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"Chasing after you is like a fairytale, but I, feel like I'm glued on tight to this carousel"

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THERE'S AN UNUSUAL peace in having my neck snapped, a feeling I did not expect to feel. For once things are silent, as I am more dead than usual per say. I'm dead enough so that Marcos cannot get into my mind, but not chaotically dead in that I'll never wake up. Although Joel's actions anger me, I know his intentions were good, and as of right now I cannot complain.

As my mind floats in darkness, I can slowly feel myself healing. My mind has awakened, but has not returned to consciousness, and instead has sent me into a vision of my past, a memory.

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A week has past, and yet I still find myself learning new things about my new abilities every day. I just wish things could stay like this forever, as I could stay with James forever. I know that if I return home, my father will punish me for going missing, and my brothers will still be obsessing over Miss Katherine. Part of me wonders if they even noticed I was gone.

"Blair, love, you can't go back. You don't understand," James pleads with me as I untie the rope from my horse from the tree.

"I've been away far too long, and if I don't go back I'm afraid Katherine will cause harm upon my brothers if she hasn't already," I say sternly, trying my best not to break down. I don't want to leave James, especially after all the help he's given me in becoming a vampire, but my urge to protect my brothers has suddenly become stronger than it ever has before. Like something of an unknown force is pulling me towards them.

"How do you know that? They could be fine! You however, are new darling. If the council catches you, I can't even begin to imagine it. They would kill you Blair, and I can't have that. Especially when I just got you back!" James argues in a calm manner. His eyes well with tears, and slowly I can feel myself crumbling.

"I can't explain it James, I just can't. I just have this feeling, you know? Like something bad is going to happen if I don't do something," I say, trying to explain this force that has dawned on me, pulling me towards my brothers. I know at this moment I have to return home.

"What's to say something bad won't happen to you? I have the same feeling about you Blair! If something bad happens to you, I will never forgive myself. It's my fault you're a vampire in the first place! It's my fault Katherine is here! She's hiding the moonstone from Elijah and I," James tries to explain, his voice cracking slightly.

"No James, it is not your fault. None of it is. The only person to blame is Klaus Mikaelson himself, okay? You and Elijah, you helped me!" I exclaim. "You should come with me!" I plead, but James shakes his head.

"Blair, my sister. I-" he stutters, struggling to find the words to say. Despite our love for one another, our will to protect our siblings is showing through.

"I know," I whisper, stepping forwards to wrap him in a hug. As he wraps his arms around my back, I find the strength to do what is necessary. I don't want to put Lexi nor James in any danger, so I will find my brothers myself. Somehow I always find myself back to my brothers, and this time nothing can stop me. Not even Katherine.

"I love you," I say, planting a kiss on his cheek before snapping his neck the way he taught me during my vampire training.

I let out a small cry as his body falls to the ground, but I know I've done the right thing. Now I must go find my way back to my brothers.

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I suddenly gasp awake, finding myself inside my house, laying on the couch with a blanket draped over me. The memory of James and I is still fresh in my mind, as it's a certain memory I haven't thought of in a long time. The time between when I became a vampire and when I was put in the tomb is very fuzzy, but I know this is one of those memories. It's our last words to one another actually, before I was put in a tomb for the next 145 years. I realize now that those three words I left with James must have been heartbreaking, and before I know it, I'm crying all over again.

"No," I snap to myself, wiping the tears away and getting off the couch. The sky is slowly lightening up, showing colours of rich oranges and light pinks as the sun rises in the sky. My body feels weak as I realize Joel must've injected me with vervain to keep me down for longer. That means he could be in Mystic Falls by now.

Joel's actions anger me, as I never thought he would snap my neck. But in my memory, I did the exact same thing to James. More importantly, I did it to protect him, the same way Joel did it to protect me. I know Joel snapped my neck to prevent me from following him into Mystic Falls, as he didn't want me to think he was forcing me to, but in a way I now feel as if I owe it to him to follow him. He is risking his life to return Tyler, all for the sake of Theo and I.

If Joel follows through with his plan to hand over Tyler, then there's no doubt the Travellers will use him to get to me. Bringing Tyler back was only a distraction, a bargain to give Theo and I more time to escape, yet I can't help but think the only way to truly end this nonsense is to head to Mystic Falls myself.

I know I can't do this alone, and once again I find myself being drawn towards my brothers who I know are in trouble. While I've been trying to make a life for myself thousands of miles away, they've been struggling with this insane group of witches while I hold the key they so desperately want. I will never give up Theo, I know that, and I realize now the words I spoke last night on the rooftop were not from me, but rather a Blair who was so close to the edge. I think that's the closest I've ever been in the past year and a half of turning off the switch. As long as Marcos doesn't slam me with any more figures of James, then I believe I'll be fine.

I sit on the edge of the couch, tapping my finger against my knee as I try and figure out what to do with myself. At the moment I have two choices: stay here and pretend everything is going to be alright while everyone else back in Mystic Falls risks their lives, or drive to Mystic Falls myself and stand along side people I care about- people that I haven't spoken to in a year and a half.

The thought of seeing Stefan, Damon and Caroline again brings an unsettling feeling of fear, as I know I left so abruptly without really ever saying goodbye. I never imagined myself heading back to the hell town, but if there's any reason to go, saving my brothers is as good as any.

I take a deep breath as I realize I have made my decision- a decision that I never thought I'd make. I pick up the phone to make a call, just to assure myself I'm making the right decision.

"Hello?" Logan answers in a groggily tone. 

"Logan, I'm leaving for a little while, and I just wanted to make sure you and Christina would be okay," I say nervously, while marching up the stairs to begin packing my things. I grab a small suit case and begin stuffing random clothes in while yelling for Theo to get up.

"Wait what? Where are you going?" he asks bluntly, as if my words have suddenly woken him up in the early morning hours.

"I'm going back to Mystic Falls," I say, my voice trailing off slightly. Thinking about going back is nothing compared to saying the words aloud, the name of the town I despise making me wince as the words roll off my tongue.

"Blair wait, think this through okay? I know Joel left but he left so you didn't have to do something you didn't want to. He told me to look out for you, you know, so I can't let you go," Logan says, surprising me. It never occurred to me that Joel had this all planned out. He even instructed Logan to watch my back.

"He's going back to Mystic Falls to save my sorry ass, and I can't have that. I can't have him putting his life on the line. As long as I have Theo, none of this will end. I have to do something." I sigh, dragging my small suitcase down the steps.

"What are you going to do Blair? You can't hand Theo over!" Logan exclaims, his voice booming through the phone.

"Of course not. As far as I see it, there's only one solution- kill them," I say nonchalantly while going to pack Theo a small bag.

Logan scoffs ever so lightly. "Do you really think that will work?"

"I'll make it work," I state sternly, feeling a great amount of anger overpower me. "Listen, I sent in a request from an old friend down in New Orleans to have a daylight ring made specifically for Christina. It should be here any day now," I say in a rushed tone. I carry Theo's small luggage bag along with mine out to the car where Theo is already seated.

"Blair, please don't go. There's no need for you to leave," Logan pleads, trying desperately to make me stay.

I sigh as I lock the front door to my house, looking back at my parked car which has Theo sitting happily in the back.

"Let's go mommy!" he yells in excitement.

I smile a little and turn back to the door. "If something happens to my brothers, to Joel, I will never forgive myself," I whisper, remembering my memory from this morning. I remember how James had pleaded with me to stay, much like how Logan is pleading with me now. James didn't want me to leave back then for the same reasons I'm leaving right now- to protect the ones I love.

"Blair-"

"You and Christina are safe here okay? So please just stay here and make sure Christina is okay, and that you two are looking out for one another. I'm so sorry for bringing you into my life, and I can't have you part of this. This is something I need to deal with," I say. "I don't know when I'll be back, but I'll keep in touch. Goodbye Logan," I say, before hesitantly stuffing my phone back in my pocket.

I take in a deep and shaky breath, before climbing into my car. "Mommy, where are we going?" Theo asks from the back seat.

I purse my lips and close my eyes, trying my best not to rethink this whole thing. If I think too hard, I'll loose myself, and I don't think I can loose myself any longer. I just have to keep telling myself that what I'm doing is the right thing to do, even if it isn't the brightest.

"We're going back to Mystic Falls."

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[completed & edited: 09/22/2021]