Signs As Deadpool Quotes: (Warning, Strong Language)

Aries: "no, you're blind."
Taurus: "did you ever hear of the one legged man in the ass kicking contest?" (Do you have off switch?) "yeah! It's right next to the prostate, or is that the on switch?" 
Gemini: "in order to tell this story right I gotta take you back to before I squeezed this tight ass into red spandex."
Cancer: "love is blind..." (See Aries)
Leo: "if your right leg is Christmas and your left is New Years, can I visit you between the holidays?"
Virgo: "you look like an avocado had sex with an older avocado!" 
Libra: "I know you're probably thinking, 'my boyfriend said this was a superhero movie but that guy in the red suit turned the other guy into a f***ing kabob!' Well, I'm not super, and I'm no hero."
Scorpio: "oh look at me! I'm a teenage girl! I'd rather be anywhere but here! I'm full of mean comments and long sullen silences!"
Sagittarius: "listen al, if I never see you again, I want you to know that I love you very much. I also buried 1,600 kilos of cocaine somewhere in the apartment---right next to the cure for blindness. Good luck!"
Capricorn: "say the magic words fat gandolf!"
Aquarius: "fourth wall break inside a fourth wall break? That's like...16 walls!"
Pisces: "what in the ass?"