The signs in 3 words:

Aries: Annoying but Funny

Taurus: Secretly hates everyone

Gemini: Obsessive over Food

Cancer: Adorable and Happy

Leo: Smart and Weird

Virgo: Only watches Netflix

Libra: Sporty but Lazy

Scorpio: Probably planning Murder 

Sagittarius: Doesn't do anything

Capricorn: Irritating and Cute

Aquarius: Super duper funny

Pisces: Lovable lil' kittens