Aquarius handed Pisces some icing to snort when they both noticed what day it is.

"GUYS! IT'S CHRISTMAS!" they both yelled

"We know" said Capricorn

Capricorn was on the hammock reading a book when 2 monkeys decided to sneak up and annoy her.

"Hello!" said Gemini

"What do y'all want?" asked Capricorn

"Miss Cappy, if you come downstairs and stop reading manga you wont get any coal for Christmas" said Taurus

"fuck off" said Capricorn

"Thats not the Christmas spirit" said Gemini

"No swearing on Christmas" said Taurus

"Come on guys, don't annoy poor Capricorn" said Cancer

"THANK YOU" said Capricorn

"Why don't we go downstairs" said Cancer

Taurus and Gemini ran off and hid behind the staircase and was about to prank Capricorn when Virgo tripped both Taurus and Gemini and they both fell down the stairs. 

"HEY" said the both of them

"It wasn't me" lied Virgo

"Damn Virgo, didn't know you had it in you" said Aries

"Nah I just wanted to mess around with them" chuckled Virgo

"THAT WAS AMAZING"

"Ayo, you're dripping eggnog everywhere"

"I am??"

"Yup"

"Blame Aqua for that!"

"Come on, let's get you cleaned up" said Pisces

Pisces poured eggnog on herself and giggled.

"Bruh" said Virgo

"Now we're both clean...jk" said Pisces

"Alright let's go clean up" said Virgo

the both of them went into the bathroom together and shut the door.

"They're both totally gonna fuck" said Aquarius

"WE ARE NOT" said Virgo

Aries and Sagittarius were making out on the sofa for 5 whole minutes and stopped when they saw Cancer pouting.

"Cance u ok?" asked Aries

"You seem-"

"I'm good, I just wish Leo was here to make out with me" said Cancer

"SAY WHAT" said Sagittarius

"I-"

Cancer started blushing.

"Awwww, you want that?" asked Leo seductively

"I-I..."

Cancer's face started turning red.

"Say less, I gotchu" smirked Leo

Leo grabbed Cancer's cheeks and started making out with her intensely.

"AYOOOO" said everyone

"I-I...want...to..." said Cancer

"Oh say less babe" grinned Leo

Leo smirked and him and Cancer went inside the fire sign room and closed the door and loud bed noises and moaning were heard.

"I think we'll let them do their sexy business" smirked Sagittarius

Gemini tripped Taurus and he fell on top of Scorpio who was making pancakes.

"You spilt whipped cream on me fam, do you want to die?" growled Scorpio

"Nope sorry my girl" said Taurus nervously

Scorpio got a paper towel and tried to wipe off the whipping cream when she saw a mistletoe on top of her.

"Fuck sakes..." said Scorpio

"Hello" said Taurus

Taurus kissed Scorpio and Scorpio didn't mind because she liked him. Scorpio then looked up and glared at Gemini.

"Gem you motherf-" said Scorpio

"No swearing on Christmas" smiled Gemini

"Bro you swear just as much as we do" said Scorpio

"Probably even more" said Taurus

Gemini walked off laughing. 

"Also where the fire signs at?" asked Taurus

"OVER HERE" said 2 voices

Everyone looked over and saw Aries and Sagittarius coming into the house with a Gucci Christmas tree.

"Why the fuck did you buy a Gucci tree? Do you even know how expensive that is??" asked Capricorn

"For fun" said Sagittarius

"Guys! Let's open our Christmas presents!" announced Pisces

"Did I get drugs?" giggled Aries

"Yes u did lol" said Libra sarcastically

"Ooooooh secret Santa" said Aquarius

"Yeah, you're right for once" said Capricorn

"Ouch lol" said Aries

"Anyways we got everyone here right" said Capricorn

"Yea-"

"Wait, ho-"

"Where's the-"

"More like who's missing?" asked Aquarius

"Huh, where's my baby?" asked Pisces

"YOUR B-BABY??!!!" said Virgo

"Why? You got her pregnant???" said Leo

"VIRGO WHAT" said Taurus

"I-I-NO I DIDN'T" said Virgo

"Is it a boy or girl?" asked Gemini

"They/them" joked Pisces

"NO WAY" said Libra

"Bro got mad game rn" said Aries

"More like bad pull out game" said Sagittarius

"Hey rude much"

"Nu-"

"Guys, guys, relax...she was talking about Cancer" said Scorpio

"Yeah, Cancer is baby! and no, I'm not pregnant..." said Pisces

"But Cancer is the mom..." said Gemini

"We've had this discussion, Gem" said Aquarius

"Uh huh" said Libra

"Naw that's Cappy" said Taurus

"Stop bringing me into this shit!" said Capricorn

"What was the subject again?" asked Aquarius

"Where's Cancer?"

"I'll go find her" said Pisces

Pisces ran up the stairs and was there for a while.

"Huh what's taking her so long" said Aries

Pisces covered her mouth in shock.

"Guys...this is scary..." said Pisces

"I'll go find her" said Scorpio

Scorpio ran up the stairs with Aquarius and they both saw the most wtf thing you can think of on Christmas.

"Jesus..." said Scorpio

"HOLY-"

The 3 of them saw Leo passed out on his bed naked while cuddling Cancer who was topless and fast asleep next to him.

"Oh my..." said Aquarius blushing

"I'll do the honours" sighed Scorpio

Scorpio went into the room and shook Cancer awake when she woke up groggily while Leo fell onto the floor.

"Jesus Cance, you ok?" asked Scorpio

"Cancer got out of the bed and gasped in shock at herself.

"Why am I naked??" said Cancer

"Don't worry I won't judge, just put on some clothes and I'll carry you down" said Scorpio

"Uhh...ok..." said Cancer

Cancer put on Leo's shirt and Scorpio carried Cancer on her back downstairs with Pisces next to her. Cancer was panting tiredly.

"Jeez, what happened to her?" asked Virgo

"She f-"

"It's ok y'all, she just had sex with Leo" said Pisces

"P-PISCES..." said Cancer turning red

"Nah it's ok, we've all fucked at least 1 person here" said Taurus

"Not me" said Capricorn

"Or me" said Libra

"I've fucked 9!" said Sagittarius

"NO ONE ASKED U MANWHORE" said Aries

"We gonna do this or-"

Suddenly Leo walked down the stairs awkwardly.

"Yooo what happened? Sorry I couldn't find a shirt" said Leo

Everyone gave him an awkward stare and he kept quiet.

"I'll do the honours since I'm the hottest here" said Taurus

"Cap" said everyone

Taurus opened his gift and got a pair of Jordans.

"YES" squealed Taurus

"Jordans?" asked Leo

"Ha! TAKE THAT SUCKERS!" yelled Taurus

"Rude" said Virgo

"So do I guess who gave it or do they say it?" asked Taurus

"They say it" said Capricorn

"Nice! Pleasure giving my bro the best bro gift" said Gemini

"Thank you my brother!" said Taurus

Taurus dapped Gemini up and they both smiled happily.

"WTF HE GOT SUCH A GOOD GIFT" said Sagittarius

"Calm down Sag, im sure your gift will be good too" reassured Cancer

"Only one way to find out" said Sagittarius

Sagittarius opened his present and saw a cricket bat.

"THIS IS BETTER THAN JORDANS FUCK YEAH" said Sagittarius

"Lmao what u get?" asked Leo

"I got a bat!!" said Sagittarius

"I bought it for you!" announced Aries

"Thanks babe"

"No problem, I like you by the way"

"Wait, what?"

"N-Nothing!"

Aries blushed and quickly looked away. Sagittarius looked confused and Leo was opening his present and gave the most confused look.

"Okay what..." said Leo

"Huh?" said Libra

Libra looked into his present and jumped back.

"JESUS no way" said Libra

"Why what" said Aquarius

Libra whispered it to Aquarius.

"OMG LEO GOT THE BEST PRESENT" said Aquarius

" W H A T "   said Leo

"Oooooh, what did you get?" asked Cancer

"Really aqua, a dildo?" asked Leo

"WHAT THE HELL" said everyone

"HOW-"

"YO WTF"

"HEY LEMME USE IT"

"SHUT UP AQUA"

"You literally gave him that present" said Virgo

"I DID NOT!" said Aquarius

"What" said Libra

"No really, it wasn't me...I swear" said Aquarius

"It was ME" grinned Sagittarius

"SAG WHAT THE FUCK" said Leo

Everyone facepalmed.

"Bro got the most unhinged present" said Gemini

"I KNOW RIGHT???" said Leo

"Leo I know you're closeted gay but what" said Cancer

"CANCER WHAT" said Leo

Aquarius and Pisces were on the floor crying and laughing.

"You both are bad examples for poor Cancer" said Scorpio sighing

"Am not!" said Pisces

"I'm gonna open my present and hopefully it's more normal than that..." said Gemini

Gemini opened his present and frowned.

"Taurus, is this you?" asked Gemini

"Huh...no?" said Taurus

"I got a piece of paper the says 'fuck you gemini'"

"Oh lmao"

"Wait, there's something underneath" said Gemini

Gemini's bubble popped and he opened it up to see a green hoodie.

"Ayyy nice! Who got this?" asked Gemini

"Taurus?" said Cancer

"No that wasn't me" said Taurus

"I did bro" said Libra

"Yoooo, thanks bro" 

"No problem bro"

Libra and Gemini brofisted.

Aries opened her present and cheered.

"YAASSSS! ROLLErBLADES!" cheered Aries

"Guess who?" asked Aquarius

"AQUA I LOVE YOU!" Aries jumped and hugged Aquarius

"No, Cappy got it" corrected Aquarius

Aries stopped hugging Aquarius and started hugging Capricorn.

"LOVE YOU CAPPY!!" squealed Aries

"Love you too" said Capricorn

Pisces opened her present and gasped excitedly.

"OMG NO WAYYY! I got a Jake the dog pillow!" squealed Pisces

"I bought it, babes!" said Cancer

"Thanks babes, love you!" said Pisces

Pisces jumped onto Cancer and hugged her.

"Love you too babes!" said Cancer

Pisces gave Cancer a huge kiss on the forehead.

"Dang, Cancer getting a lot of love today" said Libra

"Because everybody loves me" giggled Cancer shyly

"Is it weird that I ship Pisces with Cancer more than Virgo?" asked Gemini

"WHAT??" said Virgo

"Come on V, don't be jealous...join the hug!" said Pisces

"Oh, alright..." said Virgo

Virgo joined in and hugged the both of them.

"Are they like besties or something?" asked Libra

"Nah they're just platonic" said Aquarius

"Nah Cancer's just the mommy" said Leo

"I-"

"I am confusion" said Cancer

"Real" giggled Pisces

"Scorps, wanna open yours?" asked Cancer

"Sure" said Scorpio

Scorpio opened her present.

"Whoa" said Scorpio

What did you get?" asked Aquarius

"I got black air forces" said Scorpio

"Okay this is gonna be a hard one" said Virgo

"Yup, no clue" said Aquarius

"I wanna say Aries...because I know her fashion" said Capricorn

"Nah, I don't wear clothes this dark" said Aries

"Same" said Leo

"No clue" said 

"Ohh, I know exactly who bought these" grinned Scorpio

Scorpio glanced at Taurus who winked at her back.

"Love you, T" smiled Scorpio

Taurus smiled widely and gave her a heart shaped gesture with his hands.

"Awww, so cute!" said Pisces

"Wait that was Taurus??" said Capricorn

"Yessir" said Taurus

"I did not expect him out of all people" said Pisces

"Huh why" said Scorpio

"I kinda did" said Virgo

"See, my bro knows me well" said Taurus

Taurus headlocked Virgo playfully.

"I've seen his fashion sense, he's got a lot of graphic tees and dark clothes...I borrowed some from him for my date" said Virgo

"Wait, that fit was from Taurus?" said Pisces

"Yup" said Taurus and Virgo

"Also, Scorpio is Taurus' girlfriend so of course he'd get her something" said Virgo 

"True" said Capricorn

"Him and Scorpio love wearing black" said Leo

"Taurus...can I-"

"Huh" said Taurus

"C-Can I..."

"Can you what...?"

"Uhhh..."

Scorpio stopped talking and hugged him.

"Awww" said everyone

"Didn't know Scorpy worpy loves hugs" said Taurus

Scorpio immediately jumped back flustered.

"I-I...who said?!" said Scorpio

"You ok?" asked Cancer

"I-I'm fine!" stammered Scorpio

"Then why's your face red?"

"I-I..."

"Awww, she's blushing" said Pisces

"Shut up Pisces..." whined Scorpio

"I'm just gonna open my gift..." said Libra

"Sure" said Scorpio

Libra opened his gift and his eyes widened in glee.

"Yo what?" said Libra

Libra pulled out some green sunglasses.

"Gem-wait you already gave someone..." said Libra

"Yup, wasn't me" said Gemini

"Imagine if it was Virgo who gave that" said Taurus

"Hey! Don't expose m-"

"Wait, for real?"

"Uh yeah"

"Yoooo! I fuckin love these!" said Libra

Libra dapped Virgo up.

"Thanks my guy" said Libra

"No probs" said Virgo

"Cool shit" 

"Indeed...anyways, we need the remaining earth sign to open her gift" 

"Ohh, right" said Capricorn

Capricorn opened her present and looked at something confusing.

"Is this...perfume?" asked Capricorn

"That's what they told me" said Pisces

"Oh that was you?"

"Yup yups"

"Thanks pisces, thats really sweet but I...don't think this is perfume" said Capricorn

" H u h ? "

Capricorn tried spraying the "perfume" at her and smoke instantly came out of it.

"Is that smoke?!" gasped Capricorn

" n a n i "  said Pisces

"Pisces, why did you get Capricorn a vape?" asked Scorpio

"A WHAt?"

"OH those, I use them a lot" said Aries

"Same" said Taurus

"Same x3" said Scorpio

"Same x4" said Aquarius

"Pisces, this is a vape...not perfume" said Capricorn

"Oh shit...t-they told me it was perfume!" said Pisces

"Who's they?" asked Scorpio

"Drug dealer?" asked Libra

"WHAT" said Scorpio

"Wtf no! I don't have one! The shop guy told me it was one" said Pisces

"Oh" said Libra

"You got scammed" said Taurus

"Sorry...I'll go get you something else" said Pisces

"Its okay, you didn't know better" said Capricorn

"True" said Pisces

"Pisces gets a free pass because she's baby" said Aquarius

"Correcto!" said Pisces

"Okay, I don't think Cancer's opened her gift" said Scorpio

"Oh, sorry almost forgot, hehe" said Cancer

Cancer opened her gift and saw a gold crab chain.

"Oh...my...god...is that gold??" gasped Cancer

"Yup yup" smiled Leo

"Did bro just expose himself?" asked Gemini

"I-HEY!" said Leo 

"Awww...I knew it was you!!" squealed Cancer

Cancer gave Leo a huge hug and he chuckled.

"GEMINI WTF" said Leo blushing

"Yeah, it's totally Leo" giggled Pisces

Cancer let go of Leo.

"I mean, I did have a feeling it was him...the gold gave it away" said Cancer

"That's my guy" said Sagittarius

"Well, chains are a Leo thing" said Scorpio

"Of course! WHo else but the sexy Leo!!" grinned Leo

"There he goes again..." said Capricorn

"Okay just me and Aqua left" said Virgo

"You can go first" said Aquarius

"Oh, thanks, here goes..." said Virgo

Virgo opened his gift and gave the strangest look.

"What even is this gift?" asked Virgo

"What's wrong bro?" asked Taurus

Taurus glanced at the gift and held his mouth shut.

"I-ppftt!" 

"Taurus shut up" said Capricorn

"K"

"..."

"Why what did you see?" asked Scorpio

"Sorry Cappy mcCaps told me to shut up" said Taurus

"Motherfucker" said Scorpio

"Ok what in the hell is this" said Virgo confused

Virgo pulled out a bag of white powder.

"Is that...what I think it is?" asked Capricorn

"Naaaaaur" said Pisces

"Okay, who gave me crack??" said Virgo

Everyone stayed silent.

"Okay fair...we'll move on to the next guy..." said Virgo awkwardly

"Open your goddamn gift lady" said Scorpio

"Who me?" asked Aquarius

"Yes you"

"Okay, okay..." 

Aquarius opened her gift and gave the most evil grin.

"Uh oh" said Gemini and Libra

Aquarius pulled out a big pink toy hammer.

" S h i t "   said Leo

"Whoever gave me this...I'm gonna give you the best sex you can ever receive!" said Aquarius gleefully

"I-"

"Should I be scared?" asked Capricorn

"No, y-wait, THAT WAS YOU?!" said Aquarius

"Uh, yup"

"CAPPY I LOVE YOOOOUUUU!!" 

Aquarius jumped onto Capricorn and gave her the most unhinged kiss on the lips.

"Help" thought Capricorn