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"I'm going to pick up the pieces, and build a lego house. If things go wrong we can knock it down."

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JAMES POV

There isn't a single part of me that feels comfortable leaving Blair all alone by herself. I knew her inside and out, well enough to know that she's feeling a lot of confusing emotions right now. Having gained back me and feeling that relief has been overshadowed by her grief and sadness over Damon. Being a vampire, accepting loss and other distinct emotions is very difficult, and I can only hope she is allowing herself time and space to sort out her thoughts. 

Blair is an independent woman, and I love her for it. Sometimes all she needs is a day to herself to figure out her thoughts. I know she's struggling with her mind at the moment, and although she wants to believe I am alive, her mind is trying to protect her from any more pain.

The least I can do to calm the heat that started brewing the moment I came back is to step away and let things cool which is why I agreed to go with Joel to this random coffee shop where he supposedly set up a meeting with two people I only know as strangers.

"In the two years you've lived here, you never once bought or compelled yourself a car?" I ask Joel, as we sit in the back seat of a taxi.

He turns to me, taking his elbow off of the door where his head was rested upon. "Never needed to big brother. The majority of my time here I spent working, sleeping, and eating in a bar," he explains, triggering my vague memory that I have from watching from the other side. I remember watching him sleep at the bar after working long night shifts, and I remember how badly I wanted to scold him.

"Why am I not surprised?" I sigh sarcastically, only earning myself a nudge in the arm.

"Hey! It was good while it lasted," he defends himself, before contorting his face into a more perplexed expression. "Although, I guess we could've taken your truck that was parked in Blair's garage," he says with a shrug.

"Why are we in a bloody taxi if my truck is parked in Blair's driveway?" I ask with a clenched jaw, turning to Joel for answers only to see him shrug.

"Too late now buddy," he says, "We're already here." 

We both jump out of the taxi after Joel pays, the two of us just standing here as we stare at the small little cafe. I place my hands in my pockets out of nerves, slightly fearing myself. It's been such a long time since I've been around people, actual human flesh people. The fact that I have to clench my jaw to conceal my fangs that so eagerly want to form isn't a good sign. The worse part is, we haven't even entered the cafe yet.

"James?" Joel asks, noticing I'm not following him. "Are you okay?"

I direct my gaze from the people sitting in the cafe to Joel who stands in front of me with questioning eyes. "I'm fine," I assure him, using my best stern voice as possible. "Let's go," I say, not wanting him to suspect anything further. I've created enough problems by coming back, and frankly the last thing everyone needs right now is to be concerned about my vampire blood lust- a problem I haven't dealt with since the 1600's might I add.

Joel doesn't question me further and I don't show any signs of vulnerability which seems to just do the trick. Instead I follow him inside the shop, my line of sight purposely missing the several tables of people along the isle. 

However, just because I'm not making eye contact with them doesn't mean I can't smell the blood within their veins or hear their hearts thump against their chests. I begin to grow more restless and sweaty just thinking about it, but thankfully Joel comes to a stop just in front of a table. Although, since my eyes are glued to the ground, I don't register quick enough that we've stopped, and end up colliding with Joel from behind.

"Sorry," I mutter, forcing my head up. Joel turns back and raises a brow, knowing it's quite unusual for me to not be paying attention to my surroundings.

Never the less, Joel waves it off and instead turns to the two people who sit across from one another at the table. "James, I would like you to meet Logan and Christina. Logan and Christina, this is James my older brother who before you ask- yes, was recently deceased," Joel says a little too loudly, earning odd stares from the people around us.

"Could you have said that a little louder, Joel?" I scowl, not wanting anymore eyes on me. I just want to get this meeting over with and get back to Blair.

"Shit, sorry," Joel mutters with a wince, before sliding into the seat next to the blonde haired man, Logan. I glance over at the only other empty seat, realizing it's beside the woman, Christina. At first I fear sitting beside a human will only make things worse, but to my surprise her body doesn't give off the same vibe meaning only one thing.

"Are you a vampire?" I ask quietly as I slide into the seat next to her, not bother to care how blunt I sound.

She almost chokes on her coffee, using her napkin to dab the dribbles of hot liquid that managed to escape her mouth. "Yes...how did you know?" 

I shrug casually. "Old habits." 

"And how old are you exactly?" Logan asks with a menu placed in his hand.

To be honest I've lost count of the years and centuries seeing as time doesn't really influence a vampire. "Old enough to have known the Mikaelsons before they were the originals," I reply, earning a look of shock from Christina and Logan.

"Holy shit, you knew the originals when they were human?" Christina gasps, surprisingly intrigued.

"Hey! I'll have you know I knew them as humans too!" Joel says, suddenly feeling jealous.

"But I was born first," I snicker, giving my little brother a teasing wink. Joel only scowls and crosses his arms across his chest like he's a stubborn little two year old. Unfortunately, Joel is both of those things.

"Well," Logan speaks up, "how old are you really?" 

"Twenty." I crack a smile, as twenty is the one number I always manage to remember.

"Well James, you don't look at day over twenty." He laughs lightly, taking a sip of his coffee.

I find myself laughing along with him, familiarizing myself to the feeling of laughing again. It's a foreign feeling, but I know it shouldn't be. As Logan and Christina crack a smile, I realize I like them. It's odd for me to like new people, as usually I never really stayed in towns long enough to get to know anyone. Well, before I met Blair.

"So big brother, the man who fought death, the talking ghost himse-"

"Please stop," I say to Joel, dragging my hand down my face in annoyance. Usually I'm able to handle Joel's idiotic remarks and childish comments but today I'm not really feeling it. I guess you could say I'm still trying to get use to feeling anything at all after spending two years feeling nothing. For two years I wasn't able to touch, hold or grab anything that was in my path, and now I just want a relaxing environment. I should have known better that if I wanted a calm environment, I shouldn't have brought Joel along.

"I don't see how you two are brothers. Like seriously Joel, James is the complete opposite of you," Logan jokes, causing me to laugh again.

"Why thank you Logan, I'll take that as a compliment." I smirk.

"Yeah! You're so kind and charming and then there's Joel." Christina adds, laughing as she speaks.

"Hey, hey, hey!" Joel interrupts angrily, before we can make fun of him further. "We came here to meet one another, not torture me!" 

"Yeah, we met and now we're roasting you. Deal with it," Christina fires back. Logan lets out a huge laugh and holds his hand out for Christina to fist bump, making me laugh again. I watch as Joel tries to keep a stern face, but he quickly fails and gives into it.

As the laughter dies down and my mind clears I'm finally able to think about why I came here and what I originally wanted to say. "Hey," I say, clearing my throat. "I just wanted to officially thank you guys. Joel told me everything that you did for Blair while I was...gone. You don't know how much you helped her, and I forever owe you for sticking by her side. I'm truly thankful she had such amazing people to help her," I speak sincerely, although my words seem to fail at expressing the amount of gratitude I feel within my heart.

Christina places her hand on my arm and rubs it soothingly, her own eyes filled with tears. "Of course."

"She's our friend too." Logan nods.

I smile and relax a bit, feeling slightly better. All this talking has distracted me from the dozens of humans that surround me, allowing me some peace. "So!" Joel says eagerly just when I've started to calm down.

"Tell us what it was like on the other side," Joel pleads, trying too hard to lighten the mood. "Could you fly?"

"No," I answer flatly, earning a light chuckle from Logan and Christina.

"Did you have wings?" he asks.

"Joel, if I can't fly what makes you think I had wings?" I question him.

"Hey! Penguins have wings but they can't fly!" he defends himself.

"He has a point," Logan agrees sarcastically, playing along.

"Did you wear a halo like a little angel? Or were did you grow horns like a little devil?" Joel asks as he leans his head on his hand. At this point, I know he's only joking and trying to get on my nerves, just like old times.

"You're a dick," I chuckle, shaking my head and looking down.

"Sorry I took so long. What can I get you guys to drink?" a female voice says. Truth be told, I smelt her coming five seconds before I put my head down. Now I'm too afraid, scared of my own self to even lift up my goddamn head.

"I'll have a latte." Joel orders, tapping his fingers agains the table in a musical rhythm.

"And for yourself sir?" The waitress asks, awaiting my response.

When I don't answer, Joel kicks me from under the table, making me grunt out in pain alerting the waitress. "Are you alright, sir?" she gapes, placing her hand on my shoulder.

But placing her hand on my shoulder was the wrong move.

As soon as her hand makes contact with my body, I feel myself slipping. I thought I could hold myself together, but that was before she took the extra step. Why couldn't she have just left me alone?

"I'm fine," I say in an unusual deep tone, slowly lifting my head up. I make eye contact with Joel first, and his eyes immediately widen as he begins to violently shake his head. "Ahh, we're good here thanks. Forget you saw us," Joel compels her, waiting until she's out of listening distance before speaking to me.

"What the hell James?" he exclaims.

"What?" I ask, confused. I know I didn't do anything wrong even though I felt myself slipping.

"Your eyes!" he whispers loudly, pointing to his own under eyes where he quickly flashes his purple veins. "You had them exposed. What were you thinking?" he asks, knowing how unusual it is for me to be so close to my inner nature around strangers.

The fact that I was seconds away from lashing out isn't just concerning, it's a warning. I haven't been so close to feeding on a living, breathing stranger in decades. For most of my life, I've only drank from blood bags, not normally straight from the vein. But for some reason there was this dark part inside me that longed for that feeling, that was trying to persuade me that the only way to truly feel alive was to let it win.

"I-I wasn't, I don't know," I stutter quietly.

"James, that wasn't like you ma,." Joel sighs anxiously, fearing what he does not know. Right now, he knows I'm unpredictable and I can tell that scares the crap out of him.

"Joel, he did just come back from the dead. I mean, there's gotta be a few side affects right?" Logan questions, trying to help me out.

Joel purses his lips and softens his expression as he tries to reach out to me. "James, are you feeling okay?" he asks gently.

I close my eyes and take in a deep breath, quickly realizing that was a mistake as the smell of human blood immediately fills my nose. "I just need to get out of here. I'm taking a cab back to Blair's, I'll see you guys later," I quickly say before leaving the cafe and hulling a cab.

I don't look behind me out of fear they're following me, so instead I scramble as quickly as I can inside the cab and close the door. "Where you going?" a raspy voice asks, startling me slightly.

Out of all the chaos I completely forgot that hulling a cab would mean I would have to sit in a confined space with a lone human. As he places his hands on the steering wheel and breathes oxygen into his lungs do I focus on one simple thing- the beating of his heart.

"Just drive," I compel him, before sliding into the dark parts of my shattered mind that threaten to take over.

Before I know it, it's too late.

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[completed & edited: 09/26/2021]