Chapter Fifty Two

"Si Ali kasi, e."
"Anong meron kay Allison?" I asked.

Naramdaman kong bumilis ang tibok ng puso ko—hindi dahil sa pagmamahal ko kay Keanu kundi dahil sa rason na maaaring bigkasin ng mga labi n'ya. Natatakot ako. Hindi ko alam kung handa akong marinig mula sa kan'ya ang lahat.

Ugh tangina.

"Buntis kasi s'ya," mahinang sabi ni Keanu habang nakayuko.

Tangina????

I heard my heart shattered. I feel like I saw it broke into million pieces.

Keanu's Point of View

Nakatayo s'ya sa harapan ko. I unconsciously smiled. Ang ganda kasi n'ya.

God damn it. She's so pretty.

She moved closer into me, smiling. I smelled her. It was her natural scent but she smells so good.

I heard my heart went wild and I felt my blood rushing to my face and it feels really hot.

Damn it. Damn it Zia!

"Mahal kita, Keanu. That wasn't a prank," she said then gave a peck on my lips.

I was stunned.

She... she loves me??

I have no chance to think immediately... I don't know what to answer, all I know is my heart is beating hella fast because of Zia.

I blinked.

Everything came back into me.

Allison's phone calls that I kept on rejecting.

Her asking us to get back together.

Kevin's stares into Zia.

The reason why I approached Zia.

Kevin...

Kevin's love towards Zia.

Kevin... I'm sorry. The bro code.

Gusto ko lang naman na ma-realize mo na anyone could snatch her kung mabagal ka... but I didn't realize that I'll want her myself... I didn't realize that I'll fall for her, too.

I didn't know that she'd fall for me, too.

But I am sorry Kevin, I am really happy that she did.

But even though it will hurt me so much, I have to let her go.

I mustered all my courage to look her in her eyes.

"I'm... I'm sorry Zia. I can't return your feelings."

I want to smile. I want to say that yes, I love you too but I can't and I should not. Damn these feelings.

"I see," she said with a sincere smile.

Shit. Paano n'ya nagagawang ngumiti? Tangina, Zia. You're really something. That's one thing I love about you. You try to smile no matter what.

"At least nahalikan kita. Sige bye," she said then left me.

"Yeah. And that was the best kiss I ever had," I said to myself staring at the sky full of stars. They are twinkling like Zia's eyes.

But...

Ali...

I don't know...

I think I've finally moved on.

*****

I haven't got any chance to sleep. Shit. Bumabalik ng paulit-ulit 'yung confession ni Zia. Pati 'yung halik n'ya sa akin na nagiging dahilan ng pagngiti ko na halos mapunit na ang labi ko sa sobrang lawak. Napapaikot pa ako sa kama dahil sa kilig.

But shit. Kahit na anong mangyari at wakli ko sa isip ko, bumabalik at bumabalik doon sa pag-reject ko sa kan'ya na ayaw ko naman talaga.

I sighed. Groggy. I went downstairs. Half expecting to see Zia. I dunno. Gusto ko lang s'yang makita.

But instead I saw Pia. She asked me what happened. I am so frustrated because this is happening. I talk to Pia all the time and our topic is Zia. I am actually pretty surprised when she said she likes me but she immediately told me na he likes me as a person not as a man. I had a hard time understanding her at first pero I think she hates people by default.

She said she hates Zia raw but she's starting to like her now thanks to me. We talk about Zia everytime we're together and I don't really know how she manages to observe things like that if she doesn't like Zia at all. I think she secretly likes Zia and she's too embarrassed to admit it. Pia is like an ice cream. She's cold in her surface, probably her defense mechanism so no one would hurt her but when you had a chance to know her, she'd soften up and you'll notice that she's sweet.

Nagulat ako nung may nag-doorbell nang sunod sunod like it was urgent and I was even more surprised when Krista showed at the door—well not at all she probably knows what happened now and maybe she'd kill me. She ran upstairs probably towards Zia's room. Sumunod si Pia. Then after a while she asked me where the key is.

Honestly, I got scared when I heard Krista's voice. It was really cold and I felt that it's not her. Masyado akong sanay na 'yung boses and pakikitungo n'ya sa akin is lively and jolly.

I gave her the key and she ran upstairs. Oh god what the hell is happening? Then bumaba rin s'ya agad.

"Ano bang nangyayari???" Pia asked.
"Zia ran away," Krista answered. Her face is grim like she'd seen death.

And I dunno. I wanna cry because I know I caused it all.

Nag-stutter pa ako. Naghahanap ng reason na pwedeng maging dahilan kung bakit nawawala si Zia... I hate people who stutter coz I think they don't think about their sentences carefully. But look who's tongue tied now. Zia, what are you doing to me? You're making me break all my rules.

Pia keeps on asking what happened so I told her that I rejected Zia... they said that 'akala ko okay na, e'. No. It's not okay and will never be okay.

I am aware of my emerging feeling for Zia and I let it consume me. I am wrong. Really wrong.

So I made an excuse—an excuse that may be believable and I'm not even sure if it's true.

"I can't. I'm confused. Pakiramdam ko ginagawa ko s'yang replacement ni Ali."

The frustration on their faces is clearly evident. I asked Krista to punch me and she did. Puta. I felt my head jerked. Naramdaman kong may cut ang lips ko and yep. Masakit.

Nung kalmado na s'ya Pia bugged us again; asking what happened so I told her.

"Well, since nung substitute shit nung kapatid ko e tuwing madaling araw nag-uusap kami sa garden. Last night was the last obviously."

Remembering this hurts me but nangingibabaw 'yung kasiyahan. Those are the best nights of my life kahit na pinapapak na ako ng lamok and hindi ako sanay na nasa labas ay okay lang as long as I'm with her.

"Nag-usap kami as usual. Nung humikab s'ya, sabi ko mag-stay pa kami nang mas matagal since last night na nga," I said reliving the moments earlier. Syempre yayayain ko s'ya kasi ang saya n'ya kasama.

"Kwentuhan kami hanggang sa napansin na namin na mag-uumaga na. Tumayo s'ya. Binulungan n'ya 'ko na mahal n'ya nga raw ako at 'di raw prank yun... Tapos..." I remembered the brief scene which is hella funny and cute. I almost kissed her that time buti na lang dumating si Pia. If not... I probably broke my brother's heart. I mindlessly smiled.

"Tapos?"
"Hinalikan nya 'ko." By uttering those words, my smile became wider and I can't hide it anymore kasi kinikilig talaga ako. "Goddamn it," I whispered kasi 'di ko talaga mapigilan.

"E ba't nakangiti ka?" they asked me.

I stopped smiling. I should stop these reactions. I should. And I should move on and stop these feelings before I fall too deep.

Deeper than my brother's fall.

"Tsk. E ba't mo nga ni-reject?" Krista asked.
"Same kasi sila ng ugali ni Ali," I answered. Partly true. They are almost the same.

"Pakyu. Nakakainis ka kaya. Andami-dami mong pinaggagagawa sa kapatid ko tapos ang iniisip mo pala e 'yung Ali na yun? Ali... Alibaba! Alibali!" Nararamdaman ko ang galit sa boses ni Pia. And I couldn't blame her for that because I deserve that hate.
"15 years old ka nga lang talaga."
"Nakakainis kasi. Buong puso ko kayong chineer. Dumugo 'yung tenga ko sa'yo sa kakatanong mo nang tungkol kay Zia tapos ang naaalala mo lang si Ali?!" I wanna smile again cause I'm happy that she's cheering for me-for us but she's rooting for the wrong person. Kevin deserves her more than I deserve Zia.

Pia continued on ranting but my mind flew away.

Where is Zia? Okay lang kaya s'ya?

"Keanu..." I heard Krista call me. "Hindi ka ba magsisisi sa ginawa mo?" Syempre magsisisi ako. I hurt the person I love. Bakit hindi ako magsisisi?

"Magsisisi..." I answered. "Kasi.. Nasira ko friendship namin. Nasira ko tiwala ng kapatid ko." Which is partly true. The moment I fell in love with her, I knew that our friendship is ruined, the moment I rejected her, I know it would be like a crumpled paper or a broken glass. No matter what we do, we have no ability to bring it back to its old form.

"Nasira ang tiwala ni Kevin? Bakit? Akala ko 'di mo naman gusto si Zia.. confused ka lang kay Alibali?!"

"Oo nga 'no. Haha. Pero kahit na. Feeling n'ya gumagawa ako ng move kay Zia..."

I blabber things that I don't know how I've come up with.

Krista bid farewell with us with that face I couldn't explain. Parang nanghihinayang s'ya. If I'm right about it, ako rin naman nanghihinayang kasi bro before Zia.

"Keanu. Naaalala mo ba 'yung binulong sa'yo ni Sui?" Pia asked out of nowhere.
"Uhh... Hindi na, e."
"K."

Hmmmm? I tried to think about it pero hindi ko talaga maalala.

"Ano 'yun Pia??? Sabihin mo na," I asked. Curiosity is killing me.
"Don't be confused. Listen to your heart..." she said.

I remembered it! Yeah, Sui helped me realize that I don't love Ali anymore. Even though I'm hurt, I've forgiven her. Baka nagkulang lang talaga ako na si Luke lang ang nakapagbigay ng pagkululang ko.

"Nga pala Keanu..."
"Hmm?"
"Sino nga si Ali?"

I laughed then smiled. Naaalala ko si Zia kay Pia.

"Kakaiba talaga kayong dalawa. First love ko. Ex ko na nahuli ko na gumagawa ng bata kasama 'yung isa sa mga tropa ko," I said. I felt a twinge in my heart as I said it but I ignored it. I know it doesn't matter anymore.
"Ah. Pakyu sagad. Wala kang karapatan na i-compare si Zia dun sa malanding 'yun!"

"Hindi malandi si Ali," I said. Kahit naman na nagawa n'ya 'yun I know that hindi sya malandi. Nagkulang ako. Yeah. Ako may kasalanan. Walang kasalanan si Ali. This is all my fault. Kung binigyan ko lang s'ya ng sapat na pagmamahal she will not try to find it with the other guy.
"Ano pala?" The moment she asked it, hindi na ako nakasagot.

She ranted and I let her. She said that I don't deserve Zia and yes. I don't deserve her. Kevin deserves her more. Kevin needs her more than I do. She left. But she went back after few minutes and sang a song. Ngumisi lang ako kasi yeah, it happened.

She said sorry. I'm not really mad cause I understand her. Kapatid n'ya 'yun, e. Magagalit talaga s'ya. So that's okay.

She asked me if I still love her.

I paused.

Nandito na, e. Panindigan na natin, 'di ba? So I came up with lies and I blabber shits again. Panindigan na lang natin. Para naman sa kapatid ko 'to, e.

Kahit naman masaktan ako, ayos lang. Para naman kay Kevin. At least may nagawa rin akong tama.

"Don't worry. Everything will be alright. But now, may ideya ka kung nasan si Zia?"

I frowned.

"Oo nga 'no, nasaan pala s'ya?" I asked. Nag-face palm naman s'ya. Why???

She called Krista para bumaba. Then Pia suggested na hayaan na lang namin. Nag-alala naman ako kasi mag-isa lang s'ya. Bakit hahayaan lang si Zia? Paano kung may mangyari sa kan'ya, 'di ba? Ano gagawin namin kapag meron???

Bumaba naman si Kevin at hinayaan ko lang s'ya. I dunno wala ako sa mood na kausapin s'ya. Pero wala akong karapatang maging ganito kasi mas nauna si Kevin. Kevin muna. He deserves Zia. I must stop being like this.

When he left, nagyaya lang sila manuod ng movie probably para gumaan ang atmosphere between us. Alam kong naiinis sila sa akin wala naman akong magagawa 'di ba?

Hanggang sa nag-stop na lang kami sa panunuod. In-interrogate nila ako tungkol kay Ali. Sadista rin sila, e. Mahal ko nga kunwari si Ali 'di ba? Bakit hindi nila ako i-spare sa sakit? Pero baka 'yun 'yung paraan nila para saktan ako.

Which isn't really effective pero kung si Zia ulit 'yung pinag-usapan, baka hindi ko na kayanin at sabihin ko na 'yung totoo at nararamdaman ko.

Hanggang sa...

Dumating si Kevin.

Masama tingin n'ya sa akin.

Buhat n'ya si Zia na natutulog. Namamaga 'yung mata n'ya na parang umiyak s'ya.

Did she?

Pwede ko bang kunin si Zia sa'yo? Pwede bang ako na—I stopped myself from those thoughts. Bakit ba ang selfish ko? Bakit ganito ako mag-isip? Naaasar ako sa sarili ko.

"What the fuck???" sabay na sigaw namin ni Krista. Pinatahimik lang kami ni Kevin at umakyat s'ya na sinundan naman ni Pia.

"Go. Sundan mo na, alam ko namang gusto mo, e. I gotta go," sabi ni Krista saka tumayo.

Umakyat din ako. Nasa labas si Kevin. Tinitigan n'ya ako nang masama.

"Kevin," tawag ko sa kan'ya. Acting like nothing happened but I know something big happened. And it's my fault. It's always been.
"O?" cold na sagot n'ya.

Of course sinabi ni Zia sa kan'ya. Kaya malamang umiyak s'ya. I'm sorry.

"Sorry," I said pero lumanding agad 'yung kamao n'ya sa pisngi ko. Napaatras ako. Agad naman akong gumanti dahil sa frustration ko sa buhay.

"GO! GO! KAYA N'YO 'YAN!" sigaw ni Pia.

Sinapak ko si Kevin sa pisngi na naging dahilan sa pagkatumba n'ya. Nakarinig ako ng yabag kaya napalingon ako.

Si Sui. Nakangiti. Napalunok ako—kami. Shit. Sui really has this terrifying aura.

Pero hinayaan ko s'ya. Inabot ko kay Kevin 'yung kamay ko na agad naman n'yang tinanggap.

"Kahit kuya kita hindi ako magdadalawang isip na ulitin 'yung nangyari kanina kapag sinaktan mo pa ulit 'yung taong mahal ko," sabi n'ya saka bumaba. Baka para kumuha ng yelo.

At least I know that Zia's in good hands. Kung sa akin kasi hindi ko alam kung maaalagaan ko s'ya. Baka lalo ko s'yang masaktan unlike Kevin na sure na sure akong iniingatan si Zia na parang prinsesa.

Bumaba rin ako. Tinulungan ni Pia si Kevin na ayusin 'yung pasa n'ya. Si Sui naman sa akin.

Kumuha s'ya ng bulak at nilagyan ng alcohol. Pinaliguan n'ya 'yun at saka ngumiti.

"Anong problema n'yong dalawa?" nakangiti n'yang tanong sa akin. Hindi pa rin nawawala 'yung nakakatakot na aura sa likod n'ya. Napalunok ako.
"Sinapak ko s'ya," sabi ko kaya idiniin n'ya 'yung bulak sa gilid ng labi ko kaya napasigaw ako.

Shit. Sui is definitely a sadist.

"Ba't mo s'ya sinapak?" tanong ni Sui. I shrugged wala na akong maisip na dahilan para mapagtakpan 'yung kapatid ko, e.

"Nakuuuu. Saksakin ko kaya kayo ng ice pick? Hindi ako natutuwa sa inyo, ha?" asar na sabi n'ya sa akin.
"Sorry."

'Yan na lang ang masasabi ko.

Sorry for all the troubles I've caused. :(

Wala na akong nagawang tama.

*****

Zia is standing in my front.

I want to say sorry.

I want to accept her confession.

But it would be too late.

Besides, eto desisyon ko 'di ba? Ang magparaya para sa kapatid ko. Kasi kapatid ko s'ya. Kakayanin ko. Magmo-move on ako.

Dumating bigla si Kevin at niyakag si Zia. Magkasama na naman sila? Bakit ang sakit-syempre masakit. Masasanay naman ako sa pain 'di ba? Kailangan kong masanay. Hindi pwedeng hindi ako masanay kasi sasaktan ko lang sila at ang mga tao sa paligid ko.

Umalis silang dalawa. Napangiti na lang ako nang mapakla. Alam kong tama ang ginagawa ko. Ayokong maging hadlang sa kanilang dalawa.

Bakit kasi kailangan pang mahulog sa taong mahal ng kapatid ko?

"Mahirap 'yang ginagawa mo." Biglang lumabas si Sui. Nginitian ko lang s'ya.

"Hayyy ang pinsan ko big boy na," sabi n'ya saka niyakap ako. Akala mo naman mas matanda s'ya sa akin.

"Thank you, Sui. I need that hug right now," I said then I hugged her back.
"I can see right through you, Keanu. I'll be always here just in case," sabi n'ya na naging dahilan ng pagngiti ko. At least I'm not alone in this battle that I am facing.

Nag-decide na lang ako na maligo kasi mamaya na ang dating nila mom and dad.

And the moment I entered my room, my tears fell.

I know, hindi dapat umiiyak ang lalaki pero tao lang din kami.

Nasasaktan at umiiyak.

Hindi lang namin pinapakita kahit na sobrang sakit na.

————————

Neko's note: next update would be Chapter Fifty Two point Five. Continuation of Keanu's POV. Anddd yess I'm really sorry kung sobrang tanga ko gumawa ng POV ng lalaki. Hindi talaga ako marunong plus I don't really like shifting of POV hahaahahha. Mahirap kasi mag-adjust sa attitude kasi nadadala ko. Ayun hope you guys enjoyed it! You guys might want to read my one shot story entitled Cleaners. 😊

Ps: keep safe! Maulan ngayon.