Aries: If I think in my own voice, does my dog think in his own barks?

Taurus: What are snails even trying to do.

Gemini: Mars is populated entirely by robot.

Cancer: If Obama was the president of Kenya he would be their first white president.

Leo: Everyday, someone on Earth unknowingly does the biggest poo in the world for that day.

Virgo: Thanks to the Internet, I have probably seen more naked ladies than all of my ancestors combined.

Libra: When a pregnant woman swims, she is a human submarine.

Scorpio: The first teacher ever didn't go to school.

Sagittarius: I wonder if my dog always follows me into the bathroom when I have to go potty because I always follow him outside when he does and he just thinks that's how it works.

Capricorn: Cup holders are cups for cups.

Aquarius: My stomach thinks all potato is mashed.

Pisces: I wonder what my dog named me.