Aries: a reality check

Taurus: a line of coke and a karaoke machine

Gemini: a slap and a mood stabilizer

Cancer: a box of tissues and a box of chocolate

Leo: a room without mirrors

Virgo: a xanax

Libra: a backbone

Scorpio: to be escorted into hell

Sagittarius: to sit still

Capricorn: a joint

Aquarius: to f*cking listen

Pisces: to just... chill for a bit