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"They say love is pain, well darling let's hurt tonight"

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BLAIR POV

I'm overcome with many emotions, too many. I feel sorrow and heartache, guilt and sadness for the loss of my older brother. But, at the same time I feel overjoyed and happy, shocked and revived now that James is back. It's exhausting really, having to sort through all these emotions. They all swirl around in my mind until I feel numb. 

The drive back is long and I find myself struggling to stay awake. Theo stays asleep in the backseat, clutching one of his toys as he breathes slowly. I smile back at him just as my phone buzzes for the millionth time. Joel's name lights up across the screen. 

I ignore it just like I have every other time he's texted me on the drive back. I know they're wondering where I am and I know I should probably just tell them but I'm too tired to explain myself. 

"Blair?" 

I freeze at the sound of a man's voice in my head. Although, it's not just any man's voice, but his. A voice that I haven't heard in my head for so long. A voice I called out to months after the line had been severed. I thought it had been permanently destroyed. 

"James? The link still works?" 

"It appears so. Where are you? Do you have Theo?" 

"Yes, I have Theo. We're half an hour out now from the house. Be there shortly." 

"Joel wanted me to ask why you never answered his texts," James says, and I can almost hear the amusement in his voice. 

"Wait, did you tell Joel about our telepathic link?" I ask. 

"Yeah, we made a bet about who you would respond to first. Joel obviously thought it was him since I don't have a phone yet, but luckily for me Emily Bennett gifted us."

"Lucky you," I saw, laughing to myself in the car. 

"Drive safe, Blair." 

"Always do." 

We both stop talking, as if the line's hung up. I keep a big smile glued to my face, soaking in the feeling of speaking to him in my mind. Sure it makes my head hurt a bit but to be able to speak to the one you love through your mind is a godsend. I wouldn't trade it for the world. 

As I pull into the driveway a half hour later, the porch lights are on as they're no doubt inside waiting for me. I take Theo from the back seat and carry him inside, holding a finger to my lips as I walk in the door, singling for Joel and James to be quiet. 

They both jump up at the sound of the door opening, rushing over only to stop once they see a sleepy Theo. I carefully carry him upstairs and tuck him into bed, giving him a kiss on the forehead before closing his bedroom door. I rub my hands together before quietly making my way down the stairs, prepared to see the two Branson brothers. 

"I have a lot of questions," Joel says suddenly. 

He stands beside James, his hands clasped over one another in front of him as he glances between James and I. 

"Why didn't you tell me before that you have a telepathic link?" he asks. 

I shrug casually. "Didn't feel the need to." 

"It's not something that comes casually into a conversation," James adds. 

"Uh okay, but neither does telling someone 'I'm a vampire' yet we've all done it," Joel comments, rolling his eyes. "Secondly, were you going to kidnap Theo?" 

I scoff, baffled that he would actually think that. "No!" I exclaim. 

"Then where were you?" Joel asks, his arms crossed across his chest. James stands there with his hands in his pockets, patiently awaiting my response. 

I let out a sigh. "If you really must know, I took a drive to Mystic Falls and back." 

"You took a casual seven hour drive twice? A casual 14 hours of driving?" Joel says. "Why?" 

I shrug. "Wanted to see Caroline." 

"Bullshit," Joel says, pointing a finger at me accusingly. "You were trying to give Theo a place to live inside the anti-magic border, weren't you?" 

James suddenly intervenes, holding his hands up as he stands between Joel and I. "Now why would Blair do that? She's clearly Theo's mother." 

"Little Theo is turning into being quite the little psychopath. Nearly killed two Travellers last week," Joel says. 

James turns to me, his mouth agape. "What?" 

I scratch the back of my neck, embarrassed with how I've used Theo to help us. Although it has worked, I do feel bad for letting him use his magic to hurt others. They might've been bad people, but I'm going to have to do a good job on teaching him the difference between right and wrong if I'm going to prevent him from turning into an evil little witch. 

"Yeah, he's been using his magic more," I say with a wince. "He's quite good for a four year old." 

"A little too good if you ask me," Joel comments, earning him a shove in the stomach from James. He lets out a grunt before moving to smack James, but James is quick, grabbing Joel's wrist and bending it backwards. Joel whines from the pain and pulls back leaving him standing a few steps back, holding his wrist to his chest. 

I send him a teasing smile before I'm interrupted by James who now stands in front of me. "What is the real reason you went to Mystic Falls today, Blair?" he asks. 

I purse my lips knowing no lie I tell will ever be enough. "Fine, you want to know the truth? Okay, here's the truth. Caroline and I dug up your grave to see if there was a body or not in your casket." 

James and Joel just stand there, not saying anything as they stare at me. "Is it something I said?" I tease, snapping my fingers in front of them. 

"Why did you do that?" James asks. 

"Because I wanted to make sure that you were really alive. I had to see it for myself in order to sort out everything that's happening in here," I say, pointing to my head. 

"Did you find a body though?" Joel asks, genuinely curious. "It is kind of weird how that whole process worked. It would've made more sense if you woke up back in your body. Does that mean your body teleported over to the anchor-Bonnie, I mean?" 

"There was no body," I say. "No body meaning you are real, and Damon is gone." 

James looks down at the floor as Joel frowns, staring at me as if waiting for me to cry. Unfortunately for him, I'm all teared out. "I'm going to go to bed. It's been a long day with lots of driving. Goodnight," I say. 

I head up the stairs and get ready for bed, slipping into pyjamas and brushing my teeth. I climb into bed and lay on my back, staring at the ceiling as I replay some of today's events in my mind. I rethink everything I've done, question my emotions and try to make sense of them. 

Suddenly, there's a knock on my bedroom door. "Come in," I say. 

James walks in, closing the door behind him. He sits on the edge of the bed, placing a hand on mine. "Are you okay?" he asks. "Be real with me." 

"I'm always real with you," I defend. 

He smiles and raises a brow. "Okay, not all the time, but only when it matters most," I admit. 

"Did you visit Damon's grave?" he asks. 

I shake my head. "He doesn't have one. Neither does Bonnie. They didn't leave behind bodies. They're just gone," I say. 

"It'll take some time for things to settle in your mind, but I promise you you'll be okay," he tells me, bringing my hand up and placing a kiss on the back of it. "Goodnight, love." 

I smile and watch him get up, confused once I see he's going to leave for downstairs. "You're not sleeping here?" 

He stops and turns. "I figured you could use some alone time to figure things out." 

"James, I've been alone for almost two years. I want to be with you for as much as I possibly can," I say with a smile. 

He chuckles before slipping off his shirt and climbing into bed, laying beside me and pulling me close. "You weren't alone for those two years, you know," he says. "I met Logan and Christina today. They seem like wonderful people. You are lucky to have them." 

"I am," I say. "But they aren't home." 

We stay quiet for a few minutes, so quiet that I fear James has fallen asleep. "James?" 

"Hmm?" 

"The first words you said after coming back from the other side were, 'I'm sorry'. Why?" I ask, although I already know the answer.

He sighs lightly, as if it pains him to think back to that night. I understand though. I too am haunted by that night.

"I said I was sorry, because I couldn't save your brother," he answers quietly.

"But it wasn't your fault," I point out.

"Maybe not, but he still chose me over himself," James says, his tone changing as he lets out some of his anger and frustration. All I can do is listen.

"We all knew we might not all make it, yet he chose to send me over first. He purposely pushed me to Bonnie without thinking twice, and seeing Damon do such a selfless act without blinking is what confuses me the most. I know your brother Blair, and never did I ever think he would choose my happiness and your happiness over his and Elena's." 

I take his hand and give it a squeeze, calming him down. "I guess I'm just still angry at the bastard for sacrificing himself, and maybe I'm just pissed that I'll never get the chance to thank him. Or maybe a little bit of both," James admits quietly.

"Me too," I whisper with teary eyes. Every time I picture Damon's face I feel my stomach tie in a knot and my eyes water. 

"Every time I let it sink in that I'm never going to prank him again, laugh with him or fight with him, I feel like I'm going to fall," I croak. "But I still have you, and that's all that matters. He knew that I would never make it if both of you didn't come back, so he made the hard call. Yes, that angers me and yes I would've loved to have both of you here but what we think doesn't matter, because it won't change anything," I say, closing my eyes in defeat.

James sighs as he bites his lip. "You know the last thing Damon said to me was?" he asks. I shake my head, eager to find out. "He told me to watch over you for him, to always be there for you. He told me to listen to your anger out bursts, to make you laugh when you cry, to tease you until you get mad, but most importantly he told me to never leave your side," James says, taking my breath away. The fact that Damon said all those things makes my heart warmer and my eyes blurrier as I feel myself missing him terribly.

"He loved you more than you could ever know Blair, so I'm deeply sorry he can't be here today. So I'm going to follow through with his wish, and I'm going to help make things better, for you and Stefan," he says confidently. 

I can tell just how much Damon's words have affected him, and I just wish I knew how to make him feel better. Some how I think the only way he'll ever feel better is if he finds a way reunite everyone. At least that way we'll be able to mourn together, witness each other's strengths and use that as inspiration to keep going. Franky, seeing Stefan drive away and Caroline broken today from everyone leaving made me nostalgic and sad. 

"We need to reunite everyone," I say bluntly, speaking our minds.

"Which starts by figuring out a way to tear down the boarder around Mystic Falls."

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[completed & edited: 09/27/2021]