers, his expression soft as he places his hand on top of mine. "I think Liz wanted me to write her eulogy, to give me another chance seeing as I didn't write one for our mother like I was supposed to," he admits quietly. "I have no idea where to start." He laughs lightly, clearly stressed.

I lick my lips before drawing in a breath. "Well," I begin, staring at the blank sheet of paper within his hands. "You knew Liz long before I did, knew her well. I know she was your friend, and maybe even resembled a motherly figure to you. Whatever the case is, all that matters is that she was your friend. But, the eulogy isn't for Liz, or even yourself; it's for Caroline, so she can heal. A eulogy is for the loved ones, so make it something Caroline would want to hear from her mother," I advise, pursing my lips.

He ponders about my words for a few seconds, biting his own lip as he taps the pen against the table. Before he can respond, Caroline walks in.

"Blair! We're going casket shopping," she says quickly before leaving us.

I smile faintly before standing up and walking out of the room. "Thank you, Blair," Damon calls out, sending me a sincere smile. I only nod before walking out to Caroline, preparing myself for this hectic day.

∆ ∆ ∆

Everyone is assigned different tasks, ranging from contacting people, arranging a ceremony, contacting the police department and casket shopping which is what Caroline and I are conducting. Everything is done and ready by the afternoon, everyone meeting at the church where the funeral is about to start.

Everyone including little Theo is dressed in black attire, his little suit being the cutest thing ever. James, Theo and I all walk into the church wearing formal attire, but I part ways once we enter through the doors. "I'm just going to check on Caroline," I say, kissing James lightly on the lips before scruffing up Theo's hair.

"Take your time." James smiles, squeezing my shoulder gently.

I watch as Theo takes James's hand, allowing him to lead them to their seats. In a way this is all surreal to me, seeing as the last funeral I was at was James'. I know very well it's a gift to have him back; I just wish Caroline was granted a wish like that for her mother.

I make my way to the back of the church, behind the stage where Caroline stands in front of the open casket, her mother laying in it. I raise my brows in surprise as Stefan stands beside her, both of them turning to me as I enter.

I smile and Stefan nods, knowing I want to speak to Caroline alone. He places a hand on my shoulder as he passes, but soon after it's just me and Caroline in the small room. "It's a beautiful casket," I compliment, causing a small smile to appear on her lips.

"Yeah," she agrees.

"What were you and Stefan talking about?" I wonder, curious as if the two of them are a thing now or not.

"Nothing," Caroline assures me, closing the lid to the casket. "He just wanted to support me. I suppose you're doing the same?" she says in a bitter tone. I'm not surprised or taken back, as I know today she's not herself. I only wrap her in a tight hug, despite how tense she is.

"I lost my mother too, Care. It hurt like hell, and still does more than one hundred years later. I know today it feels as if your world has collapsed, but I promise you it will get better in time. I'll be there to help you through it. The next few days are nothing in compairson to what next week will feel like, when everyone has left you alone. I promise you Caroline, I won't leave you," I say into her hair, squeezing her gently.

She releases me, her eyes teary. "Thank you Blair, but everything will be okay after today," she assures me.

Before I have time to understand what she means, Elena opens the doors. "It's starting," she informs us.

I nod and take Caroline's hand, leading her to our seats. I sit beside James, Caroline on my other side. We all watch as a line of officers walk up on stage, walking in a rhythmic pattern. They line up, their stances straight as two officers drape a large flag over her casket. I grip Caroline's hand as one of the officers takes the stand, holding his walk-talki in his hand. 

"Calling for Sheriff Forbes," he speaks into his walkie.

We sit in silence, my own eyes welling with tears as the walkie has no reply. "This is the last call for Sheriff Forbes," he speaks again, causing my heart to hurt. "No response. Radio number 26 is out of service after 12 years and 4 months of police service. Gone, but never forgotten." 

They all form in a line at the bottom of the stage just as Damon walks up, standing at the podium. I won't lie, I'm slightly fearful yet curious as to what he's come up with for his eulogy. I can only pray he makes Caroline feel better.

"Liz Forbes was my friend. In her last moments she asked me to pass along a message to her daughter, but I cut her off before she could say too much. I told her she should tell Caroline herself; she didn't get that chance," Damon says, shaking his head slightly before he places his eyes directly on Caroline.

"Your mom wanted you to know how proud of you she was, and she should be. Beautiful, strong woman, a generous friend, and a bright light in a sea of darkness. She said you were extraordinary," Damon smiles slightly, "and you are, and so was she."

Caroline sniffles slightly, but despite the tears that urge to flow from her eyes, she smiles, holding my hand tightly. "Liz was a hero to this town, she was a hero to all of you, and she was a hero to me. Goodbye, Sheriff," Damon concludes, glancing over at the casket. "You will be missed." He smiles faintly, before giving one last nod and walking off the stage.

His words linger around my own head, touching me in ways I didn't think possible since I didn't know the Sheriff that well. I know I shouldn't be surprised by how well his eulogy turned out, as deep down I know my brother is really a kind and compassionate man once you get to know him. Today I feel as if the old Damon has poked through, the Damon I knew back in 1864, the Damon I still want to believe is there.

As Damon sits back down, Caroline stands up, standing at the front of everybody. She stands so still, with silent tears and a broken heart, but her head is held high and her lips form a smile. In this moment she breaks out into a beautiful song, a charming melody that seems to light up the entire room.

I know as she sings those words, she sings them not for us, not for herself, but for her mother.

∆ ∆ ∆

After the ceremony concludes, everyone goes to the Mystic Grill for some late night drinks and food to finish off the funeral on a more enjoyable note. People offer Caroline many words of gratitude and kind words about her mother, but I know the words mean nothing to her. I felt the same way after my mother died, hell even after James died. It was if everyone's words of condolences to me just flew right over my head, not meaning a damn thing. I didn't want to hear how sorry they were for my loss, I just wanted my loved ones back.

I sit at a booth with James, Theo and Stefan, all four of us sharing some appetizer. However, none of us really have an appetite, except Theo of course. He's practically devoured almost half the plate and he's not even four.

My eyes wander around the restaurant where Caroline is at the front doors, grabbing her coat and preparing to leave. I immediately get out of my seat, not wanting to let her go by herself. "Hey, I'm going to leave with Caroline tonight, will you be okay with Theo?" I ask James, as I put on my own coat over my black dress.

"Of course." He smiles gently, his dimples showing. "Be safe," James says, as I lean down to give him a kiss. The blissful gesture only lasts a few seconds before I break apart and speed walk over to Caroline.

"Hey Care! Leaving already?" I ask, just as Elena comes at our side.

"Yeah, I think I've had enough of the funeral stuff for one day," she laughs, although I know it's forced.

"We'll walk you home," Elena offers, and I nod. For once I'm actually agreeing with Elena.

"No guys, really it's fine. It's two blocks, and I really want to be alone. I just have to get through today," Caroline protests, rushing to the door. I grab her wrist and hold her back, a gentle smile on my face.

"I told you Care, I'm not leaving you," I say sternly, referring to our conversation earlier. At this she seems to give in, allowing Elena and me to walk her back home.

∆ ∆ ∆

We reach Caroline's house just twenty minutes later, all of us entering the dark and empty house. I know how hard it must feel, to enter the house you grew up in knowing neither of your parents are going to return to it.

"Thanks for walking me home guys." Caroline smiles, as the three of us stand in the middle of her living room. "You can leave, now," she says in the politest way possible. She seems like she's rushing it, rushing to get somewhere or rushing to do something.

"Care, all day you've been acting so rushed, as if you were just waiting to be alone. I know you don't want to be alone, so either you're suicidal or you're debating the switch," I admit, crossing my arms across my chest.

"That's not true-"

"Don't lie, Care. You kept saying you needed to get through today, that you wanted everything dealt with today with no regards to how you'll feel tomorrow," Elena adds, standing by my side.

"You don't want to feel tomorrow, do you?" I question her.

She keeps her head down, her mother's badge gripped tightly in her hands. "I thought I could get through the rough patch, and get through things like I usually do, but this pain, this is unlike anything I've ever felt before," she finally speaks, lifting her head so her teary eyes can reach mine and Elena's.

"I know it's going to get worse, you made that crystal clear Blair, but I thank you for telling me the truth," she says, storming over to the other side of the room to pack away some of her mother's things. "The truth is, I can't do worse. I didn't even think there was a worse, so it's just better this way." 

"Care, you're talking about switching your humanity off. There is nothing better about that!" Elena argues.

"That is your experience, okay!" Caroline snaps. "I have better control of my vampire self than you ever did, Elena. My experience will be different."

"It's not going to be different Care, it's going to be deadly," Elena points out, looking to me for help. I stay silent, weighting the options. I've been in Caroline's situation before, and I've also flipped the switch before. Although I know it's not the best option, I understand why she wants to do it.

"You saw what happened to me when I did it, hell you saw Blair too! I almost killed Matt, and Blair almost killed you!" Elena exclaims, her voice raised as she pleads to stop Caroline from taking the alternate route of handling emotions.

"Thanks for that reminder, Elena," I mutter, rolling my eyes.

"But you see my point!" Caroline yells. "You did it! You couldn't handle the pain, when your brother died, so you turned it off! Damon died and you erased all your memories! Stefan moved to Savannah and became an auto mechanic! Blair moved all the way to Atlanta, and started a new life after James died! Do you guys think you are the only ones that get to escape grief!" Caroline shouts, her voice filled with a pure melody of sadness, as if her feelings are physically flowing out of her.

"You just mentioned two of the biggest mistakes I ever made," Elena says, placing her hands on Caroline's arms.

"Were they mistakes?" Caroline croaks, defeated. "Because when you came out the other end, the worst part of the pain was gone. And that's all I need, just the pain to be gone."

"I know," Elena sighs, engulfing Caroline in a hug. I stand back, watching as they hug. "I know, but you'll be okay," Elena says into her ear, rubbing her back.

I narrow my eyes at the two of them, studying them when suddenly Caroline brings her hand up to Elena's neck, gripping it tightly. I know what's about to come next, but I don't stop it. Caroline snaps Elena's neck, allowing her to drop to the floor.

I just stand there, not showing any fear of the friend in front of me. "Don't even try to stop me Blair," Caroline snaps, her hands balled into fists. "My mom died, and it hurts so bad! It hurts to bad that I can't even breathe! I can't do worse! I just can't!" Caroline cries, causing my own eyes to tear up just by the sound of her voice.

"I know, I've felt it before," I say quietly, taking the courage to step closer to her. "I know why you want to flip the switch and I know I can't stop you, but I told you, you shouldn't be alone. So if you're going to flip the switch, you're going to have to take me with you," I tell her, pursing my lips.

"What? Blair, no, you have James and Theo to worry about. They shouldn't have to see you like that," Caroline argues, but I only shake my head.

"Caroline, I'm not about to let you make this decision on your own. I'm with you, and if you're going to flip your switch then so am I," I state, smiling slightly. "Okay?" I raise my brow.

Caroline sighs, but nods. "Okay," she agrees.

I then take her hand, both of us sitting down on the couch. Before we flip it however, I reach out to one person.

"James, bring me back."

And then we both turn it off.

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[completed & edited: 10/18/2021]