˙ ˙ ˙

"I know that this love is pain, but we can't cut it out from these veins"

˙ ˙ ˙

BLAIR POV

I don't know when we arrived back home, nor do I remember when I gave into sleep. I had promised myself I wouldn't close my eyes, not wanting everything that had happened to turn into nothing but a simple dream. It wound't be the first time I've dreamt of James coming back to life.

I pull the blankets up to my chin, wanting to soak in as much sleep as possible seeing as I've already given in when suddenly I feel a faint tap on my shoulder. Both confused and alarmed, I turn around so I'm facing the edge of my bed, my sleepy eyes landing on a familiar yet haunting face.

I immediately spring up and out of bed, scaring both myself and James who takes a few steps back, his hands held out in surrender. He holds them out cautiously, showing me he means no harm yet all I feel is confusion, like I'm looking into the eyes of a dead man. 

"Blair, it's me," he speaks slowly. His voice is loud and clear, and far more sturdy than mine. But, as I look at his face that begs me to let him comfort me do I see flashes of his death. Then I remember watching several others rise from the dead, literally appearing in front of my eyes. I remember Bonnie, vanishing into thin air as the other side collapsed taking Damon along with it. 

"I'm sorry," I breathe out, running my hands down my face. "It's just strange...to have you here, in this place. I grieved you here. I ran away from Mystic Falls to be away of the memories yet now you're standing here-"

"I know," James says. He stays standing a few feet back, giving me space as I think and adjust. 

I furrow my brows. "You know?" 

He nods, taking a step forwards. "I watched you from the other side from time to time. I checked in on you and Theo, and Joel too." 

I chew the inside of my cheek as I think of all the things he could have seen. It's no wonder he never found peace on the other side when all he was watching was me fail miserably at moving on. I had never felt such raw pain before. 

"So you saw... a lot," I say awkwardly. "A lot of crying." 

He frowns gently, placing his hands in his pockets. "I saw a lot of strength."

I laugh lightly and shake my head. "That was not strength. People grieve people all the time. They make it look so easy. Heck, Elena's lost more than me and she never did anything irrational like move eight hours across the country and lose all forms of contact with everyone she knew."

"Well, I wouldn't be so sure of yourself. She did burn her house down after Jeremy had died," James corrects me, a small sad smile on his lips. 

"I had almost two years and I still couldn't move on. I could have done better," I say. 

"Blair, everyone grieves differently," he tells me. "You didn't turn it off, and that's pretty bloody impressive." 

"I would be lying if I said I never thought about it," I admit shyly.

He raises a brow. "But you didn't," he points out. 

"I guess." I sigh. 

We stand here for a moment, adjusting to this new reality. James is alive and Damon is dead. I had gotten back the person whose absence had destroyed me, but at what cost?

"Can I give you a hug?" James suddenly asks. 

I chuckle and shake my head, my thoughts being dispersed. "Of course," I say, closing the gap between us and wrapping my arms around his neck. 

He hugs me tight for a few seconds before letting me go, placing a simple and quick kiss on my lips. As soon as he pulls away however, I grab his hand to pull him back, wanting to feel that warmth rise in my chest again. It's been so long since I've felt that feeling. 

I kiss him again, my hand cupping his face. After a few seconds we break apart, our noses still touching. "Thank you," I say quietly. 

James smiles. "For what?"

"Being here," I say.

He only laughs, closing his hand over mine. "Shall we go join everyone downstairs?" 

I nod, allowing him to lead me down the stairs, our hands still intertwined as we enter the kitchen. Joel stands at the stove cooking away while Stefan and Theo sit at the breakfast bar. Theo's legs dangle high above the ground as he sits secured in his booster seat while Stefan's stay securely planted on the ground. It's a cute little sight. 

"Good morning," I say, causing everyone to look back. 

"Mama!" Theo squeals, a huge grin taking over his face. Stefan smiles slightly before turning back to the table, shuffling around his food aimlessly. 

I give Theo a kiss on the cheek and ruff up his hair before moving to go sit beside Stefan. I place a hand on his arm and give it a squeeze before grabbing his fork and stuffing one of the pancake pieces in my mouth. 

"Hey now, you've got your own plate coming," Joel scolds, pointing the spatula at me. "Do you want chocolate chip or plain?" 

"Do you even have to ask?" I laugh. 

"Right, plain because you're boring," Joel teases. 

I scoff. "When would I ever choose a plain pancake over the chocolate chip?" 

Joel only smiles as he places a plate in front of me filled with three perfectly shaped chocolate chip pancakes. "You twin here seems to like the plain ones. Figured it was a genetic thing," he says, staring at Stefan who doesn't even react. 

I glance at Joel who only shrugs before turning back to cooking. "We're going to be okay," I tell Stefan. 

He only nods and sends me a weak smile. "I know," he says, although I have a feeling he doesn't believe that. 

James suddenly lets out a cry of pain, glass shattering as he drops his coffee mug. We all turn to him and watch as his hand steams, the sun's rays catching him as he walks across the kitchen directly in front of the window. 

"The sun- it burned me," James gasps, pressing himself as close to the wall and as far from the sunlight as he can get. All our eyes immediately dart to his hand, which is missing a vampire's most important accessory- his daylight ring.

"My ring," he breathes out. "I don't know where it is," he says while curling his fingers up into a fist.

"I do," I spit out, my mind going to the exact place where I put it. "I'll find it," I say, before sprinting vampire speed up to my room, opening my closet and pulling out an old dusty wooden box. I haven't opened this box since the funeral since I shoved it in my closet almost two years ago. I couldn't stand staring at it, as I knew exactly what was inside it and who's name was carved on top of it.

I hold it in my hands and blow off the dust before using my trembling fingers to unlatch the lock. I open it revealing a perfectly folded piece of paper and a jewelry box. I run my fingers over the letter before hesitantly deciding to open it. As my eyes scan the scribbled words, I find myself feeling a lump in my throat just at the sight of it. I remember vividly reading this letter the day of James's funeral, right before I ran away from home in hopes of fulfilling his wishes. It all feels so surreal, seeing as he's now standing in the same house as me.

I purse my lips before folding the letter back neatly, pulling the jewelry box out from the wooden box instead. I open it and take out James's huge chunk of a rock ring, similar to the ones my brothers wear- or at least wore. It still doesn't seem real to think of Damon as dead, and quite frankly I'm not ready to accept it. I fear for the day when I finally let it sink in. I'm all too use to that feeling- that feeling of waking up and having everything suddenly hit you. It hurts like a bitch which is all the more reason I'm having such a hard time adjusting to James being back.

Sighing, I quickly put the box away and sprint back to James who stays standing in the corner of the staircase, with Joel laughing at him.

"Yeah, you laugh now 'lil brother, but if I wasn't trapped by this wonderful ray of sunshine I'd have that smirk slapped off your face," James threatens jokingly, but that doesn't stop Joel from laughing at his brother.

I smile slightly at the two of them. Watching Joel interact with his brother so effortlessly, so naturally despite the amount of time he spent grieving over his death baffles me, as I can't understand how he did it so easily. They're laughing like old times, like nothing ever happened. Like all those days we spent crying never took place, but no matter how hard I try all I see when I look at James is pain, because it's his face that I was grieving over for six hundred days.

I clear my throat, catching the Branson brother's attention as they both turn to me. Their smiles soften, like I'm a fragile puppy which only causes me to tense up. "Here," I say, passing him his ring.

"Thank you, Blair." James smiles, taking the ring off my palm and sliding it onto his finger. He sends me a kind smile, almost distant as if he's afraid to say anything more. Although I don't want to admit it, things seem very awkward between the two of us, like we're scared to mess things up. James fears that if he says the wrong thing, I'll have another panic attack, and I fear if I say the wrong thing, I'll drive him further away.

"So, we should figure out what our plan is," I say seriously. "Are we staying here or moving back closer to Mystic Falls?" 

James and Joel look at each other, awaiting a response but instead turn to me for answers. I turn to Stefan only to notice he's disappeared. Confused, I walk to the front door and see him sitting on the porch. I open the door and close it, sitting on the steps next to him. 

"Blair, I'm leaving," Stefan says bluntly once I'm seated.

"W-what?" I ask.

"I can't stay here, and I can't go back home. Not after last night. So I'm going to go find myself my own place and start over," Stefan says, looking at me with his leafy green eyes that sparkle with sadness.

"But Stefan, y- I-" I fail to find the right words to say. I spent a year and a half apart from my brothers, and now that one is dead I find myself wanting to spend as much time as possible with Stefan. I just wish I had more time with Damon.

"Blair, Damon didn't stop you from leaving after James died, and now I understand why. I just need to get away; I need to stay away from it all. This is something I need to do," Stefan explains desperately. I remember when I left I never told Stefan, so the fact that he's telling me now is more than I ever did for him.

"No Stefan, I was wrong to leave. I should have stayed, I should have spent more time with you guys while I had the chance, before it was too late," I say, my voice trailing off as I try to find the words to persuade him to stay.

"You left Blair because everything you did reminded you of him, didn't it?" Stefan asks me. "You couldn't spend one more second in that town, because all your memories there were filled with him there. Weren't they?" he questions. I don't respond, because I know he's right.

"Well every time I look at you Blair, I'm reminded of him. You two share the same eyes, the same raven black hair, hell even the same sense of witty humour," Stefan exclaims, pain written so clearly in his voice, it seems to stab me straight in my heart. I know that I can't stop him, because I was in his exact same position several months ago.

"I need to leave, so I'm saying goodbye," Stefan whispers quietly, wrapping his strong arms around me before I have a chance to speak. "I know you haven't accepted the fact that Damon's dead, and James is alive, and that's perfectly fine Blair. That is your way of coping, and this is mine," Stefan says as he releases me.

"I know," I whisper, pursing my lips in a stern line.

"I love you Blair-Bear." He smiles, nudging my shoulder lightly. The nickname sends a pang of sadness radiating through me, as it was usually Damon that teased me by that name.

"I love you too, Steff," I say with a smile.

"I'll keep in touch," he says, before getting up and walking to his red Porch that is parked in my driveway. I know there's a great chance that's the last time I'll hear from Stefan for a while, but I owe him the chance to grieve. He respected my choice to leave, so it's only fair that I respect his.

I watch as he drives away before heading back inside, Joel and James at the door as if expecting me. "Did you know he was going to leave?" I ask. 

James nods. "He told us this morning." 

"Hey Blair," Joel says, walking towards me. "We're going to the coffee shop on main street to meet up with Logan and Christina- to catch up on some things. Do you want to come?" he asks me.

I fiddle with my fingers before lifting my head up to give him a response. "I think I just need some time to myself," I say.

"Okay. We'll be back by noon," Joel says, before leaving with James.

As soon as the door closes, I lean against the door and run my fingers through my hair. All I can think about is how overwhelmed I am, and despite the proof of James standing in front of me, I fail to comprehend the fact that he's alive. It feels like I can't accept it, like I need more proof but I don't know how much more I can get. 

Unless, I head back to the place he was buried.

________________________

Please vote, share, and comment!

[completed & edited: 09/26/2021]