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"Why did you steal my cotton candy heart? You threw it in this damn coin slot."

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WHEN KLAUS decided that he was going to stay, I figured he had only meant for a night, but by now it's been five days, and he is still sleeping in the guest bedroom. In some ways him staying here has been a pain in my ass, but in other ways it has been a gift. He's been up every morning bright and early helping Theo get ready for preschool giving me the alone time I need to sort myself out. He's taken Theo to preschool every morning too, making my mornings a little less stressful.

On the other hand, his constant concern for my wellbeing has become a little tedious. I find myself embarrassed to sit in James's truck now, or even cry everyday like I use to but in some ways he's distracting me, which I guess is a good thing.

However, now that there's someone around to watch Theo, I don't have an excuse not to go get drinks with Logan and Christina after work, which means I'm going to have to go no matter how moody I'm feeling. It was my mistake really, when I mentioned a friend of mine was picking Theo up. That's why I'm in no rush now to leave work since I don't have to worry about being on time for Theo.

"So, Blair. You still up for drinks tonight?" Christina questions, her brow raised.

"Depends, do I have a choice in the matter?" I sigh, packing my art utensils into my bag.

"Not really," Logan says, not lifting his head up from his work. If there's anything I've learned about Logan, it's that he's very passionate in what he does and takes his work very seriously. He is also such an amazing artist, and sometimes I find myself getting inspired from his work.

"I figured as much," I mutter, slipping my bag over my shoulder. "Are we going or not?" I ask.

"It's only five," Christina says, looking at me like I'm a freak. I've never stayed this late before at work, so I don't know what time they leave.

"Well what time do you all leave?" I question curiously.

"Sometimes six, or maybe even seven-thrity on a good night," Christina explains, staring at her computer screen.

"What!" I exclaim. "You are all crazy. Why would you want to stay in later than you have to?"

"Because we have no life," Logan comments, making me giggle and Christina furious.

"Hey pal, speak for yourself!" she shouts, smacking him harshly on the arm. Logan cracks a smile all while never lifting his head up from his work.

"I hate to break it to you, but if you want me to come out to drinks with you, we need to go now," I say in the politest way possible.

Christina scoffs and looks up at me with her mouth agape. "Well then, somebody's a bitch," she teases. "You've got balls Blair, and threatening us to leave now is quite the move," she says bitterly before completely changing her tone. "But, you're right we're losers and you're a queen so I guess we do what the queen wants," she smiles, packing up her things.

"Do you still love me?" I ask childishly. I'm already use to Christina's odd form of sarcasm and humour as others may take it offensively.

"No, I still hate you," she shrugs.

"Good, because I hate you too," I remark jokingly, blowing her a sarcastic kiss in which she pretends to grab and shove up her ass.

"Jesus, I swear to god girls are the most confusing and weirdest creatures to roam this Earth," Logan comments with a shake of his head, watching Christina and I communicate.

"You don't even know," I say to him, as he doesn't realize one of the weirdest creatures to roam this Earth is standing right in front of him.

"Nor do I want to," he snickers, earning himself yet another glare from Christina.

∆ ∆ ∆

After constant bickering over what time we should leave, I finally got my way as I persuaded Christina and Logan to leave work earlier than usual, mostly threatening them. Never the less we ended up at the bar located in the middle of the city, the one that was always crowded. It was a miracle we even found ourselves a seat.

"What can I get for you three?" the waiter asks, standing in front of our table. The bar is all full meaning we had to take a booth.

"A Caesar for me please," Logan orders, not even thinking about it.

"I'll have the strongest thing you've got please," Christina says, as Logan and I both glare at her. "What? It's been a long week." 

Logan and I shake our heads as the waiter turns to me. "Oh, I'm their ride, so just a water for me please."

Logan and Christina both give me exasperated looks with their mouths open wide as they stare at me in shock. "What the hell Blair? We came out for drinks not a shitty glass of plain water!" Christina argues.

I shrug as the waiter walks off. "You never specified. Water is a drink," I say.

Christina scoffs, like I've just majorly offended her. "Blair, vodka is a drink. Beer is a drink. A Bloody Mary is a drink. Water, is a necessity that you can have any time. Come on, you have to have a drink! Let loose a little! You deserve it after all!" Christina says, pleading with me. "Tell me what you want, and I'll pay," she suggests, although really the only thing I want right now is a glass of O- blood. But I'm not about to tell her that.

"Thanks Tina, but money isn't the issue," I say politely, picking at my fingernails nervously.

"Then what is?" Christina begs.

Logan clears his throat awkwardly, having been watching and listening for the past few minutes. "When's the last time you had a real drink, in all honesty?" he asks.

I purse my lips and glance at Logan, knowing exactly what he's trying to get at. Christina on the other hand is completely oblivious. "Not since right after him," I say, making the whole table go quiet.

"Oh," Christina mutters, leaning back defeatedly in her seat. The thing about Christina is that she's always so oblivious, and she never realizes why someone won't do what she wants until the truth comes out, and after the truth comes out she always feels guilty. It's a never ending cycle, and I'm tired of confessing my secretes and making her feel guilty. That's not what I ever intended to do once I moved here.

"It's okay. Really, now how about we all order a giant plate of nachos," I suggest, my memory flashing back to the first time I had the delicious creation. It was the first real meal I had when I came out from the tomb.

Logan smiles. "Let's do it." 

As they look at all the different toppings for the nachos, I can't help but glance around the bar, scanning every face out of hopes and curiosity that I might find someone I haven't seen in a long time. Just out of chance, my eyes happen to land on a familiar face standing behind the bar, pouring drinks for a cute couple in front of him.

"I'll be right back," I say quietly before walking over to the bar. Logan and Christina don't bother calling after me as they're noses are in too deep inside the menu.

I approach the couple sitting at the bar and touch their shoulders, breaking them out of their gushy kissy faces. "Please leave and find a seat somewhere else where your public display of affection can be hidden," I compel them bitterly. 

They leave without hesitation, leaving a few open seats for me to sit on. I take a seat and lean across the counter where the bartender is still focused heavily on perfecting the drinks, only to lift his head and realize his customers are gone and instead replaced with me. However, as soon as his eyes register my face he take a step back, shocked and clueless as to what to say.

"Hello Joel," I say, pursing my lips in a firm line as I don't know either what to say. 

The first time we ran into each other was in this bar, exactly a year ago. We never spoke to each other after that, as we were both still grieving in our own ways, and frankly the sight of one another only reminds us of James. Whenever he looks at me I know he sees James, as the two of us were practically glued together as one, and whenever I look at him all I can see are the fine features of James hidden within his brother's face, as their genes carry familiar features in their appearances.

"What are you doing here?" he asks coldly, glancing around.

The last time we saw each other, we didn't leave on good terms as we were both unstable, and throwing blames all over the place. I can still feel the tension between us, and deep down it pains me because I don't know if we can ever go back to the way we once were. We were like brother and sister, and in some ways I considered Joel my own blood. We teased, mocked and joked around with each other all day everyday, speaking nothing but sarcasm. Now as I look at him I can tell by the stern look on his face and the pain hidden within his eyes that both of us have changed, and defiantly not for the better.

"I live here you know," I say, referring to the city of Atlanta. It's funny how after all this time of living in the same city, we never once ran into each other, at least not until now.

"No you don't, I do. I usually sleep on that booth right over there," Joel says in all seriousness, pointing to a booth behind me.

"What are you talking about, Joel? Are you telling me you don't have a goddamn apartment!" I exclaim, with my brows raised.

"No, I don't and I don't need one so don't even try. I could compel myself one if I want but I don't," he snaps, wiping off the counter as he sips on the two drinks he just made for the couple that I compelled away.

"Well, why don't you come live with me and Theo?" I ask, leaving out that Klaus is currently staying with us, but that's only temporary.

"Really Blair?" Joel scoffs. "Do you honestly think that's a good idea?"

His use of tone throws me off, and I find myself getting more angry than relieved. I thought it would be nice to see Joel again, but it seems he's still struggling with himself. "What's wrong with you, Joel? Why are you being such a dick?" I ask angrily.

"What's wrong with me!" he scoffs, his voice loud against all the chatter going on in the clustered bar. Thankfully though, the other voices are enough to drown out his so he won't cause a scene. 

"I'll tell you what's wrong with me- I lost my brother a year and a half ago. I spent all my life hiding from my own brother to protect his life, and just when I find myself back into his life again, he's gone! I watched over him from the sidelines like Klaus instructed me to, all for his benefit and in the end it didn't mean a fucking thing, because you know what Blair, he's still gone whether you like it or not. James is gone, and I think it's time you accept that," Joel yells, gripping the edge of the counter so tight, some of the wood starts to split.

My eyes well with tears as I look sternly at Joel, angered that he would have the heart to say something like that to me, and even though I know he's only saying that because of his grief, his words still hurt.

"I have accepted it, Joel," I spit. "I've moved on, gotten myself a job and a house unlike you. Look at yourself! You're living in a fucking bar! You think I'm the one that needs to move on? How about you take a look in the mirror first buddy," I say. 

I turn to march back to the booth when suddenly I abruptly stop and glare at Joel. "I'll have you know, that I lost him too. You're not the only one who lost him," I say. I don't look back as I know Joel is glaring at me, so instead I grab my things and pay for my water.

"Blair, what's wrong? Did that bartender say something?" Logan asks, becoming all defensive of me.

"No, it's fine. Look, I have to go I'm really sorry. I thought I could do this but I can't," I say before storming outside to my car. The cool night air sends chills though my body, but my warm tears that flow down my cheeks make up for it.

I blink rapidly as I speed down the road and towards home as tears make my vision blurry. I don't even know how I make it back home unscratched but when I do I find Klaus loading things into his Range Rover. I park my car and speed over to him, curious to where Theo is.

"Hello Blair," he greets.

"Where's Theo?" I ask immediately.

"I just put him to sleep," he says before turning to me. "Listen, now that you're back I have to go. I have family matters and more drama awaiting me back in New Orleans, so this is goodbye for now." 

"Oh," is all I say, because frankly I don't know what else to say. "Thank you for everything Klaus, I really appreciate it. I'm sorry if I was being a bitch about it earlier, but I'm glad you stopped by," I say with a laugh.

He chuckles, the cool of the night visible on his breath. "Anytime, love. However, need you find yourself in trouble and more vampires show up, don't be hesitant to give me a call," he says seriously, although we haven't seen any more mysterious vampires around.

"Will do," I smile as he leans in for a hug. He wraps his arms around my back as I wrap mine around his neck, our embrace only lasting for a few seconds before he releases me.

He then turns to walk to his car, only stopping seconds later and turning abruptly to me. "Blair?" 

"Yes, Klaus?"

"I know this is going to seem so wrongly ironic, but if you wanted I can compel away the memories of him. I can make it so he never existed, so you don't have to feel the constant pain," he says quietly, speaking lowly and slowly as if scared of my reaction.

I bite my lip and think about his words, trying to imagine my world without this pain. It seems like a land far away, a place impossible to reach. But I realize that a world without this pain is not possible, as this pain has become part of me now. I sleep with this pain, I eat with this pain, I cry, I smile and I live with this pain. I have slowly been consumed by the pain, but I can't imagine myself without knowing James. He was my world, and to take him from my memory again seems so wrong, as to take him from my mind would be to take away part of who I am.

I turn to Klaus with a kind smile and teary eyes, appreciating his kind gesture. "Thank you Klaus, I really appreciate it, but I can't. I refuse to forget James," I say decisively.

Klaus smiles as if in relief and nods. "Take care of yourself Blair," he says, before sending me a soft smile, climbing into his car and driving away.

I chew the inside of my cheek nervously just thinking about tonight, thankful that the dark night has concealed my teary eyes from Klaus as that would've only brought more questions. I head inside and close the door, leaning against it and dragging my hands down my face.

I thought that I wanted change, but it seems that too much has changed in such little time. The only thing with having Klaus here, was that he made me not feel so alone. He was a familiar. Now as I think about the argument Joel and I had earlier do I realize I so badly want things to go back to the way they were. I just want things to actually work out the way I want them to.

Just as I'm about to head upstairs, theres a knock on the door making me jump slightly. I stand up warily, remembering what happened the last time I opened the door to a stranger. I defiantly don't want to be impaled by a stake again.

So I slowly twist the doorknob and open the door just a crack, but wide enough to see who's on the other side. To my surprise it's Joel.

I clench my jaw and hesitate on whether or not I actually want to open the door, but thankfully Joel talks first. "Blair, I'm sorry. I didn't mean everything that I said, and you don't deserve to hear that," he says. 

I sigh and open the door, taking in his rough state. His hair is ruffled, his eyes are puffy and his cheeks are stained with tears, much like the way mine are now too.

"I miss him Blair," he whispers, his face contorting in sadness as he looks down at the floor.

I sniff up my own tears and open the door wide enough for him to walk in. "Would you like to come in?" I ask.

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[completed & edited: 09/15/2021]