Dedicated to johanisburg

Aries: WHAT DO I DO WHAT DO I DO WILL IT STOP IF I SHAKE IT MAKE IT STOP WHERE IS THE MOTHER

Taurus: Keep your tears inside your eyes where they belong, you pathetic excuse for life

Gemini: Continues the one sided conversation, “so I said to Tom, I said Tomas, that’s MY fucking sandwich- wait, is it okay to cuss in front of a -what am I saying, you don’t understand words yet- anyway I said to him…”

Cancer: *is the Crying Baby* 

Leo: Worry not, I will calm you with my talent for, uh, singing, “rock-a-bye baby in the -” baby: *screams louder* leo: okay well, fuck you too

Virgo: Gross pls tell me this thing didn’t poop OH MY GOD IT POOPED GET IT OFF GET IT OFF

Libra: Smiles and patiently calms the child, artfully hiding their discomfort and disgust, thinking “why the fuck do people keep making these things I hate them I hate them I fucking hate them ughh”

Scorpio: *glares* shut the fuck

Sagittarius: Tbh if you were my kid, I’d probably “forget” you in a shopping cart at the grocery store… shit, where is your mother? Don’t tell me she-  HEY LADY, YEAH YOU, COME GET YOUR KID

Capricorn: Calmly sets the child down and walks away forever

Aquarius: According to some scientific studies, crying indicates that in later life, the infant will adapt qualities of…

Pisces: Me too, kid. Me too.  By the way, it only gets worse from here…