Aries: I know how to flip knives

Taurus: Food is my comfort food

Gemini: She's so fucking extra she threw a birthday party for her dog

Cancer: I fucking love penguins

Leo: If I go to every class next week, can I have gold star stickers?

Virgo: I have a ten gallon fish tank and don't know where to put it.

Libra: I'm just drunk and confused

Scorpio: I love them but they're dickheads

Sagittarius: The world is flat. 🌎 That emoji looks flat to me

Capricorn: I think this dating app is for normies

Aquarius: Excuse me I'm gay

Pisces: It's 1 am and I have reached the Void