Chapter Fifty Two point Five

Keanu's Point of View

I am staring on my ticking wall clock. I am anxious—hella anxious to see Zia. I just stared at my clock until it hits the time to call Kevin.

I can feel the coldness of his voice in the phone and I swear to God that I regret everything I've done. I hate myself for tainting our relationship because I fell with Zia.

We went to park and I saw them holding hands together. Zia looks happy.

Damn.

I want to cry right now but boys can't cry, right?

Or maybe we can but no one should see our weakness.

Ginulo pa ni Kevin 'yung buhok ni Zia kaya naman naasar si Zia pero you can see na she's so comfortable with Kevin.

I heard Sui coughed.

"Hay sakit 'no?" Sui asked, I heard Pia and Sui giggled.

Kevin pinched Zia's cheeks kaya lalong nainis si Zia at sumigaw pa. Kevin laughed and they went here.

I want to hold Zia's hand too. Is it possible? I really want to be Kevin right now but I know that I should know my place. Tama na 'yung pangugulo na ginawa ko.

Siguro kung hindi ako umepal hindi sila magugulo ngayon. Yes Keanu. It's all your fault.

Paparating na sila kaya iniwas ko 'yung tingin ko sa kanila saka tumingin sa bintana para hindi sila makita, para hindi ako lalo masaktan at mag-self pity.

Narinig ko pang sumigaw si Zia ng 'Dakyu' and Sui telling them na malalandi sila. Buti na lang hindi ko nakita coz I know it would hurt me so much. I would probably feel like there's something pinching my chest.

Nang makasakay na sila, I started driving trying to stop myself from looking back and tell Zia that I love her too.

But I know doing that will make me regret everything and I don't want to do that for Kevin's sake.

Zia spoke; she asked where Krista is. Before anyone answer her, I did and I look at her through rearview mirror pero mabilis lang.

Wala, e. I gave in.

Kung hindi lang ako nagda-drive malamang titignan ko lang s'ya buong araw. Kahit sa rearview mirror lang.

I heard Zia curse again pero 'Ducking sheep' narinig ko. She really loves murdering animals 'no?

"'Di dahil cute ka kapag ginagawa mo 'yan—" napa-preno agad ako nung marinig ko 'yun.

I don't know why... maybe I didn't like what I heard. Tumawa si Sui. Obvious ba na naapektuhan ako?

"May pusa," I lied sana naman maniwala kayo kahit na highway 'to at imposibleng magkaroon ng pusa.

Pia began on laughing. She'll probably tell what happened earlier. She laughed and laughed till she stopped and told them the event earlier.

Tiningnan ko ulit si Zia sa rearview mirror at kita ko na gulat s'ya. Oh well, her best friend punched me ano pa nga bang reaction n'ya?

Then Pia laughed again then told her that she saw Kevin and I punching each other—I stepped on the break again.

"Walang pusa," Sui said.

She shouldn't've told that! Ang daldal naman nito ni Pia!

"Keanu, okay ka lang?" I heard her ask... I smiled because of her question and I felt that the bruises from the fist fight are now gone. I heard Pia murmured that Zia is stupid but I didn't mind it all I know is she cares. She still cares.

She asked if my pretty face isn't ruined that's why I smiled even more. Damn! Bakit kinikilig ako?!

Zia asked if Kevin is okay.

Damn.

Oo nga pala... si Kevin.

But is it bad kung magpapaka-selfish ako??

I guess it is.

Pia blabbered about what happened earlier and gives emphasis on certain words. Nagpaparinig. Well, I deserve it. Hindi ko naman talaga iningatan 'yung feelings ni Zia, e.

'Di ba?

It's my fault... it's always been my fault.

Tiningnan ko ulit s'ya from rearview mirror and I can see that she's asking if we believe Sui.

I almost laugh.

She definitely doesn't want to see Sui angry.

I answered her and smiled again—unconsciously.

Napapikit ako nang mariin at sinapak ang sarili ko mentally. Kung hindi ko lang hawak 'yung manibela I'll really smack myself. Bakit ba ako nagpapadala sa emosyon?! Bakit ba sarili ko na lang palagi inuuna ko?

I heard Kevin asking for pillow lap and before I stop myself I heard myself exclaiming "What?!"

I remember that time when she made me her pillow lap and I can't help but to hold her hands kasi sobrang attracted na ako sa kan'ya nun.

Pumunta s'ya sa likod ng upuan. Buti naka-stop so pwede ko s'yang obserbahan.

Zia is looking down and smiling. The happiness is evident on her face. She is now staring on Kevin's face and I would lie if I said that it didn't hurt even a bit. Honestly? It hurts so much that I feel my heart pounding that it physically hurts.

Nag-go na pero traffic pa rin. Bumper to bumper.

Tinitingnan ko pa rin si Zia from rearview mirror. Nakita kong nakasandal s'ya sa bintana at nakapikit. Tinusok naman ni Pia si Zia sa mukha. Hindi man lang s'ya nag-react kaya positive tulog s'ya.

Tumawa si Pia.

"Sakit 'no?"

Hindi na lang ako sumagot.

"Nakikita mong nand'yan si Kevin sa tabi n'ya para saluhin s'ya."

Tumawa rin si Sui.

"Sakit sa ulo ng magkapatid na 'to. Kaya mo pa, Keanu? Sakit 'di ba? Okay lang 'yan. May Allison ka pa naman. Piliin mo lang s'ya."

I shrugged.

"Sorry," I blurted.

'Yan lang masasabi ko. I know i caused it all and I can't blame anyone but myself so I have to get out of this hole by myself without dragging anyone... kahit masaktan pa ako mag-isa.

*****

I've been thinking if I'll go to Zia's room to bid farewell but that will make things even harder for us, right?

But damn... my body moved into its own again. I just found myself standing at her door waiting for her.

"You know what Keanu? You still have a chance to back—"

I didn't finish my sentence when I saw Zia standing in my front. She smiled then umalis na s'ya which would be easier if my hand didn't try to stop her.

And demn... I felt her being Pikachu again, giving me bolts of electricity the moment our skins touch. I would lie if I said that I don't love this feeling cause hell I do!!

I want to say goodbye and thank her for everything but my damn mouth won't make any sound.

Parang... it wants to treasure what I have right now and I know that that's what I want, too.

My heart wants it but I have to be rational and choose Kevin's happiness before mine because that's what brothers do.

"Bakit?" she asked. I know what to answer but my damn mouth won't tell a thing.
"Ano..." I sighed. I missed you. I missed us. Gusto ko na bumalik sa dati pero hindi pwede. Tangina.

This can't do. Ayaw ko nang pahirapan si Zia at ayaw kong pahirapan ang sarili ko. I tried to smile. "Wala. Good luck ha? Ingat kayo ni Pia," I said with a smile. Binitawan ko na rin s'ya.

Why do my eyes feel watery like it wants me to cry? No.

She nodded.

I feel too much emotions right now.

I'm hurt. I'm sad. I'm in love. I hate myself. I'm confused. All my feelings are combining and I don't know what to feel anymore.

She left me.

And I feel my heart sinking deeper and deeper every step she takes. She didn't look back which is a good thing cause I'm damn sure that if she looked back I'll run towards her and confess.

Zia, if I didn't reject you and I tried to be selfish... what could possibly happen??

I don't know if I see that right but I caught her wiping her cheeks. Did I make you cry again, Zia? Did I hurt you again? I'm sorry.

I tried to maintain my smile as she goes downstairs. I went inside my room.

I felt the emptiness embracing me and encouraging me to cry. Sumipa ako sa kawalan dahil sa sobrang frustration na nararamdaman ko. Tangina naman kasi.

I get the brandy from my mini ref and some ice cubes.

Boys cry.

And I am the proof that we do cry.

I let my eyes express my agony and hurt as I drink the liquor that would temporarily numb the pain I feel right now.

*****

I woke up feeling groggy and my head hurts like hell. I checked my phone and as usual, I saw Ali's missed calls.

I popped meds and I saw that it's already past noon. Alcohol does really help me sleep without thinking anything.

Ahh yes. The essence of alcohol and why we love drinking it even though we'd throw up and have a fucking headache tomorrow. Yes, it temporarily numbs the pain. It makes you forget all the bad things going on with your life.

I smiled bitterly then took a quick shower. After that bumaba ako and I saw mom and dad eating. I gave them peck on their cheeks then sat with them.

They are busy, yes but they are trying to at least dine with us but I don't see Kevin.

"Mom, asan si Kevin?" I asked looking around the dining room.

Mom laughed then pinunasan n'ya 'yung bibig n'ya.

"Binata na 'yung baby boy ko, ayun ang aga-aga na kila Zia na," parang kinikilig pa na sagot ni Mom.
"Ah. I see."

I ate in silence but decided to break it after all.

I'm not comfortable. Gusto kong magsumbong kay mom na masakit na... na sobrang sakit na.

"Mom, dad how's the vacation?"
"It was really great! We've seen a lot of beaches and we enjoyed a lot. Buti na nga lang sumama sila kasi gusto ko na talagang makipag-bond sa kanila dati pa since you know that we became almost best friends because of Zia and Kevin," mom answered, "though wag ka na magtanong about sa trip. I'm more interested on those two weeks with them." Kumindat pa si mom at ngumiti.
"Nothing... nothing really happened," I answered.

Tumikhim lang si mom and dad didn't say a word. Tahimik lang talaga si dad at hindi ko alam kung paano sila nag-click kahit na sobrang different nila ni mom. Pero I can see that he loves mom so much.

"Really? You know son, nakikita ko sa mga mata mo na may nangyari and honestly that's the reason why we convinced Marcel to let them stay with you kasi I'm hoping na may mangyari," parang kinikilig pa rin na sabi ni Mom.
"Mom???? Really??" I exclaimed. Shocked. Tumango lang s'ya.
"So tell me, did something happen?"
"Well... I think my lil bro will finally have his first girlfriend," I said with a bitter smile.
"Keanu, mahirap 'yan," biglang sabi ni dad na ikinagulat ko. I just shrugged. "Don't burden yourself too much, son," dugtong pa n'ya kaya tumango lang ako.
"What am I missing?" tanong ni mom so I just smiled.
"Boys' talk," Dad answered then smiled which rarely happens. I smiled, too. A genuine smile. At least, I know my dad understands me without telling what happened. Maybe it's the connection between us.

"I gotta go Mom, Dad, have to clear my shitty head," sabi ko habang tumatayo.
"Language," Mom said with a warning tone.
"Sorry. Love you," I said then kiniss ko sila sa cheeks then umalis na.

I have to clear my head—sa taas. Nagbihis ako. Pumunta sa kotse at pinaandar 'to. Nang makarating ako sa SLEX binuksan 'yung bintana ng kotse at nilakasan 'yung volume ng kantang pinakikinggan ko.

ILYSB - LANY

I almost scream the lyrics pero I didn't kasi baka bigyan ako ng ticket. So I mouthed it na lang.

I feel the wind on my face. I smiled. I have to forget these things as of now and I'll enjoy this day with myself.

*****

Bumaba ako sa coffee shop sa Tagaytay. Bukod sa sarado pa 'yung mga bars e ayaw ko muna ng sakit ng ulo as of now. I want a peaceful day.

Umupo ako sa labas ng coffee shop na nakikita 'yung taal and ordered hot chocolate and macarons. Maybe it's a 'me time' afterall. Hahanapin ko muna 'yung sarili ko.

Nakatingin lang ako sa taal while drinking my hot chocolate and this is the best feeling I've ever been since that confession. Ilang araw pa lang naman, e.

"Hi, pwedeng makiupo? Puno, e." Tiningnan ko 'yung nagsalita. A stranger—a beautiful one, though.

She's wearing a thick glasses but I can see those dark orbs behind them like it's sucking me up. Naka-braid 'yung mahabang buhok n'ya and she's wearing a simple shirt and a long skirt paired with boots.

"Do you mind?" tanong pa n'ya.
"I don't," sagot ko saka I sip from my cup.

She's pretty but I bet Zia's prettier than her. Hell! Zia is prettier than all the girls I know.

Even Ali.

Inikot ko ng tingin 'yung buong coffee shop and hindi puno 'yun. Tiningnan ko 'yung stranger sa harap ko.

"It would be rude kung hindi ko ii-introduce ang sarili ko. I'm Bren," she said extending her hand. Inabot ko naman.
"Keanu," I simply said.
"So Keanu, why are you alone?" she asked smiling. I just shrugged.
"Ilang taon ka na?" tanong pa n'ya.
"22."
"Ah. 19 ako." I just nodded. "Anong oras ka naligo?" tanong n'ya pa rin kaya napangiti and eventually tumawa. "Hey! You look way more handsome when you smile, why don't you always smile?" she asked.
"Baka ma-fall ka, e," I answered then I winked.

Tumingin s'ya sa baba at akmang may pupulutin.

"Ano 'yun? Ako na."
"Panty ko. Nalaglag ata sa pagkindat mo," she said with a serious look on her face.
"What the fuck?" I asked kaya tumawa s'ya nang malakas at dahil dun naalala ko sa kan'ya si Zia. She snapped, "natulala ka ba sa ganda ko? Pulutin ko na rin brief mo?" Umiling lang ako. May naalala ako sa brief... si Zia.

Tumawa ulit s'ya. This girl sure loves laughing. "Okay. Okay. I won't hit on you. Bummer. Mukhang may laman na 'yang puso mo, a." I shrugged again. "Mind sharing to a stranger?"

Tinitigan ko lang s'ya.

"Scammer ka ba? Blackmailer? Budol-budol?"
"Kasali ako sa dura-dura gang." I frowned. "You know, 'yung mandudura para manguha ng phones or wallet pero sakin puso mo kukunin ko," she said smiling; exposing her white set of teeth.
"Nah," I answered.
"Oo na. May nilalaman na 'yang puso mo. Hindi ko naman sila makikilala, e. Go!"
"Baka i-post mo ako sa secret files, e. 'Looking for someone. He's so handsome and na-love at first sight ako sa kan'ya. His name is Keanu and he told me about his love'—"
"Hambog ka rin 'no?"
"Well, nananahimik akong nakaupo rito and ginising mo pagiging hambog ko might as well gamitin ko 'di ba?" I unconsciously winked.
"Oh god. My heart dropped. Panindigan mo 'to Keanu. Hindi ko alam na nakakabuntis pala ang kindat." I laughed. This girl is hella funny.
"Pa-ultrasound na ba natin?" sagot ko, nakikisakay.
"Yep, akin na muna number mo baka takbuhan mo ako, e," she said.
"Magku-kwento na ako," bigla kong sabi kaya napasimangot naman s'ya.
"Bummer. I thought magkakaroon na ako ng number mo. Hmp." Humalukipkip pa s'ya saka pabirong umirap.
"Well, for starters after natin mag-usap please forget all of these," she nodded, "okay. I was from state two weeks ago and while I was strolling at the mall, I met this girl and bukas zipper n'ya so I told her na bukas 'yun and little did I know na attracted na pala ako sa kan'ya," pagsisimula ko.
"Teka, hulaan ko magkapitbahay pala kayo 'no?" she interrupted me so I just nodded. "Bummer ang cliche naman n'yan," she said saka tumawa I just shrugged.
"Ayun nga pag-uwi ko, dun lang pinakita sa akin ng kapatid ko 'yung picture ng childhood crush n'ya—"
"And si ate girl 'yun? Tangna ano ba 'yan ang cliche!" I just laughed.
"Small world. Then, niyaya pala ng parents ko 'yung parents n'ya—"
"And they have to stay with you for until god-knows-when? Oh gosh ang cliche. Kadiri!" nag-ci-cringe pa n'yang sabi kaya I shrugged ulit. Sakit sa balikat ha?
"Ayun nga and I decided na—"
"Agawin kuno si ate girl then na-realize mo na you love her na pala. But in love pala si ate girl sa bro mo," pagpapatuloy n'ya with a smug on her face.
"Almost correct maliban lang sa in love s'ya sa brother ko kasi umamin s'ya sa akin na sa akin s'ya in love," sagot ko. Nanlaki naman mata n'ya.
"Bruh. That's fucked up," sabi n'ya.
"Yep. I decided na magparaya. I miss her so much."
"Boo. Man up. Sinasaktan mo lang sarili n'yo pare-pareho!"
"Mas importante 'yung nararamdaman ng kapatid ko."
"E 'yung nararamdaman ni ate girl, hindi? Malamang nasasaktan din 'yun. Gagu ka ba?" she asked.

Napatigil ako.

I didn't think about Zia.

I didn't think about her at all.

"Oh. Natahimik ka? 'Di ba? Uwi! Go. Aminin mo na saka ka mag-sorry sa kapatid mo," she said with a smile.

Tumango ako saka tumayo. Palabas na sana ako nung tinawag n'ya ako at hinabol.

"I think I at least deserve your number," she said giving me her phone.

Itakbo ko kaya 'to? Iphone X, e. I typed my number and bid farewell. She just smiled.

Thank you, Bren.

*****

Okay. I'm panicking. Before ako umuwi dumaan ako sa clubhouse may pool dun so dun ako pumunta kahit na madilim. Wala namang tao so okay lang.

I don't even know why I'm here. Clearing my head before doing unnecessary move? I dunno.

I'm pacing back and forth and I swear hindi nakakatulong. Suck it up? Ganon?

But before I made any decision, I saw a figure approaching me. I blinked...

Is my mind playing with me? Do I miss her so much kaya nakikita ko s'ya?

Pabalik na s'ya nung tinawag ko s'ya.

"Zia..."

Lumingon s'ya sa akin. And I swear to God I saw angels behind her singing songs. Tangina. In love na talaga ako sa kan'ya.

Hindi ko mapigilan... I asked her kung anong ginagawa n'ya rito and she said magpapahangin lang.

Did the destiny bring both of us here? Did destiny cause this? If yes... then thank you destiny.

I asked her kung kumusta na s'ya kahit na I know it's been hell for the both of us at kasalanan ko naman 'yun. She said she's alright but we both know that she's not. Do humans really love pretending they're okay to look strong? I guess, yeah.

Things are really awkward kasi hindi ko alam ang sasabihin ko. Naulit ko pa 'yung tanong ko sa sobrang awkward at hiya sa panrereject ko sa kan'ya.

Silence.

I never knew that silence is really loud when your heart wants to talk but you can't... not because you'd be unheard... but because you're afraid of the outcome once you break the silence. It was so loud that it's deafening.

But I decided to break it afterall. Since I'm a selfish prick.

I remembered Kevin's birthday. So I invented some shit na wala sa plano. Para na rin magkaroon ako ng dahilan para makasama si Zia... para magkaroon ako ng dahilan na kausapin s'ya.

Because... I know that confessing what I feel wouldn't matter once she falls in love with Kevin.

So I'll use this chance to at least be with her while I'm trying to distance myself.

And help myself to numb the pain.

I tried to initiate a highfive but I remembered that I rejected her so there's no way that she's gonna do it.

Tho I'm shocked when she initiated it, our palms touched, and I swear I felt an electricity from her. It's the kind of electricity that I want to experience again and again.

Humiga ako sa sahig even though basa 'yun. It doesn't matter. I'm happy with her presence.

I stared at the sky. I remember her eyes in these twinkling stars. I remember Zia everywhere.

Gumaya s'ya sa akin. I smiled secretly.

I said sorry... for rejecting her. At least kahit papaano mabawasan man lang ang bigat na nararamdaman ko.

Baka makatulong din sa pagmo-move on ko.

"But to be honest, kung pwede lang. Tinanggap ko na," I blurted out.

Oh fuck!

Keanu? Ano bang ginagawa mo sa buhay mo? Bakit hindi ka na lang mag-sorry? Bakit ang selfish mo?

'Maybe because deep inside that's what you really want to say' narinig kong sabi ng isip ko.

God. Am I going crazy?

She gasped... she asked why?

I blurted another lie. I'm being a good liar these past few days. Syempre using Ali as an escape. Sorry Ali. I owe you.

"Handa ako Keanu, handa ako."

Those words.

It struck me.

It made me feel that we're alone in our own world that no one would ever invade.

It makes me think that it's just two of us and I shouldn't think about others but myself.

It's consuming me and I like it.

I sit down. I stared at her. Just staring. Studying her face.

I held her face just to see if she is real and not just illusion that my mind creates to escape. I felt her smooth face against my palm. I felt her flesh and it makes my heart jump so hard. I couldn't break our eye contact because I'm afraid that she'll vanish out of my sight.

And I did the stupidest thing that I should do...

I kissed her.

Under the moon and the stars.

I felt fireworks inside my heart continuously blooming. I feel a bunch of them launching and I feel funny.

I want to smile wildly as I can. I don't care if it will rip my lips but I am really happy.

But...

I saw Kevin.

Just standing there...

Panting.

With tears streaming from his eyes.

I closed my eyes and muttered "Shit," because once again I failed my brother and I hate myself even more cause if I will be given a chance to change this, I won't. I'll still kiss her again and again.

But still, paninindigan ko nang hindi ko gusto si Zia.

I said na mag-act normal kami sa birthday ni Kevin... and maybe sa preparation.

I kissed her on her cheeks one last time before I go home. Whatever happens, will happen. I'll deal with Kevin later.

I don't know. I'm still happy that I kissed her.

I checked my phone and saw an unread message.

09xxxxxxxxx

22:07

Hi this is Bren. Hmu if smthng happened.

Keanu:
Yeah. Something happened. I fucked up.

Lol. Tara inom.

*****

I heard someone knocking harshly at the door. When I opened it, I saw Kevin.

"Kuya, ano ba 'yun?" I can hear desperation in his voice. I just shrugged. "Kuya, bakit mo s'ya hinalikan? Do you mean it kuya? If yes, panindigan mo. If no tangina mo kuya, 'wag mo na s'yang paasahin." I heard his voice pleading. No aggression. He's just pleading. Makikita mong sobra ang care n'ya kay Zia.
"Wala. Wala 'yun. I just tried my feelings," I said looking down.
"Tangina naman kuya, e. Willing naman ako magparaya kung doon s'ya sasaya. If it's for fun and games don't do it kasi sinasaktan mo lang s'ya. Zia's so precious. Hindi mo dapat s'ya sinasaktan."

Tiningnan ko s'ya sa mata.

"I'm sorry."
"I'm going to ask you for the last time and I hope you'll answer the truth and nothing but the truth. Do you love Zia?"

I'm sorry Kevin... I decided na you deserve to be happy.

"No."

The moment I answered, I felt his fist on my jaw. I felt myself jerk and I almost lost balance because of the impact.

"Para sa pagpapaasa mo 'yan kay Zia." He smiled. "Okay na tayo?" I nodded and smiled back. "Okay," he said then left.

See? Boys aren't complicated.

Kevin, promise. After ng birthday mo lalayo na ako. Sa ngayon susulitin ko. Okay lang naman 'di ba?

*****

I texted Krista, Sui, and Pia that they should pretend na may mga kano na friends ni Kevin when in fact wala naman talaga. Pia said na it was a good idea since bihira talagang mag-dress si Zia. That's settled. And I also said na they should pretend that Rina exists.

I was shocked when I saw Zia. She's wearing casual shirt but she has makeup on and she looks really pretty—I thought para sa akin pero gagala pala sila ni Krista. But she looks really pretty, though.

I noticed that her eyes are puffy. Did I make you cry again, I'm sorry.

"Okay. Operation Debut ni Kevin is on," sabi ni Sui na pumapalakpak pa bumyahe pa 'yan para dito.
"I'll work on invitations," I said.
"Aba malamang, malay ba namin sa friends ng kapatid mo," sabi ni Pia.
"Sooooo... ano gagawin?" tanong ni Krista.
"Hmmm paano natin mapapapunta si Kevin sa venue?" tanong ko.
"Saan ba venue?" tanong naman ni Krista.
"Hotel ni Neko. But don't mind it. Sa flow tayo mag-focus," I answered.
"Hmmm... piring?" suggest ni Pia.
"Nah. Ang mediocre at cliche naman ng naiisip mo, Pia. Matalino si Kevin. Once na piniringan mo s'ya alam na n'ya 'yun," sagot ni Sui saka inirapan pa si Pia. Umirap din si Pia pabalik.
"Yayain kaya ni Zia dun?" suggest ni Krista kaya nanlaki 'yung mata namin ni Zia at namumula s'ya.
"Wag 'yun!!!" sigaw ko. Tiningnan naman nila ako na parang nagtataka. Si Sui ngumiti lang, "bata pa si Kevin," dugtong ko.
"Dakyu," sabi ni Zia. I laughed and pinched her cheeks. Hindi kami magkatabi ngayon at sure ako na pinaglayo kaming dalawa and I'm happy na ginawa nila 'yun kasi baka hindi ko na naman mapigilan ang sarili ko at yakapin s'ya.

"Alam ko na! Hehehehehehe," biglang sabi ni Sui.
"Oh God. Why do I have this feeling na masama 'tong iniisip ni Sui?" sabi ni Krista and I couldn't agree more. Nakakatakot ang pagbungisngis n'ya na parang may masama s'yang balak.
"Judgmental. Are you the father????" umiling kami, "the son???" umiling ulit kami, "the holy spirit?" iling pa rin, "are you the amen? No! Then who are you to judge??!?!?! Only God can judge me!!" seryosong sabi ni Sui.

(Neko's note: credits kay ateng sa twitter! Tawang-tawa ako sa vid na 'yun)

"Whatever, ano ba 'yun?" tanong ni Pia.
"Hehehehehe. Ganito. Uubusin ni Zia 'yung oras ni Kevin tapos gagawa si Zia ng paraan para mapapasok si Kevin sa bahay nila hihi."
"Then????" sabay-sabay naming tanong.
"Teka bakit ako???" tanong ni Zia.
"Kasi ikaw 'yung substitute, duh. Kung ako 'yung substitute edi ako 'yung maaatasan," sabi ni Sui, "kaso incest 'yun," bulong pa n'ya. "Anyway, kikidnapin si Kevin paglabas ng bahay!" She clapped like she's so proud at her plan. She nodded at us like she's saying that her idea should be the one the we should choose...

and we lost... we're gonna follow her idea.

Napatingin ako kay Zia. She looks like she's enjoying this and I'm happy if she does.

*****

Like what we decided, I'll escort Zia to their table in front. The moment I laid my eyes on her, I felt that the fleeting feeling was back again. When our arms touched I almost jumped because I missed her being so close to me.

She's really pretty and I was stunned by her presence. I can't help but smile and fall in love. I feel like melting. Zia, I have to treasure this moment cause later I have to let you go for real.

Inoobserbahan ko lang s'ya from our table and she looks really pretty and gorgeous and everything.

When Kevin arrived, I can see that she's really worried and I feel something pinched my heart. If that was me, are you gonna be worried?

Bagay silang dalawa and I can't help but to feel small kasi silang dalawa 'yung click na click and I can see that Kevin really loves her.

Kahit sa states, wala s'yang ini-entertain kasi loyal daw s'ya kay Zia. Famous 'yan kasi snob daw pero loyal lang daw s'ya kaya I can't afford to snatch my brother's loved one.

When the 18th dance came, I was shocked when I heard "Zia, liligawan kita."

I heard my heart shattered. I know kinonvince ko s'ya to confess and hindi ko alam na ganito pala kasakit. I don't know the face I'm making right now. All I know is I am hurt and I hate the scene I am seeing.

I want to be Kevin... gusto ko ako 'yung hahawak sa kamay ni Zia. Bakit hindi na lang ako?

Ah. Kasi. Bro code.

I felt my phone vibrated. Without second thought I checked it.

Just to have a reason to divert my attention.

Ali:
Keanu. I'm at the airport. Fetch me, please?

I excused myself kila mom and dad they asked me why I said that truth. Dad almost scolded me but let me go afterwards since I think he understands.

I don't know if I went out so I won't see any scenes no more or if I really wanted to see Ali.

Probably the former.

My heart hurts really bad.

Hanggang pangarap na lang ako sa pag-amin kay Zia na mahal ko s'ya.

And I hate the circumstance because of that.

I want to be with Zia so bad.

I drove to the airport blasting my speakers with Amnesia by 5 Seconds of Summer

It's not really that relatable except in some lyrics but I still scream my heart out.

"I wish that I could wake up with amnesia
And forget about the stupid little things
Like the way it felt to fall asleep next to you
And the memories I never can escape"

I almost cry but I didn't.

I went to KFC near the airport to see Ali.

When I see her...

I swear to God...

I realized...

I still fucking love her...

All the pain I felt from Zia vanished

and replaced by the love I feel for Ali.

Hindi pala nawala pagmamahal ko sa kan'ya... natulog lang at hinintay na makabalik s'ya.

Umaapaw pa rin pala 'yung pagmamahal ko sa kan'ya.

I still feel the butterflies in my stomach and the tingling feeling whenever I'm with her. Oh god. I missed Ali so much.

I don't care about the closure. She went here and she pursued me meaning, she chose me over Luke.

I kissed her and I felt she was shocked but she still kissed back.

I missed her.

I missed this feeling.

"I missed you, love," she said between the kisses.
"Me too," I answered.

———————

Neko's note: feeling ko di ko talaga magawa nang ayos 'yung pov ni Keanu. HAHAHAHA.